<![CDATA[Pap Psychology - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I once went to a gyno in DC who was the recipient of the illustrious "Golden Speculum Award". It was exactly what it sounds like: a bronzed speculum mounted on a plaque hanging on the wall behind his desk. I can't recall which year he won it.

I just googled the award and it really does exist.

Cranimal

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> A gyno once told me I'd have no trouble with pregnancy, there was "lots of room up there." I was 13; my mom was horrified.

matermagna

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I relate to so many of these! My old gyn delivered my sister, and would make small talk during exams. He's very nice, and used to give me tons of free bc pills, but I eventually stopped going when he commented on my weight gain, and suggested that I work on that. He wasn't rude about it, but I was very embarrassed. I've never had any other doctor comment on my weight, even when I was quite heavy.

My old GP was very judgmental (Italian Catholic, from Italy) when I asked for all STD screenings. "EVEN AIDS??" I stopped going to him. The woman at the lab who finally gave me the screenings was very kind and calming when I told her that I had just found out that my idiot ex was into heroin.

The worst stories I've heard are:

1) My college roommate got laughter and an amazed "WOW! You have a double vagina!" when she went in for painful sex and frequent UTIs. Turned out, she didn't, he mistook a flap of skin (which was easily removed)for a split vagina. Way to freak her out, though, doc. We laughed hysterically when she told me that story.

2) Not at all funny: several lesbians have told me they've had horribly painful pelvic exams from homophobic gyns, both male and female. What a violation. They should have their licenses taken away.

Weird stuff, having a vagina.

mynameistaken

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Sev:

PCOS? Me too. And I spent years asking doctors to test me, but they'd just look at my name and go "Well, you are Italian, and it is just genetic for you to be hairy" and no matter how much I explained that I was three times as hairy as anyone in my family (I had a dude level of hair on my arms as a teen already. I've had my entire back and stomach waxed several times to get it to a girl level of hair...), jackass doctors would still say it was totally normal. Finally, at 24, I was complaining of menopause-like night sweats and what do you know, I had 14x the normal amount of testosterone a woman should have. Assholes.

And yeah, any doctor says anything happens is because you are fat. I sprained my ankle when I was 10lb overweight and was told I only fell because I was fat. The smooth marble stairs had nothing to do with it.

Jan74

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Florence:

Ask a doctor you trust for a rec. If it is a female doctor, even better, cause she'd care about demeanor and not just professional reputation. Failing that, ask a friend for a rec, but that has the weirdness of sharing a doctor with a friend, which is a little icky.

Jan74

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My gyno was doing the whole 'i'll pretend this is less awkward if we chit-chat while I have my hand in your vag' thing. I don't recall the exact conversation we were having but at some point I mentioned my mother was a dentist. The gyno looks up from between my legs with a disgusted look on her face and says: "You know, I could never do that. Looking into people's filthy mouths all day long... Ugh!"

netts

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I had my first pap smear about a month ago. I actually received some bad news the night before so I wasn't feeling so great.

The doc tried to cheer me up, I suppose - I asked her about the speculum and she said that it's not that big, if your boyfriend was that size you'd laugh at him. I saw the thing and thought "It's WIDER than my boyfriend!!".

I nearly fainted too but worked up all my energy not to. It didn't hurt as bad as I expected (mainly because my mum hates the whole process and keeps ranting about it) but still a bit eh.

What was REALLY eh was when I was asking some questions about the NuvaRing a few weeks later. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac and I couldn't tell if some of my "symptoms" were really the onset of thrombosis or if I was just imagining things. Before I could even finish my question, she gave me a lecture on how yes, it may not be totally natural, but the NuvaRing is safe!! Yes, I know that lady, I'm not arguing against that. I just want to know how I'd tell if I was having DVT!

divabat

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> so I've never actually gone to a gyno, I'm 20 and have sex so clearly I should have, but I haven't had a regular doctor in several years either (damn being in college) any advise about finding a good one? first time advise?

Florence

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> sterizied?

Yeah, cleaned it properly.

MissDaisy

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> When I was taught to do a pelvic exam-(by fantastic armpit haired activists who did it bascially as a service to womanhood), I was taught to feel for the cervix first before inserting the hardware. Those women were awesome. They'd reach down and move your hand with the speculum, no, my cervix is up here. Love them to this day. And speaking of hardware, environmental activism be damned, I want the disposable speculum. Metal is uncomfortable, and I don't trust your office staff or your autoclave machine to have sterizied it properly.

MissDaisy

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I'm a literary agent, and I went to a new gyno last time. We were making the usual introductory small talk while he was asking me to slide down and relax, and I had just told him what I did for a living. He inserted the speculum and said, "Really? You know, I'm working on a book myself."
(I just realized that this might not seem all that funny to anyone not in the publishing biz, but it will be to anyone who is.)

geekish

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> A fellow student in my NP program was doing an exam and having difficulty reaching the cervix. She tried one speculum, then another. While retrieving the Jumbo model, our helpful clinical instructor told the patient, "You have a very long vagina. You need a man with a really large penis." Thank you, Professor Inappropriate.

MissDaisy

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> True story- Office manager of our family practice office gets a referral to an OB/GYN because she doesn't want to have her coworker do her exams. This particular OB/GYN wants to change careers and become a sex therapist. While doing the exam he asks her is she engages in oral sex. She sits bolt upright and says, "Why? Are there teeth marks??"

MissDaisy

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Sev:

thats just cruel!!! :-S

I can imagine how you must have felt. I am a member of the hairy and testosterone club too. Its got nothing to do with fat. What a horrible doc!

Venus Muffinpants

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I had a gyno tell me to stop getting tattoos... because I don't know how it will look in my wedding dress! Wha?? Now, if it was a Hepatitis warning, I could give her that. But wedding dress??? WTF? And this was all during the pelvic exam! I didn't say anything, but all I wanted to do was scream "are you for real" and ask if the chart shouldn't read dyke a little bigger. Cause she should probably know I'm a lez before she shoves her hand up my twat and examines me.

Also, same Dr. - first appointment with her.

Me: My period is irregular.

Dr: Are you sexually active.

Me: Yes...

Dr. Do you use Birth Control

Me: yes. Use bc? No, but...

Dr.: Ok, well, then you're probably pregnant.

Me: Not possible, I think it might be...

Dr.: No, if you're sexually active and not using birth control, you are asking to get pregnant. (at this point she is very accusitory)

Me: I only sleep with women

Dr.: Oh... what did you think it is?

what a jerk! I should have ran then.

JDBauchery

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Audlyenough: What? How does that work?

Triphena

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My gynocologist had the nurse bring a hand mirror in and he gave me a guided tour of my vagina. I really like my doc!

Blujai

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> At my first gyno visit the doctor told me that she was impressed that I was staying so relaxed... then she asked if I do yoga. Creepy?

xskeptictankx

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> *is part of the small uteri club*

MakeMeSmile

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> weirdest thing my gyno has ever said during an exam: I had been telling her about my plans to apply for a English-teaching program in Japan. While the Pap was actually going on, she was wiggling the speculum around uncomfortably and she says "I'm sorry, I'm having some trouble finding your cervix. It keeps pointing down... I think it's ready to go to Japan already!"

jianna

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> "OH MY GOD! Have you ever been to the gynecologist before?

This in college after I had already been doing my yearlies for about 5 years. I have a split vagina which is apparently uncommon. This was the first I had heard of it. She even brought in another doctor to see the spectacle. I'm double the woman!

Audlyenough

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @hilighter: I'm really sorry that that happened to you. I had a similar experience with a dr (not an OBGYN)
I went to a specialist because I am hairy. I wanted to check for hormonal imbalances. The DR had me undress and then ripped the paper hosptal gown down the middle to examine me. She made me take off my underwear, but wouldn't let me take them off all the way, they ended up around an ankle. She wanted to verify that I didn't "have a penis." So, after all of that, I had to sit there with my underwear around my ankle holding the tattered paper gown closed while she told me that all fat people are hairy and that's why I had such a problem. She didn't run a single test. I left the office in tears and vowed never to see a dr again.

65 pounds lighter and guess what? Still hairy. Another dr ran actually tests on me. Apparently, I produce a normal amount of testorone (all women produce some), it's just at the high end of the "normal" scale. No matter how much weight I lose, I'll always be a hairball. I wish she would have just done the blood test instead of humiliating me.

But don't let that jerk dr keep you from taking care of yourself.


Sev

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My first gynecologist, an older man, had two examination rooms, each with a poster on the cieling. One had Garfield and the other had Eric Estrada, which I guess had the desired effect of relaxing me, but due to hilarity over hotness. Another of my doctors used to work out at the same Y as me, which evened the playing field a bit as it gave me the oportunity to see her naked too...

Ellabella

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I'm glad to see that tilted cervixes and uteri are so common. After my doctor told me that was the case with mine (I'd been seeing her for several years and she hadn't mentioned it so it must not have been that severe, although it does explain certain mild discomforts I tended to have) I had an ultrasound with a vaginal probe (they didn't tell me beforehand that it would be vaginal; it sure was fun sitting there making small talk for ten minutes with a thing stuck up in me) to make sure stuff wasn't way out of place, and things were pretty much fine. I did feel like a freak until I read about how common retroverted uteri were.

I like my gyno a lot, but one time she gave me an anal exam without warning and my body's automatic response to that was to have me nearly faint.

annejumps

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I'm late to this but -
Apparently, my uterus is set up higher than a normal uterus. (So is my sister's) My gyno told me this after she had to get the long speculum because the normal one won't reach!

I also had a gyno once ask me who I'd been sleeping with and how recently. I was about 22 and the only sex partner I had was the boyfriend that needs batteries. I told her,
"No one" and she didn't believe me! She kept asking and saying "It's ok, you can tell me if you're sleeping with someone." I was too embarrassed to admit my sex partner was a dildo. Fast forward a few years and if someone asked me now, damn right I'd admit it. With pride.



Sev

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> "You've gotta spread your legs more than that, haven't you had sex before?" (not lying)

SusanDoll

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @DorothyZbornak:LMFAO!

@EdnasEdibles: That just killed my lolz

MsMichelle

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> in my early twenties my asian gyno looked up from my virginal vagina and asked, "why you no have boyfriend?"

AliGOJ

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My previous gyno told me that I had gained A LOT of weight and thats not a good look for me.
He also told me that if I don't use condoms every time with my fiance (now husband) he would give me "THE AIDS"

so um yeah...

Seriously, its not!

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> i hate gyn exam at med school... "where do I insert?" "No not there, that's the urethra."

ruedebuci

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @crushdmb:
in my case my breasts stay always the same size because of the lack of fatty tissue. no fat, so whats supposed to grow if I put on weight??

but I also get sore boobs often (which is why they get so hot)

My fatty tissue is 3mm at its thickest point o_O

One doc I went to once said that he recommends his patients not to tell their boyfriends when they have yeast "because he doesnt want to wreck relationships" alright then...

Venus Muffinpants

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My gynecologist is the dude that took me out of my mom's belly. He also went to med school with my grandma, and his wife is my dermatologist. He scolds me for not calling mom enough.

Brigit

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> when i was 16 i got on the table for my pap and the doctor started to examine me then started frowning and said "oh my god... I don't believe this...." I thought my vajayjay had something weird going on down there she then said the nurse had not set up her little tray with the right tools I think my heart stopped

StarSixtyNine

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> 2 weeks ago my doc was checking my breasts for the first time and said: Oh WOW you have big breasts! (I am thin but wear 34D which you cant tell til I take my bra off) then after checking with the ultrasound , you only have a very very unusually thin fat layer on your breasts. That means your breasts are REAL BREASTS, real breast material.

So I asked why my breasts got hot every few weeks. "Your breasts are VERY ACTIVE organs" and he grinned.

lol

Kinda creepy but it did explain a lot.

Venus Muffinpants

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @claire1404: Oh eeeeeuw!!!

weedie

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> This will only make sense to Australians, but I once went to a gynaecologist who looked exactly like Alexander Downer. That is not a face you want to see between your legs.

claire1404

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I still go to my paediatrician/GP. And he stills gives me jellybeans at the end of every visit. Yay.

weedie

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Tessie: this isn't treatment per se, but i swear it works...get a book called the yeast connection by dr conroy from birmingham. if you have constant yeast infections or sinus infections, i swear the diet works. i went on it more for the sinus issue (the yeast infections from constant antibiotic use), but you never know. it could help.

randomthoughts

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Tessie:

Chromium piccolinate, 200mcg a day, is a godsend. It is safe (you can even double that and take 200mcg twice a day, mid-morning, and mid-afternoon while you still have the infection, then go back to 200mcg for "maintenance") and doesn't hurt to try... also improves blood sugars, if that is an issue for you - and it usually is, as yeast and irregular blood sugar go hand in hand.

Jan74

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @zivah: that happened to me too. i was all of 19 and i was like, yeah i'm gonna go back to work and tell my boss-man you just had me spread out on a table with you finger in my cooch....right. needless to say, that was a one time visit.

randomthoughts

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> After having my first Mirena IUD inserted 6 years ago, the doctor sort of slugged my shoulder and said, "You can test drive it tonight if you want."

Thanks, pal.

Gasparzinha

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> After waiting all damn day at the free clinic, the surly nurse looked down at my spread-open-on-the-stirrups cootch and grunted, "Hm. You have kids?"

I then proceeded to spend the rest of the exam frantically trying to figure out what the hell she meant. Do I have a visibly floppy vag? What??

smarah

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @formergr: I just feel so sorry (and itchy) for us all... My doctor today said: "You are just one of these women who get recurrent yeast infections. It's genetic". It doesn't make me very hopeful, frankly. I got the first one when I was 9 y/o. Then one at 17. Then more in my early twenties. And then this shit started coming every month when I was 25. I have to say that it coincided with the first time I started having regular unprotected sex with my boyfriend (after we both got checked for STDs). I know that the sperm, being alkaline, increases the pH of my vagina thus providing breeding ground for yeast, but I just can't force myself to go back to condoms.

catness_

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Tessie: I'm not catness, but I'm just (I think, I hope), finally recovering from an 8 month long yeast infection ordeal. I've had every pill and insert cream known to man prescribed to me, and none of them worked. It had built up to a raging horror the last two months, so I was desparate enough to poke around on the internet for alternative treatments. Tried a bunch (and spend a lot of money at the health food store), and none of them worked.

What seems to have finally worked is a combination of tea tree oil, and a yeast-free diet. The tea tree oil you can either buy 100% in a bottle and put a few drops of on the cotton part of a tampon after coating it in K-Y (so it doesn't absorb), or I was able to find suppositories of them. For me that was better because I was waaay to burny inside to even contemplate a tampon. I felt almost instant relief from them (it feels sort of warm, but doesn't burn. I used them for about a week, and did the diet at the same time for two weeks.

It's now been three weeks, and I feel SO much better. No discharge, burning, nothing. The real test will be when I'm due for my next period, I think, since that always triggered a flare up, but I'm pretty confident. You can google the diet for more info-- it sucks because it's no bread, no refined flour, no yeast, no sugar, no vinegar, no mustard, no cheese (gasp!), no alcohol. But I only had to do it for 2 weeks, and the infection sucks enough to be highly motivating.

Hope this helps for you too!

formergr

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Tessie: I'm feeling for you. My OB/GYN originally screened for HIV and diabetes. When that was out of the way, she switched me from BC pills to IUD (which, btw, is a mistake - people on with IUDs are more prone to getting a yeast infection than those who take low dose BC pills). When this didn't help she put me on Diflucan for 3 months once a week. Then she sent me to Dr. Elizabeth Stewart, who is yeast infection specialist and who wrote a book called "The V Book" about various vulvovaginal problems women can experience, which I bought from amazon today and look forward to reading. Dr. Stewart put me on 1 year of Diflucan once a week. She did a culture to make sure that it's yeast, and that it's a strain that is responsive to Diflucan. The culture came back negative (they failed to grow any yeast out of it), but I still proceeded with the Diflucan for a year plan. The year ended in October, and since then I was fine up until a few days ago :(((((. I was stupid enough to agree to take antibiotics for a dental pain, which I knew had to do with a shitty placed crown and not a bacterial infection, but I was too tired to argue with the endodontist. It didn't occur to me that the antibiotics will trigger the yeast problem. I am know scared shitless that the recurrent yeast infection will come back just because these stupid dentists fucked up my crown. I went to see a doctor today and got 3 months worth of Diflucan, but I still hope that I won't need it. That's my story... Good luck to you. BTW, Dr. Stewart is in Boston, so if you are in MA and can get a referral to see her, do so.

catness_

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Three true things:

1. My gyno asks me how my graduate program is going, and yes, when I'm going to finish my dissertation. Sigh.

2. When I had to get an internal ultrasound in Germany, the female gyno had me walk through the examination room half naked, while she and my boyfriend (who was there for translation purposes) sat and watched me. And then I had to climb into this enormous birthing chair. In case you're wondering, half naked is SO much more naked than fully naked.

3. My mom does ultrasound, and has actually done an internal on me. But it really only involved seeing my insides, since the patient puts the probe in. Still: weird. She did like the look of my ovaries though!

philoclea

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> my old gyno favored ridiculous sports analogies. bleghh.

winowino

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> When I lived in a small town in VA I went to a male GP for pap smears. I was young (19) and hadn't had a breast exam before. He gave 20! minute breast exams. I didn't realize this was odd until my mom visited him for a pap and came home and said, "you know, hes a nice guy, but the breast thing is troubling!"

BrookeD

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @catness: My comment didnt seem to work, so I'm trying again.
With the yeast infection, what did they end up doing to treat it? (If you don't mind me asking.)
I've had problems for about a year now, and my doctor is about to refer me to a specialist.



Tessie

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My first time at the gyno, I was in college, a virgin and I had a yeast infection. So, things were a bit snug and painful. The university gyno takes a look at me and then announces that she's going to have to get the small speculum. She then proceeds to leave me in the stirrups with the door open and goes down to another exam room. While various and assorted nurses go in and out of my room. At least I realized how ridiulous it was, instead of crying.

The last time I went, it was to a new gyno. I clear-cut shave (not wax), and she thanked me for preparing for my visit. Um, yeah, I didn't actually do this for you, but you're welcome!

Oh, and count me in the tilted club too. Apparently that means a greater chance you get the finger in your bum. Which I can totally do without.

kungfutoday

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @BeckySharper: ::bowing::

ceejeemcbeegee

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @OneMartiniAway: Oh hei, same story!

girlleastlikelyto

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @dangerslut: Ha, the tipped uterus! I didn't know about mine until I had a young gynecological NP try to take a PAP smear. She fussed around there for a while, and finally said, "I'm sorry. Is it OK if I get someone in here to help me? I can't find your cervix."

So she left, and I lay there for awhile, and she came back with an older NP who quickly figured out what was going on. "Look down, not up," she advised the young nurse.

girlleastlikelyto

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @hilighter: She was a shit. There will be someone MUCH better. And don't be embarrassed because you've waited so long. My new guy cut me off and said, "hey, you don't have to explain anything to me. I'm not your confessor."

Please don't let assholes stop you from taking care of your health.

NOLA girl

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @catness: I've got that problem at the moment. What did they end up doing for you? It seems my doc has tried everything. She is right about to send me to a specialist.

Tessie

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Um, maybe I'm just too comfortable with my gyno, but a lot of those comments on the Radar list don't seem that wacky in context. Your doctor is doing a procedure on you that makes you nervous and uncomfortable - it's obvious that she/he would say something to try to make you more comfortable in that circumstance. In fact, if you are very nervous, it may be difficult for them to do the exam at all if the pelvic muscles are extremely tense. What are they supposed to say?

Geth

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @JeSuisIci: I am trying to picture a situation were either of those comments would be appropriate outside of a sexual relationship and I am just drawing blanks. Good lord.

Jezebabe

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My first gyno. appointment I was really nervous and so when the nurse told me I could keep my socks on if i wanted, I opted to do that because I was so nervous of being naked under that paper blanket. So there I am in my polka dot socks and my dr. comes in, compliments me on my socks when my feet are in the stirrups and later compliments my "cooperative cervix".

Ummm, thanks. I think.

KitKatC

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> opps! time to schedule my yearly!
I've been told I have a nice healthy pink uterus; had the finger up the butt - no poo taken though; no comments on my mucus. wonder why?


la_phantom_lady

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @midwesternmom: If there's a quota, I'd be screwed, since (a) I'm a lesbian, and (b) I'm on the Pill - for my seizures, no less.

@hilighter: Sorry you had such a shitty experience! Mine did keep me away for a couple of years, but not 10 years.

Have you looked at anything like this - fat-friendly health professionals - to find a more "friendly" doctor?

scarletvirtue (Sadie, Sadie Married Lady)

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @kierabs: Yeah, I'd read about it beforehand, so I nodded when the doctor warned me it would hurt, and all the more because I'd never been pregnant. She was really leery about it, which I thought was weird.

Then she stuck the thing in, and I'm lying there, seeing white, trying not to throw up or pass out, thinking, Oh.

They let me lie down a while. I limped back to work after about a half an hour, then spent the weekend curled up under a blanket.

I'd do it again, though, and probably will in a year in a half when this one needs to come out.

alicetheowl

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> my gyno says my uterus is so perky for having as many kids as i do.

themontmorency

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My gyno, who delivered both of my children and has been my gyno for 15 years, said to me after doing the breast exam as he has scooted me down a couple of times and then assumed the catcher position ....."well, it sure is good to see you again...." even the nurses rolled their eyes and laughed. he's a doll and i love him, but damn...all i could do was laugh.

randomthoughts

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @AnnaWintwhore: Same kind of thing with me. I almost fainted after getting my IUD put in, my vision was blotchy for literally 30 minutes afterwards and I just had to sit in the waiting room with my head between my knees (I also felt extremely nauseous) until I thought I could drive. It was the worst cramping I've ever had, and I normally get roll-on-the-floor-crying cramps, but they'd only told me there would be cramping for a couple SECONDS while they put it in.

kierabs

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> At my first gyno visit at the age of 14 my dad insisted the entire family have lunch beforehand and then escort me, he called in after me to the doctor "Don't be too invasive!" I saw my doctor for over 5 years and he got weirder and weirder each year until he finally crossed the line and I went elsewhere.

SoakedNSinamyn

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My girlfriend's co-worker has had three children, and during her first visit with a new gyno, apparently her vagina looked so "brand new and perfect" (doc's words) that Dr. Tactful thought she had the records mixed up.

strangerthanfiction

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @nenasadije: What did she see "down there" that looked child like?

nardo218

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> During the breast part of the exam, the doctor had her hand on my boob and told me I drink too much coffee.

Who knew my boobs could tell secrets.

Amadeus0417

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> It's not what they say, but their tone, like kindergarten teachers. It's just disgusting, like I'm supposed to feel raped. Well, I didn't until you acted like I'm a hysterical basket case for sitting still and reading my book while you go spelunking.

nardo218

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @hilighter your doctor is a moron! You probably have PCOS. My sister has it and her MD helped regulate her hormones and now she looks and feels 8 million times better.

lollie

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @nellicat: A-MEN. A lot of these comments that people are reporting, even some of the complimentary ones, sound really inappropriate (and creepy) to me even though I'm sure some of them are well-intentioned. Stick to medical terms - what's wrong with "everything looks healthy"? If you have a patient who is making a lot of small talk, then it might be appropriate to respond to be polite, but even then things should stay professional because it's not a social visit.

cchristian

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I'm ashamed to admit this, but it's been about 10 years since I went last because the lady I saw looked at me and said "You're pretty heavy, and hairy. Like a man. You need to do something about that. Here. Go on the pill." I cried the whole time and just can't bring myself to think about going to another one, but I know I should.

hilighter

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My cervix "hides" in the upper right hand (my right) side. I think every. single. doctor. has commented on it.
I just saw a new doc yesterday, and she was extremely cool. I got my IUD taken out, and she even let me look at it afterwards.

spamanda

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> At the end of a very hurried exam with a new gyno, she asked me if I had any questions or concerns. I said that I had recently had sex after a 1.5 year dry spell and experienced MAJOR bleeding, would that happen every time I had long gaps between partners? She says, very curtly, "That never happens. You were probably just so drunk you don't remember how hard he was going." then she walks out of the room. I was left half-naked on the exam table with my jaw hanging open.

Judgmental bitch.

Also, I was SO NOT drunk.

brown7

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My last gyno, while examining me, told me I had a "very long vagina". Interesting, since every other gyno I've had in the 18 years I've been sexually active had no problem using a regular speculum or getting a standard pap from me.

After that, on the return visit, she told me I had abnormal cells on the pap and wanted to do a LEEP, but that my vagina was "so long" she had to do it in the hospital because she'd need assistants!

I went to another gyno right after that who could, you know, get at a tilted cervix. Which was the problem all along. And the former one has a very well-respected Manhattan practice. In retrospect, I think she was critical of me because I am overweight, because she mentioned that weight gain could cause an increase in vaginal length, but... my last pap was a year prior, when I was maybe 10 lbs lighter. I think she's just a bitch.

dirtyfez

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Not my beloved gyno, but my HMO-imposed general dr, once asked me if I was having sex often enough to justify being on the pill. I asked him if there was a monthly quota, and told him I'd check it out with the gyno. Now I see his female PA, who is cool and doesn't judge my birth control choices.

midwesternmom

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> On my first visit to a new gyno this year, I had assumed the position and he was doing his thing. Suddenly he asked me: "When you had your baby [five years ago], did you have a C-section or a vaginal birth?"

"You can't tell?" I asked.

"I was just asking."

I got down from the table and didn't look back.

killershrew

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I went to Planned Parenthood to get tested once. When the lady was doing the pap she told me to spread my knees as wide as I could, and when I did, she was like, "Wow, you're good at that!" Then she turned bright red and I burst out laughing. She also managed to walk in on me when I was undressing, which I didn't really think was that funny.

suficonjerno

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I've usually loved my gynos. But I had one visit was the exact opposite of the 'oh, cute cerviz, wee little speculum' experience.

I had just moved, so I asked my new PCP for a referral to an OB/GYN. "Ach. No need," she said. "I do you here." (picture a thick Russian accent and bright red lips when you read that).

Anyway, I go in for my exam. First off, she leaves me waiting. Forever. There was nothing to read in her office except for sex ed posters, (most of them in Russian). The heel of the stirrups had what looked like old dead skin caught in them.

When she finally came in, the first thing she does is wave a speculum in my direction and say (before I even get in to the stirrups, mind you), "You think this one big enough for you?"

I just sort of stared. Until this point I had no idea there were speculum sizes. Finally I shrugged. "Yes?"

She scoffed. "You very tall," she said "Wide hips." She opened a drawer and pulled out another speculum. It looked identical to the one already out on the table.

Then she proceeded to perform the roughest, longest exam I've ever had. Thank God for the OB/GYNs at Planned Parenthood.

ElinorGee

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Jezzies - it is good to know that being "tilted" ain't so rare!

Worst ever: the old guy who pinched me internally with the metal speculum and acted all put out when I hollered.

sybann

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I fainted at my gyno once. She was telling me that my uterus was very tight, so it was ganna hurt a lot. But I'm thinking I've had sex a lot so it can't hurt THAT bad...but I must be sleeping with tiny dicks cuz HOOO SHIT it hurt. Then I fainted and she rubbed my head for a half hour and cancelled her next appointment to get me apple juice down the street. She was so cool. She can fist me any day

AnnaWintwhore

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My regular doctor was out of town during my scheduled pap smear, so another doctor performed it. He was an older guy -- probably 50s or 60s, and when he called in the female nurse to assist, he yelled, "Get the straps to restrain her!" and laughed.

It was kind of funny, until I realized that it was pretty much rape/molestation joke. Made by the guy who was going to be sticking things in my vagina.

Gumbina80

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> the one I went to at the University Health Center always asked if I wanted to feel my uterus. It was kind of neat, but also weird, especially when I made some comment about how small it was and he said "Yes, but it can get much much larger." o.O
Because every college student wants to think about how she can get pregnant.

He did this to everyone, I later found out.
But I suppose it's alright, because he's the only gyno I've met who put cartoons on his ceiling.

librisdraconis

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I've got tons of great ones, all positive/funny, luckily enough. For all my lady-parts needs, I still see the midwife I saw while pregnant, she's awesome, she's just 7 years older than me, we always have a lot to talk about. She also tells me I have an adorable cervix at every visit. During my last pap, and after some normal chit chat, she looks up and says "Dude, last time I went to karaoke, I sang 'Dancing Queen!'". I cracked up, then she said "shit, don't laugh, you'll move stuff around".

AtomicBellyButton

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Mine, who I love dearly, once said "Who sings that rap song about the candy shop? My kids are always singing that." I was like well 50 Cent and it's about exactly what your looking at now so, ew. And, it really just that mundane to you isn't it.

lucyjae

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @msenidcoleslaw: me too! Two doctors have had difficulty locating my cervix. I just say 'umm I think it's at the end of the tunnel' Apparently mine's at an awkward angle.
@RustyHeadedGirl: They do. My old doc showed me the full spectrum once.

nekosneako

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My first time at the gyno, I was seeing the doctor who first diagnosed my mother's ovarian cancer. I guess she didn't notice the name, but when I mentioned it, she was all, "oh, THAT'S your mom? Okay, I'm scheduling you for a trans-vaginal sonogram."

Awesome.

saythisword

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I once had an older man gyno who talked the whole time about what a fascinating thing the vag was-"It's like the rainforest, it kind of has it's own ecosystem."

Elspeth

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @catness:

Yep. I'm clumsy and I am on and off anemic. When I am anemic, anything causes a bruise - sleeping on my arm, or carrying my books to school would cut my circulation in the same spot in my arms and make a bruise. The classic upper arm "doorknob" bruise (I'm short, so that is where a doorknob hits me), and the hip bruise of "stupid Chinese armoires I put all over the house" that hit me there are classics.

Jan74

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @DorothyZbornak: holy shit I just laughed so loud I think the whole office heard me!!!

Bianca_Cheri

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Jan74: Sounds so familiar... I get asked a lot about domestic abuse because I get bruised very easily and at any given time have a few huge black marks on my hips/thighs/legs.

catness

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Josie: TWINS! except for the demonstration...

Drowner

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My gyno likes to say my cervix is shy. The first time he said, "Come out, come out wherever you are." while bended down looking between my legs. I nearly laughed when he said that the first time, but I was scared of clinching the muscles down there with a laugh.

desertbloom79

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I *hate* chit chatting during a gyno exam. Seriously. Just get it over with, don't talk to me. Talk to me while we are in the office and I am wearing clothes.

I tend to prefer male gynos for this reason, the fear of something they say being construed as inappropriate tends to keep them silent.

The only weird thing I ever had a gyno do was probe for domestic violence when he noticed a bruise on my arm, and another in my hip, but I appreciate him asking anyway, although I am sure I didn't convince him. Yes, I was recently married. And yes, I was bruised. Because I married a crazy freak who moves furniture 300 times before he is satisfied it looks good whenever we move, and I sleepwalk. It is a different kind of abuse, I suppose!

Jan74

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> When I was a youngster my gyno told me that b/c I was so small sex would be EXTREMELY painful the first time which freaked me out so much that my vag went on lockdown for a while and wouldn't let anyone in despite repeated attempts. Thank you gyno lady!

willowbeans

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Mama Penguino: What, you did not bring your sex schedule spreadsheet with you? For shame.

Lucky for me, all my gynos have been pretty awesome. My first one was the guy who delivered me but then he retired and I moved. The others have been ladies (I really don't have a preference though). My last visit was with a new one, who talked about her father and her family a lot. I could tell it was to put me at ease, and I didn't mind. Also when she asked about STD tests, she was like, "do you want them all? I mean, not that I think you need them all or anything..." Which actually just made me feel more comfortable requesting the full screening.

rocknrollunicorn

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @malishka: There are a lot of options these days there, just no education. If you see a doctor there, they will give you exactly the same BC pills as you would get here, any kind of IUD or implants or whatever they have in Europe and the US. It's just that people don't go to see doctors and don't care if the get STDs or get pregnant. Which is really scary, because Russia has an alarmingly high rate of HIV. I remeber talking to my Mom about birth control in the Soviet Union in the seventies , and she said that the first generation BC pills made you gain lots of weight (like 20 lbs) and the condoms were made of this thick rubber and were expensive. I don't think I know a single woman in her generation who hasn't had at least a couple abortions. Without any anesthesia, btw.

catness

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @MissPeacock: me , too!

Total family affair: Dr. who delivered me (& all of my siblings) had a son who joined his practice. Jr. ended up being our gyno. (All my sisters were his patients as well)

One time we were all having breakfast @ a local restaurant, when who walks in looking for pie! The look on his face was priceless as we all started shouting out his name. He was very touched that we didn't pretend that he hadn't seen all of our vaginas.

Lola del Rio

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @CanSomeoneFluffPaul:
Pelvic exams will always be asscociated with Brian now...and if that doesn't relax me, his customary martini might!

gherkinfiend

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> True Story. A gyno at the hospital, his fingers in me : "Well, your uterus is tilted, that's why it hurts when you get *pushes his fingers deeper, this hurting me a little*. *Getting out* You should try doggie style."

It made sense as I actually prefer doggie style, but the "demonstration"? I was mortified.

Josie

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I love this thread!

To add: my first gyno doctor at my first appointment ever informed me my vagina was pointing the wrong way.
Bwa? said I.
Turns out my vagina is set the complete other way. When you're looking at those cross sections of images just put the vag on backwards. Like left handedness in lady parts or something. I think it makes me special.



Drowner

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @DorothyZbornak: I almost peed myself READING that story/comment!

Lulamaeb

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My doc was impressed by my perfectly symmetrical cervix. Since the hospital was a teaching hospital, she called in several med students to show them. Granted, they were looking at it on a screen and not up my cooter, but I was still feeling pretty vulnerable with my legs all propped open and whatnot.

Solangel

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @catness: Yeah - I tried to talk to my sister-in-law (in Ukraine) about BC or condoms, mostly condoms because HIV is so scary, and she was pretty much like, "no, that stuff will kill you." Not sure how she made the connection, but I get sick when I think about it. It seems like things are changing, though, although slowly.

malishka

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> For the record, my current gyno told me years ago that if I concentrated on relaxing my sphincter during the pelvic exam, it makes it much less uncomfortable. Totally works and I haven't had a wretched pelvic in a long time. Try it next time!

CanSomeoneFluffPaul

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @tscheese:

I have a uterus that should be on cuteoverload.com then because every single gyno I've had has commented on its cute, tiny, pink shape. You have NO idea what that does to a girl's self-esteem!

Bellzaboo

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @malishka: Most russian women still think that BC pills are horrible for you because of the Soviet propaganda from 30 years ago, when they had a serious demographic problem, so they discouraged people from using birth control. Most of my russian girlfriends (all college educated otherwise smart women) get horrified when I tell them that I've been on BC pills for years and now have an IUD. They think that using a condom and having an occasional abortion is much healthier.

catness

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Once upon a time, I didn't know that having sex within 48 hours could taint the "sample." (Apparently it doesn't anymore, with the current pap test.) So the doctor crouched down, then popped back up, glaring at me accusingly. "You had SEX last night!"

"Um . . . yeah? I'm in college?"

Hoo boy, did I get a lecture!

This is the same doctor who remarked, the following year, "My! You have a very sensitive cervix! I'll make sure I get you a pad."

I don't remember cramping up from pap smears before then, but now, every time, it feels like the sudden onset of killer PMS, every time.

The best was the first time I went to Planned Parenthood in NC. It was the first time I'd switched from that awful school doctor, and I was lying down and exposed for all of one minute. I remarked on how quick it was, and the doctor replied, "Well, no need to linger!"

The weirdest was the time I snapped the speculum shut. That was my second exam, ever.

alicetheowl

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> A prior doctor (an internist, mind you) told me that she had to use a larger speculum on me because I'm fat. Personally, I think she was trying to do it as some kind of punishment for the fat patients.

My current OB/GYN said that it wasn't necessary - she used a "regular" size with no problems.

Makes me wanna go back to the prior doc and smack her in the head with that large speculum.

scarletvirtue (Sadie, Sadie Married Lady)

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @effeteaesthete: Exactly - and it's hard to present the issue to a bunch of Bible Belt undergrads without getting all sorts of condemnation...there was (and still kind of is) just no other option.

malishka

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @LaFemme: Yeah, I'm lucky! They also always stay the exact same size, no matter how much weight I lose or gain. No idea if that's related.

They do get PAINFULLY SORE for like, 2 weeks before my period, though. :(

little stripes

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I am so glad this thread came up after my two trips for a smear test in the past week...if I had thought to be listening for comments, compliments or mild judgement I might have gone over the edge...

It was bad enough when the nurse told me to keep my legs and bottom in that position and keep breathing like I was at my weekly yoga class as she made her tenth go at finding my cervix...I now have a yoga phobia to accompany my pelvic exam fear...

gherkinfiend

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @meglantine: sounds like a nurse who, when I asked if I could have an HIV test, condescendingly said, "why, is there a reason you think you need one?" err...because even though I use condoms I'm still sexually active?

americas beard is like clorox sunshine

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I had a crush on my young GP doc. Went in for asthma meds and we chatted for an absurd amount of time. When I asked if he also did pap smears (I'm new to the area/this doctor), he turned bright red and stammered something like "Um yes, we do, sure. Yep. Yes! So if you want to book an appointment, um…" I briefly had thoughts of a Waitress-like affair with him. Didn't happen. Kind of sad about that.

porkchop2000

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @ceejeemcbeegee (AKA!): [standing ovation]

BeckySharper

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I was told by a previous gyno that I had "rice krispie" boobs. I loved her - she would clap her hands and do cheers for safe sex! Gooooooooo safe sex!!!

abbycadabby

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @NameGoesHere: Call me crazy, but that's kinda cute. I picture the doctor as being an old bumbly professor type.

Triphena

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @squirrelcop: It was probably a culposcopy--a biopsy to check for abnormal cells on your cervix. The vinegar turns the cells whitish so the doctor can see them. I have HPV so I have a culposcopy every year and unless I shower afterwards my crotch smells like vinaigrette for the rest of the day.

BeckySharper

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @BeckySharper: Oh, I wasn't mad at her. She was just trying to distract me. But I just don't find flowers all that fascinating. Now, if she had been talking about french fries, maybe I could've been distracted.

westvillagegirl (exhiled in chicago)

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I once had a horrible recurrent yeast infection problem, so I went to see a doctor or nurse once a month for a year and a half. When my OB/GYN tried all the things she could think of, she referred me to a yeast infection specialist. At the specialist's office the nurse asked me to undress and then the doctor and the nurse came in. The nurse came up to me and while the doctor was taking a look and a culture sample, the nurse was holding my hand and telling that I shouldn't be scared, that it's all gonna be over soon, and she knows, how traumatic it is to have a pelvic exam, but I just should relax. I was, like, "Woman, I've been getting this thing up my vagina once or twice a month for about two years. Do you seriously think I give a fuck? Let go of my hand...". I assume, though, that these people get to see some seriously scared women, so it's better for them to just try to calm you down no matter what you really feel.

catness

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Pap Psychology How about after staring into the depths of my vagina... my gyno responds, "If only you were a year or two younger, I'd love to set you up with my son. He's on facebook ya know." - Erin

BenedictBabawaba

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> When was in college, I had a male gyno at the local clinic who while giving me a pap tell me I had "wonderfully large breasts", and I accidentally on purpose kicked him the ear. He looked shocked and I looked back like "What, fool!" so he turned purple and shuffled out the room. The nurse finished my exam and the desk nurse gave me back my check. I reported him to the state board, but no one ever followed up with me.

ceejeemcbeegee

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I have a lot of tattoos, and as my doc is poking around down there, she always asks if I've gotten any new ink since the last time I've seen her and if I'd mind showing her.

I find it funny that she's so polite about it. She's says things like "I see you have a new tattoo on your elbow (or whatever non-embarrassing spot), would you mind if I looked at it after I'm done?"

I always say, "Sure. Why would I mind you looking at my elbow? You're looking at my uterus right now." Then we laugh. Happens every year. I love her.

SuburbanWonderland

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> In college I went to a new (cute, young) male gyno once. After the exam, while he was still sitting at my feet - which were still in stirrups - he looked up at me and said, "You remind me of my ex-girlfriend." I didn't know quite how to respond.

NJOTB

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @crushdmb: Ugh, I wish. I have to schedule a sonogram after every regular appointment because they can't feel anything due to really dense tissue. Which is also really freaky because it makes me think I could have a tumor growing and not know about it for a year or two years because you cant feel anything behind the "plate" of tissue.

LaFemme

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @BeckySharper: I really don't think a doc should be chitchatting while performing an abortion. How about just sticking to calm, quiet concentration, and occasionally telling the woman gently what she's going to feel during the procedure.

nellicat

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> On my second visit to a new gyno for a small procedure she explained what she would be doing and it maybe involved vinegar? Can't remember, but she described it as "It's like we'll be making a salad!"

Oh how I love a good hoohah salad joke from my gyno.

squirrelcop

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My doctor tells me I'm beautiful, every time. I love him.

brookidy

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My gyno sees loads of child bearing ladies, so he's big on the bebes. He just about died when I told him no bebes for like, 6 years at least.

I think he was dissapointed!

skittlbrau

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> dammit - tech problems!

nellicat

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My friend told me at her last visit she saw a Chinese female gyno, and she sang out during the examination "Looks GOOD! No wart or herpe!"

My friend was like "uh, great!"

Dear Blond Diary...

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @westvillagegirl: Ugh. To be fair, I'm not sure what exactly one talks about during an abortion I went with a friend in college and the doctor let me hold her hand during the procedure. We didn't talk, though, but she was on a lot of Valium, so she probably didn't need the distraction.

BeckySharper

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> The weirdest thing I've had happen after I had an exam was for the doctor to pat me afterwards, right on my mons pubis.

Like he was patting a puppy. A cute vagina puppy.

NameGoesHere

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> These stories worry me. Yesterday the only gyno I've ever had since I was 16 moved out of the state. Now I have to find a new one..and I do NOT want one of these freaks.

flackette is frustrated

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My gynecologist is hilarious, but sometimes I can't tell whether she has a legitimate disdain for men or if she's just joking. She's made comments ranging from making sure that I get off before putting out to the high possibility that many men will deny giving a woman something, from a yeast infection to an STD.

Also, once she told me after an exam, "Hah! For a second, I thought I saw a herpes sore, but I was mistaken." At least she didn't tell me during the false alarm, or else I would've flipped a shit.

molly

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @malishka: I know, I'm from there (immigrated before puberty, fortunately.) On one hand, abortion is better than a ton of unwanted children... on the other, the thought of multiple late-term abortions makes me want to curl up protectively around my uterus and scream.

effeteaesthete

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> So, I went to the gyno for the first time when I was seventeen. I was in the stirrups, feeling VERY awkward. The young male doctor had been digging down there for some time when he uttered a seemingly stumped, "Huh."
Now if that isn't the last thing you want to hear out of a gyno's mouth at that particular time!
I was like, "Ummm, WHAT!?"
"Now this is odd, I can't seem to find your cervix."
"Well... it's in there somewhere, I didn't leave it at home! Keep looking!!!"
He had to bring in ANOTHER DOCTOR to find my fucking cervix! Turns out I have a tilted uterus. They told me I should consider donating it to science after I die. I was totally humiliated and oddly flattered at the same time.






OneMartiniAway

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> In the middle of my pelvic exam, my doc said to me:

"So, are you seeing anybody?"

Without hesitating, I said:

"Just you, doc."

He laughed and has been my favorite doctor ever since.

lastsinglestanding

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I have on at least two occasions gotten compliments on my breasts (not in a creepy way) and how easy it is to check for lumps. It seems that while my breasts are rather large, they are full of soft fatty tissue and no lumps whatsoever. *iz proud*

little stripes

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Sophie: so it CAN happen!

nenasadije

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @meglantine: EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE: "everything seems fine!"

hard to argue when you're in the stirrups.

MinneFilly

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> my mother is an OB/GYN.. the doctor i go to was her mentor and partner for many years. he's ancient and British, with a wicked sense of humor (the fake cockroach comment i saw above sounds like him). he's known me since before i was born, and thankfully a. this doesn't weird me out for some reason and b. he doesn't try to give me grandfathering bullshit regarding sexual partners/diseases/etc. i just get the medical truth. sometimes, though, he'll tell me stories about when my parents were dating, and it's like.. you have fingers in my vagina right now, can you please not make me think about my parents having sex?

for the record, i have never been examined by my mom. that WOULD weird me out.

letsjetset

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @dangerslut: Great, as if worrinyg about sagging boobs and tummies aren't enough after giving birth. Now I'm going to be paranoid about a saggy uterus with stretch marks all over it.

azliza

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> During my abortion, my doctor started talking about the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Her tales of daffodils did not make me feel rosy.

westvillagegirl (exhiled in chicago)

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @LagunaBitch: Me too! My dad is a doctor and he taught her in med school. And he treated her grandmother when she had cancer. So it pretty much goes- "Oh I love your dad SO much, he's the greatest man in the world! So, how partners have you had?"

meglantine

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I have one! I have one! MY gynecologist asked me if I was taking any other medicine (yes, a mild antibiotic for my acne) led her to write me a referral to her dermatologist "who does the BEST botox."

...I'm 24.

kristincredible

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Triphena: AH! I am 26, and last visit was the first time the doc asked to to an anal exam. She popped a finger right in, and then out again! I was like WHOA!!!! did not expect that for some reason...

Dear Blond Diary...

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Yah, so, I don't need this considering I'm going in on Tuesday next week, thanks. I'm either going to be disappointed that she doesn't compliment my uterus, discharge or thighs, share recipes or too terrified of y'alls horror stories to do anything but clamp up.

Sob.

buggeroff

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> The only good story I have was from when my now-ex and I were newly having sex and having it and having it and having it. I developed a UTI and my gyno asked how often I had intercourse a week. I told him. He paused. Started to speak. Paused again, and asked "In a WEEK?"

nellicat

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Ms. Pants: I would like to give you a little hug. Shit. I think you may win.

lolacat(ΩΜ)

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @effeteaesthete: That's the topic that I'm teaching about in my culture class next week - some estimates say that the average woman in the Soviet Union had 9 abortions. The official stance of the USSR was "u nas seksa nyet" (we don't have sex). Just like abstinence-only education, only on a huge scale.

malishka

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My doctor once told me I had a "rip roarin' yeast infection" Ya...the honkey tonk twist didn't really soften the blow. Just give me my prescription and let me put on my pants thank you very much.

dannigrl157

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> On my last appointment I requested a specific test to check for an STD I knew I had been exposed to, but my doctor didn't think it was necessary. I had to push until she finally gave in and got all huffy. I won't be going back.

rogerdoger

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> When I was in college I went to my mom's older lady gyno and when she asked how often I had intercourse, I paused before answering because the gyno was a friend of my mom's and my aunt's and as I paused, the lady hiked her eyebrow at me and said, "Just whenever you get the chance?" WTF?

Mama Penguino

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> This episode of the CBC Radio medical show White Coat, Black Art is all about pelvic exams...they interview doctors and patients. Pretty interesting.

hurdygurdygirl

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @nenasadije: That is HORRIBLE! Talk about invasive procedures . . .

nellicat

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Mine always tells me to say hi to my dad. Yeah. Awkward.

LagunaBitch

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Count me in the teeny tiny uterus club. My gyno and I discussed the pope's visit during my last pelvic exam.

He also told me horrible stories about his stint working in the Soviet Union, and how abortion was pretty much the only available method of birth control... and the only available way of confirming a pregnancy was listening for the heartbeat.

effeteaesthete

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> At at yearly poke n' prod a few years ago, I jumped when my doc made contact with my thigh and without thinking, just said: "Sorry, it's been a while since anyone else has been down there."

And then we both laughed and I secretly kinda wanted to die a little but couldn't wait to tell my friend what an ass I'd made of myself.

Ms. Pants

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> I had to bite my lip for some of these stories. The only good story I really have is the gyno that told me that my ovaries were really easy to find.

MonkeyButt

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins: Wow. That was viciously inappropriate.

Triphena

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> Comment on Pap Psychology My doc told me my vagina had forgotten what a penis looked like. Boy did my friends have a ball with that one when i told them. Needless to say it had been a long time and yes it probably had forgottenBe a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

TessPterelaos

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Charlotte Corday, Miss Stabby Stabby 1793: You need to find one who specializes in "older" births. Mine thinks I'm still young at 33.

Lymed

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> One time in college, I told my gyno that I wanted to be tested for all STDs and she said "really? because everything looks okay down there."

Seriously, I didn't know you could tell just by looking. I switched docs shortly thereafer.

meglantine

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @LadyNo: My gyno said my uterus was "weird" shaped, too. Like does that make a difference? Really? My clothes fit on me just fine.

hammerimissu

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @Lady Skittlehattington's evil twin, Whorey Licoricetits: I declined the extra-large speculum and preferred to wait. I'm more like your Mom- my modesty is all but gone on that score. However, I am not prepared to be known as the extra-large speculum girl (it just seems so trashy). It would totally be on the cover of my file like that Seinfeld episode.

lolacat(ΩΜ)

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> The only thing I've gotten is apologies for the Pap smear taking so long. Damn tilted cervix.

cate3710

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> @DorothyZbornak: That's exactly what I thought. Can you imagine that phone call? "Son, I met this girl today, and I think you'd be perfect. And she has a perfectly healthy vagina? What's that? Oh, yes, and a Brazilian."

BeckySharper

]]> <![CDATA[Pap Psychology]]> My doc once said "I'm having trouble getting to your cervix, it's at a difficult angle".

Uh, angle? ... bizarre. Is anyone here a gyno or doc? How different are women 'deep up there'? I am intrigued.

msenidcoleslaw

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