The TSA's Instagram Feed Is Hilarious and Informative

Illustration for article titled The TSAs Instagram Feed Is Hilarious and Informative

The Transportation Security Agency has long been maligned for making us take off our shoes and go through a metal detector fifteen times before someone is finally happy. This Instagram won't make up for all that, but it's probably the most amusing/informative thing you will see today.

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Did you know that when the TSA confiscates something from you they can then post photos online? Well, if you've ever wondered whether anyone at the TSA does ANYTHING, you should stroll right over to their feed and see the WTF items people tried to bring on board. In the cheerful and helpful way that real life airport employees never actually are, the Instagram lets you know not only what you can't bring on the plane ( vapes, Tracie), but exactly how you can transport your stash of fifty guns and six million bullets. (You going to ask any questions about them guns, TSA?) And it's a good thing that it's just items they can photograph, because it would be a hell of a different feed if there were pictures of me arguing with an agent who had just wanded me because my calves were too bulky (sad) or a photo of my partner exlaimng "DARNSICLE!" as the agents made him empty his thermos on our way to Disneyland. (Actually, that was pretty cute.)

Here are just some of the awesome things the TSA has confiscated. (No, there are no vibrators.) (Please stop asking!)

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A decorative sword for the purpose of ritualized murder:

A gun-knife for when you just can't decide:

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I basically have no words for this one. I had no idea that knives could be combined with so many different things. It's like a whole new world of terror:

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Why are you trying to hide blades in a greeting card, bro? The photo boasts a cheeful caption about the fact that all blades must be checked, but mentions nothing about the fact that someone actually hid weapons in a greeting card and what happened to them. I truly believe that this is the new "For sale: baby shoes, never worn" of our generation and if someone knows who this person is, please for god's sake ask them to comment on this because the mystery will kill me if the blades won't.

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This beautiful collage, which I've entitled This Is Very Likely the Way You Will Die, is not a retrospective of all the horrors the TSA has ever found. These were discovered in one carry-on bag. The TSA gently urges you to check with your state to see if silencers are legal before you pack one in your suitcase before a hired hit.

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This photo is entitled This Is Absolutely the Way You Will Die And Also What Hell Looks Like.

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h/t: Your Slow News Day

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DISCUSSION

elisethestrange
elisethestrange

I definitely once accidentally brought a knife through security at two different airports. But then another time they took my husband's suitcase apart because there were tentpoles in it. Whatever, TSA.

But it's nothing compared to the Soviet TSA. My family emigrated in the twilight days of the Soviet Union. The things that went down:
- My dad wanted to bring my family's heirloom silver spoons from the 1920s or whatever. For some reason he thought they just had to be declared at customs; nope, can't bring them. Cannot take precious metals out of the country. My grandma was there so we gave them back to her. FINE WHATEVER.
- My dad had a coin in a pocket of something that he wasn't aware of. They see the round thing on the x-ray and say "you have a gold watch." My dad says "I've never owned a gold watch in my life." They take apart the suitcase and find the coin. My dad says that's the thing. The border agent says "no, there is a gold watch in here and I will find it." It took forever and a day for him to be satisfied there was no gold watch.
- I don't remember the details of this passport issue, but I'll go with what I remember. There were "blue passports" and "red passports." You could only go to places like the UK (where were initially flying) on a red passport. When my dad went to pick up his passport at the appropriate agency, I shit you not, they were out of the red passport covers so gave him a blue one and assured him this was no big deal because the innards are different and they even wrote "this is a red passport in it." The agent goes "this is blue, you can't go to the UK on this." My dad explains the cover thing and points to where it's written "this is a red passport." The guy says "but the cover is blue, it's a blue passport." It was like being in Brazil or 1984 or something. We did eventually leave the country, obviously. We even made our flight because my dad had the foresight to allow 8 hours for this bullshit.

And now I need a Russian passport (red, of course) to go back because Putin doesn't recognize my US citizenship. FML.