Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control

Women featured in stock photos have busy, complicated lives. They're laughing alone with all kinds of salads, both with and without croutons. They're diversely inept at riding bikes. They fly into unpredictable hysterics in the presence of a scale. But there's one thing that most stock photo women agree on: birth control. In that they're incredibly suspicious of it.

Advertisement

And who can blame them? Stock problems faced by stock women are serious and vast: crying at an empty kitchen table, fights that result in a couple sitting back to back with their arms crossed on a couch, breaking a heel on the way to a big presentation (involving a red arrow going up, up, up!), and blowing their bangs upward in frustration while trying to fold a big pile of laundry, and screaming in the middle of a room while children run around because being a stock mom is hard.

In short, stock women have a right to be suspicious.

The following images were all among a popular stock photo service's "most relevant" results in a search for "birth control." As the results became less "relevant," the number of happy or calm-looking stock women with birth control increased. Probably because birth control, in Stock Land, is on par with piles of baking powder arranged in lines to look like cocaine and a gathering of empty shot glasses before a person clutching car keys.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control

Should I take this?

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control

Expression also used for: dildos the size of 2-liter soda bottles.

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

This Katie's cozy sweater life is about to descend into the dark hallucinogenic chaos of pharmaceutically induced temporary infertility.

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

How am I going to swallow that T thing?

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Sophie's choice.

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Giggle giggle what do I do with it?

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Hello, you've reached the Birth Control Trepidation Hotline. Our normal business hours are....

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Should I take these birth control pills or use this weird square condom with my new boyfriend, Lego Dick?

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Popped a Yaz, I'm sweatin'.

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Intrauterine Device, you rascal.

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Snotty Teen Melts Nuvaring With Withering Gaze

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

First one's on the house, sweetcheeks, but the next taste is gonna cost ya.

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Sometimes before I take birth control, I like to sensually rub the blisterpack against my lips just to get my ovaries twitching with readiness.

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

Oy!

Illustration for article titled Women In Stock Photos Do Not Trust Birth Control
Advertisement

French tips won't be the last bad decision this woman makes today.

Images via Shutterstock

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

Well of course she's concerned. She started at the wrong way and missed a pill.