Just in time for Valentine's Day, Time has a depressing (or hopeful???) new Facebook app that will help pinpoint the exact date you probably should be getting married.

I know right now you're thinking "OMG that is total bullshit! Sounds a little too good to be true, maybe?"

Via Time, a magazine that made every visit to my orthodontist from 1986-1990 far more educational, there now exists an app that analyzes your personal Facebook feed to see when your friends and loved ones got married, and helps you identify when you should get married.

Here are my personal results:

"Your target date was 2 years, 4 months and 7 days ago. But remember, half of your friends were married after that age!" Hahahaha, well I'm fucked, probably! Time to break up with my boyfriend and shutter myself away in a log cabin deep in the woods of Idaho, devoting my last spinsterly days writing Bruce Dern fan fiction. Oh boy, I can't wait!

This is how Time described the methodology behind all this:

This application measures the median age of your married friends, meaning the person for whom half your married friends are younger and half are older. Because you are probably friends with a lot of people close to your age, this figure will theoretically identify whether you have passed the point where many of your contemporaries start tying the knot. It will work better for some than others.

For the purposes of this tool, "married" refers to anyone who lists his or her relationship status as "married," "engaged," "in a domestic partnership," or "in a civil union." We're aware that some people use this status facetiously. Since the distribution of your friends' ages tends to form a bell curve centered on your own age, a few jokesters shouldn't throw off the figure drastically.

That's all well and good. Except! I have come up with a different, much better formula based entirely in true, real science that you can use to calculate exactly when your special day will be and I'm sharing it with you today. Fair warning though, this is pretty heavy science math-y stuff, so maybe get a drink of water before diving in because here it is:

#### Super Perfect Math Calculation Formula For Your Wedding Date

Number of friends' ridiculously sappy engagement pictures you've begrudgingly "liked"

- Number of married friends who have started angry, embarrassing public arguments with each other on their Facebook pages

Ă· Number of times you have been tagged in pictures of engagement rings your cousin posted to Facebook from Pinterest

Ă— Number of times you have posted drunken rants about how much you hate it when couples post their sappy proclamations of love to another on Facebook.