"You Would Have Competition, And I'm Probably Not Worth It"

A reader messaged a dude on eHarmony. This is the decidedly unharmonious response she got in return. Read on for a tale of competition, baseball, and what a lady who “seems to feel she’s attractive” should do to impress men.

It really is a beautiful day, and from my apartment I’m looking out at dozens of boats on the lake. Wish one of them was mine.

First let me say, I’m not one of those who believe you can only be a Cubs fan or a Sox fan, and there’s no middle ground. When the Sox won the World Series, I watched and rooted and was really happy. What I really am is a Chicago fan. The only thing is, if it ever came down to a Sox-Cubs World Series, I’d have to root for the Cubs. But let’s face it, the Cubs are truly cursed. I know that. They’ve broken my heart several times since 1969. But I can’t just switch teams, can I? At any rate, there will never be a Cubs-Sox World Series in my lifetime, so it’s a moot point.

Now, let me tell you about where I’m at right now. You’re right, I think I’m pretty grounded, and I am hoping to find a lifetime companion. But since I’ve been divorced (and it hasn’t been very long), eHarmony has been very kind to me. I’m currently dating two different women, and I recently ended a short but intense relationship with a woman with whom I’d become intimate. I just couldn’t make the commitment, I couldn’t say I was in love, and I would never sleep with 2 women at the same time.

I never thought of myself as a “ladies man”, but after 30 years of fidelity with one woman, I can’t help but enjoy playing the field. If you can’t accept that, and want to have an exclusive relationship from early on, I can’t promise that. I hate to sound like an arrogant, conceited asshole, but you would have competition, and I’m probably not worth it.

So now, you get to decide whether you want to continue talking to me. From your profile, I do think we might hit it off. If we do continue our dialog, however, I’m going to insist breaking away from eHarmony and exchanging e-mail addresses. I have reasons, which I’ll explain if you don’t reject me.

And if we do continue on, I would like to see at least one better picture of you. Shallow as it may seem, I automatically reject any woman who doesn’t include a picture in her profile, or posts a picture that doesn’t present herself in the best possible light. And a woman’s looks are one of the most important criteria I use in deciding whether to approach her. Again, maybe that’s shallow, but that’s the way it is for me.

And Michelle, a word of advice from a friend, I think that’s the way it is for most people. You sound like you feel you’re an attractive woman, and I’m sure you are. So I remind you how important that very first impression is, and urge you to post a better picture. More than one, if possible.

So now you’ve got my situation. Feel free to close the match if you feel I’m a cad, or let’s talk some more. Give me credit for being honest, at least.

Now I really want the Cubs to play the Sox in the World Series, just to prove this guy wrong.