Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"? - Jezebel Comments

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

lily08 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:54:46 EDT

people can absolutely call me sweetie as long as they dont mind me calling them dick bag.

lily08

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

cambiata — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:11:50 EDT

I live in the south, and generally find both men and women calling me 'sweetie', especially if they're old school southern. It doesn't bother me at all, I don't really get what the fuss is about.

cambiata

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Flackette is a Red State Elitist — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 11:34:59 EDT

I get called Darlin' and Dear every day by the old man at the corner market where I feed my diet coke addiction. No problems here.

Flackette is a Red State Elitist

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

BiBiVirtue — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 08:42:35 EDT

@SinisterRouge: You may find it offensive or annoying, but the word sweetie in itself isn't sexist. My mum calls everyone sweetie, male or female, young or old.

BiBiVirtue

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

LittleEdie — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 15:12:22 EDT

The dude I've been crushing on at the Farmer's Market called me "princess" this morning. Totally grossed me out.

LittleEdie

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Kona — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 12:07:02 EDT

I seriously don't understand what the big deal is. The beauty of the spoken word is that it is filled with discernible meaning and nuance. So if somebody calls me "sweetie" in an condescending way, not cool. But otherwise, who the hell am I do tell a person how to talk? It's just not worth getting worked up over.

Kona

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

screammylungzout — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 16:36:00 EDT

my friend picked this up from her older cousin, and now she calls people sweetie all the time. CAN'T. FUCKING. STAND. IT. it feels sooo condescending, especially considering we're both 19 yrs. old.

screammylungzout

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

jerriblank — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 12:48:44 EDT

I wish everyone wasn't so prickly. He has talked to thousands of strangers everyday for over a year, he might have just thought she had a nice face and said it without thinking.

People say things all the time, do we have to overanalyze?
Here's what I do. I walk around like i own the place. sweetie, honey, bring it on. You see, if you feel less and boss more, you'll find these little things don't bother you as much. i'm not bitchy or anything. it's just being raised by a dad who said his girls can do anything BETTER than boys. at 35 i realized he is, in fact, right. so boys call me anything u like--i still be smarter, still be more capable...

jerriblank

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

PrincessFloozina — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 12:47:44 EDT

Obama can call me anything he wants. Mmmm

PrincessFloozina

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

TheGuvnah — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 00:08:32 EDT

btw, all of the "he can call me anything he wants" and "sigh" and "swoon" are really disturbing. We're not school girls with crushes on the high school quarterback. Talking about a presidential candidate that way is disrespectful to him and the process and frankly, make you look silly.

But yes, back to the topic, i find the use of sweetie in this circumstance inappropriate and, when viewed as part of a larger pattern of comments made by Obama, troublesome.

TheGuvnah

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

denises_24 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 23:50:48 EDT

Unprofessional and weird in this circumstance.

denises_24

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Bohoinparadise — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 23:16:22 EDT

I grew up in a Hispanic/Mexican society so everyone called me hija (it's the spanish version of sweetie) which pissed me off. I hate sweetie, honey, or anything similar to that because it comes off as really degreading. Yet, for some reason I don't mind if guys call be babe (some guy always calls me babydoll) which I don't seem to mind. Bit of a paradox.

Bohoinparadise

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Saddletramp — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 23:08:30 EDT

Eh, I just think it was sort of unnecessary. But I'm not exactly outraged.

Saddletramp

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Auffed_By_Heidi — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:30:28 EDT

One time my best friend brought home some dude who called me "sweetie" and "woman" after every sentence...I did her a favor and kicked him out myself the next morning.

Auffed_By_Heidi

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ceejeemcbeegee — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 20:53:53 EDT

With the right tone, ANYTHING can be taken condescendingly. I'm sure many of us had mothers what had a way of saying our own names in different ways to have different meanings. Now, is your name offensive? No. But if you say it a certain way, it can be.

ceejeemcbeegee

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

cde — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:51:13 EDT

@e.b.: Well, no, I don't say it to only get on their nerves. I say it because I have a hard time just saying something without some time of directive/title. "Hey you" gets old fast. Yes sir, professor, ma'am, nena, mija, mijo, senora.

And like I said, ma'am is an otherwise respectful title for a person. If she takes offense at it, that's her problem.

cde

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

filthygorgeous — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:37:34 EDT

i'm horrible, but allentown, pa is where EVERYONE in a musical comes from. And that's all I can think of right now.

filthygorgeous

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

e.b. — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:28:17 EDT

@cde: Any woman my age who complains about "hun" gets called ma'am. It grates on their "I don't want to be old" nerves. Yet men don't care about being called sir instead of dude or guy.

How dare those woman complain about being called hun! You get them with that ma'am. Ha now they are old! /sarcasm

I have known guys that do complain about sir. In the same way woman complain about ma'am.

If I asked my boss to stop calling me sweetie he would flat out stop and apologize. He would not be a jerk and call me something else to get on my nerves. T

e.b.

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

goodcheapfun — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:20:33 EDT

@cde: "Question, why do some of you find when women do it (as part of how they normally talk and not condescendingly) it's okay, but if a guy does it in the same way, it's sexist?

ISN'T THAT A SEXIST STANCE ITSELF?! geez."

No, it's not sexist but it can be condescending. It should never be done by a man, under 70, because I don't want a non-relative male to treat me like a child (patronizing). However, a non-relative older female will take on a family-type role when using the term "hun" or "sweetie".

goodcheapfun

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

goodcheapfun — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:18:27 EDT

A grown man should never call a grown woman "sweetie". My surgeon kept calling me a "good girl" and finally I had to tell him thank you and that he was "good boy" too (can you say condescending?).

goodcheapfun

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

nardo218 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 18:55:02 EDT

Northeast. Revolting.

nardo218

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

cde — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 18:07:27 EDT

I call every woman my peer outside of work, hun. My best female friends are called bug.

At work, I call every adult woman ma'am, because it's respectful (and no, I am not required to by work). All the teens get talked to like my friends.

Any woman my age who complains about "hun" gets called ma'am. It grates on their "I don't want to be old" nerves. Yet men don't care about being called sir instead of dude or guy.

Question, why do some of you find when women do it (as part of how they normally talk and not condescendingly) it's okay, but if a guy does it in the same way, it's sexist?

ISN'T THAT A SEXIST STANCE ITSELF?! geez.

cde

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ItchykooParker — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 17:49:06 EDT

It's all contextual for me. I don't mind sweetie at all, but if it has any hint of condecension (especially if I'm called that at work, during a work-related discussion, to de-power me), I will jump all over it.

Other than that, I think it's kind of...sweet.

ItchykooParker

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

paxetaurora — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 17:30:16 EDT

I don't really mind it. I'm from northeastern Pennsylvania and live in NYC now, so it's not like I hear it much--although I used to live in a Hispanic neighborhood and got "mami" quite a bit.

I'm a teacher and I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that I probably overuse "hon," as in, "Excuse me, hon, get out your notebook get started." I'm a big fan of pet names, ranging from "sweetie" for my husband to "bitch" for my best friend, so I have not much room to complain. I guess I haven't been subjected to hearing those nice little words used in a condescending way.

And, as far as Obama goes...yeah, he can call me whateva he wants, whenever he wants.

paxetaurora

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

eatsshootsleaves — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 17:08:54 EDT

I dislike it very much, and I'm from the Northeast. Gross, Obama. I don't understand how some women don't find it offensive. I suppose context would help, however.

eatsshootsleaves

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ramblinrosie — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:59:00 EDT

I love being called "ma'am," incidentally.

It makes me feel important.

I wish more people called me "ma'am."

ramblinrosie

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:44:36 EDT

@zuzulu: That's funny you say "Metropolis" because (as you might know) Batman Returns was filmed here. As was the new one that's coming out. It was funny, they had a code-name for the movie on all the "No Parking, Movie Filming" signs. They called it "Rory's First Kiss."

Downtown is pretty, yes. But it's hard to see the pretty with the gray sky and windiness. But it did get a little sunny today.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:41:11 EDT

@Afin: I get what you're saying, believe me. But I feel like Obama meant it in a more flirtacious/jokey/friendly way. Not to condescend or belittle. I think judging just by the commentary here, not everyone feels that it is always offensive.

And I think Obama will be more likely to be able to get all of the things done that you mentioned. And, isn't that what is truly important? Have you looked at the 2007 legislative records? Almost nobody wanted to co-sponsor any of HRC's bills. All of her legislation went nowhere. But Obama was actually able to get some, not only co-sponsored (by even some Repubs), but also passed. Hillary is too polarizing to be able to broker some of the deals that are going to need to be made to get all this stuff done. See the link below. It's a much more reasoned and rational response than I could provide.

[www.dailykos.com]

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

chile — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:40:54 EDT

PS i am from Tennessee and i definitely think it has certain cultural context here. It's just very warm and friendly.

chile

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

chile — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:37:44 EDT

I met Harold Ford Jr. in the senate race and he said, "good to see ya, sweetie" and shook my hand very strongly, and... did he wink?

i was charmed.

chile

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

interocitor — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:25:00 EDT

Man, I live in the south (Georgia) and the 50-something year old dude at H&R block called me "sweetie" today while helping me out with my tax whatnots. I wasn't at all bothered. Like a previous commenter said, I only severely dislike words like "sweetie" or "honey" when it comes from another woman who is being condescending.

interocitor

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

e.b. — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:22:59 EDT

@e.b.: Also I don't like when anyone my own age calls me sweetie but older people of either gender are fair game.

e.b.

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

smopenna — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:22:01 EDT

"Cutie" is the worst though, can we agree on that?

I work with children, so I say a lot of "sweetie" or "buddy." But not to adults. Never to adults.

smopenna

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

misspie — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:12:24 EDT

i think it's kind of unfair to call him out one way or the other on this unless we know the context of the remark.

i read halperin's post on the incident and it said he "called one woman 'sweetie' and thanked her in spanish."

so maybe she gave him a big hug and and he replied "oh gracias, sweetie."

that's totally different from him walking by and saying "hey sweetie, nice leisurewear," which would be sort of dickish.

just sayin'...

misspie

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Charity Froggenhall — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:11:26 EDT

Ummm, Senator Obama could call me sweetie. Or anything else he liked.

Charity Froggenhall

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

sybann — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:08:38 EDT

@Jamie Sommers: OR the waitress! I always give folks a pass because I am remembering name challenged.

sybann

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Jamie Sommers — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:06:44 EDT

@cardboardbelt: I nominate this for comment of the day.

Jamie Sommers

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Jamie Sommers — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:03:50 EDT

@sybann: Which is where the context argument comes in. Can ya really be made at the pitiful old dude who calls you sweetie because he forgot your name when you introduced yourself 2 minute ago? (I am of course speaking generally now.)

Jamie Sommers

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

zuzulu — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:55:35 EDT

@sybann: my bf is from pittsburgh and i make him say "dahn tahn" for me all the time. it's hilarious! being from california, i don't say anything in a funny way (we do, however, say stupid things, like "hecka").

zuzulu

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

rah29 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:53:45 EDT

@rah29: I should clarify actually; I didn't mean it was typical of Obama, just of life in general.

rah29

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

sybann — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:53:09 EDT

@Jamie Sommers: Yeah but when McCain calls someone sweetie it's because of the dementia - he cannot remember their names.

sybann

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

rah29 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:51:50 EDT

Ok, I came to this super late, but I generally take issue with most diminutive names. I used to be called 'pet' by the old Irish men at one of my old internships and that absolutely drove me up the wall. I wish I could work up the righteous anger to get mad at Obama over this but it's so typical I can't be surprised anymore.

rah29

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

sybann — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:48:43 EDT

@janine: Oh man I can even hear the vowel! Haaaahn.

Like "down town" in Pittsburgher. Dahn Tahn.

sybann

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ceejeemcbeegee — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:47:20 EDT

You know what's offensive? Being called Bitch. Or Cunt. Or Slut. Or Whore. Or Nigger. THAT shit is offensive.

Some of y'all need to get some fucking perspective.

If I sound pissed, good, cuz I am. Complain away, I don't give a fuck today.

ceejeemcbeegee

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

thewordunheard — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:44:07 EDT

ew, i can't STAND that shit. unless i've been in a relationship with you for like two years and it's being used at least semi-ironically.

thewordunheard

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

PetiteGal — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:43:47 EDT

hate, hate, hate "little lady." Also, the only person who can call me "sweetie" is my boyfriend.

PetiteGal

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:39:37 EDT

@ceejeemcbeegee (back to normal): HA!!! YOU WISH! He's my man! Y'all didn't think to have him first. I think I've settled on a permanent one actually. I LOVE having my boyfriend *(my man and i will cut a bitch if she tries to steal him). K? thanks babe!

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

MadameO asks - WWOD? — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:39:10 EDT

@SinisterRouge: I am not starting a bitchfest, esp. because if there is a word I like less than sweetie it is bitch. I am trying to make a comparison of two things, one of which seems more serious to me.

I agree with sjct, too. If YOU choose to feel infantalised, then that is your choice. Myself, I do not feel that way, depending on the context. I have been a feminist for 40 years now and I do not yet know all the definitions of that word. Will you now say I am not one? I hate thong underwear and feel it demeans women, esp. because it comes out of stripper culture and I do not want women to equate themselves with strippers and I REALLY do not want girls wearing this crap and thinking about stripping, either. Does that mean that no feminists wear thongs? Probably not, because some people find them comfortable.

MadameO asks - WWOD?

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ceejeemcbeegee — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:36:09 EDT

@SinisterRouge: Please refrain from using my babydaddy's picture as your avatar. Thanks, sweetie!

ceejeemcbeegee

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

galaxina — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:35:57 EDT

Where I'm from, everyone calls you "hon" so it doesn't bother me.

galaxina

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

jigglyball — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:34:50 EDT

Only my family and my boyfriend can call me sweetie, and when they do, it's funny, because they of all people know that I'm not always very sweet.

jigglyball

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

whyknot — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:32:10 EDT

this is a fun friday chat y'all - but don't work obama over too badly unless you are willing to discuss hillary's membership in the female wing of the fellowship 'family' w/all those crazy right-wing conservatives & their wives. run by doug coe, a certifiable loon. that creeps me out big.

whyknot

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

sybann — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:28:29 EDT

@KnitSandwich: I was first ma'amed in my 30s - I nearly struck the whippersnapper.

Obama can call me anything he wants, preferably "constituent."

sybann

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

BaconCat — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:26:39 EDT

let it go, Shugs!

BaconCat

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

whyknot — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:25:21 EDT

@SinisterRouge: that's awesomely funny! you will address me as ____, and i will sit at the head of the fucking table! rule it, baby! and i DON'T mean that in a condescending way.

whyknot

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ramblinrosie — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:23:26 EDT

@sinisterrouge:

Eh, yeah, you're probably right.

I tried to post this comment once before and it didn't show up.

So if I've said "you're probably right" twice, my apologies for being redundant.

ramblinrosie

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

HokeyPokey — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:22:45 EDT

It's all about the context. I'm born and raised in California and don't have any problem whatsoever with being called "sweetie". Again, it depends on the context but 90% of the time I like it.

HokeyPokey

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

louveciennes — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:20:44 EDT

He can call me anything he wants. Sigh.

louveciennes

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:18:44 EDT

@e.b.: HELL YEAH it is. Be insistent. Just like every time I visit the inlaws I sit at the head of the table. ;)

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

zuzulu — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:15:52 EDT

@westvillagegirl: as is my current city, san francisco. bleh.
but is chicago ever dismal?! your downtown is the closest thing to metropolis in existence. beautiful!

zuzulu

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Cynica — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:13:58 EDT

Being from the South, I call people "sweetie", "darling", and "honey" a lot, without being aware of it and without meaning to be patronizing. If I mean it to be condescending, you will know.
When I was a paralegal in Oklahoma, I got "sweetie-d" a lot by sheriffs and judges in rural areas. My rule was, if you're giving me what I want, you can call me whatever you want.

Cynica

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

e.b. — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:08:50 EDT

My boss sometimes calls me sweetie. He kind of sees me as a daughter type thing. I'm not a big fan and once he even said sorry and was all flustered. I know that he does not mean anything by it except that's how he addresses his daughters so I don't get pissed and that's when intent really comes into it. I'm from Texas btw. It doesn't bother me at all unless I know the intent is negative. Sometimes when you are having a bad day and some stranger smiles and calls you sweetie it brightens the day. But I can understand how people who are not used to it would get pissed and see it as bad.

e.b.

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

JGalt03 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:08:19 EDT

I call a lot of people "sweetie" or "hun" but thats because i forget their names.

JGalt03

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

soofthemoment — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:06:58 EDT

It really depends on the context, but for the most part a stranger calling a woman he has never met before "sweetie" is disrespectful and condescending because it implies that he is somewhat "better" than her. Plus, it's just rude. If I called some strange man I'd never met before "sweetie," you know he'd be annoyed or complain or assume I wanted to sleep with him. If I can't say it to men, then men shouldn't be able to say it to women.

soofthemoment

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Afin — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:04:50 EDT

@westvillagegirl: I'll tell you what I care about: I want the next appointee to the supreme court to be pro-choice, I want the U.S. to take a pro-active stance on women's rights abroad, I want gay and lesbians to legally be able to marry throughout the country, I want a president that doesn't relegate women to sweetie, honey, sugar-pie land.

I have a whole laundry list of stuff I think is important, but I know politicians pay lip service to voter segments while campaigning. It's the little things politicians do along the way that give you insight into how they really feel. I'm not saying "boooo Obama, he's an evil person, he hates women." I'm saying his lack of good judgement(not just in this case) and his ignorance of what might be considered offensive to women gives me pause.

Afin

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

e.b. — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:03:47 EDT

@SinisterRouge: I didn't change my last name when I got married. My whole family KNOWS this and yet ALL of them insist on addressing things to me by my first name and my husbands last name. I HATE it. If they send me birthday checks they know to address it to my given name but on invitations or in their email address book they use my husbands last name. It makes me so mad. So now that I brought this up: I have asked them to change it. They have not. Is it ok for me to be insistent or is that just making trouble?

e.b.

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:01:49 EDT

@braak: Aww. But you still have your manners, and that's what counts, Sweetie.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:01:10 EDT

@zuzulu: It's cool. Sorry I called you "Sweetie" with the full intent of being bitchy. Waverly and Christopher here. REPRESENT!!!

(but now I live in Chicago. Which is dismal today).

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

whyknot — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:00:25 EDT

when i get letters from friends in europe - some people hate the email - my neighbors in the elevator are jealous! oh, wow - did you get a REAL letter? why, yes, sweetie, i did! handwritten too!

whyknot

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

wednesdaywolf — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:59:06 EDT

@yarnmule: I call my boss dude all the time... I think I could probably get away with sweetie if I tried... I think of it as less "diminuitive" than "casual".

wednesdaywolf

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:58:10 EDT

@MadameOvary: You make a great point about voting Dem as you turn this into yet ANOTHER Clinton/Obama bitchfest when we're discussing ONE particular issue.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

bettylou — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:57:50 EDT

When my boyfriend calls me "sweetie" i want to cut his condescending balls off. :)

bettylou

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

petunia942 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:57:23 EDT

I live in the south. We don't get offended as much here. He can call me sugar, sweetie, honey. I don't care. He's a pumpkin.

petunia942

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:52:36 EDT

@sjct: Simply because you are Southern does not make a sexist term that is widely accepted any less sexist. Especially coming from a man. It's sexist because it demeans you to a child-level. I am a woman, fully-grown. By calling me sweetie you infantalize me.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

pdsmc — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:51:50 EDT

I know a guy in NYC who occasionally refers to his female colleagues as "sweetpea". It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up, like a cat in a room with a rabid dog.

pdsmc

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

braak — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:50:35 EDT

@westvillagegirl: No. I can't not lose something after more than a year.

All the elements of my childhood are long gone.

braak

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

MadameO asks - WWOD? — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:49:22 EDT

@lawchic22: Yes, I think some folks are looking to be offended by the other side. More offensive to me is Mark Penn in Colombia, talking trade, though NOT in a Hills capacity, as if that should make it not a conflict of interest.

Anyhoo, I would be surprised if Obama called me sweetie, as we do not know each other but I would not be offended. Up here in Maine, the term is 'De-ah' and the further north you go in the state, the more likely you are to hear it. Even men call each other de-ah. If an endearment is said in a friendly manner, then I accept it. If it is said to demean, belittle or embarrass, then I call the offender on it. I am interested in the reaction of the woman Obama addressed this way. If SHE was offended, then he should apologize. If she is cool with it, then this should not be an issue. I mean, I know all you jezzies are a bunch of fucking dykes, but is using this word sweetie so terrible? If O continues to do this, in an offensive way, then sure, call him on it. Until then, let's stop the war, vote in a Dem and make some real changes!

MadameO asks - WWOD?

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

zuzulu — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:48:40 EDT

@westvillagegirl: look, i agree intent is important. point taken. but people can offend while lacking the intent to do so. it's that lack of critical thinking (on obama's part, for example) that is problematic. and as a former greenwich and 10th street resident, it pains me to have riled a west villager. sorry!

zuzulu

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

wednesdaywolf — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:48:18 EDT

I'm going to say that if I can call people sweetie (which I do), I'm gonna have to let them do the same to me. I sort of like it. It's an endearment.

wednesdaywolf

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

We Don't Live in the 60s — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:43:23 EDT

I'm from the south, and work with people, so I get sweetie a lot. About 99% of the people who use it are trying to be nice, so I give them the benefit of the doubt and intent. And it generally makes me smile.

We Don't Live in the 60s

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

litbrit — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:41:17 EDT

I was born in England and eventually wound up in Florida. In the former, people always said "love", as in, "What do you think of that brilliant presidential candidate, love?"

In the latter, they always say "sweetie", as in, "You want some more coffee while you read about that brilliant presidential candidate, sweetie?"

Both are warm, affectionate ways of relating to people, even kinda-sorta strangers, and do not, ipso facto, imply the speaker is a sexist. You'd need a few more other indicators to infer that, I believe.

litbrit

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:41:02 EDT

@braak: Do you use the Snoopy stationery she gave you in 3rd grade? Because that would be even more adorable.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

brooklynchi — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:40:26 EDT

@BAngieB: well i just imagined Obama whispering that to me after some hot nasty sexxin up

brooklynchi

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SpicyTamale is a GA peach — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:40:13 EDT

@NOLAgirl: aww how cute!

SpicyTamale is a GA peach

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SpicyTamale is a GA peach — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:39:44 EDT

i love when my mother in law who is British calls me Dove.
LOVE IT.
I'm southern and if i call anyone a pet name know its just me being me. I mean no offense. i call people sweets, dearie, love, etc. I still call people Miss ____. Like my friend's parents. I could call them by name but some older people like the respect that Miss Whatever Your Name is brings.

SpicyTamale is a GA peach

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:39:43 EDT

@Jerseylicious: You'd have to arm-wrestle me for him first, though.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

sjct — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:39:03 EDT

@SinisterRouge: It is NOT sexist. Not even close. If it's used with a condescending tone of voice, well yeah, it's condescending. But when the woman at the grocery store check-out calls me "Sweetie," she is definitely not being sexist. In all normal usage, the term is a means of implying friendship and/or an attempt to be charming.

Yes, it's a false intimacy but, you know, I like believing that the grocery store cashier likes me. And I call her, "Honey," right back. Us Southerners enjoy our endearments with total strangers. It makes them less strange.

sjct

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

freudian_slip — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:38:47 EDT

Grew up in California and thought any kind of cute nickname was incredibly condescending coming from anyone who wasn't related to me. Then I moved out of the state and got into customer service where I was expected to know hundreds of names and the faces that matched them--that's when I realized the true value of "sweetie" and "hon." It's the kind of thing I call someone whom I know whose name I can't remember immediately but with whom I still want to be friendly.

That said, if it's said to me with a little condescending smile, I have to grit my teeth and resist the urge to punch them out.

freudian_slip

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:38:13 EDT

@Afin: Gee, I don't know. I think I'd rather have a president call me Sweetie than tap my phone calls and put me in Gitmo. Or fight needless wars. Or break international treaties without congress's permission.

Does no one even CARE about what really matters anymore?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

alicetheowl — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:37:51 EDT

From someone older than me, I've come to expect some sort of casual form of address. It's way better than "ma'am," which sets my teeth on edge.

An older male friend called me "sweetums" the other day, and I'm still slightly bemused.

alicetheowl

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:36:56 EDT

@RosePetalPlace: With the stress involved I'dbe smokin a pack an hour.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Jerseylicious — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:35:33 EDT

@westvillagegirl: Well I didn't say I'd turn him down! I'd just have to give him a stern talking-to on the use of "sweetie" before we got to the fun part. ;)

Jerseylicious

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SBJ — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:35:24 EDT

I am warning you now, if y'all ever meet me, I will probs call you one or more of the following:

Sugar
Bebe
Doll
Darlin'/g
Dearest
Angelface
Love

I'm sure there are more, but that's the bulk of it. I apologize in advance. I have no idea how this got started.

SBJ

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

whyknot — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:35:04 EDT

from chicago - just got 'sweetied' by the coffee shop guy this morning - i didn't realize i should be pissed off about it. quite common here actually - there are about a dozen other things you could be mad at obama about - this is lame. and michele doesn't take shit offa him or anyone else!@SinisterRouge: oh THAT explains the avatar - you naughty scamp!

whyknot

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

RosePetalPlace — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:35:03 EDT

@SinisterRouge: (I thought he had already quit, too, but I didn't want that commenter jumping all over my ass if Obama still sneaks a ciggie now and then.)

RosePetalPlace

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

braak — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:34:35 EDT

@westvillagegirl: Well, we're not like, pen pals or anything. But sometimes I write her letters, yes.

braak

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Oriana — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:32:53 EDT

@braak: @NOLAgirl: I definitely still go the "Grampa and (made-up name for my grandmother" route when addressing things to my grandparents. And they love it because there are only four people in the world who call them that.

Oriana

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Afin — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:32:46 EDT

@SinisterRouge: I agree sort of, lots of men obliviously act in sexist ways, but Mr. Obama is a politician running for president. He should know that calling a stranger "sweetie" is considered condescending by many women. If he doesn't know this, he's blissfully ignorant to what many women really think, which is a trait I do not want in our next president(haven't we had enough?). If he does know and did it anyway, he's a jerk. Either way, he gets no free pass for good intent from me.

Afin

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

jurisenpai — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:32:34 EDT

I'm from the South and get called "sweetie", "hon", "girlie", "little girl" and "guurl" by our older, more redneck-y customers all the time. I know most of them are old enough to be my grandfather, and are just being nice.

Also, since I do tech support for my company, I think it's sweet when someone says something like, "I'm so happy that a nice little girl like you can help out an old dummy like me." because they're thanking me the way they can.

When guys my age hang out the window and yell out, "Hey guurl", they get the finger.

jurisenpai

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:32:10 EDT

@NOLAgirl: AWWW that is the cutest thing evah!

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

chicklit — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:31:57 EDT

Condescending.

chicklit

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:31:49 EDT

@braak: Aww. You write letters to your grandma? I think I might just develop a crush on you, bad stagemakeup and all.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

marin79 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:31:22 EDT

@SinisterRouge: There's NOTHING that pisses me off more than the Mrs & Mr husband's name thing! I couldn't even hide my distain when one of my cousins was expressing how excited she was to be announced that way at the end of her wedding ceremony. I mean, I have no intention to even change my name when I get married, so I definitely don't get the Mr & Mrs thing at all! (Note: don't have a problem with other women who change their names, just personally really like mine!)

marin79

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ionu — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:30:54 EDT

Barack can call me sweetie anytime!I would prefer though that he comes up close and whisper it in my ear.

ionu

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:30:29 EDT

@Jerseylicious: I call Shenanigans. NO ONE can resist Nathan Filion. Whatever words he uses. Hell, if he called me Sweetie, I might just rip his clothes off as punishment.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

lippybug — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:29:56 EDT

The dude is arrogant, granted. But he's got the goods to back it up.

lippybug

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

NOLA girl — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:29:28 EDT

@braak: @stoprobbers: @SinisterRouge: When I send my grandfather birthday cards, I still address it to:

Grampa, 129 Penycae Lane, etc

He loves it.

NOLA girl

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ThisIsWhy... — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:29:21 EDT

@braak: Probably because someone taught you good manners. :)

ThisIsWhy...

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

bmorefool — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:29:15 EDT

I know I'm going to sound completely vapid for saying this, but Obama is the sex. He could call me just about anything and I wouldn't get offended. I'd cream if he called me sweetie.

Strangers, however, need to step off with the "sweetheart" and "sugar" and "baby" nonsense.

But Baby Barack? That man could call me all sorts of things.... I'll let y'all know when my daydreaming on this topic ends.

bmorefool

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

braak — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:28:48 EDT

@stoprobbers: "Mama Braak" is how I refer to my own mother. In the program for the last show I did, that my grandmother sent me money for, I referred to her as Priscilla Braak, mere, and her daughter as Priscilla Braak fille, which was the best I could think of.

braak

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Buenavista — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:28:33 EDT

I'm afraid this man has started believing his own press.

Buenavista

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:28:29 EDT

@zuzulu: Again, as I said before, INTENT IS EVERYTHING. If you want to get your knickers all in a twist, go for it, Sweetie.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

yarnmule — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:28:27 EDT

Its' a diminuitive word; by definition doesn't that make it condescending? You wouldn't call your boss sweetie, would you?

I had a boss once who said "good girl" to me ALL THE TIME. It drove me batty; it's like a backhanded compliment; I'll tell you you're doing a good job, but only in a way that puts you in your place at the same time.

yarnmule

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

stoprobbers — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:26:34 EDT

@braak: "Mama Braak"? I used to call one of my friend's moms "Lauren's Mom" as in "Hi Lauren's Mom! How are you today?" She really liked it, thought it was funny.

stoprobbers

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:26:32 EDT

@NOLAgirl: Yeah, they're not even in the same ballpark, or galaxy for that matter.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

fishcage — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:26:00 EDT

I don't mind when *very* old women call me sweetie.. but it makes my blood boil when men or young women call me sweetie, honey, baby, sugar, doll, etc...

fishcage

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ThisIsWhy... — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:25:59 EDT

@stoprobbers: It's just how I feel about it. I know that some people don't mind it and it definitely isn't inappropriate or anything. I just don't happen to like it.

ThisIsWhy...

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:25:52 EDT

@braak: Aw, it's so cute that you send your grandma letters!

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

braak — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:25:33 EDT

@ThisIsWhy: Yeah, I guess. I've got some kind of instinct to use a vocative-case pronoun when I talk to people (especially in a business context). I don't now what that's about.

braak

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:25:13 EDT

@Jerseylicious: Right. Exactly! "Want to fuck?" especially from Nathan is a valid question. ;) But he better word it like "Hey sinroo-wanna fuck?" In which case, I'd have to clear it with my husband. :)

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

nenasadije — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:25:00 EDT

this is (likely one of many reasons) why my mother, if alive, would vote for clinton. and i like to think i am my mother's daughter. BUT. a) i think we should reserve judgment until we know the exact context, b) i have the weird tendency, especially when drunk, to call complete (male) strangers baby or honey or love and i don't believe in double standards and c) i heart barry.

nenasadije

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

L-dizzle — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:24:49 EDT

Obama can call me anything he wants. Sweet nothings are a plus.

L-dizzle

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

braak — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:24:18 EDT

@SinisterRouge: When I write letters to my grandmother, I actually have to write them to Mrs. William Braak (my grandfather's name).

This is because she lives with my aunt (her daughter). My aunt has the same first name as my grandmother, and didn't change her last name when she got married, so there are two people in the house with exactly the same name.

It felt really rude to call her Mrs. Braak senior.

braak

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:23:51 EDT

@westvillagegirl: LOL. Exactly. I'd fully expect her to do that.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Jerseylicious — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:23:33 EDT

@SinisterRouge: Even if Nathan Filion, walked up to my desk at work right now and said "Hi sweetie, want to fuck?" I wouldn't be ok with it (the "sweetie" part that is. The other part, I'm totally down for).

Sweetie, Hon, dear, etc. should not be substituted for the name of a woman you don't know.

Jerseylicious

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

zuzulu — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:23:24 EDT

@westvillagegirl: so if something's a joke than it's not offensive?? that's a solid argument.

and i was laughing my ass off at golden girls just this morning.

zuzulu

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:22:46 EDT

@SinisterRouge: Not without smacking him upside the head, anyway. ; )

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

NOLA girl — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:22:22 EDT

@kayseekay: Totally NOT the same thing. Calling a black man "boy" is historically racist and in no way can be construed as endearing, polite, or friendly.

NOLA girl

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

brendastarlet is on it — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:22:21 EDT

I would want to know the "sweetie" context. If this was a lady who was endearing and who was "honey-ing" Obama, he probably just called her "Sweetie" in response.

Re ma'am, I have spent a lot of down down South, and once you are past Cincinnati, people automatically address each other as "ma'am" and "sir." It's part of the culture. If I am on the phone up here with someone with a southern accent, calling them "ma'am" and "sir" just immediately shows that I'm clued in. However, I don't do it automatically in a place like NYC or Boston, people might think I'm being sarcastic.

brendastarlet is on it

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ThisIsWhy... — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:22:08 EDT

@braak: I think every woman feels differently about it. However, as I said to Afin before, I don't feel either are necessary. I don't think it is any less appropriate to say "Excuse me" or "Nice to meet you" rather than "Excuse me, MA'AM" or "Nice to meet you, MA'AM." I would never blow up at someone for calling me "Ma'am" it just rubs me the wrong way.

ThisIsWhy...

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:22:04 EDT

@LaComtesse: I usually start flipping out and telling my husband how much I hate it when people do that! LOL. I have a feminist freakout.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

TheOtherJen — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:21:47 EDT

How is that offensive? And how is this a story?

TheOtherJen

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:21:08 EDT

@AuroraVox: I would've kept mine except my family is fucked up and I didn't want any association with their name. But shit? I changed my last name...but my first still exists!

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SpicyTamale is a GA peach — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:20:59 EDT

@Lady Skittlehattington: I agree. It was prob more than likely a slip up.

SpicyTamale is a GA peach

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

stoprobbers — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:20:47 EDT

@ThisIsWhy: Under 50? That seems like an awful long time to be annoyed by "ma'am." Sometimes I like calling people ma'am, or being called ma'am, as long as it's with a sly edge. It can be kinda funny... or playful...

stoprobbers

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

LaComtesse — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:20:34 EDT

@SinisterRouge: Whenever that happens, I return the invitation with his name crossed out and mine put in.

Truthfully, I thought I would hate "Mrs." but now that I'm there I kinda like it. I still prefer "Ms." though.

LaComtesse

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:20:09 EDT

@zuzulu: See, I guess it's all in the ear of the beholder. I would have laughed because he was OBVIOUSLY making a joke. You know, a Knight Errant and all that.

But I guess humor might be a difficult concept for an HRC supporter to grasp. Not saying she's not funny, but rather, that there's just not all that much to smile about these days.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

alphafemale — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:19:31 EDT

Awww. I used to live in Allentown. And they were closing all the factories down. Out in Bethlehem they were killing time. Filling out forms, standing in line.

alphafemale

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

kayseekay — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:19:24 EDT

@HeatherNumber1: Excellent analogy. For me I think thats what bothers me. At the sake of being a no-humor feminist it is condescending, especially in this context. As others have said, a term of endearment is fine when it comes from someone you know personally, but from a politician who doesn't know you from adam.

And you can be very sure it would not have taken 2 days if someone had referred to Barack as 'boy' as you suggest.

kayseekay

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

wednesdayam — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:19:23 EDT

"Sweetie" never bothered me, and I am from Texas. But "doll" drives up the wall, as well as people who learn my name and immediately start calling me the shortened version of it. My mother named me Amanda, damnit, no "Mandy". Makes me want to choke someone.

wednesdayam

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

NOLA girl — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:19:19 EDT

I guess the point is that we are all different and it's silly to get offended over words that are or are not used unless there is clear intent to be ugly.

NOLA girl

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Oriana — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:17:59 EDT

@SinisterRouge: I wonder if that's part of why women started keeping their maiden names. You can't very well put "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" if the Mrs. is actually Sarah Jones!

Oriana

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:17:40 EDT

@westvillagegirl: I think Michelle is cool. And not suffering fools does not mean that she somehow doesn't allow her husband to express somewhat sexist language and views.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

heatherink — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:17:17 EDT

I think it's contrite, but not offensive.

heatherink

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

sanibelly — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:17:16 EDT

@battleaxonista: I consider Kansas more midwest, where shit like 'sweetie' must be rampant anyway, and I'm fairly sure Obama grew up with his maternal gparents in Hawaii - he attended the Punahou School in Honolulu. I can understand "picking up" their little terms of endearment and using them "innocently", but it's kind of a lame excuse.

sanibelly

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

FattyCatty — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:17:06 EDT

@cardboardbelt: Ma'am is what you call an old lady to be respectful - I get PISSED when people call me ma'am because it makes me feel old.

I do think context is everything - "sweetie" doesn't usually bother me, unless its being used as a substitute for "bitch." Just call me a bitch - no need to add that extra layer of condescension.

Now, "Sugar Tits," on the other hand....

FattyCatty

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

NOLA girl — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:16:36 EDT

@braak: I'm in that window (just) and I damn well expect to be called Ma'am. It's a demonstration of respect that I deserve. AND I demand that doors be opened for me. For the same reason.

NOLA girl

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

katastic — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:16:10 EDT

@braak: Yugh. Every time someone calls me "Ma'am", I spin around to see what lady is behind me. And I'm 24. Yugh yugh yugh. Don't like that word.

katastic

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

redheadedstepchild — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:15:54 EDT

@sanibelly: True.

redheadedstepchild

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:15:51 EDT

@braak: I'm down with Ma'am. Or Ms. You know what I fucking HATE??? When we get invites for weddings as Mr and Mrs ____ Rouge. Fuck you!! Like I don't even have a first name?? I'm solely Mrs? I HATE THAT SHIT.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

braak — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:15:31 EDT

@NOLAgirl: We are an uptight people. Excessive formality is how we avoid forming human relationships.

braak

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:15:21 EDT

@SinisterRouge: How could a man with a sexist streak in him be married to Michelle. I think she's the type not to suffer fools.

But I'll concede that Sweetie CAN be offensive, said with just the right tone of bitchiness or smarminess. But, is this really all we have to talk about? YAWN

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:14:33 EDT

@ramblinrosie: One idiotic remark forgiven does not make another one not idiotic. It's not like "one offensive term cancels out the other one." Your argument makes no sense.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Oriana — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:13:53 EDT

@NOLAgirl: yeah, but calling a 6-year-old "ma'am" is funny. for me, being 25 and a fairly casual person, being called "ma'am" kind of makes me wince. also, I'm not a Yankee, I'm a San Franciscan!

Oriana

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

braak — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:13:45 EDT

@ThisIsWhy: I've generally found that women under thirty and over fifty don't mind being called "ma'am." It's just that window of age sensitivity when it's bothersome.

braak

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:13:19 EDT

@Jerseylicious: LOL. Well, my avatar is also my boyfriend (don't tell my hubby) so I let him call me everything.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

DeafChick — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:12:51 EDT

Only in the bedroom..

DeafChick

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

TruculentandUnreliable — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:12:42 EDT

And, by the way, I think that it was not cool and kind of inappropriate, but shit happens, you know? I don't think he's a bad person and I don't think it means he's a misogynist or anything, but it was inappropriate.

OT, but I was getting on the bus the other day and was wearing a t-shirt and the bus driver asked me "What's that?" and pointed to my arm (I have a pretty big tattoo on my left arm). I said, "Oh, it's a tree." "Does your daddy know about that?" Instead of telling him that I don't really speak to my father and I'm nearly 30 years old and can make decisions about my own body, I just said, "Oh, no, no he doesn't!" Damn me and my immediately passive response to EVERYTHING!

TruculentandUnreliable

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

SinisterRouge — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:12:17 EDT

@battleaxonista: Yes. He had to meet with her bosses before she took the job. Not the job where they met. In any case, I don't think this particular incident is a big deal. Just that I find it offensive basically when anyone calls me sweetie. But I'm an uptight bitch in some ways.

SinisterRouge

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

zuzulu — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:12:03 EDT

@westvillagegirl: yeah, i guess it is humorless of me to be grossed out by a candidate suggesting (however jokingly) that the way to a woman's vote is by offering to get down on one knee and give her a kiss.

it's problematic and it makes me uncomfortable. i laugh at pretty much everything, but this just ain't funny.

zuzulu

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ramblinrosie — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:11:41 EDT

Obama was pretty nice about Biden calling him "clean," instead of rushing to say that Biden was a racist. So maybe we should cut Obama a little slack here instead of rushing to say he's sexist?

Or maybe I'm just too eager to defend those who make social blunders, since I am one of those people who makes them pretty much every day.

ramblinrosie

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

battleaxonista — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:11:19 EDT

@sanibelly: He was born in Kansas w/ Kansas grandpapas helping raise him. More likely than not he heard those turns of phrase rather often. And PA outside of Philly and Pittsburgh is rather midwesternishy. Hence the 'I'm from X' stories.

battleaxonista

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ThisIsWhy... — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:11:07 EDT

@braak: It is all a matter of personal preference. "Ma'am" is certainly not inappropriate, but at 27 I prefer "Miss" even if the person calling addressing me is much younger than me. In my opinion, calling someone under 50 "Ma'am" is a bit backhanded.

ThisIsWhy...

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

redheadedstepchild — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:11:01 EDT

@Meg: Yep. Honeycakes. It's pretty ridiculous, no? Referencing the flirting thread from yesterday, maybe the older southern ladies were flirting, and I was oblivious, but yeah. Honeycakes.

redheadedstepchild

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

Oriana — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:10:49 EDT

@braak: yeah, I was largely kidding about the "dude" part. I try to avoid using anything other than people's names in a formal context. If I don't know the name, I just stick to "excuse me" to get their attention, and other name-avoidant phrases in general conversation.

Oriana

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

zivah — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:10:37 EDT

Is it regional? I've lived in CA, NY, NC and GA, and I would have found it offense in any of those places.

Hey female Obama supporters - pretty sure Clinton wouldn't go around calling women "sweetie." Just sayin'.

zivah

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

ElleL — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:10:15 EDT

@BAngieB: or before.

leave sweetie to the lovahs.

ElleL

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

battleaxonista — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:09:59 EDT

@SinisterRouge: huh, approve Michelle's job? She's the one that trained him. I think being raised by a badass single mom, marrying a badass female and having two non-pimped out little girls is more than proof that he's not hiding some secret sexism. He just used a familiar phrase that some women find offensive. I think all guys do something along those lines at least once, get thumped for it, and don't do it again. I'm sure Michelle put a foot up his ass once she heard about it, no doubt.

Bill Clinton's/JFK's constant manwhoring are more ample examples of a general disrespect for women if anything.

battleaxonista

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

NOLA girl — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:09:40 EDT

@braak: @AuroraVox: If you only knew how many times "No, Ma'am!!" came out of our mouths as a reprimand to my 6 year old niece. Yankees need to lighten up.

@ceejeemcbeegee (back to normal): No shit.

NOLA girl

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

cardboardbelt — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:09:36 EDT

I heard that while on the campaign trail, Ron Paul saw a young voulenteer and was all like 'Mmmmmmmm....c'mon now girl, you can't hide that ass in them jeans.'

Totally true.

cardboardbelt

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

rosasparks — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:09:29 EDT

@ToniRockyhorror: AWESOME.

It's ridiculous. He shouldn't call a grown woman "sweetie" ever. C'mon, Barack. That's annoying.

rosasparks

Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?

marin79 — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:09:19 EDT

Thinking about this more, I'm realized how much I use some of these words. I call my friends "love" or "darling" all the time (never sweetie though). I hope it doesn't bother them. However, I guess I just see a large distinction between using these words with friends vs. strangers. If some guy at work called me "sweetie," I'd put an end to that on the spot. Intended to be demeaning or not, it's just not appropriate.

marin79