Oh dears. Time to clutch all the pearls and scream "WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?"
A shocking story about debauchery and unbridled hedonism was discovered at yet another one of America's fine schools. Yes, I'm sorry to report, it's true—Portales High School in New Mexico published a yearbook which contained a cheeky superlative called "Most Likely to Skinny Dip," (NOOOO) with an accompanying picture of two seniors (who have since graduated and probably give zero fucks about all of this) behind a tree. Via KFOR:
The category "Most Likely to Skinny Dip" shows two seniors, who appear to be naked behind a tree. "They were trying to be humorous to a certain extent and it didn't go over well with a certain [faction] who saw the yearbook," said Garrick Matthews, Portales assistant principal. School administrators say they've received numerous complaints about the photo.
Officials say the yearbook staff of about 20 students got the skinny dipping idea off the Internet and then picked the winners. The staff and a teacher were the only ones who saw it before it was published.
According to officials with the school, the students in the photo were not nude, just pretending to be. (You know, like you do in those "test" sexts you try out before sending your partner the real ones.) KFOR, the local TV station reporting on the "SHOCKINGLY SCANDALOUS SUPERLATIVE"—that's my headline suggestion for the NY Post, FYI—managed to find teenagers at the school who were outrageously offended ("I just feel like I wouldn't want my parents to see that," said one girl) and didn't seem to give much of a shit at all ("If you don't like it, you shouldn't look at it," said another.)
Wait for a moment while I sit down and rub my temples for a bit at the idea that people got up in arms about this. Is it dumb? Probably, and a little juvenile. Should you have pictures of what appear to be nude teenagers (who weren't really nude but still) in a yearbook? No, not at all. I get it. But "skinny dipping" is not a fucking threat to the moral core of your school's youth. It hasn't been a threat to anything since the 1950s.
In the future, you won't have to worry about high school teenagers making dumb jokes about skinny dipping, which is the absolutely root cause of all problems for America's youth ever again. The district said from now on there will be additional "eyes" on the yearbook before it gets published.
Image via Shutterstock.