Ashton Kutcher and John Cryer to Get Gay Married on Two and a Half Men

Illustration for article titled Ashton Kutcher and John Cryer to Get Gay Married on emTwo and a Half Men/em

Oh, GUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH. Chuck Lorre has announced that Two and a Half Men's heterosexual main characters, played by Ashton Kutcher and John Cryer, will wed each other in a "hilarious" sham marriage so that Kutcher's stupid character can finally adopt the baby he's always wanted.

"You're going to see two men who are not gay but are going to raise a child with a great deal of love and attention," Lorre told The Hollywood Reporter at the Television Critics Association's summer press tour

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.

. "Their sexuality is irrelevant to loving and caring for a child, which maybe that's the big story that we wind up telling: taking a kid out of the system and giving him a home. What's better than that?"


What's better than that? I don't know, maybe not making a mockery of same-sex couples' struggle for equal rights via a hack premise that was ALREADY DONE IN A SHITTY ADAM SANDLER MOVIE SEVEN YEARS AGO WITH A TITLE WEIRDLY SIMILAR TO YOUR OWN NAME? [ContactMusic]

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I could say so much about what a complete asshat Chuck Lorre is and what a complete pile of shit his shows are but instead I will let this dog convey my feelings.