Do Not Arrest This Man

Image via Northamptonshire Police
Image via Northamptonshire Police

A guy in Northampton, England walked into a housewares store called Dunelm Mill on Tuesday, allegedly shoved a decent-sized venetian blind into his hoodie, and walked out. The BBC reports that staff watched him do this; “he then left the store making no attempt to pay for the item.”

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Apparently clerks also made no attempt to stop him, presumably because they were rendered immobile by his legendry. After he left, they found the blind “abandoned” in a “nearby canal path.” The man was gone.

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My fellow citizens: If doing it for the gram is so wrong, may I never be right.

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Martini of Male Tears for Breakfast

As the locals would say, he robbed them blind.