"INSTAGRAM'S BIGGEST PLAYBOY THROWS PORN STAR OFF ROOF...BREAKS HER FOOT" shouts this TMZ headline. I don't think I can do better than that so I'm not even going to try.
Dan Bilzerian — a professional poker player who has amassed almost 1.5 million followers on Instagram thanks to his photos of guns, busty ladies and a weird looking cat (the lowbrow internet trifecta!) — was caught on video picking up fully naked 19-year-old porn actress Janice Griffith and tossing her into the pool from atop a relatively low roof. Or as the poets at Thirty Mile Zone put it, "He got the brilliant idea to cup Griffith's vagina...and throw her headfirst into the pool."
(Important to note: Griffith was a willing participant in all this and the toss did not come as a surprise.)
If the idea of grown man tossing a naked 19-year-old off of a building and into a pool hasn't made you frowny enough, then good news: It gets worse.
Unfortunately, Bilzerian's throw didn't have the right amount of strength behind it and Griffith began to panic mid-fall, resulting in the young woman's foot hitting the pool's surrounding concrete rather than the water.
If you want to hear the sound of a person's bones breaking, here's the video:
Griffith tweeted this later that day:
Bilzerian has made no mention of it on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook.
My face right now: >:(
Image via Dan Bilzerian's Instagram.