Amber Heard is guilty.
The New York Times is reporting the actress has pleaded guilty to “providing false information on her incoming passenger card after she and the dogs [Pistol and Boo] landed at the Gold Coast last April to visit Mr. Depp [as he filmed a movie.]”
Heard was placed on a “one-month good behavior bond,” but that wasn’t the end of her punishment. The Australian Government Department of Agriculture and Water Resources also asked Heard and her husband to star in a film before allowing them to leave the country. But what could have been a painfully awkward experimental short has wound up being one of the most unique and exciting meditations on anxiety, regret, and complicated global political relationships since 1995's classic episode of The Simpsons, “Bart vs. Australia.”
In it, the real-life couple plays a pair of nameless Americans asked to record a video for reasons that are never made clear. Seemingly shot on location in the conference room of Sydney’s second-nicest Marriott, the 42-second short was filmed in a single, tension-building take.
“Australia is a wonderful island, with a treasure trove of unique plants, animals, and people,” Heard says in the film’s opening line.
“It has to be protected,” adds Johnny.
Amber takes her cue. “Australia is free of many pests and diseases that are commonplace around the world,” she says, choking back what appear to be real tears between every word. “That is why Australia has to have such strong biosecurity laws.”
“Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct. If you disrespect Australian law, they will tell you firmly.” We believe Johnny here.
Amber takes a breath and delivers the film’s most devastating moment—one that will haunt me (and perhaps you) for years to come. “I am truly sorry that Pistol and Boo were not declared. Protecting Australia is important.”
“Declare everything when flying to Australia,” Johnny says. Then, as a final punctuative sigh, “Thanks.” The film fades to black, and ends. Its lack of credits only adds to the mystery.
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard: Australian Biosecurity is set to premiere out of competition next month at the Cannes Film Festival.
Here’s a great selfie of me at Coachella.
- Some country stars spend way too much of their time trying to convince their fans that they don’t get high. [Us Weekly]
- Lily Allen had a stalker for seven years and the police didn’t give a shit. [Daily Mail]
- Quit telling people Sofia Vergara is a Trump supporter. [Gossip Cop]
- Kylie is being accused of “stealing” the non-famous woman’s “Coachella look,” but it’s really just a bikini that anyone can buy here. [ONTD]
- Amber Rose hung out with Scott Disick at Coachella. [People]
- So did Kendall and Kylie. [People]