Jillian Anderson, Redskins cheerleader, Fox News producer and Erin Gloria Ryan's favorite Bachelor contestant ever had a hell of a time last night, as her butt and its potential hairiness became a topic all of America was hotly debating.
Jillian's ass had already been commented upon, in a more subtle way: during the premiere episode of this season, she'd talked openly about how great her body is and how strong she is. Noted. But in Monday night's episode, she was given new attention when ABC's often puritanical censors used a back bar across across her crotch and butt as she scampered about in a bikini.
Most took this to indicate that Jillian's bikini bottoms were just very very small. But once fellow (incredibly drunk contestant) Jordan started blabbing in her confessional about how Jillian had an incredibly hairy ass, speculation arose that ABC had censored Jillian's butt because it was, um, unkept.
"Jillian has got the hairiest ass I've ever seen on a woman," Jordan drunkenly slurred like she'd gotten into the wine coolers too early at a pledge picnic. "Like, it's very close to several of my ex-boyfriends'. Peach-fuzzed with all [indecipherable]. Like, this is like hair inside your asshole. Like, she needs to like take a weed whacker and zzzzz [mimes mowing a lawn]. Like, yeah. It's just not normal."
But, given the fact that Jordan has taken back her hairy ass claim, and adding in Jillian's vociferous assertions on Twitter that her bathing suit bottom was "a normal Bathing suit bottom from H&M," it seems highly probable that 1. Jordan is a bad bad drunk who said something stupid and untrue (seriously, watch her try to twerk drunk; it is painful). 2. Seeing an opportunity, The Bachelor producers black-bar-ed Jillian's ass (even when it was in pants) to fan the flames of gossip. It worked!
In any case, whether her ass is less-than-perfect or not, Jillian ended the night with a rose – but not before accidentally thinking her name had been called during the Final Rose Ceremony ("Julia" is not "Jillian") and slipping on the carpet in her high heels in an attempt to get hers. It was basically the most embarrassing thing that can happen to you in that scenario, and it was made worse by her cackling afterwards in an attempt to play it off. Though thank God for small miracles: given how much joy the producers took in embarrassing Jillian during last night's episode, it's a wonder they didn't instant replay that shit.
Bottom line: Jillian got her rose. Drunk Jordan was sent home.