Once upon a time, in a far off kingdom called Malibu, a soothsayer named Gwyneth Paltrow consciously uncoupled from her sorrowful troubadour husband, Chris Martin. Chris moved on quickly, soon finding love with the villager lass Jennifer Lawrence, but Gwyn was neither worried nor jealous. For she could tell the future, you see, and knew that Martin-Lawrence would not last.
As the olde tome of Radar Online tells it:
News of the Lawrence – Martin split broke on Monday, but according to a source, "Gwyneth wasn't surprised by it. She never thought the relationship was going to last because of their age difference. Jen is 24 and Chris is 37. Plus, Jen complained to Chris that she felt like the third wheel in their relationship because of all the time he spent with his kids."
The spell of the kids! But who could be so cruel as to invoke such magic primal and cruel? Who would ever... ohhhhh.
..."Gwyneth always pressured Chris to spend more time with Apple and Moses," the source revealed. "The kids would constantly call Chris when he was with Jennifer, and whatever they were doing would have to come to a standstill. There was always the expectation from Gwyneth that Chris should spend even more time with the kids."
Poor Jennifer! Legend has it that the Oscar winner was driven so mad with envy over the realization that her 37-year-old, recently separated, father-of-two boyfriend would often have to see his children that she returned to her pop-pop's farm in the countryside to live out her days angrily scream singing "Viva La Vida" at a pile of wheat.
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- Kylie Jenner kindly asks that we stop talking about her mouth. While we're at it, we might as well stop talking about the rest of her, too. [Bossip]
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- Emma Stone wanted to be cast as Jack in Into the Woods, but — THANKS TO GENDER BIAS — we will never get to hear her belt "Giants in the Sky." [Just Jared]
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