Hello, my name is Madeleine and—when I'm not too busy screaming into my haunted telephone or betting on illegal baby fights—I really love to help people. Welcome to "Madvice."

In a previous video, I taught you how to most effectively use Fifty Shades of Grey brand makeup. This time, we're tackling something a little more serious: LEANING IN and perfecting your rusty (read: DISGUSTING GARBAGE SHIT) interview skills. Follow my instructions and you'll go from unemployed or underemployed loser to funemployed (or funderemployed) schmoozer and abuser...of success...and alcohol.

You know what they say! Love your job (and love me UNCONDITIONALLY) and you'll never work a day in your life.


Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

Video by Devin Clark, Nicholas Stango and Christopher Person.

And a very special thank you to Lifehacker's Andy Orin.