You'll Never Guess What's Wrong With Jessica Simpson's Body Now

The new issue of Star magazine has a one-page story titled "Jessica Simpson: Pushing Her Body Too Far!" No, really.

You'll Never Guess What's Wrong With Jessica Simpson's Body Now

Star magazine has a history of critiquing Jessica Simpson's body — they bestowed "DIET DISASTER" covers on her at least twice — and now that she is svelte, you think they'd leave it alone. But no.

You'll Never Guess What's Wrong With Jessica Simpson's Body Now

Proving, for the umpteenth time, that a woman is never ever good enough, according to the most recent issue of Star — which hit stands today — the new, skinny Jessica Simpson is "pushing her body to far" and "doing too much shedding for her wedding." The piece includes this cringe-worthy and probably untrue anecdote from an unnamed source: "As a joke, [her fiancé Eric Johnson] told her, 'if I wanted to be with a running back, I would have dated someone from my team! You're starting to remind me of one of the guys.'" Basically, accusing Jessica of being too manly. As you may recall, in 2012, Star also produced a short, photo-driven piece titled "Bulging Muscles Look Mannish." This magazine is also known for pointing out cellulite and magnifying "flaws" in "Worst Beach Bodies" features. But what happens when a celebrity works on said "flaws"?

You'll Never Guess What's Wrong With Jessica Simpson's Body Now

In this new issue, the editors consulted a "weight expert," who critiques Jessica's legs — specifically her quads and calves — deeming them "superstriated," "most likely due to too many squats and burpees." TOO MANY SQUATS. Too many. Neither the editors at Star nor this "weight expert" offer to inform Jessica (and us) as to how many squats are the correct and acceptable amount of squats. Before, she was too fat; now, she is too fit. But even the fact that magazines are still talking about Jessica Simpson's body — her Weight Watchers deal is old news — is infuriating. As a reminder: In the summer of 2012, there were 109 headlines about Jessica Simpson's weight. She cannot win. None of us can.

Lede images via Instagram.