For better or worse, it’s festival season, which is why we’re using this week’s Pissing Contest to talk about our most memorable concert experiences!

The experience can be good (like when Emma Carmichael locked eyes with Beyoncé) or bad (like when Erin Ryan was sexually harassed by the A$AP Mob) or weird (like when Jia Tolentino attended a week-long EDM festival and packed nothing but her wallet)—just so long as it sticks out as the craziest, most exciting concert moment of your life.

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But first the winners of last week’s Pissing Contest, The Sickest Burn You’ve Ever Heard (or Delivered).

Best Historical Context Burn, submitted by Emma Golddigger:

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but neither of us are Zionists.) But THEN the lady asked, “How many Jews are there in the world?” My friend said, “I don’t know, I think about ten million.” The German lady sighed and said, “Only ten million Jews, and they’re causing all these problems.” So my friend looked her dead in the eye and said, “Yeah, there used to be six million more of us.”

Best Burn by an Airline Employee, via WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot:

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in line like everyone else. Dude tries to pull the “Do you know who I am?!” thing. Not missing a beat the agent picks up her mike and says, “I have a gentleman here at gate (whatever) who doesn’t know who he is. If anyone does, please come let him know.” Dude stammers out, “Fuck you.” To which she replies, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to wait in line for that too.”

Best Burn by a Child, courtesy of BootyBeep:

My 6 year old nephew (at the time) got me randomly and good. I called out, “Hey (nephew), guess what I’m getting!?” Without missing a beat he says, “Lazy.”

Sick burns, everyone. Now on with the show!

Image via Bob’s Burgers/Fox.


Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.