OK Cupid Racist POS: I Try to Go Out With a Black Girl on Black Friday

Illustration for article titled OK Cupid Racist POS: I Try to Go Out With a Black Girl on Black Friday

It is tradition, after all. (Because now dating black girls is just for tradition. A charming reminder of days gone by on the blackest day of them all.) (WHAT.)

This message was sent to OK Cupid user Terina-Jasmine Aladdin and forwarded to me. I am just sitting here, mouth on the floor, shaking my head, rolling my eyes, and sometimes picking my jaw off the floor to scream at the heavens, "Yes, racism is dead!!!"

Just remember: He's simply a comedian, you guys. Just having a laugh. DON'T CALL THE PC POLICE ON HIM.

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HOLY SHIT I WENT OUT WITH THIS GUY!!! He used to live in Oakland and was THE WORST. We went out four or five times. He's my favorite Horrible Dating Story. Here you go, Jezzies.

1) He keeps a spreadsheet of every girl he's ever banged, complete with references: How large (in his estimation) are their breasts? How do they rate in bed? Does he think they'll stay friends once he tires of banging them?

2) He got some pet ducklings just because "chicks love chicks", and when they got too big to be cute anymore, he took them to Lake Merritt and abandoned them there.

3) He takes videos of the ladies on his spreadsheet, whether or not they are aware of the videos being taken, and then shows them around. I know this because he decided it would be a good idea to show me his "BBW homemade porn" file. One of the videos was titled "Hot Negress and her Massa," no lie.

4) He tried to take me to a 1-hour "hot tub rental" place, for purposes of skeezy rental hot tub sex. When I said no thanks, he asked if I had a yeast infection and if that was why I was being such a frigid bitch.

5) Fedora. All the time.

6) Last (and best) (seriously, best): We had gone out a couple of times, and he called to tell me he had tickets to a show I was DYING to see. And the night of the show was MY BIRTHDAY, and he wanted to take me out. He texted to ask if I wanted to come over beforehand and "ride his dick" (verbatim quote) and I said I was on my period so nah, bro. And he called me. And cancelled the date. Because I was on my period and "we both know why I was really going to take you out."