10 Things We Wish Guys Knew We Know

Today, Cosmo‘s website posted 10 Things Guys Wish We Knew. Guess what: We already knew them! (But, surely, you knew that.) In response we’ve compiled the 10 Things We Wish Guys Knew We Know.

Cosmo‘s list was compiled by WB.com actor Ryan Hansen (who maybe should’ve added “That you’ve heard of me” to his wishes). In his top 10, he included that he wishes women knew that we look better without makeup, that we can use our breasts to grab men’s attention, that men like it when we laugh at their jokes, and that we aren’t supposed to poop.

Here’s what we wish guys knew we know:
1.) We know the heterosexual among you you like boobs. We know they have multiple uses — like getting your attention — besides feeding infants. We just wish you knew that part, too.

2.) We know that you think we look just as good without makeup, and that we walk faster when we’re not wearing heels. But we wish you knew that you are not our concern when we’re getting dolled up. We dress to impress gay men and other women.

3.) We know that you like it when we laugh at your jokes. And we do — perhaps too often — even when they’re not all that funny. Actually, many of us are more likely to fake laughter than orgasms, out of politeness.

4.) We know you think we’re crazy at times. All you really need to know is that there is, indeed, a method to our “madness”.

5.) We know that we have friends who can be total bitches. We wish you could even begin to know and understand the complexity of female relationships.

6.) We know that many of you like to pretend that our butt holes are strictly for anal sex (and, if we’re lucky, some rimming), and that you don’t want to hear about our bowel movements. We wish you knew that we don’t give a shit, and that we will always talk about poop.

7.) We know that you don’t like it when we make you look stupid in front of your friends. We wish you knew that you don’t need us to make you look stupid in front of your friends.

8.) We know when our nipples are hard. And we know when you’re staring.

9.) We know every hint, and pick up on every subtlety made in regards to getting a blow job. We wish you knew that if it ain’t happening, it ain’t happening.

10.) We know that you can sometimes smell our periods when we haven’t showered. We wish we knew what to tell you about that, other than: “breathe through your mouth”