Here at Jezebel, we have a particular soft spot for US Weekly’s “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me,” a recurring feature in which celebrities reveal facts about themselves that are typically so boring and basic that they become thrilling. But the most recent edition of “25 Things” has somehow moved past so-bad-it’s-good and into so-good-it’s-great territory. That’s because it features the one and only Yoko Ono.

“Since I turned 40, I’ve looked in the mirror and said, “Should I get a face-lift?” I never will,” Ono reveals out of the gate and it only becomes more thrilling from there.

2. My secret to eternal youth is to take an ice-cold bath once a day.

I’m screaming.

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4. I smoked cigarettes for 15 years. And like Bill Clinton, I didn’t inhale.

5. I wasn’t into drugs. I didn’t smoke until John [Lennon, Ono’s late husband] gave me a cigarette at 34.

There’s a cigarette in my mouth and have no idea where it came from.

6. I prefer doing the Dougie to krumping.

NATURALLY.

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10. John and I wasted 15 years eating macrobiotic and drinking soy milk, when all I wanted was a little half-and-half.

11. Despite the fact that I love ice cream, and even dream about it, I haven’t had any in years.

12. I’ve also never had six-pack abs, even when I was young.

A splash of half-and-half is worth dozens of abs!

15. I’m Japanese, but sometimes I feel I am Swiss-German.

I know the feeling because I am Welsh-Irish, but sometimes I feel like Yoko Ono.

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18. I know Mozart is supposed to be the greatest, but I prefer listening to Stravinsky underneath a gray sky.

Fuck, Yoko. Shots fired.

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24. I had nothing to do with breaking up the Beatles. And I think Paul[McCartney] is a pretty cool dude.

As Billy Eichner and Julie Klausner put it on Difficult People, “Yoko Ono was the best thing that happened to John Lennon. The Beatles were holding Yoko Ono back.”


Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

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Image via Getty.