Call Of The Wild - Jezebel Comments

Call Of The Wild

cde — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 00:19:45 EDT

Wow. You ladies could fit right in on some of the more lulz producing 4chan boards.

cde

Call Of The Wild

Door — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:02:56 EDT

Ugh, I hate monkeys/chimps/gorillas/whatever. Something about them really freaks me out.

Door

Call Of The Wild

Trixie from Toronto — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:29:11 EDT

@ineffable.me: Neigh means yes?

Trixie from Toronto

Call Of The Wild

sovereign_state — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:22:19 EDT

I always did think monkeys had that crazed "I'd rape you if I could" look in their vacant little eyes. Seriously. I don't fuck with em.

sovereign_state

Call Of The Wild

nerdsausage is a busysausage — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 15:41:33 EDT

@cuteasabutton: being a wombat sounds fun.

nerdsausage is a busysausage

Call Of The Wild

shaboomy — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 15:13:18 EDT

I was once forcefully humped by an unspayed pitbull. it was at once terrifying, humiliating, and kinda scary, since the thing had me pinned on a couch and i literally needed help to get it off of me. i still feel dirty all over...(rubs skin)

shaboomy

Call Of The Wild

tscheese — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 13:42:05 EDT

@Lady Skittlehattington: I actually don't, but I can think of a good way to execute it. I'll throw you a message over at your user page so I don't dork up this post too much with my love of cake.

tscheese

Call Of The Wild

treecut...will cut a beech — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 13:03:45 EDT

My brother researched gorillas and the Franklin Zoo one summer. The female gorilla would always come up to the fence and flirt with him, and then the silverback would get really jealous and beat his chest and throw things at my brother. I'm not sure which would have been more terrifying for him, if the female got loose and raped him, or if the male got loose and kicked his ass.

treecut...will cut a beech

Call Of The Wild

Lady Skittlehattington — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:37:39 EDT

@tscheese: Do you make these professionally? Because my friend's b-day is coming up and she LOVES narwals.

Lady Skittlehattington

Call Of The Wild

Dauphine — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:32:24 EDT

@nellicat: @Katxyz: Great, now I'm freaked out for my primate behaviour class. 'Scuse me while I go whine to my SA.

Dauphine

Call Of The Wild

ineffable.me — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:28:27 EDT

@Trixie from Toronto: she secretly loved it.

@Lady Skittlehattington: umm.. none! i have umm, very strict... admittance policies! yes. yes i do.

ineffable.me

Call Of The Wild

tscheese — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:26:23 EDT

I made a cake once that looked kind of like an albino narwhal.

I mean, it didn't have the spear-thing, you know how narwhals have that weird mouth that's like, right on the level of their eyes? The cake had pink frosting and a red maraschino cherry in the center, and when I took the first thin slice out of it, it kind of looked like a narwhal opening its mouth.

tscheese

Call Of The Wild

Lady Skittlehattington — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:23:44 EDT

@DorothyZbornak: Narwals are just as capable of rapey crimes as manatees.

Lady Skittlehattington

Call Of The Wild

Lady Skittlehattington — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:22:43 EDT

@ineffable.me: But how many of those monkeys and hippogriffs are UNDER AGE?

Lady Skittlehattington

Call Of The Wild

Trixie from Toronto — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:15:35 EDT

@ineffable.me: Wasn't someone we know sexually assaulted by a unicorn and when she came to, she was neighing in frothy pink breaths?

Trixie from Toronto

Call Of The Wild

zivah — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:14:08 EDT

@layladylan: That is disturbing. If that were the case, I'd change my rules and the dog would be locked in the other room. The perv.

zivah

Call Of The Wild

ineffable.me — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:13:02 EDT

@Lady Skittlehattington: It's a safe space. Nothing illegal is being comitted, what, you're against sex too? guh, these goddamned feminists.

ineffable.me

Call Of The Wild

whats_in_a_name — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:08:43 EDT

@gordiva: Not just a wombat, but a wombat that apparently has the power to change peoples accents.

whats_in_a_name

Call Of The Wild

Lady Skittlehattington — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:08:43 EDT

@ineffable.me: At least I'm not the one who founded the Wild and Mythological Animal Preserve and Bordello! Monkey rape enthusiast!

Lady Skittlehattington

Call Of The Wild

layladylan — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:03:40 EDT

@zivah: My dog is a total perv. Every time my husband and I start having sex, he will run in from the other room and jump on the bed. It's disturbing.

layladylan

Call Of The Wild

tscheese — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:54:56 EDT

@DorothyZbornak: Nope, I'm an Aries!

*da-dum-CHING!*

tscheese

Call Of The Wild

ineffable.me — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:54:47 EDT

@DorothyZbornak: INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. THIS IS AMERICA.

@Lady Skittlehattington: you say stuff like that but I'M the bad one? HARDLY.

ineffable.me

Call Of The Wild

gordiva — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:53:14 EDT

I'm sorry, this shit is funny! A fucking wombat!!! Oh my gosh....

gordiva

Call Of The Wild

Katxyz — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:50:57 EDT

Monkeys are really frightening. I read an article about a man who was attacked by chimps a couple years ago, and it scarred me. They worked together and systematically tortured him, biting off his fingers and gouging his eyes out. Horrifying.
Also, at a monkey house in Florida, by brother's ex had her head shit on by an angry monkey when she wouldn't give it any snacks. Fucking monkeys.

Katxyz

Call Of The Wild

DorothyZbornak — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:48:15 EDT

@Lady Skittlehattington: Oh, I saw it. But the prospect of it happening was so terrifying, I had to pretend you didn't say it. Not the Narwals!!

@tscheese: You are a unicorn, aren't you?

DorothyZbornak

Call Of The Wild

Lady Skittlehattington — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:45:13 EDT

@DorothyZbornak: Need I repeat my original (and hilarious) comment about narwals being next? Because it was pretty fucking funny, and then Ineffable came along and said something funnier. Narwals, people! NARWALS!

Lady Skittlehattington

Call Of The Wild

Lady Skittlehattington — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:43:49 EDT

@ineffable.me: You're right. I do hate men. And monkeys with uncontrollable rapiness. However, I do support monkeys who want to rape men who are rapists. Even monkeys who rape said rapists with produce, including but not limited to bananas.

Lady Skittlehattington

Call Of The Wild

tscheese — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:43:00 EDT

@DorothyZbornak: There you go! You're marginalizing the unicorns again! It's institutional disenfranchisment!

tscheese

Call Of The Wild

DorothyZbornak — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:41:14 EDT

@ineffable.me: Have you ever been raped by a wombat or a monkey? Yeah, didn't think so. Don't defend those evil bastards!

And don't even get me started on the unicorns...

DorothyZbornak

Call Of The Wild

tscheese — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:40:26 EDT

Well, I have always been sexually attracted to disenfranchised rapist unicorns, but none of y'all are on board with that because you're always too busy disenfranchising the rapist unicorns.

They're people too, y'know.

tscheese

Call Of The Wild

ineffable.me — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:39:48 EDT

@Lady Skittlehattington: You are a mancist. You hate men. So much for equality!

ineffable.me

Call Of The Wild

Eeva — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:39:01 EDT

@ItchykooParker: Why yes I do, as a matter of fact. Mostly because I've been saying wombatwombatwombat aloud every couple of minutes. It's better than yoga for inner peace, I tell you.

Eeva

Call Of The Wild

zivah — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:36:36 EDT

@bipolarcurious: I totally read that as immature hipster monkey boys, race-neutral.

zivah

Call Of The Wild

Lady Skittlehattington — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:35:43 EDT

@ineffable.me: You monkey rape apologist. I've had it with your hate. Be gone.

Lady Skittlehattington

Call Of The Wild

ineffable.me — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:34:17 EDT

You know guys, there are a lot of wombats and monkeys that get wrongly accused of rape, I think it's important that they be judged in front of the law before we go ahead making all of these snap judgments and accusations.
Would we be having this same conversation if it had been a FEMALE wombat or monkey?
I didnt think so.

ineffable.me

Call Of The Wild

ItchykooParker — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:33:24 EDT

@eeva: Ok, I did it, and you made me laugh. Do you feel good about yourself now? DO YOU???!!! ;-j

ItchykooParker

Call Of The Wild

ItchykooParker — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:32:24 EDT

@mollsmolls: This is a TV movie of the week waiting to happen. "Based on real events!!!"

ItchykooParker

Call Of The Wild

amandahugnkiss — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:30:19 EDT

@treecut: Is it bad that I just thought of Jamie Lynn and Casey? Not sure what that means...

amandahugnkiss

Call Of The Wild

Eeva — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:28:23 EDT

@NefariousNewt: "What's that, Womby? You hate Mommy? Wombat Theodore Hieronymus Harrington! Don't ever say that! ...Oh, he's just kidding around. Wombat loves his Mombat really, don't you Womby."

Eeva

Call Of The Wild

bipolarcurious — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:27:58 EDT

@westendgirl: Um, what? Please tell me you didn't mean "monkeys" the way a 1960's segregationist might have meant monkeys?

bipolarcurious

Call Of The Wild

Lady Skittlehattington — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:27:24 EDT

First unicorns. Now monkeys. Next thing: narwals. This is upsetting.

Lady Skittlehattington

Call Of The Wild

Trashtastic — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:26:19 EDT

@NefariousNewt: hahahaha! You almost made me waste a perfectly good Mini Egg.

Trashtastic

Call Of The Wild

whats_in_a_name — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:25:08 EDT

@amandahugnkiss: I know! There's this one monkey i know who can't even get a banana off of his favorite tree anymore without all the other monkeys acting all weird just because his ex thought it would be funny to accuse him of rape.

whats_in_a_name

Call Of The Wild

treecut...will cut a beech — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:25:07 EDT

@whats_in_a_name: And what about all the poor 17-yr. old monkeys having loving, consensual sex with their 15 yr. old human girlfriends?

treecut...will cut a beech

Call Of The Wild

zivah — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:21:44 EDT

@PantyWaist: Yup

zivah

Call Of The Wild

zivah — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:21:25 EDT

@westendgirl: comment of the day #2! This thread is gold.

zivah

Call Of The Wild

PantyWaist — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:17:50 EDT

I've always been sexually attracted to silverback gorillas. Is that weird?

PantyWaist

Call Of The Wild

monaflambe — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:17:40 EDT

And speaking of teh secks, what is a decent interval between bonings? For instance, if you go out with Person "A" on Monday and get teh sex, then you have a date with Person "B" on Tuesday, is it OK for teh sex on Tuesday, too? And where do handjobs/BJ's fit into this equation? Do they count?

monaflambe

Call Of The Wild

ineffable.me — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:17:28 EDT

@zivah: exactly. next thing you know youll wake up and Scrappy will be teabagging you.

ineffable.me

Call Of The Wild

gherkinfiend — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:15:22 EDT

@nellicat: I will never sleep again with that thought in my mind...

I can't even look at an orangutan without feeling sick anyway. I feel a full blown phobia developing by this evening!

gherkinfiend

Call Of The Wild

amandahugnkiss — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:12:04 EDT

@whats_in_a_name: And how embarassing for their families! It's a shame cycle.

amandahugnkiss

Call Of The Wild

westendgirl — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:10:39 EDT

Attempted rape by monkeys? Sounds pretty much like a Saturday night in the East Village.

westendgirl

Call Of The Wild

NefariousNewt — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:10:29 EDT

@AthertonMerriweather: By a pool at a hotel... the monkey was working as a pool attendant at the time, but he's subsequently been fired.

NefariousNewt

Call Of The Wild

whats_in_a_name — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:10:26 EDT

@amandahugnkiss: And don't forget all of the monkeys that have been falsely accused, their lives have also been completely ruined.

whats_in_a_name

Call Of The Wild

NefariousNewt — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:09:22 EDT

@eeva: These are my children: Andre, Lisette... and here's little Wombat, he's the shy one.

NefariousNewt

Call Of The Wild

zivah — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:08:31 EDT

@ineffable.me: Or lazy sex with your dog on the bed - not that I've ever let that happen, or anything.

zivah

Call Of The Wild

ineffable.me — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:07:53 EDT

@DorothyZbornak: Pretty soon all the domestic pets will have been converted and you'll never be safe having sex with your cat watching you.

ineffable.me

Call Of The Wild

zivah — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:06:44 EDT

@amandahugnkiss: comment of the day, and still so early

zivah

Call Of The Wild

cardboardbelt — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:04:19 EDT

@amandahugnkiss: hahaha.

cardboardbelt

Call Of The Wild

hamburgerhotdog — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:03:57 EDT

@mollsmolls: there was a story a few years back about how monkeys wrecked a library at a women's college and attacked the women.

hamburgerhotdog

Call Of The Wild

cardboardbelt — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:03:51 EDT

I like to imagine that amorous couple noticed the monkey watching them and said "Oh hey there. Like what you see, monkey?"

cardboardbelt

Call Of The Wild

beeble — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:03:32 EDT

@Rhody:

Did you at least get to smoke a cig afterwards?

beeble

Call Of The Wild

DorothyZbornak — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:03:20 EDT

@BAngieB: Well, she is rumored to be reconciling with K-Fed...

DorothyZbornak

Call Of The Wild

amandahugnkiss — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:02:44 EDT

The worst part is that the monkey is now a registered sex offender. That shit will follow you forever.

amandahugnkiss

Call Of The Wild

DorothyZbornak — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:01:53 EDT

@ineffable.me: Those rapey bastards!

DorothyZbornak

Call Of The Wild

BAngieB — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:01:07 EDT

@mollsmolls: Maybe Britney could use large violent monkeys to fight off the paps.

BAngieB

Call Of The Wild

Eeva — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:00:17 EDT

@NefariousNewt: @hfree: Do you think I could make it my middle name? Or should I save it for my firstborn?

Eeva

Call Of The Wild

Cuteasabutton — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:59:30 EDT

@J.D.Regent: Um only kiwi and aussies can. I'm and Aussie in England and most of the time people can't tell the difference. I always get asked Kiwi, Aussie or South African.

Cuteasabutton

Call Of The Wild

hfree — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:57:58 EDT

@eeva: Best hostel I ever stayed in was a place called "Wombats" in Vienna. It was soooo clean.

hfree

Call Of The Wild

J.D.Regent — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:57:35 EDT

please, like anyone can tell the diff. between a kiwi and an australian accent?

J.D.Regent

Call Of The Wild

Triphena — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:56:51 EDT

That monkey is staring directly into my soul.

Triphena

Call Of The Wild

NefariousNewt — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:56:45 EDT

@eeva: Many moons ago in college, one of my friends had a superhero in role-playing campaign called "Wombat"... ah, how I miss those days.

NefariousNewt

Call Of The Wild

Cuteasabutton — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:56:30 EDT

@NefariousNewt: Bwaahaha! You read my mind!

Cuteasabutton

Call Of The Wild

AthertonMerriweather — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:55:39 EDT

Where was this couple having sex that the monkey saw them?!

AthertonMerriweather

Call Of The Wild

Cuteasabutton — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:53:11 EDT

Oh dear god. I'm embarassed to be Australian. And from New Zealand. But I do wub dat wombat! Mind you they can be fierce creatures. And lazy.

Cuteasabutton

Call Of The Wild

Eeva — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:53:03 EDT

"wombat" is one of the best words in the whole world. Say it aloud: wombatwombatwombat. Fun, right? [So I'm having a really boring day, apparently...]

Eeva

Call Of The Wild

mollsmolls — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:52:59 EDT

From the article:
"India has had problems with monkey violence in the past, and in some areas has resorted to training larger, more violent monkeys to combat the pests.

Last year the deputy mayor of Delhi was killed after being attacked by a hoard of wild monkeys on a balcony."

Holy fuck, dude.

mollsmolls

Call Of The Wild

summerwheatley — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:52:43 EDT

Wasn't Shia LeBeouf the wombat mascot on Even Stevens? Not that I watched it or anything....

summerwheatley

Call Of The Wild

Rhody — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:52:15 EDT

My friend's obnoxious dog humped me into a CD stand and all of the CDs fell on my head. I am thinking of suing for damages.

Rhody

Call Of The Wild

zivah — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:51:54 EDT

Cuz the human rapists apparently aren't enough to worry about.

zivah

Call Of The Wild

nellicat — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:51:46 EDT

I know that there are documented cases of women being raped by orangutans. Can you fucking IMAGINE? I need a brain shower now.

nellicat

Call Of The Wild

NefariousNewt — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:51:34 EDT

All together now: "Monkey see, Monkey do!"

NefariousNewt

Call Of The Wild

DeathBySexy — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:51:28 EDT

Wow, that wombat's hand looks almost human - it's like Maggie Simpson's hand if she was a real little girl. Creepy.

DeathBySexy

Call Of The Wild

ineffable.me — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:50:43 EDT

The unicorns are spreading their evil!

ineffable.me

Call Of The Wild

KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:50:38 EDT

Looks like that monkey is needing a visit from the Sexual Harrassment Panda. Yikes!

KathrynwithaY loves Joan Collins

Call Of The Wild

hfree — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:50:24 EDT

Would that be like a groundhog doing something to me and my ending speaking with a Canadian accent? Subtleties.

hfree