Well, are you? It'll be just like this picture, except the Bluetooth will be encased in medical-grade silicone and implanted right on your clitoris, just like Grandma used to do.
Let's just run through the press release that prompted this:
Conceived of by Fun Factory Founder and CEO Dirk Bauer and developed with a team of German doctors, the V-shaped, blue tooth-controlled implant sits against the clitoral legs, stimulating the clitoris's inner structure. Currently, one Beverly Hills-based plastic surgeon offers the procedure, although Fun Factory hopes to make it more widely available.
Fun Factory, by the way, is a sex toy company that includes the category "Smartballs."
Orgasmia™ emits a mild, silent vibration that targets the entire clitoris, not just the glans. The device can be used on its own for hands-free orgasms, to enhance the experience of sex with a partner, or to address a variety of sexual complaints, including unsatisfying intercourse, extended separation from a partner, or even lack of time for sex. Even better than the long-awaited "female Viagra," Orgasmia™ gives women control over their arousal and pleasure.
I am not sure what the glans are, and I'm not sticking around to find out.
The motor nestles against the pelvis, and users report that they stop noticing it after only 3-4 days of use. Inspired by the design of Thermal Electric watches, the device automatically recharges using body heat. As with all Fun Factory products, Orgasmia™ is encased in medical grade silicone. While the implant can be synced to respond to remote commands from a number of electronic devices, including many smartphones, Fun Factory also offers a variety of discreet remote controls designed to look like rings, wristwatches, necklaces, and more.
Take that first line with a grain of medical grade silicone: I'm going to guess that whatever "users" have signed up for a clinical trial of a Bluetooth Clit Implant (TM), they have far less finicky nether regions than you and me. Finally:
Orgasmia™ is implanted in a reversible outpatient procedure. The motor comes with a 20 year guarantee; after that, the company will cover half the cost of replacements or upgrades. With the procedure included, Orgasmia™ retails at $6500.
Well, sign me up. Actually, I already signed up. The woman in this rendering is me.
Images via Shutterstock, Fun Factory