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There aren't that many men in women's magazines, it's true. And of the few that are there, many of them are gay. It's bad enough to have to spend 23 hours a day chained to your desk, when you can't even shag Fabian from fashion, because, well, he's called Fabian. And he works in fashion. Duh.

But a chap called Simon Way, who writes a delicious little piece called 'Wooing My Pregnant Wife' in this month's Child magazine has found the one key ingredient to staying alive in the vagina dentata world of chick mags - self deprecation. All men are crap, and he knows it, because guess what? He's crap. That's our Simon. He was trying to get his tired pregnant wife to have sex with him? Can you believe it? And she didn't want to. And can you blame her? I reckon it might be because every time he opens his post-modern self-deprecating ironic little mouth, she wants to ram her fist in it, but I digress.


Anyway, Simon tries his little tricks to get his "better half" (because you just KNOW he calls her that) to uncross her legs. Massage? Crap. A California Roll in bed? Crap. And it made her puke. But don't worry folks, all is not lost. He took her out for a meal. And hey presto, she handed over the goodies. Just like that. Even though he's crap. Did he mention that?

I'm pretty sure he's also working on a book about issues he had with his dad.