Your New Bachelor Is Farmer Chris, the Most Boring Man Alive

Fans of Reality Steve/my endless coverage of The Bachelor franchise will not be surprised to learn that Chris Soules, third runner-up to Bachelorette Andi's heart, is the new Bachelor.

Who is Chris? As previously mentioned, he's a pretty successful farmer who works at Summit Farms in Alden, Iowa. He also has a family that Andi loooooved. A republican, Chris recently met Rick Perry and judged a cookout at the Iowa State Fair. When he was just a contestant on The Bachelorette, Chris said his greatest date fear was "accidental diarrhea," but America still loved his down-to-earth nature.

Chris seems very nice if pretty boring, the clear opposite and intended antidote to the disaster that was Juan Pablo last season. One thing he he definitely doesn't have going for him is being as good a kisser as Arie, who lost out on being the Bachelor yet again. Sorry Arie. At least you have that mouth/your excessive use of emojis to fall back on.

Image via ABC