I Now Pronounce These Two Allowed to Fuck

Illustration for article titled I Now Pronounce These Two Allowed to Fuckem/em

Ciara and Russell Wilson are officially husband and wife, which means these two extraordinarily attractive goobers will finally have s*xual intercourse! With each other! For the very first time! S*x!


Just four months after Russell presented Ciara with a snow-capped glacier to wear on her finger as a sign of their engagement, the couple is now one step closer to breaking the celibacy bond they put in place when they began dating in early 2015. They’re gonna s*x.

I mean, look at this. You know they want to.



Details about the wedding are slim. We know that it happened and that it took place at a castle in Liverpool. We also (probably) know that following the wedding, s*x will be had by the happy couple.


Yesterday, Russell seemed very excited about starting this new chapter of his life with his beautiful bride. One must also assume that he is happy about the imminent s*x. A man can only watch the “Ride” video so many times, people.


In related news, my bet is that Ciara will be pregnant by September.

Ciara and Russell, I’m thrilled for you. You’re both very hot and you deserve s*x. Especially with each other.


Image via Getty.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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Interestingly, “s*x” could also be interpreted as “six”, which is coincidentally exactly how many seconds their first bang sesh will last.