You Are Destined To Get Divorced. It's Science!

In a piece for The Daily Beast, Anneli Rufus has compiled fifteen signs you’ll get divorced. You may love your spouse, but your job, health, kids and past relationships factor into whether you’re on a bullet train to Splitsville.

There are a lot of statistics and numbers and “ifs” in the article, but all you really need to know is that you’re probably getting divorced. Did you marry young? You’re getting divorced. Did you live with a different significant other before you married your current spouse? You’re getting divorced. Are you in the military? You’re getting divorced. African-American? You’re getting divorced. If you get cancer, your husband will leave you, and you’ll get divorced. It’s depressing and mind-numbing and really, what purpose does it serve? Just to make you more skittish about marriage? (Which is probably a sign that you’ll get divorced?)

What we really need are some numbers and statistics about how to stay happy, how to keep the love alive and how to make dreams reality. These are possibilities in a relationship, and they seem worth less and less examination and/or hype by the “science” community. Moreover, there’s the sense that divorce is the worst possible thing that can happen to someone, when plenty of people consider it the best. So maybe the science should have been extrapolated and distilled into a piece called “How Not To Get Divorced.” Except thanks to buzzkill researchers, that story would probably consist of one sentence: Don’t get married.