<![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I am a rape victim. I prosecuted my rapist. He plead guilty to a lesser charge and did NO time. He also wasn't listed as a sex offender. Until you go through being raped and having the "justice system" let you down... and your case mishandled...and your friends avoid you because they are uncomfortable... you will not understand why someone would make a t-shirt like this and wear it. There is no shame in being a survivor… but no one ever wants to hear the truth. Yes rape is a horrific crime… but it cannot be perceived as unspeakable. Silence is the reason that people don't understand the realities of rape. Silence is the reason rape is so misunderstood and survivors suffer victim blaming after the terrible crime of rape. Contrast rape to a burglary. If your home is robbed do you tell anyone? Do you tell the police? Do people tell you are a liar and doubt you were robbed? Do people tell you it was your fault for leaving the door open as you came in with your groceries? Do people accuse you of wanting to be robbed? We REALLY need to look at why everyone is so angry at rape victims for speaking up?

I am glad to see you all talking about it even if you are not speaking from an informed place. How could you be informed when no one is allowed to even discuss it. I think this conversation is so long over due that women (1 in 4 women) mind you… are compelled to put it on a t-shirt. I am not a fan of American Apparel…and maybe Jennifer has promotional considerations in mind too… I won't guess at that, but I will take people thinking about rape anyway I can get it.

However, I suggest you put you anger and shame on the rapist where it belongs. Take a long hard look at the realities of the justice system. It is not just. I am an activist. I work to end violence against women. The comments I see here don't surprise me. Most of our culture is so conditioned to be misogynistic. But the reality is folks… rape is an epidemic. Women are not lying about it. They don't wear shirts like this for sympathy. If anything they are wearing their truth on their shirts because they are desperate to get a message across. I just bought one. The reason I speak out - the reason I would wear it - is because I don't want it to happen to any one ever again. The first step to change is creating a discourse. I hope this message reaches some of you. I know it will be lost on many and maybe even the butt of jokes. But it is the truth. Too many women suffer in silence. We must speak out.

SicilySue

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @ katastic: I agree with you.

I survived a brutal rape at 18 from someone that I not only KNEW, but also that I was seeing at the time. I honestly didn't think he was going to let me go.
And you know what?
I would wear that fucking shirt.
I have NO shame about it, because it was NOT my fault.
I wouldn't wear it like I wear my other tshirts, obviously, but everyone deals with everything differently, and everyone heals in different ways.
I talk openly about it depending on where I am and who I'm with,
because maybe it will help someone else out.
Instead of hiding because of what happened, I'm here, and alive and out in the open about it.
This was bound to cause controversy, and I admire her for making that shirt.

My 2 cents.

clucksandfries

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> "Yeah I don't know if people would want to wear this t-shirt. Don't you want to forget that it happened? "

Oh man, that's a super good idea! Just forget that you were raped! NO sweat! You'll feel so much better then.

Opposition to this shirt seems to fall into a few camps:

1. "I don't think people would want to wear it."
Then they don't have to, for crying out loud. But some people DO want to wear it, and there is no reason they shouldn't be able to.

2. "TMI! That makes me uncomfortable!"
It is hardly the responsibility of a rape survivor to shield the world from her reality. We've got enough going on already, thanks.

3. "Sure *something* needs to be done to bring rape into the discourse, but not *this*!"
I'm so sick of non-activists who think activists aren't being activists the right way. DO SOMETHING YOURSELF THEN. To dismiss someone else's efforts while making none of your own is so galling. Truly.

audrawilliams

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> In 1983 I was raped at knifepoint. I was 27 years old. It was brutal. I remember the most frustrating thing about it was the shame that people EXPECTED me to have. I eventually dated again and what sticks in my mind most is my boyfriend said to me not to tell his parents I was raped. I asked him why and he said it would be embarrasing. I think the T Shirt idea is great because rape victims have enough to deal with and shame should not be one of them.

debbie11967

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> i am rape victim, it took me 2 years to actually talk about it and now i can speak of it openly. this horrible act has pretty much shaped my life. this shirt i think is pretty cool, yeah some people feel uncomfortable about the topic and thats fine, but why not be open about it? why make a big deal about it? it is just a shirt to some it may help and some it may not. those that don't like then ok get over it, thats life some one will always talk about something you do not want to talk about. why make a big fuss over it if you don't like it? Rape happens to all kinds of people; men, women, children to the elderly and the sick. you don't hear to much about it but this goes on. this just what i think, i am not saying it is right or wrong or that this is better to what any one else has to say. my rape has shaped me. i do not feel sorry for myself i use this pain to make me stronger and to help those who feel the same, i feel it is good to be open about it cus keeping it inside will just make it worse over time. so i am totally buying this t-shirt.

mandii

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @LittleEdie: Good call. Not even a patronizing, "Gee, that sucks?" Fuckers.

Political Party Girl

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I used to have an acquaintance who has an ironic tshirt biz. I showed up to a dinner party at his house once and he presented me with his newest design that said something like "I got raped and all I got was this lousy fetus". He asked me to put it on as everyone else was wearing a shirt. I did, gladly, and OH! How everyone laughed when they read the shirt at the dinner table. "It actually is very funny" I said "Cuz I have been raped, twice! So I know how absolutly fucking hilarious it can be!" Everyone just ignored it and went on eating.

I don't eat dinner with that group of people anymore.

LittleEdie

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz: I am not saying people shouldn't wear the shirt - people can wear whatever they want, I don't care. Really.

I just question the assumption that the shirt "invites dialog." I mean, I can provide a sympathetic ear to friends, sure, and to people here, who are, I guess "my internet friends," but for a complete stranger?

I mean, maybe there's an off chance that someone will approach a woman wearing the t-shirt genuinely interested in her story and not creepy at all. All I am saying, however, is that the odds of that are very slim. Not necessarily because most people are assholes about rape victims, but just because most people like to keep to themselves. I don't think many of us here - and we're a pretty sympathetic crowd - would approach a complete stranger to have this discussion.

I mean, maybe I'm wrong, but a complete stranger announcing they were raped is about the same to me as a complete stranger announcing a death in their family or something like that. Wow, that really sucks, but what am I supposed to say? I don't even know you!

That_little_attention_whore

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @That_little_attention_whore: Some people might be sympathetic and kind, they might be in a minority. But judging from the sheer millions of rape victims and their friends and family members and the anger and outrage just from this site, I wouldn't be so sure that the ONLY people who would be sympathetic and kind would be creeps.
I don't think the two cancel each other out though. I think rape victims should wear that shirt if they want to. I don't think rape victims are any more naive and Pollyannaish than people who haven't been raped. Quite the contrary. I think any woman/man who wants to wear that shirt and break every last social protocol is way ahead of their time and should be lauded for their outstanding courage.
I think there is a double standard in saying that rape victims are blameless and they shouldn't be ashamed and then telling them to be careful to not earn any more blame and shame.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @boobaloob: That's not quite what I meant to say. I'm saying something more like the right of a rape victim to deal with her/his rape in whatever way they need trumps the right of other people to not be made uncomfortable with the violation of social protocol.
I don't know how many useful conversations that t-shirt would start. I don't know how many people would get angry, not at the prevalence of rape, but rather at the person wearing the t-shirt that lets them know that rape is prevalent. My guess is that many people would react the way they do when a stranger farts accidentally around them: disgust, anger, a feeling of superiority and feeling like the other person ought to be ashamed.
However, the rape victim can do what he/she damn well pleases. Society has abandoned rape victims time and time again. Rape victims don't owe shit to society. And I believe that since we live in a society ( men AND women) that tacitly condones rape and protects rapists, rape victims need not worry about being nice people who don't offend anybody in openly talking about their rape.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @PinkPatriot: Like many people have said, if a woman wants to wear the t-shirt, it's her prerogative.

However, the same as "my father was killed by a drunk driver" on a t shirt, I don't believe you're actually going to engage many people, or increase awareness by wearing it.

People may notice the shirt and have different reactions, but I can pretty much guaran-damn-tee you that never will a complete stranger come up to you, when wearing the shirt, and say "oh, you were raped? That's terrible! Could you tell me more about your experience? Shall we discuss the tragic fact that sexual assault is so prevalent in our culture." Not. gonna. happen.

Unless it's some creepster trying to hit on you.

That_little_attention_whore

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @kitschenette: Yeah, true - but who wears a t-shirt that says "I was mugged"?

I am not sure whether wearing a shirt that says "I was raped" is any more helpful than wearing one that says "Someone broke into my house and stole all my stuff" or "someone jumped me in a dark alley and beat the crap out of me" or "my friend was murdered."

If I saw that on the street, I don't think I would be able to figure out what the appropriate reaction is supposed to be. My actual reaction would probably be to think: "gosh, that sucks....kinda strange to wear it on a t-shirt....what do they want a bunch of complete strangers to know that for?" and then I would go on with my day.

Maybe that makes me insensitive or something, but, for practical purposes, I can't see an "I was raped" t-shirt being particularly helpful to anyone. Also, I second the comment earlier that some asshole hipster will inevitably ruin the intent by wearing one of these for shits and giggles.

That_little_attention_whore

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I'm kind of curious about the safe imagery. I think a few people mentioned that they interpreted it as opening and sharing something they had hidden and locked away, which makes sense. But my initial response was that a safe space had been violated, something taken away and something else left in its place. Any other ideas?

cate3710

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> You know what? I really couldn't care less if MY rape makes YOU feel awkward and uncomfortable. Know what's awkward and uncomfortable? BEING RAPED. So if I want to shout it from the rooftops, plaster it on billboards, or wear a t-shirt, I CAN and I WILL.

THAT is the message I think Baumgardner is trying to send, and I only wish I was brave enough to wear that shirt.

Political Party Girl

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @ineffable.me: I think what Crazydogggz is saying is that the point of the shirt would be to bum you, the viewer of the shirt, out. You said that seeing the shirt would not cause you to say something to the wearer, it would just cause you to be bummed out about it for the rest of the week. Well maybe that's a good thing. It would result in you thinking about sexual assault and how terrible it is -- and then perhaps you'll mention to a friend of yours that you saw the shirt, and then the two of you might get into a a very meaningful conversation about rape and so on....

boobaloob

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @nardo218: I disagree with some of your points but I agree that the problem with being 100% out all the time is that you get other people's reactions thrown at you 100% of the time.
I do believe also that one reason why the gay movement has been so successful ( definitely not as successful as you would want it to be, but still very effective) is the 'We're here, we're queer' attitude. I think victims of sexual assault could use some of that positive sense of entitlement. Too often, survivors of sexual assault young or old are pressured subtly or strongly to go quietly into the night. I think sexual assault survivors need to learn from gay people. Women, feminist or not, are too often still preoccupied with being 'classy' the way their mothers taught them: never raise your voice, never speak up, don't make any commotion.
I suspect that the reason that this t-shirt has riled so many is that it violates all those basic tenets of womanhood.
And so does the gay movement. And so does any movement for positive change. Some admittedly are more effective than others.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I'm gay, so I've spent many years going back and forth on the issue of whether to be out about a personal issue. Should you tell everyone, because it will reduce the stigma? Should you wear rainbows every day?

The problem with being 100% out all the time is that you can't control other people's reactions, and given a certain situation, you can't always address the stereotypes. People will believe what they already do, so if you wear a rape shirt and they see you smile at some guy, you can reinforce their opinion that only slutty girls get raped.

The problem with ambush activism is that a lot relies on idealism and quick fixes. Awareness doesn't always lead to open communication; sometimes it can seriously back fire.

nardo218

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @AkaMerideth: Then maybe the shirt should say something more unique or useful than "I was raped." Like the statistic idea, or a line that reveals the actual experience. Saying "I was raped" does nothing to disseminate the stereotype; and the statement alone doesn't convey anything the victim has to say about his or her unique experience.

nardo218

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I'm going back and forth about this tee and all of the thoughtful comments make it even more complex. In the final analysis, as someone who has been raped, I wouldn't be comfortable wearing it. To me, it implies a certain finality in dealing that I don't have yet. I want to identify as a survivor and not a victim but, in this case, my fundamental agency has been taken away. I'm not used to that shit. Putting aside the possibility that such a shirt will invite rude/flippant comments or become the rage among the ironic hipster crowd, I worry that it could start a genuine conversation. I'm miles from ready for that conversation. I have friends that know and they are supportive but it has, in some ways, become mundane for them. It will never be mundane for me. When these friends just let a reference to what we call the "{insert name of rapist here} incident" pass or don't fully understand where I'm coming from, I can feel dismissed, sad and pitiful in the literal sense. Alas, I've just got so much unexamined emotion that I'm unpredictable. By trying to act all tough (I was raped, deal), I've actually encouraged my friends to become complicit in minimizing my pain and to let it slide. Is it just me or does this cute pink tee seem like a new step in that same direction?

"New and improved tough-gal guilt trip! Crazy rollercoaster of raw unexamined emotion, now approved for casual acquaintances, colleagues, and strangers on the queue!!!"

That said, I admire those rape survivors who are strong enough to have come full circle and would/could wear this shirt. Perhaps I should mosey on over to one of these rape survivor groups and work on joining your ranks. I'm really feeling the jezebel love today.

strawberrykj

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> Well it certainly has a valid and artistic statement to it, but it's unrealistic to think that it is going to be accepted or widely worn, especially by women who have been raped. Putting this on a t-shirt takes it to a stage of mockery instead of it being a symbol of power and courage. Do you think anyone takes what they read on a t-shirt seriously? If I saw this on the street I might think it to be a ill-humored joke.

I think the idea is good, and it inspires discussions, but it doesn't work for me as an artist. A serious topic needs a more realistic and serious platform. Maybe something more symbolic rather than literal.

mariessa

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @AttorneyatLoL: You mean you worked with mentally disabled people who also forced themselves sexually on others?
Wow. I didn't know that a mentally disabled person was capable of actually wanting to sexually assault anyone. That takes a special kind of malice and deliberate cruelty. And while I know that the mentally disabled aren't the sunny noble people from TV movies, I didn't think that any of them were capable of that kind of fundamental misanthropy.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Beigebaby: If it's true that the shirts are printed on AA shirts, then that's the funniest thing EVAH.

new shirt:

i wuz raped by dov charney.

IamnotStarJones

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> until last weekend, I worked with retarded sexual predators (no really). and 'rape' was sadly sooo a part of my everyday conversation

AttorneyatLoL

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @meg9: Actually, I do. Friends. A cousin. Friends' parents. A woman I knew in therapy. A student in one of my classes.

I don't know what in my comment made you think I don't know anyone who's told people they were assaulted, but I assure you that that is not the case. Those experiences don't change my opinion that this shirt does not necessarily promote the kind of dialogue that is needed to truly help survivors, but at the same time, if anyone one of those people wanted to wear this shirt and found it a healing experience, I would support her (or him--though I don't know any men who've told me they were raped).

snarkhunting

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @rocknrollunicorn: That's totally, totally true. If someone wants to share, I want to listen. I just don't necessarily always want to share my own stories. (Not that you could tell from the way I'm always nattering on here!)

snarkhunting

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @weedie: That's awesome. I mean, that you can talk about it with your dad. The last time my dad and I talked about rape, it turned into a screaming fight and I stormed off in tears.

And I really admire you for being able to talk about rape from an academic (for lack of a better word) point of view even as a survivor, if that makes sense.

snarkhunting

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz: & @snowpoppies: that was her reaction when i first told her. it was really shitty. she has her own problems and we have never had a traditional mother daughter relationship. we are actually closer now (2-3 years after i told her) than we have ever been. and yes, i do have a few close friends that are happy to listen to me. thank you.

vicegrippers

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @girlgonemild: Yup. I am so lucky to have the parents I have. And the husband. And the friends. That's how I'm bowing out of this thread for the day -- grateful. Oh, yeah -- you guys are pretty good, too. :)

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @gherkinfiend: Yes and they all involve the victim feeling violated and humiliated. Because whether physical or not, literal or not, their being, their self has been penetrated against their will.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @redheadedstepchild: I think the way you feel about my posts has less to do with my posts and more to do with the fact that the way you were sexually violated differs from the conventional ideas about sexual violation and so you're not getting much sympathy and understanding from either yourself and/or the people around you.
And sadly, while you were not getting penetrated in a purely physical sense of the world, you were getting penetrated against your will. You were being violated and humiliated in a wretched and evil manner.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz: "Men would not be able to get away with half the shit they do if women didn't work so hard to protect them."

Ain't that the truth.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: Oh honey, I am so so sorry you had to go through that. Much love to you.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz: Rape isn't just penetration you know...it covers a variety of acts...

@snowpoppies: You sound amazing. I haven't really encountered anyone else who had such violence used in their rape and has been left with physical scars as well as the mental scars. My first rape involved violence and threats the intensity of which I have never been able to fully articulate....and that's just as taboo and difficult to talk about.

I want to point out how brave and enlightening everyone else who has been raped, sexually assaulted or abused has been on this thread...but sadly there are too many to be able to mention and that upsets me more than anything raised today in this thread...

gherkinfiend

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: True but it specifically annoys me when people who proclaim themselves to be he last bastion of true sisterhood choose to demean women for something they had no control over.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @girlgonemild: Ok, thanks for clarifying.

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> This thread helps me to feel so thankful for my good old therapist :) I met her when I was 21 and she facilitated a sexual assault group where I was still so hidden and so embarrassed that I was terrified that friends would see me in town, coming out of a *gasp* therapist's office, and the individual work we've done since that time has really brought me to a great point where I'm not embarrassed by it, it isn't taking up all of my thoughts, and I've really been able to let alot of it "go". It's still here though, and stirs up things like self injury and anorexia for me, but the most raw horrible hurt of the assault has faded so much. I'm surprised there are so many of us here on this thread, and it makes me wonder if even the 1 in 4 statistic is too low.
If you are a survivor considering therapy, but haven't made the jump yet, it really can be a wonderful help. EMDR (a fancy eye technique to reduce trauma) was surprisingly effective for me too, 7 years after the fact, so I'd recommend that too.

meg9

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @vicegrippers: It is complicated. It's really complicated. This is exactly why it's an issue that needs to be handled delicately, tactfully, and sensitively by people who can offer help, empathy, and healing. Counseling is always the best place to start, though the healthcare system in the US makes this easier said than done. The fact that it's "taboo" isn't the reason to treat it with discretion; the need for discretion comes from the fact that rape causes injury that's deep and systemic. I don't know that there's ever a great time to initiate a discussion of sexual abuse with someone you love, but it's important that when the discussion happens the victim be in control of her story. Wearing a t-shirt that says "I was raped" might be a way to open a door, but it deprives the wearer of her own story.

I hope this makes a little bit of sense. I'm kind of burned out on the topic and a little bit sad. I just can't get past the feeling that this shirt is ultimately unhelpful in promoting awareness of the damage rape causes.

♥ dosido Hussein McKamy☮

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: (The comment box at this part of my original reply) I'm so sorry that happened to you. I cheered when I read about your mom's response, though.

girlgonemild

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I'm picturing the Fashionista article on this. "Would You Wear an I Was Raped T-shirt?" And then the ensuing posts from commenters talking about how cute they are and how they rocked it the other day with their Ksubi jeans and Marc by Marc flats.

vivresavie17

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @vicegrippers: I am sorry for you and my thoughts are with you. I wish you had my mom, who would be so fierce for you. I have a son, but if you were my daughter, you better believe I'd fight for you. Sometimes we are indeed alone, but you must have one friend who would be happy to listen to you?

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz: So I'm superior to the woman who raped me because I penetrated her? Trying to wrap my head around that one.

redheadedstepchild

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @dosido: Word. I like the "you are not alone" idea, too.

blackbirdfly

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I couldn't wear that t-shirt but I understand why some women would want to. I'm still too... something. I certainly support any woman (or man's) choice to do so. I was gang-raped when I was in junior high, and so what I'd really like to see is a forehead "Rapist" tattoo though a "Rapist" hair shirt would also be pretty sweet.

BoredPhDiva

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: My previous comment was poorly worded/short on detail but basically, my parents (and the people around them-- singling them out was unintentional and misrepresentative) are strongly anti-abortion and see women who have had them as murderers. I hope that if, God forbid, something should happen they'd prove me wrong, but I think that they'd rather see me, any woman, as a victim than as a criminal. They are deeply religious people, and within that community there is strong support for women who have been sexually assaulted-- after all, they're victims, right? Women who abort their babies, not so much. Sure, you love the sinner and hate the sin, but-- as the rhetoric of the pro-life movement shows-- it's much easier to love the poor, innocent victim.

The bulk of these comments seem to take the stand that, "ok, we can wrap our minds around the abortion shirt-- but this rape thing?" They're interconnected issues, and I don't think that we (feminists, broadly construed) can take on one without the other. And while it might be true that in many places a woman's right over her own body is strongly asserted with regard to reporductive choices while rape is swept under the rug, there are still a lot of places where it's actually easier to take a progressive stand on rape than on abortion.

And yep yep on the underlying misogyny.

girlgonemild

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @redheadedstepchild: True, and being penetrated is still less-than no matter if the person is gay, straight, bisexual, male, female or transgendered. To penetrate is always superior to being penetrated across classes, cultures and genders.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @blackbirdfly: I know exactly what you mean. After I was raped as a young teenager I didn't know what to do or who to talk to about it. I buried it for years and then went overboard and made it the topic of every conversation. Both extremes were harmful in ways I'm still trying to work through. My neighbor and, to a lesser extent, this t-shirt remind me of the period of my life when I was crying on strangers at parties and on hapless hookups because I didn't feel I had anyone else I could turn to.

Perhaps a more helpful t-shirt might read something like: "If you've been raped, you're not alone. **number of rape counseling hotline**" If I'd known that there was a number I could call back when I was thirteen, I think I might have been able to heal a lot faster than I did.

♥ dosido Hussein McKamy☮

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @vicegrippers: "i haven't taken the molesters to court, because i knew them and i've also been told that this selfish and that i'm just as guilty as they are if it has happened to anyone else. thanks mom."

Whoa, whoa, Whoa!!!! Your mom told you that you are just as despicable and lowdown filthy as a child molester (just as guilty as they are???) if you decide to hold said molesters accountable in a court of law??? And how is this bullshit guilt enhanced if it has happened to anyone else??

Please tell me I have misunderstood this. I am not calling your mother the names she deserves only because it is evident that you don't have complete contempt for her, and so you would probably flame me.

Yuck! This is just another instance of women working really really hard to enable and protect men who violate women. Men would not be able to get away with half the shit they do if women didn't work so hard to protect them and shame any women who protested.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz:

No. Rape is about forcibly sexualizing a person. Man or woman. Both can rape and can be raped.

redheadedstepchild

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @dosido- not to direct all my comments to you, but i didn't see your last comment when i wrote my post. so, yes, i think the time and place are important for revealing rape. the problem is i can't ever find a right time/place. when is this correct place/time/person for revealing taboo subjects that since they involve at least a quarter of the population shouldn't be taboo? especially since rape/sexual abuse tends to cause the victim/survivor to blame oneself, it is hard to make a loved uncomfortable by talking about such a subject. and then that can be compounded by not receiving support from the loved one. basically, this is really complicated, and i don't think there is a "correct or proper" place/time for such a disclosure. that kind of is the problem.

vicegrippers

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @shananigans: Well, I think it's fear, actually, that inspires this need to distance oneself from the abjectly unfortunate -- if the victim can be relegated to the dirty pen of "other," then they get to maintain an illusion of a guarantee that they will remain safe and dignified. I think these women were feminists, but they were also human. And humans do a lot of crummy things to assuage fear.

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: Whatever it was, you still kickass! I've told 2 real life people my story, both I feel I could trust with anything, and I had to be blind drunk to do it. So, yeah. You rule.

redheadedstepchild

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @redheadedstepchild: Thank you. I don't think it was confidence, though, just a more impersonal need.

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @girlgonemild: My goodness. This takes my breath away. WHY would they prefer the scenario of their daughter being raped to choosing an abortion? This makes me incredibly sad and dismayed. There seems to be an underlying misogyny here.

When I finally got the courage to tell my mother what happened, she eased the conversation by saying, "Honey, I know something bad happened to you and I think you either had an abortion or you were raped. And I am really hoping it was abortion."

Unfortunately I had to tell her that I was raped, knifed, almost strangled, and suffered serious blood loss. Plus I contracted STDs that have affected my health and fertility. I also thought I was pregnant because my period stopped for 6 months after the trauma.

I hardly think a parent in his/her right mind would prefer that.

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: I think that's definitely a situation where you have a lot of so-called feminists who look down on women who have been raped as "others". Another commenter posted about women like that and they disgust me.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> okay, so usually i read these posts and save my commenting for gossip girls/reality tv posts. probably, because topics like this one actually mean something to me. i have been sexually abused as a child and as an adult. i haven't taken the molesters to court, because i knew them and i've also been told that this selfish and that i'm just as guilty as they are if it has happened to anyone else. thanks mom. anyway, these experiences, along with the experiences of coming to terms with it and trying to forgive myself, etc have a huge impact on who i am. and i really wish that i could tell more friends (other than the very few who know) about this part of my life but not in a serious lets talked about my issues way. i don't see myself wearing it, but i'd be happy for other people to wear it if it helps them. i do wish there was less stigma and an easier transition for telling people.

@dosido:
this shirt isn't an ambush similar to your neighbor. i love how either the words, "i was raped," are printed too small that they force you to stare at the wearer's breasts (some previous commenters) or they are so loud that they ambush and make everyone else uncomfortable. sorry, this is suppose to be a polite, i disagree.

vicegrippers

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I think the taboo about rape is the taboo that we all have and society across the world has about women being openly sexual and wanting sexual penetration.
Rape is about forcibly sexualizing a woman against her will.
But when society has so much contempt for a woman's right o say 'yes', how much more contempt would it have for a woman's right to say 'no'?
To be penetrated is considered far more inferior to be the one penetrating.
To want to be penetrated is thus considered shameful because it implies that this depraved sick person actually wants something shameful and degrading. And on top of that, to force someone to be penetrated is still more shameful.
Because society at its most basic messy sick level sees rape victims as people who can be easily penetrated at any time.
Like prostitutes.
The problem is that society , men and women included, has been obsessed with celebrating and glorifying penetration and freeing penetrators from their responsibilities, and abandoning the rights of the penetrated.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: Wow. That's awesome. I'm sorry that the group didn't take it so well. I'm glad you have such confidence.

redheadedstepchild

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I saw this the other day and have been thinking about it since. Context really matters a lot with these things, doesn't it? What's a safe space, what's already part of the conversation, etc. In my circle of friends and acquaintances the "I had an abortion" shirt would be read as a gesture of empowerment and self-assertion, but I think that my parents would much rather I came home wearing the "I was raped" shirt than the "I had an abortion" shirt.

girlgonemild

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @lisas: I play WoW, and the combination of lots of 14-30 males together with the anonymity of the internet makes it an environment where that sort of thing is perfectly acceptable. Which is why you find even otherwise nice people spouting that crap occasionally. Those are the people I spend time with, and who are generally mortified to find out that they've hurt me with something they've said. What I hear over and over is that they've just gotten so desensitized to it that they don't think about it being potentially hurtful. That kind of reaction is why I think it's important to speak up.

MegSpencer

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @luchita:
Yeah, I think there's a difference between a healthy sense of boundaries and concealing things out of fear and shame.
There's a difference between being oversharing at inappropriate times and being speaking one's truth with honesty and directness.
I think that inappropriate oversharing and inappropriate overconcealing both partly come from anger and confusion at the existence of a larger completely counterproductive taboo.
And I think they also come from a huge amount of shame and low self-esteem. A big part of that shame comes from being different. Being one of the shameful few who is not able to be like the rest.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @luchita: Thank you for that story and for your understanding of your stepmom.

I personally would never talk about it at the dinner table (meals are sacred! :)), but I did once mention it in a group setting: a grad class of mostly women who, in their postfeminist confidence, voiced skepticism about the frequency of rape. It was awful but I've never regretted it. I actually felt some of them resented me for puncturing the smooth operation of gender transcendence . . .

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @dosido: Yeah, I get what you're saying. And I'm sure it is weird to have strangers tell you such things, but I imagine that your neighbor may have been desparate for help, so in a way I understand why pople do that.

I'm not sure I actually would wear the shirt. To be honest, the whole "ambush" thing is what pissed me off and that people seem to find it annoying to listen to rape victims. So my initial thought was "oh yeah? Well, then I'll wear the shirt to annoy you." It was a childish reaction, I admit.

blackbirdfly

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @myrtlebeachbum: Why are we freaking the fuck out about crime victims wearing a shirt that says, "I am a crime victim?""

I can dismiss someone who pronounces their big dick or juicy ass/tits. Who CAN gloss over "I was raped" so casually (or with the same distaste)? The two first ones are marketable BECAUSE they're crass/meaningless. If you're a responsible audience, how do react to such a serious message as "I was raped?"

marie123

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz:

You're right. At the end of the day, each has the right to do as they see fit. If it makes you feel better to wear the shirt, then more power to you.

GraphicGirly

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @blackbirdfly: It absolutely is your right to wear it on a shirt. You're certainly entitled to talk about it. Talking about it is a huge part of the healing process (and I wish you the best in yours). My point is not that rape and incest victims shouldn't talk about these things; far from it. My point is that there is a time and a place for talking about those things. I question the wisdom of blurting these things to strangers (the way my neighbor did to me).

bruitdautrui said it better than I did: The idea of this t-shirt reinforces the notion of "once a sexual assault victim, always a sexual assault victim." Who wants to be treated like a victim? This t-shirt will not help to create dialogue, it will shut people up out of fear of saying something wrong.

I can understand the impulse some victims of sexual abuse may share to wear a shirt like this, but I stand by my belief that it does little to facilitate honest dialogue about the issue.

♥ dosido Hussein McKamy☮

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> PS-I'm amazed and slightly disgusted to find so many of you have been raped too. There are so many of us. I don't know what to say...you spend all this time thinking you are alone and this is an isolated event!

PinkPatriot

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @luchita: I know someone who committed suicide and when I bring it up it makes people uncomfortable but I don't feel bad at ALL by bringing it up. It defined an important time in my life and dealing with it led me to become closer to lots of people who are close friends to this day. Why should anyone feel ashamed to talk about life-altering moments? No one is meant to feel ashamed talking about marriages or births. Why can we only talk about happy events? Because others might feel bad? Fuck that!

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> Would any of you wear a shirt that read, "My Father Was Killed By a Drunk Driver" ?

Once you take the sexual humiliation out of a horrible act you didn't ask for, it's not so embarassing...

I've been raped but would never wear that shirt. I'm still too pissed off about it. But if someone else would like to wear the shirt, more power to them...I like the safe imagery, btw.

PinkPatriot

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @blackbirdfly: I support your effort. Do whatever it takes.

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @bruitdautrui: You're right. That shirt absolutely does NOT speak for all people who have been raped.
It DOES speak to some of them. And those people might choose to wear it. And I believe that anyone who was raped who wants to wear that shirt is absolutely entitled to do so. And anyone who was raped and chooses not to wear that shirt is absolutely entitled not to wear that shirt.
And the reactions that anyone wearing that shirt will get include disgust, sympathy, empathy, scorn, pity, sadness, anger, condescension, kindness, rage, fear, repulsion, disbelief, shock etc.
And just as one has no control over how someone might react to one's sexuality and might possibly rape you, so too one has no control over how someone else might react to hearing about rape.

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @minesbigger: I'm so glad you posted that. If you want to find a group of people making rape jokes, hang out with gamers. I love games and gaming, but I don't play multiplayer anything with strangers anymore I was so put off by the disgusting shit they spew. Racist, sexist, homophobic, rape jokes, cutting jokes, the works. And they are almost always young white middle class American males.

lisas

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @perennial: happens to me all. the. time.
and i thought i saw what you were getting at, just wanted some clarification.

hharlowe

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: totally. that's why I brought up the fact that my stepmom talks about her rape at the dinner table, because it's so rare and powerful when any woman can speak personally about something that's really incredibly taboo. She also talks about the fact that her first husband committed suicide, which can also make people uncomfortable. She doesn't do this because she's needy, or because she has no boundaries. She does it because who she is as a woman, as a mother, was shaped by these events. She's not defined by being a survivor of sexual assault, but to leave out this huge part of her life experience because it might make people uncomfortable is absurd. and I love and respect her all the more for it.

luchita

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @LoveNoelG: I was raped. Please don't think it's not common. It is. When people are skeptical about whether it happens often, people who have been raped feel invalidated by this perception. I guess that's the point of this t-shirt project (not that I would wear it, but that's just personal).

I also have noticed that people assume that most rapes discussed are date rapes. I am not saying that date rape isn't rape. It is. But many people I've known assume that violent rape by a stranger with a weapon is a fiction. It's not. I was raped over two decades ago and almost died because of it. I still struggle with physical problems because of it. And obviously, emotional trauma.

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @bruitdautrui:
@samethingwedoeverynightpinky:

The truth is that once you are a rape victim, you
ARE always a rape victim. But hopefully, you heal and you don't want to be treated like a victim. That's why you have that conversation on a need-to-know basis. Not advertise it on a t-shirt.

GraphicGirly

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @samethingwedoeverynightpinky: That might be a good call, I don't like using the word victim. But I also don't know how to argue that someone who was raped was not victimized.

I am just not of the opinion that people who have been assaulted or raped should automatically be condemned to this lifelong status as belonging to a group whose commonality lies in involuntary membership. I'm not expressing this well, I know. This t-shirt reinforces that (poorly expressed) idea because its statement pertains only to a certain group of people. It suggests a heterodesignated identity - just because it's designed, worn and promoted by people who have been raped doesn't mean it speaks for everyone who has been raped.

I'm not arguing against support networks, or shows of solidarity, or exclusion of the normative, because all of those things can be very productive. The reactions this t-shirt would provoke are not.

bruitdautrui

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @dosido: What you said made me want to wear the shirt because I'm tired of being made to feel ashamed by people who don't want me to talk about it. I'm tired of lying about what really happened so that people won't feel uncomfortable and push me away. If I don't talk about it, I will never fully recover. I am entitled to talk about it if I want to or need to without being made to feel like shit about it. It's NOT a fucking ambush. When people have problems, they need to talk about them. And if I want to say it on a shirt, that's my fucking right.

blackbirdfly

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> While I love the concept & think it is soooo needed, I would still much prefer that the guy who raped me have to wear one with huge letters that say, "I raped a girl."

People Paula

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @snowpoppies: Thank you.

weedie

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @perennial: And that is your right to do so. It is your personal right to deal with the trauma as you see fit because you are an adult individual. And some other woman who was raped has the right to wear that t-shirt and want to have every passing stranger know it.
I think that is ultimately what this is about:
Is it slutty and shameful and unrespectable to proclaim one's rape to the world?

Crazydogggz

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @hharlowe: It didn't. Sorry. :(

perennial

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @SarahMC: I agree. I was raped a a long time ago and almost died. So when people casually say that they think rape statistics are inflated or joke about it, I tell them I was raped -- I do it in a calm, straightforward way so they can put a face to what they see as largely an abstraction (or fiction). I am not ashamed (anymore) and I do this as my small gift to the women who are still dealing with the crippling shame. They know the blame doesn't rest with them; however, shame is a very strange, irrational thing.

snowpoppies

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @keekamarie: Unfortunately yea, it is. A lolcat example: [icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com]

MegSpencer

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @shananigans: Oh crap, you just made me weepy.

weedie

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> Anyone who has been raped does not want it to ever be a topic of conversation at a dinner table. It's something you learn to live with privately; when the triggers come up, you learn to diffuse them internally. (If you don't, being a raped will define you, and you will have problems way larger than can be fixed with a t-shirt.) But you will never, ever feel proud for doing so. You will never live one day that you don't wish you could go back to living without that experience.

I admire J. Baum's intentions with the shirt. I am very pro-choice, and if I had chosen an abortion, I'd gladly wear that shirt. I'd invite the questions. I'd gladly share my experience and explain my stand on pro-choice. If I had breast cancer, I'd wear the shirt that announced I had a double masectomy. I'd encourage conversation and assist is removing the taboo.

But rape is different. There is not a single more humiliating feeling, and unless it's becomes necessary for someone to understand where you are coming from, there is no need to ever make that information public, least of all on a t-shirt.

GraphicGirly

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @bexxlikerex: Well the American Apparel thing is another issue to deal with. I know lots of conscious people who use AA because it's non-sweatshop and has good rates for priniting t-shirts. But maybe more people should be considering the personal pratices of the company.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @kitschenette: I was raped too. I wouldn't want every single stranger I passed to know it.

perennial

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Beigebaby: Right? Maybe a good way to protest sexual assault would be to boycott a company owned by a renowned misogynist who has had four sexual harassment charges brought against him?

bexxlikerex

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @samethingwedoeverynightpinky: That's kind of how I feel. Fuck the haters and the people who would wear it ironically. Just picture a woman you respect, admire and care about wearing that shirt (and you never knew about their rape). That could be empowering and whether or not you'd been sexually assaulted, I would hope it would make you feel proud to know that person and what they survived.

Imagine your mom wearing it? Or your aunt? I just can't be mad at someone who chooses to wear it to help themselves or others.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> Man, reading all these coments make me just want to hug alot of people on here. But it also makes me think that alot of women and girls dont feel comfortable taking action after a rape, and many people are paralyed during. From talking to people I know, many have said they felt they didn't do enough; they felt weak and ashamed of that weakness.

This might be pretty far off the mark, but if this would empower those women to feel like they are strong and brave, well then it does serve a purpose.

toubab

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @dosido: If I found a well designed shirt that said "I was a cutter" or something like that, I'd wear it. Unfortunately with the rise of the whole emo subculture, cutting is now a joke. Fantastic. If anything, though, that has made me feel even more passionate about speaking out. People make off color jokes not because they're horrible people, but because they are thoughtless. As a gamer, I run into a lot of that kind of thing, along with rape jokes and homophobic language. What I do is not attack them for it, but ask politely that they not use that language, as it is upsetting to me. Usually when I speak up, they apologize and I feel good that I've helped someone be a little more thoughtful with their language. Occasionally someone's a douche about it, but there will always be douches!

MegSpencer

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> "You were raped..hahahaha, that's a random T-shirt. Did you get that off of www.randomtees.com? Hahaha ............. Oh no, you didn't get that from rand- Uhhhhh you really are a rape victim...Shit my bad...."
*awkward back step away from person*

Does anyone else see this happening all too often?

miller.rebekah33

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I like this shirt. I sometimes speak to women's groups (not as a rape survivor but as a recovering alcoholic) and statistics say that something like 70% of women in recovery have been molested/raped/sexually abused. I'd wear this shirt when I talked to women as a subtle way of saying, "Hey, you're not alone." But no, I wouldn't wear it to the freakin' bar just so some idiot could make lewd remarks.

Devonna

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @bruitdautrui: jinx!

marie123

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @bruitdautrui:

Why does "I was raped" automatically equate to "victim" to you?

One of the thigns that's shocked me as I've started having conversations with people about rape and assault is how many strong, amazing women have been raped. (Not that I'm shocked that rape survivors can be badass, just that I'm shocked at how many women have been raped.)

The shirt doesn't say "I was raped, pity me." If people feel that way, it's them projecting-- and maybe, if they see enough outspoken, driven, succesful women in the t-shirt, their perceptions about what a "rape victim," is will change.

samethingwedoeverynightpinky

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @shananigans: I'm with you. The costs/benefits of coming forward may vary for the victim depending on their (perception) of law enforcement access; the likelihood that they'll be believed/they're attacker will be caught; the likelihood that they WANT their "attacker" punished.

In many cases, though between the agony of trying to forget a rape and the difficulty of coming forward, I'll like to think I'd have the option (b/c the police didn't fuck up, b/c I acted swiftly, b/c there was enough evidence)of the latter. If I have to remain silent the sonofabitch who assaulted me is rewarded...and he may hurt someone else.

As for dosido's comment...self-expression and an open environment for rape victim's is important, but the notion that I can "ignore" the t-shirt--can I?

Am I supposed to? If I have a conscience or my own history of abuse, how am I supposed to react when the FIRST impression I have of someone is that they were raped?

I am all for raising awareness about how widespread/everyday the problem of sexual assault is--but this seems misguided at best and crass at worst.

What about rape victims who are angered that people treat them differently--either as sluts, or with kid gloves--b/c they were raped--in others' minds that woman's identity beyond "victim" is limited. That's not the survivors' "problem," its the "problem" of those around them. It does happen, though.

I just don't know.

marie123

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @SarahMC: That's a phrase?

Kim Kelly

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> While I enjoy reading the debate about the shirt, I don't think that anyone has any right to argue with people who would choose to wear it in all seriousness. Whatever my opinion of it, I'm glad it exists, because it's not hard to imagine circumstances where it could be useful. If I saw someone wearing it, maybe I'd talk to them, maybe I wouldn't, but I would certainly pause and think. And if I had been assaulted, maybe I would get a sense of comfort knowing I wasn't alone.

MegSpencer

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I will be getting this shirt. Seriously :)

browneyesblue

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @perennial: i don't think that came out right.

hharlowe

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> The idea of this t-shirt reinforces the notion of "once a sexual assault victim, always a sexual assault victim." Who wants to be treated like a victim? This t-shirt will not help to create dialogue, it will shut people up out of fear of saying something wrong.

"What does your t-shirt say? I can hardly read the... oh."

Mm hmm, leaps and bounds.

bruitdautrui

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @perennial: Hmm. I never lost any friends or love interests after telling them that I was raped. Guess I'm lucky, since I'm some sort of emotionally damaged freak.

kitschenette

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Constant Dater: Prosecuting your rapist, abuser, etc is a horrible process. It drags on for years, and I almost killed myself when the case was dropped and I was outed publicly. People cannot be made to feel that they MUST report these crimes. They have to do what is right for them
The teacher I reported had been "told on" by several little boys to a gym teacher in my school for "touching them in weird ways" 8 years before I was his student (in the 70s), the gym teacher didn't take the accusation any further, but brought it up casually to the cops who interviewed him during my case.In a "of course I believe this happened, these kids told me this years ago." way.
If those kids had been taken seriously, maybe he would have been out of teaching before I met him.
Even if I had won, he would be out of jail by now anyway (my case happened in 98) He is 70 years old, lives a 10 minute drive from my parent's house and I'm still worried to run into him someplace, even though I'm 33, live hundreds of miles away and am taller than he is. I read that back and it isn't a very cohesive argument, but I'm leaving my comment as is, because it makes sense to me.

meg9

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @dosido: But if you're not comfortable don't wear it. Clearly someone who's wearing the t0shirt is saying, I am comfortable enough to tell my postman, my professor or my boss. And if that person is, I say let them be. And they're not forcing their story on anyone. It's then on the other person to ask for the story or not.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> This is a great party shirt. People totally love women with emotional baggage that they wear on their chest.

perennial

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @weedie: I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you; I'm just relieved that you have such unflinching support from your family.

♥ dosido Hussein McKamy☮

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @SarahMC: I don't think we're disagreeing. You stated that society owes the victims and I agree. We owe it to the victims to create a process that encourages speaking out and prosecuting your attacker but the justice system cannot deal with an attacker if they don't know one exists.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @katastic: You know, the more I read your comment, the more it enrages me. How dare you imply that anyone who wear this shirt is "attacking" someone else? Anyone who wears this shirt presumably does so to help her own healing process. How dare you imply that your discomfort should be first and foremost in your mind? This is NOT the same as someone waylaying you in conversation. This is something you can choose to engage or ignore. Your discomfort is not a concern. Would you say a rape survivor sharing her story is an "attack"? No, because if it upsets you you can choose to ignore it. She cannot. I have no idea if you have been a victim of this, and I'm extremely sorry if you have been, but it is incredibly important that we have respect for how survivors of sexual abuse deal with their trauma. The bystander's discomfort is NOT of the foremost importance here. This is NOT an attack, this is an expression, and to imply that anyone who wears this shirt is "attacking" others is WRONG. Plain, full-out WRONG.

kat, we're all healing from some wound or other. I don't presume to know or understand your personal history, and I appreciate that you don't presume to know mine. I will say, however, that I believe that a public and indiscriminate proclamation of one's victim status isn't the wisest way to go about raising awareness about sexual assault. A shirt like this isn't "sharing a story". It's the opposite of sharing. I am a big believer in privacy and personal boundaries. I look at it this way: if I wouldn't feel comfortable saying something outright to my mailman or my professor or my boss, why would I want it on my t-shirt?

Also, I understand that it's easy to get a little carried away on blog posts...but "how dare you"? Really?

♥ dosido Hussein McKamy☮

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz: It was really more of a rhetorical question. But I'll take that under advisement, thanks.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @shananigans: It's not the pink, (well, the ginger makes it impossible to wear pink and look good, but still...)

It's the message. See this @SarahMC. She's right. There will be people wearing this satirically. Fuck em.

Christ, it's good to have the anonymity of the internet for this shit. Thanks all.

redheadedstepchild

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @weedie: Both you and your mom sound fabulous!

@kitschenette: Good luck if you decided to tell your parents. I found it so hard, but I'm really glad my mum knows in the end.

@SleeplessNights: I kind of worry that wearing this in the wrong place could alert the attention of other predators...we all know prior reports of sexual assault make you even more unreliable as a witness in court than even drinking...

This isn't to say that women should be blamed because of what they are wearing..I am just paranoid as hell. Two rapes in the space of 8 months does that...

gherkinfiend

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @kitschenette: That's fucking bullshit. I'm sorry about that.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @gherkinfiend: Yeah, as crazy as it sounds I do find the rape threads on here to be cathartic/healing in a way for me. I do post on two great private forums for survivors, aftersilence.org and pandys.org, which are always, always supportive and listen wholeheartedly and without judgment. If you haven't been there, I wholly suggest you check both sites out.

kitschenette

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @SarahMC: When have I ever done such a thing to you? I just meant you are all wound up and you shouldn't let yourself get that way.

BAngieB

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @katastic: I never called them again. I used their online hotline once, too, and aside from being pushed to go to therapy, I had a positive experience. It was just so confusing, how even people with months of training can treat a person in need that way.

kitschenette

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @weedie: That's an amazing story. I really do hope that my parents will be equally supportive when I decide to tell them--I think they will; they're great people. What scares me is hurting them. I don't want them to feel the pain I've felt. But at the same time, if it were my daughter, I'd want to know.

kitschenette

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @Crazydogggz: Interesting interpretation. I've worked in Public Health my entire life and most of my friends are in this field/medical field...I can't ever recall drawing that correlation in conversations and/or case managment work. I think perceptions are very much shaped by how life/work brings the situation before you. Your comments do make me think how folks outside the clinical realms would view either referenced situation.

AGreenEyeDevil

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @georgewroth: Yes. Our Western culture places so much value in holding our emotions in check, "bouncing back" ASAP, and keeping a stiff upper lip that our souls are withering and in pain from all that we stuff in.

If by someone wearing a T-shirt, even one person who's been raped or assaulted comes to see that they're not alone, then I believe it's a good thing.

aprilsimnel

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> I just wanted to put my sympathy out there for every one who has been sexually assaulted especially those of you who have been assaulted multiple times. I wish you all the best in dealing with it.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @weedie: Thank you for sharing that-- you are incredibly brave and I'm so happy that you have such a loving, supportive family by your side.

hortense

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @kitschenette: I had a similar experience with Victim Support here in Britain...We should set up a Jezebel affiliated email supportline to provide everything from the online equivalent of tea and sympathy to your rights as a victim...

I know reading other experiences on here helps me!

gherkinfiend

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> The problem I have is not with the shirt, per se - it's with assholes who'll think it's somehow "satirical" & hilarious, who'd buy it and wear it to mixers. And you know that'll happen.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @SarahMC: Well, if the justice system owes it to victims to bring perpetrators to justice, how do you propose they do that for unreported crimes?

Constant Dater

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @redheadedstepchild:

Well, I might look twice, but I would believe you.

I think a t-shirt like that would be problematical for a lot of people, and they would react in the ways you described.

Those predators, eh? They don't really care who they get.

xox

SleeplessNights

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @kitschenette: That is TERRIBLE and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

katastic

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @shananigans: No crime has been committed according to the legal system. But rape is a crime and if someone rapes, they've committed a crime, whether anyone speaks up about it for the rest of eternity.
But people should not say that rape victims "owe" anybody anything. If they can report it, great. But to claim that *they* have a responsibility is putting a huge burden on survivors.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> @redheadedstepchild: Yeah making it pink, the "girl" color (god, I hate the color pink) makes it almost impossible for a male to wear it and acknowledge his rape. Just like not every woman who was raped becomes a prostitute or stripper or a lesbian, not every man who was raped becomes gay. Let's remove that stigma as well.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[Designer: "I Was Raped" T-Shirt Intended To Empower]]> Who is this shirt for, is the thing, isn't it? I'm sure if a Jezebel wore it to meet other Jezebels she wouldn't get any grief or pity or hostile or You're-a-freak or worst of all, shockingly misogynist, awful reactions from that crowd, but on the way to the event? On the subway? First one at the bar, sitting there alone?

Yeah, I don't fucking think so.

We may be that evolved, but we have reminders here on this website every day that tell us the majority of those around us IRL are not, and trail way behind, if they haven't taken another direction altogether.