- Jezebel Comments

Melanie — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:36:41 EDT

Wow. The magazine combo is the spitting image of a blonde Janeane Garofalo. Swear.

Melanie

slauza — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 06:57:18 EDT

i'm related to madonna and celine too. i think anyone with white Canadian blood is as well. angelina too? cool.

slauza

braak — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:36:14 EDT

@FairhairedOptimist: I believe it's basically impossible to explain the 2nd cousins once removed phenomenon without sounding heinously complex.

braak

naftey — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:59:50 EDT

PT Barnum is probably the distant relation thats the most fun to tell people about. Being a circus genius and all.

naftey

InternSharon — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:28:31 EDT

@sarrible: wow, you're right.

InternSharon

Political Party Girl — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 22:39:52 EDT

We recently proved I'm related to Benjamin Franklin. Ever since, my mother has been trying to convince me to join the DAR. Moms has gotta realize, I could be related to George Washington, it still ain't gonna happen.

Political Party Girl

Political Party Girl — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 22:34:48 EDT

@mepo: Ha! FTW!

Political Party Girl

edie_g — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 22:11:13 EDT

I'm related to Hitler. He's not in the family tree.

edie_g

tscheese — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 22:10:55 EDT

@westvillagegirl: Damn! Now I was all compelled to look up the etymology and while it was cool, I am still not drinking wine out of the skulls of my enemies. (I am drinking wine out of a green plastic cup from Walmart. My homeboy Bloodaxe is totes spinning in his grave.)

tscheese

Sev — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:24:38 EDT

@Sev: errgh. "mountain" Fucking typing skills.

Sev

Sev — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:23:58 EDT

Sorry, but how the fuck are all these famous people always related in some weird way? You know who I'm related to? A bunch of dirt farming Italians stuck on a moutain. Where's my "distant relation to (insert famous name here)"?
Is this how they pick who gets to be famous? It explains everyone from The Hills, the Kardashians, and Brett Michaels.

Sev

ObtuseIntolerant — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 20:15:12 EDT

@hatepaperdoll: Nah, Spiro Agnew...she's very Greek.

ObtuseIntolerant

FATAL_BIPOLAR_HOTNESS — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 20:11:47 EDT

That picture of Hilbama is so wrong...

FATAL_BIPOLAR_HOTNESS

FemiNuisance — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 19:22:46 EDT

I'm the decendant of the Hershey's Chocolate family... kind of. Hershey's daughter or whatever married into my family... and was disowned for doing so. Heh. But I coulda had free chocolate!

FemiNuisance

thatsspinach — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:52:47 EDT

I want to find out who I am distantly related to so bad now!

thatsspinach

Tenno — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:28:06 EDT

@hatepaperdoll: Ouch!

Tenno

FairhairedOptimist — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:34:59 EDT

@Dauphine:
@I Will Not Stop Feeding My Fat Baby: I think this is what the Duggars are going for, a "new Eve" race!

FairhairedOptimist

FairhairedOptimist — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:33:07 EDT

@braak: You made my brain hurt with that explanation (but that doesn't take much), but I think I got it. Thanks!

FairhairedOptimist

Dauphine — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:32:36 EDT

@Emily: It's mitochondrial Eve. All of humanity alive today can trace back, through mitochondrial DNA which only comes from the mother, to one woman about 140 000 years ago somewhere around Ethiopia. She's our most recent common ancestor. Of course, if a whole bunch of the population were to die off, we'd get a new mEve. /end anthropology nerding.

Dauphine

sarrible — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:07:30 EDT

@InternSharon: I've been thinking for days that the "If They Mated" Hillbama picture looks like Kimberly Peirce. Anyone?

And I'm directly related, through my mom, to the fellow who stuck a pickaxe in Leon Trotsky's skull. We are really not that violent a family, I promise.

sarrible

J.D.Regent — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:56:25 EDT

@FATAL_BIPOLAR_HOTNESS: oh i think the opposite -- Angelina isn't afraid of a little warmaking, but Brad just wants someone cool who makes him feel good.

J.D.Regent

I Will Not Stop Feeding My Fat Baby — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:53:48 EDT

Some ridiculous percentage of Asians are descended from Genghis Khan because the bastard had thousands of children.

This is why the Duggar family scares me. One day, all of America will be Duggars!

I Will Not Stop Feeding My Fat Baby

hatepaperdoll — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:50:48 EDT

@NefariousNewt: I was going to say that!

hatepaperdoll

J.D.Regent — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:48:58 EDT

only relations are peasants, priests and the odd murderer on my sides. there go those presedential hopes!

J.D.Regent

Leiakat — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:44:53 EDT

@westvillagegirl: 'Skal' actually. It is used in all Scandinavia - those crazy former Vikings.

Leiakat

tell Dolly Parton again — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:41:34 EDT

@Leiakat: We're probably related, then. I've got Mayflower all up in my business. Though on my mom's side it's all Georgia hillbillies that old neighbors don't want to talk about, so the real purebloods probably wouldn't accept me.

tell Dolly Parton again

katieb: in charge of the war on the poor. — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:34:49 EDT

@tscheese: fool was TINY like 4 foot eight.
@westvillagegirl:You are welcomed to join the illustrious club.

katieb: in charge of the war on the poor.

westvillagegirl (exhiled in chicago) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:28:25 EDT

@tscheese: Yeah, the Norwegians are fun. You know what their "cheers/salud" is? Skull. Because they used to drink toasts out of their enemies' skulls. Macabre, but cool.

westvillagegirl (exhiled in chicago)

Leiakat — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:28:20 EDT

@westvillagegirl: That makes you related to Eleanor of Aquitaine and Richard the Lionhearted. Not bad.

I'm a direct of Oliver Cromwell. Since my other half is Irish that is all kinds on inner conflict.

Leiakat

westvillagegirl (exhiled in chicago) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:26:08 EDT

@SpicyTamale: !Viva Zapata! (sorry don't know how to do upsidedown exclamation point)

westvillagegirl (exhiled in chicago)

braak — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:26:03 EDT

@tscheese: Cousins means that you're the same generation, and "removed" means that you're a generation apart. First cousins have parents who are siblings. Second cousins have parents who are first cousins, and grandparents who are siblings. Third cousins have parents that are second cousins, grandparents that are first cousins, and great grand parents that are siblings.

"Once removed" is a step up or down. So, if yours and my parents are first cousins, you would be my second cousin, and your parents would be my second cousins once removed, because they're a generational step up from you, my second cousin.

I would be your parents' first cousins once removed, because I'm a generational step down from my parents, their first cousins.

braak

Yes_Tim_Gunn — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:24:28 EDT

Apparently I'm related to James Joyce by marriage on *both* sides of the family. My mom thinks this is "wicked cool". I'm indiffernt to vaguely skeeved.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

InternSharon — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:22:07 EDT

Combined, they appear to be the long lost Olsen Triplet.

InternSharon

AlannaBanana — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:21:34 EDT

@smileonadog: Mine too! Russians, German Jews, and Czech gypsies... probably all the servants of Angelina's great-great-great-third-cousin-twice-removed. Except for Henry Kissinger, who was bombing people's ancestral villages. Oh, cuz!

AlannaBanana

tscheese — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:21:23 EDT

Also, since I'm lazy and it's not like I have the entire Internet and Google right at my fingertips or anything:

What does it mean after you get past "third cousin" in the like, geneology path? When do you start using "once removed" or "twice" removed? What does the "removed" part even mean?

tscheese

stacyinbean — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:20:07 EDT

So if I'm related to Winston Churchill too, does that mean I'm also related to Obama? I'm going to go with yes because that will make my day. Thanks New England Historic Genealogical Society!

stacyinbean

smileonadog — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:19:04 EDT

As a descendant or poor eastern european and irish servant class people, my ancestors were probably emptying the bedpans of the distant relatives of famous people.

smileonadog

westvillagegirl (exhiled in chicago) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:18:46 EDT

@ghanima: I am related to related to King John, who signed the Magna Carta. Not a saint, but still pretty good, right?

westvillagegirl (exhiled in chicago)

RyanB — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:18:32 EDT

@tscheese: LOL - that would be a stretch. Rather, Shiloh would be related to both of them right? Auntie Hillary and Uncle Barack

RyanB

ndngrl — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:15:25 EDT

@braak: Perhaps I should! I can go horseback riding with Athina! Or maybe kiteboarding with ol' Stavros.

ndngrl

ceejeemcbeegee — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:13:12 EDT

One day, genetics will make the social construct of race obsolete.

Yay!

ceejeemcbeegee

Leiakat — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:12:36 EDT

@ghanima: Everyone was really short back then.

Leiakat

marin79 — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:11:12 EDT

@SpicyTamale: lol! Where did good old Rachy go... and just when I've been taking Truman classes with Katastic to drop some knowledge on her

marin79

tscheese — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:11:01 EDT

@RyanB: But if Brad Pitt is a distant distant relative of Obama, and if Angelina Jolie is a distant distant relative of Hillary, they are related! Through Shiloh, yo! Like, retroactively!

I just thought way too hard about that.

tscheese

Leiakat — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:10:50 EDT

@Miss Pelled: Very true. I'm a direct descendant of a signer, so on that side of the family we seem to be everyone's cousin.

Leiakat

braak — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:10:08 EDT

@ndngrl: You should call and find out. I'm sure the Onassis family could afford to throw a couple million your way.

Greeks love big families.

braak

ndngrl — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:08:02 EDT

@tscheese: Blood axe is pretty sweet! I've got some cool ancestor's names too! My favorite is "Kills Them in the Face". Its way cooler than the boring last name they gave my family in boarding schools centuries ago. :P

ndngrl

ineffable.me — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:07:20 EDT

@braak: thank you.

ineffable.me

NefariousNewt — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:05:59 EDT

@hatepaperdoll: Oh well. I suppose it could be worse: she could be related to Michael Dukakis.

NefariousNewt

ndngrl — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:05:28 EDT

The only non Indian ancestor I know of is my grandfather who came over from Greece in the early 1950s. Maybe I'm related to some of those shipping magnates?

ndngrl

tscheese — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:04:36 EDT

I am some kind of descendant of Harald Fairhair, the first king of Norway. His son's name was Eric Bloodaxe. Isn't that awesome? My geneology reads like death metal lyrics.

Tscheese Bloodaxe. It totally sounds great, right? Or like an underdone cheeseburger. Sigh.

Also, Hillarack? Still hot.

tscheese

katieb: in charge of the war on the poor. — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:04:29 EDT

[www.stjohnneumann.org] not one of the most famous to be sure, but his body is in a class coffin in North Philly, (but everything was covered up, so, kind of disapointing) I went to see it. He was really short.

katieb: in charge of the war on the poor.

hatepaperdoll — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:02:48 EDT

@NefariousNewt: She's probably related to Kerry.

hatepaperdoll

braak — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:01:26 EDT

@ineffable.me: I kind of am, too.

braak

andBegorrah — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:01:06 EDT

Just found out that I'm semi-distantly related to my dept. adviser--we're both from completely different parts of the country, neither place being where this university is. Odd. But awesome for my letters of recommendations.

andBegorrah

SpicyTamale πβɸ — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:00:34 EDT

I'm related to Emiliano Zapata.
look it up.
Hola.

SpicyTamale πβɸ

RyanB — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:00:00 EDT

Surprised they didn't find that the two were related to each other. Now that's a story, I tell ya

RyanB

SpicyTamale πβɸ — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:59:13 EDT

Obama is related to Truman?? OMG I bet Rachystyles is soooooo jealous!

SpicyTamale πβɸ

marin79 — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:58:46 EDT

So Hill is distantly related to Angelina… does this mean Moe is gonna change her avatar?

marin79

ineffable.me — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:57:35 EDT

Also I am strangely attracted to the HillOma on the cover of that magazine. I dont know what that says about me :(

ineffable.me

badmutha — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:57:29 EDT

@ghanima: Which saint are you related to?

badmutha

sarrible — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:57:22 EDT

@zivah: I can't remember the standup comedian who talks about it, but someone was musing on why people always think they were famous in past lives. Like, I'm Catherine the Great, reincarnated as a short grad student who doesn't like horses. This is kind of like that. Personally, I'm sure I'm related to lots of French and Irish peasants. And Brad Pitt, of course.

sarrible

Miss Pelled — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:56:41 EDT

@NefariousNewt: Exactly. I mean, hasn't it been shown that something like 90% of all U.S. presidents have been related in some way or another?

Chances are, if any part of your family is of English stock and has been in the U.S. for 150 years or so, you're related to them as well. If your family came in the late 19th century and was from some other area, especially a non-English-speaking country, you're probably not related. And if you can trace your ancestry back to American slaves, you're likely related to the presidential folks as well, thanks to the widespread sexual exploitation within the U.S. slave system.

Miss Pelled

FATAL_BIPOLAR_HOTNESS — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:56:13 EDT

Now I am positive that Angelina got those lips from a Quebecois slave..
Somehow I see Angie voting for Obama and Brad for Hills..

FATAL_BIPOLAR_HOTNESS

AlannaBanana — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:56:01 EDT

I'm related to Henry Kissinger. Sorry, everybody!

AlannaBanana

braak — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:55:20 EDT

@jezebelacious: I am not related to anybody famous.

I know, we checked, over and over.

Of course, I can only trace my family tree back three generations on any side, so.

braak

RyanB — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:55:10 EDT

@chelotoyou: I saw it this morning in the New Republic. It has subsequently altered my outlook on my entire day

RyanB

badmutha — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:54:10 EDT

I am kind of screwed on this account. My grandfather's mother was full blooded Choctaw, and there ain't too many of those records about.

badmutha

FemiNuisance — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:52:49 EDT

Obama= Brad Pitt

Hils= Angelina

Me= Not shocked

FemiNuisance

chelotoyou — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:52:10 EDT

@RyanB: jinx! ; )

chelotoyou

chelotoyou — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:51:51 EDT

Hey, that blended cover art is terrible, btw - someone should be shot for pulling that crap out of the early 90's art-trick closet.

chelotoyou

NefariousNewt — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:50:30 EDT

@zivah: You've go to remember: despite immigration in the 19th Century, a lot of families that have political connections derive from the original European settlers on the North American continent. And those family lines were well delineated for the longest time. It makes some perverse sense that people in positions of power would trace their lineage back to a relatively few people of privilege.

NefariousNewt

RyanB — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:50:28 EDT

Oh that morphed photo! Looks like an androgynous robot

RyanB

jezebelacious — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:50:11 EDT

We're all related to someone notable, and there are always surprises; always. I found out I'm distantly related to Thoreau and Lucille Ball. Fine company methinks.

jezebelacious

LagunaBitch — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:49:39 EDT

Gross. If I am related to GW I am disowning myself.

LagunaBitch

eleanorstrousers — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:49:29 EDT

So Shiloh is the perfect blend of all those Obama/ Hillary genes? Shiloh Jolie-Pitt for President- 2046.

eleanorstrousers

harshmellow — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:49:24 EDT

And everyone listed is related to Kevin Bacon.

harshmellow

Elisheva — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:49:03 EDT

So, if we're going to pull the Hillary "I have more experience because I have lived in the White House and know these things" card, we can go, "Hey, Obama's related to all these politicians, so his experience must be 'hereditary', too!"

Elisheva

thevagrantweed — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:48:28 EDT

Wow, this is a great way to spend money and time! Way to go.

thevagrantweed

NefariousNewt — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:47:58 EDT

@hatepaperdoll: Maybe she's related to McCain?

NefariousNewt

chelotoyou — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:47:57 EDT

@hatepaperdoll: hahaha! awful.

chelotoyou

katieb: in charge of the war on the poor. — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:47:44 EDT

Yeah well I'm related to a saint. a saint! beat that bitches.

katieb: in charge of the war on the poor.

NefariousNewt — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:47:05 EDT

So Brad is from the Obama branch, and Angelina is from the Hillary branch? Now the question is, will Brangelina get invited to the White House?

NefariousNewt

Emily — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:46:45 EDT

Response 1: I'm related to yo mama.

Response 2: Aren't we all related to six African women? The Eve Hypothesis, anyone?

Emily

JudgeFudge — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:45:50 EDT

But how will this effect the Pennsylvania primaries?!!!

JudgeFudge

mepo — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:45:41 EDT

But neither were related to Lo Bosworth?

mepo

FancyInk — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:45:39 EDT

This is good, but would be better if it was also revealed that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were distantly related.

FancyInk

angryblackgurl — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:45:35 EDT

As long as I am not related to Flavor Flav I am cool!!!

angryblackgurl

jezebellian is feeling cranky — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:45:12 EDT

@hatepaperdoll: ha!

jezebellian is feeling cranky

zivah — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:44:53 EDT

How is it possible that all these folks have such well-developed family trees! And happen to be related to other famous folks? I call a large stinking pile of BS.

zivah

ineffable.me — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:44:50 EDT

SEX DEGREES OF SEPARATION?
omg, what a newsflash.

ineffable.me

haguenite — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:44:36 EDT

So voting for Obama really means voting for Bush! (Do I need a sarcasm tag?)

haguenite

braak — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:44:35 EDT

How many of them are part of the Wold-Newcott Family, do you suppose?

braak

ilikenoise — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:44:30 EDT

If were a conspiracy theorist I would have such a boner right now.