• Prince William MIGHT ask Kate Middleton to marry him tomorrow, since June 3 and June 4 are "mysteriously blocked out" in the Buckingham Palace calendar.

• Michael Lohan says he knows who Lindsay's drug dealer is:

[Los Angeles, CA. May 16. Image via INFDaily.]

• Christian Bale looks dirty and hot on the cover of the new EW! Inside, he talks about that infamous rant that was so popular it got turned into a dance remix:

• Rihanna was the big show-stopper at the Met Ball: Celebs cheered when she took the stage to perform. And! At an after-party, guess who RiRi was in deep convo with?

• A picture of Zach Braff smoking weed has surfaced. He's the next Michael Phelps! (Except for like, all the medals.) [Perez Hilton]

• Emily Blunt and John Krasinski: totally sitting in a tree, kissing and whatevs. Perez suggests "Bluntinski" as their celeb couple nickname, but we feel we can do better! How about Krunt? Or EmJo? [Perez]

• Kirsten Dunst has a obtained a restraining order against her stalker, who keeps showing up at her house. In the order, Kirsten states: "Mr. Smith's sudden, aggressive, and harassing efforts to contact me are extremely frightening. I fear not only for my own personal safety, but also for the safety and well being of my housemate and assistant." [ET]
• William Balfour, the prime suspect in the slayings of actress/singer Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother, and nephew, has been formally charged with murder. [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt is high… On the delight that only comes from building homes in New Orleans. [People]
• After a night of partying at the Viper Room — newly owned by onetime Lindsay Lohan BF and Hard Rock Cafe scion Harry Morton — Brandon Davis backed his car into a BMW in the parking lot… and it belonged to Pink! The crash was caught on video. [Perez Hilton]
• Speaking of Lindsay, she and Sam are not breaking up, she sez on her Facebook. [Queerty]

• Jude Law was arrested for allegedly assaulting a photographer outside his home in West London. [The Sun]

• Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams: SPLIT! "They've been fighting for six months," says a source. Their daughter, Matilda, is 23 months old. [Star]

• Kate Moss only made $9 million in the last year, making her the second highest-paid model. Gisele Bundchen made four times as much. Heidi Klum? Eh. Came in at #3. [TelegraphUK]

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, the Wednesday refresher course in all the week's most important news we provide you free of charge so you don't fail the exam. In which we (and our trusty TA who does all the work) Intern Maria "read" the Wednesday celebrity tabs. So you don't "have" to.

• Paris Hilton may act like she cares about her pets but really she only cares about Paris Paris Paris — and her neighbors totally see right through that bitch. [Page Six]

• Alpha Girl Next Door Holly Madison to make the octogenarispawn of Hef. [Rush & Molloy]

• Adam Levine and Zach Braff are probably two of the most intriguing men of our age. One is the frontman for Maroon 5, which some record company executive once told us was basically our generation's heir to The Police, while the other gave us the not-at-all masturbatory Garden State, and a few weeks ago asked had his friend ask our friend, after palming her ass at a party, if she swallowed. We cannot imagine what it would be like to be Ivanka Trump at the precise moment at which both of these young bachelors — let's coin the phrase "emosogynists" here, why don't we? — were courting her. [Rush & Molloy]