Saturday Night Social: You Make Me Late For Church

How are those Halloween hangovers going, friends?

It's November and Scorpio season is in full bloom. Let us rejoice by partying all night and getting an extra hour of sleep tomorrow! (Daylight saving, y'all!) Sorry Arizona.



So I did it. I'm going to do it anyway. I'm finally going to be able to leave my emotionally abusive boyfriend. Several months ago I posted about my struggle to find a place for me and my dog to live so that I could get away from him. It took forever but I finally found a place to live for awhile.

I'm going to be sharing a two bedroom apartment with a lesbian couple and their two cats. Practically my dream. Things are going to be super tight for money though. Way way tight. The rent is way over my price range and my commute to work is going to be a bitch, not to mention all the gas money I'm going to be spending too. I also worry that my dog is going to go nuts being locked up in that small apartment. The bright side is that it is month to month so I can get out as soon as I find some place better. Hopefully maybe even my own studio apartment? Could you even imagine? A whole apartment all to myself? I couldn't even deal with having something as great as that. I'm not sure that I even deserve it.

I'm moving in on Wednesday. Haven't broken the news to the boyfriend yet that I'm leaving him. I might just have to sneak out. Whatever. I dont care. I'm getting out and that's all that matters.

I'm really scared about this. This is the second time that I have left him. Even today when I made the plans and texted my new roommates an official Yes on me moving in with them I had a sudden loss of nerve. I considered saying no. I made excuses in my head. My heart tried every possible way to get me to keep putting it off. Im sick of making excuses and putting it off. I need out now even if its into a only slightly better situation. I called my mom and told her that I was thinking of moving into a new place and asked her to give me a confidence boost on it. She doesn't know that I'm still with the boyfriend and therefore doesn't know that I'm moving to get away from him. Its been breaking my heart to lie to her, but I just dont want her to have to know about all the shitty stupid things that I've put myself through. She told me what I needed to hear though regardless and I followed through with it. I told them that yes, I'm moving in.

Honestly? I'm really scared about being on my own. I worry so much about being lonely. I always feel so lonely and I hate it. It hurts me way more than it should. I hate not having someone to hold me. I'll miss getting to sleep next to someone. I'll miss getting to be held. I'll definitely miss getting to have sex on the reg. Not having these things is really hard for me. I'm not sure why. Right now I'm just trying to think of the things that I'll get to do now that I'm getting away from him. I'm trying to block out all of the worries and anxiety of the situation with good thoughts- I'll get to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'll get to wear makeup, blue eye shadow. I'll get to sleep in. I'll get to listen to all my music again and read and write in peace. Maybe I'll even get to go back to perusing some of dreams that I once had. Get back to being the person that I used to be. Become the person that I want to be.

It'll be good, I think.

So does anyone have any tips for dealing with being lonely and single? For recovering from an abusive relationship? For staying the fuck away from your abuser?

I feel like trying to keep a man like him out of my life is like preforming an exorcism on myself. Ridding myself of evil demons. I'm reminded of that movie Practical Magic. I dunno if any of you have ever seen it. But I believe that Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock are witches and Kidman gets possessed by her dead abusive boyfriends soul and they have to do an exorcism caused they are cursed because men suck or something. Good shit.-

I would like to thank everyone on here that's given me advice and sympathies over these past few months. You guys have been really helpful and kind. I heart you.