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In a Curious Twist, Donald Trump Says He's Sorry

Image via AP
Image via AP

Perhaps realizing that the constant stream of outlandish, rude and inflammatory drivel that flows from his mouth is not a good look, Donald Trump apologized for some – all, probably? – of his past remarks that “may have caused personal pain.”


The apology came during a rally in Charlotte, North Carolina. Addressing a crowd of his supporters in the face of falling poll numbers and the instatement of Breitbart CEO Steve Bannon, Trump seemed to express contrition for the wide variety of terrible things he’s said over the course of his campaign about Muslims, Mexicans, women and ostensibly Hillary Clinton.

He said:

“Sometimes, in the heat of debate and speaking on a multitude of issues, you don’t choose the right words or you say the wrong thing... I have done that, and I regret it, particularly where it may have caused personal pain. Too much is at stake for us to be consumed with these issues.”


This abrupt about-face is most likely nothing more than a disingenuous move by a savvy businessman doing everything he can to insure that he comes out on top. He’s also been using a teleprompter at appearances in an attempt to reign in the unfiltered bilge he’s been peddling throughout his campaign.

While Trump readies himself to be a new and improved “candidate,” campaign spokeswoman Katrina Pierson appeared on Fox News and diagnosed Hillary Clinton with dysphasia, a brain disease that Clinton certainly does not have.

His new campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, hopes to focus his speeches on policy in an attempt to appeal to women voters. I mean this sincerely when I say that I wish him good fucking luck.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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Sometimes, in the heat of debate and speaking on a multitude of issues, you don’t choose the right words or you say the wrong thing...

Maybe I’m wrong, but I would think that a one of the job requirements for a person wanting to Head of State is that they’re able to maintain their chill, and not vomit up a bunch of ignorant word salad at the drop of a hat.

If the Donald can’t handle a Fox News Anchor trying to steer him back on course towards the general vicinity of whatever the debate question was without implying that she must have been overcome by menstrual rage a full day later, then what kinda shit his going to say when other world leaders confront him on his nonsense? What happens when he goes to shake hands with Angela Merkel or Shinzo Abe, or even Justin Trudeau and notices his tiny orange doll hands engulfed in their firm, powerful grip?

This dipshit falls into an insecurity spiral any time he’s called to task, and yet somehow he’s duped about 40% of an entire nation into thinking he’s qualified to do anything more than self-fellate on a reality television program.