the whole situation is insane. . . . .

the_wiggle

Check out the site below:

[www.aphroditewomenshealth.com]

Cheers,
TT

TT_Comments

2) She couldn't distinguish, at all, between her husband and another person? HMMMM........ I wonder how many women would buy that bullshit excuse? HMMM........

3) The room she slept in was so dark, so inky black, that her eyes couldn't adjust to make out a shape, form, or face? HMMMMM........

4) Apparently the room was soundproof, too? Because I'm sure there was complete silence, right? No one said anything, nor a grunt ever had. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM....

5) And apparently the room suppresses scents, too. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...........

No one thinks that this wife thought for one second a guilty brother might fess up, and she pre-empted it by thanking her husband for the sex? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.......................

She was obviously NOT asleep, and she knew EXACTLY what was going down. This dude simply doesn't want to face the facts: His lady got bizay with one of his brothers. Abby is right. Totally.

antishock8

Nightcrush

purplejesus

But at least i can flip the switch with fox and there aren't any bugs.. well...i can swat em off the tv real easy. heh. i digress.
This is a no Brainer just like babs up there.

Your right on all accounts- God you cracked me up..

I had a girl who tried to tell me on line one time: that she "accidentally" told her husband while she was sleeping in- a- dream
that she cheated on him just -before -they- got- married -while- they- were -engaged-
with-his-best-friend-while-he-was-workin.....blah de boo boo!
:: sigh ::

She just couldn't understand why on EARTH her husband then immediately walked out on her and was just a tad bit upset!
It just slipped out..a whole story whilest she slept silently like a princess.{oopsie}
I wonder if she included the guys dick size in there too?

Later, while on the same game site...
she asks my fiance to get on cam and have a "chat".
Next thing he knew she appeared in a silk nighty.
Another "oopsie".
She didn't mean nothing by it ..OF COURSE!
I cannot tell you how many times i "accidentally" slept with a man.

I am sure this pussy of a husband will sit down with his "wife" and she will explain the "rape" and they will raise the twins as their own.

FIN

cleanasapistle

nerdsausage is a busysausage

whynotshesaid

Blujai

Maya Twocents

INORIGHT

Drinky O'Drunkerton

nerdsausage is a busysausage

I think it's fake, too, but I don't think it's all that impossible. If I take certain medication (NyQuil, Benadryl), I am BEYOND out of this world. Once I took a sleeping pill that is essentially Benadryl but sold as a sleeping pill. I can slug alcohol like there is no tomorrow and remember everything, but that sleeping pill? OH.MY.GOD. If someone ever decides to slip that into my drink, I am so screwed. I was beyond fucked up for 12 hours and still felt groggy at the 24 hour mark.

So, if she was effed up on cold meds, then I think it could very well happen. Possibly.

little stripes

And for the record, I think you where trying to make a valid point, but believe my ADD self, it comes off better maybe if you reread and solidify your argument before you hit submit. There. was that nicer? ;)

Trashtastic is proud to be an American!!!!

It's not even 10am and I seriously need a margarita. A big one.

telecomic the thoughtful red panda

*IF* this letter to Faux Abby is true, as the wife, I'd beat the living hell out of each one of my brothers-in-law. And punch my in-laws in their throats for raising the lil' bastards.

and then track down the Faux Abby and kick her in the spleen with a work boot.

telecomic the thoughtful red panda

constancescott1990

I may be a little late in my response, but no one has yet pointed out my first reaction to your comment. And yes, I did actually take your point seriously (although I admit, it galled me just a little bit to do so).

You're right - some people are liars, and through their past behavior have shown themselves worthy of skepticism when they cry "wolf". I know many such people, and I do certainly approach their accusations with some caution. That said, in this particular case you don't know the woman being written about, and the only information on which you can base an examination of her character is what her husband says about her, him being the only person with input who actually knows her and presumably knows quite a bit about her character. He obviously doesn't think she was trying to cover anything up, and he clearly believes that she was violated and a victim of rape. You might say he is just being naive, that of course he doesn't want to believe his wife would knowingly sleep with one of his brothers. Maybe he is, we have no way to know one way or the other. But that's just my point - we don't know these people, therefore we have no valid way to judge their characters! So suggesting that we/Dear Abby should question a woman's character and look with skepticism on the possibility that she has been raped simply because you know others who would lie, especially when what little information we do have is all in support of her not having a history of lying or lacking character... Well, let's just say that it pained me to take that seriously, and even when I did it still didn't stand up to scrutiny. Call me a parrot if you'd like.

The Boyg

Anyway. I don't believe this is about doubting a wife's rape story. She doesn't believe she was raped, and the mistaken identity thing is a pretty complicated issue. Frankly, I can't buy that she could mistake a brother for her husband. There's no way all the brothers smell, taste, and fuck the same. For that reason, I think this entire story is fake. It's all way too absurd.

archipelagic

I hope Abby thinks long and hard about her decision to choose (what she thougt) was the more plausible explanation, even if it meant betting against the victim. I hope she feels guilty for advancing this culture: leading to the aquittal of guilty rapists, the debasement of traumatized women who dare to come forward, and the threat of both such eventualities which leads women to hide their assaults.

I feel like my response is oddly sensationalist compared to most of the rest of you (and I edited it quite alot), but OMG I find this shit appalling.

B_boy

Which is a roundabout way of saying that if Abby, Mark 2 thought she was being fucked with, she should have said so explicitly. As written, her response comes across as though she believes that something did happen, and is giving some truly unconscionable advice. To put this on the wife requires either some fucked-up old-school blaming of the victim, some truly baroque thinking (we've seen a bunch of that in the comments here), or an unjustified assumption that some pretty obscure kinks are at play.

nerdsausage is a busysausage

kcs

Maya Twocents

As for the rest of it, I am ill. And PRAYING it's a fake. Because, yes, Abbey Jr. did go immediately to the "she's lying" place right off the bat (which has been nicely debunked by many of you, based on logic - hello, why would she thank him??), and that makes me totally sick.

Abbey: STOP.

Maya Twocents

i do think that publishing this letter was completely irresponsible, as regardless of whether the woman was aware of who she was having sex with or not, widely publicizing this only perpetrates the myth surrounding women falsely crying rape, and someone whose entire career is based upon having common sense should know this.

leaderbean

As for this rapist's brother's ........Enjoy the Karma!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BeachLover

darkhorse

Trixie from Toronto

Political Party Girl

and just from my point of view sex in other peoples houses is diffrent by nature. I am an army wife we get 30 days off a year so for 2 weeks i am at home visiting. 2 weeks is a long time to go with no sex, so my husband and i are very quite and we move very very slow so we don't make any noise that would give us away, so there goes that theory.

I buy the husbands story his wife was raped. he needs not to go to them but to the police.

This was a bold act and the brother who did this is not going to stop and may have done something like this before.

And the wife could set up a law suit of her own if this "advice" has effected her marriage.

usermametaken

to add to my fucks, fuck you, dear abby! get off the pages of the paper and out of middle america's lives!

onesong

"Holy shit, I just saw him in the hallway over your shoulder, I think he saw us fucking!"

"Holy shit, what do we do?"

"Holy shit, we have to think of something!"

"Holy shit, OK, tomorrow, tell him you're glad he came to your room and banged you. Make him think you thought it was him!"

"Holy shit, he'll never believe that!"

"What choice do we have? We'll have to try it! There are all sorts of us brothers; he won't be able to figure out which one of us it was!"

That is all.

Bjork says something else: "Can't we all just get along?"

Trixie from Toronto

laughingacademy

I guess that makes her an expert?

I saw this column in my local paper and couldn't believe my eyes.

pablmom

PICKLES_IN_MY_TUNA

'Cause if that's kcs' reality, so s/he needs to validate it by seeing the rest of the world buy into it, too.

TigerTail

Political Party Girl

SarahMC

The wife was not 100% certain it was her husband, so instead of being like "OMG! One of your brothers raped me last night!', she tried to suss out the situation by dropping the innocuous 'I love that you came into my room last night.' She was hoping her husband was going to be like "Heh. You were awesome, too."

Instead she got uneasy silence and some presumptive advice from a crone. Way to throw gas on the fire, Abby! Because the guy isn't in enough emotional turmoil as it is.

kikichanelconspiracy

Lawyer talking here BTW.

SkipToMyLou

Magister

Though, as I said:; I really doubt the story because nothing about it sounds true.

Magister

When it comes to these types, I actually prefer the term rape enabler, to rape apologist, because it's more accurate. This sort of crap is the main reason that so few rapes are ever reported. That's a proud legacy, I'm sure.

Do these idiots have any idea what a woman goes through, when she reports a rape? Have they ever actually known a woman, who was raped? Do they have ANY women in their lives that they even give a rat's ass about?

IBinMN

NefariousNewt

PICKLES_IN_MY_TUNA

...while we were driving home, Marybeth told me she was glad I had come to her room after all and made love to her.

Abby, it wasn't me!

Think about how you would react if you were the husband and you heard that while driving. Wouldn't you go? "What? What do you mean, you are glad I came into your room. What are you talking about?"

No. Apparently he said nothing, didn't crash the car, and let her assume that he did it. Does that sound like the response of a normal human? What does it say about him or their relationship that he doesn't instantly say, "What?"

The reaction that he gives here sounds like someone writing a Penthouse letter, only from the point of view of the cuckolded husband instead of the guilty brother. Here would be the brother's Penthouse letter (probably also a fake based on a fantasy.)

"Dear Penthouse: I never thought I'd be writing you but recently I had an experience I'd like to share with your readers. We were all trapped in a snowbound house. My brother's wife has the hots for me, but doesn't want to admit it..."

The other thing that just seems wrong is that after not saying, "WHAT?" to the wife, he quickly figures out that one of the brother's did it.

have talked to each of my brothers (they all know about this), but they won't say who it was for fear of causing a rift between the guilty party and me. I told them that unless I find out who it was, there will be a permanent rift between all of us. (Marybeth still doesn't know it wasn't me.)

That means that the other brothers were either talking or joking about it. Again, does this sound real to you?
Just how clueless are these people in reading each other's facial expressions and knowing each other's history and motives?

I could see someone trying to cover up for someone if they had a consensual affair, but for having sex under false pretenses? I think they might really be afraid of someone getting killed.

Now if this letter writer wanted to write to Dan Savage instead of Dear Abby, he might have asked other questions before giving advice. "How did your wife say this to you? How is your current love life? Do you have any talks about sex outside marriage?"
He might view this letter (if real) as a way for the wife to open up the topic of having sex with others, but it really depends on how it was said and their history together.

Since the real Dear Abby resigned, the new Dear Abby has been giving crummy advice. (BTW, I believe that someone was going to spill the beans that Dear Abby hadn't been writing the advice for years. The switch was too sudden and it smelled of some sort of threat, like "You fess up or we fire Dear Abby!"

BTW, I wonder if this letter was edited for space. Maybe details were left off of the story.

The advice is terrible and, I believe, the letter isn't telling the whole story OR the letter is a fake from the clever students at Yale. (Who I think had a history of pulling these stunts on Dear Abby)

spocko

And yet, thank GOD, no one would immediately jump to the point that "some people lie about being beaten up" when a hate crime happens.

jammiriffic

But why? When I got sick a few months ago with something close to pneumonia, I slept on my couch for over a week. Partly because I couldn't breathe laying down in bed, but once I felt better, I didn't want to wake my husband with my incessant coughing. I just don't get why that sent your bells a-ringin' is all.

LilahCello

jammiriffic

eraserheadpixies (now representing norwegian xanax and JESUS!1!@#!)

eraserheadpixies (now representing norwegian xanax and JESUS!1!@#!)

eraserheadpixies (now representing norwegian xanax and JESUS!1!@#!)

Trashtastic is proud to be an American!!!!

SarahMC

Trashtastic is proud to be an American!!!!

Loreley

The whole conversation with the wife sounds made up and the husband says that one of his brothers raped his wife, but none of the others will rat him out. This would assume that the brothers all got together and one of them bragged about betraying his brother, which I really find doubtful and it also implies that all of his brothers dislike him. The whole thing's made up and though Moe's hyperbole about AIDs testing and therapy is a little misplaced, plus an investigation (talking to) may be in order. It looks to me like "Abby's" mistake was answering the letter.

BTW: I quit reading "Abby", when the column got passed down like a legacy.

Magister

J.D.Regent

J.D.Regent

SBJ

TruculentandUnreliable

TruculentandUnreliable

pink_orchid_martini

Yet those who parrot the 'liar' line accuse us of being parrots...

Maybe next time there's a rape thread everyone ignores them and gets a good old debate going on issues that haven't been discussed much before? I have a feeling the liar brigade will be pissed off and quiet if no one pays attention to them.

gherkinfiend

lainykai

TruculentandUnreliable

rbdfoxes

In Britain an accusation only reaches court if it is seen to be in the public interest and has a realistic chance of conviction. I'm not sure if it's the same in America.

The rate of attrition before trial is astronomical...and often the accuser is thought to be of unsuitable character by the police and legal system, so they don't put the case forward to trial, but the man's name is still in the public domain... so neither gets their day in court, meaning if he's guilty he gets off scot-free, but that if he's innocent, the victim looks like a liar...even if the police identified the rapist, not her.

No one is coming out of this well. It perpetuates rape myths and often allows rapists to go free and muddies the waters around a serious issue that not only fucks up people's lives, but costs vast sums of money and puts huge strain on society in other ways.

But I never notice this stuff getting discussed in depth because usually too much time has to go on simply defending women who have been raped...

gherkinfiend

Sloan

In any case, Abby's response was beyond the pale. She often does this. Ann Landers was the cool one. The original Abby was also much wiser and even-handed.

Lizawithazee

TruculentandUnreliable

Lizawithazee

And I really, really, really wish that people would remember that there are rape victims who post here and who read here, and that there are probably rape victims in their lives that they don't even realize are victims, and every fucking time someone comes along and says "Women lie about being raped," they feel even more marginalized and minimized by society.

TruculentandUnreliable

stacyinbean

pickflick

I have sometimes had early morning, still mostly asleep, never open my eyes sex - esp. after a fight - but if I found out it was with somone who WASN'T my husband, someone would be losing their junk in short order.

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!

PICKLES_IN_MY_TUNA

Geez. Where was I going with this anyway? Why are we arguing about some stupid letter about a bunch of people that don't exist? It's time to go home.

cocoesq

Crazydogggz

exelizabeth

cocoesq

rsr26

But she *may* be lying about her cold (which took her husband out of the bedroom), and keeping up the pretense by pretending to be unaware that it wasn't him. This way, her (theoretical) affair can be concealed.

It's an unusual story (especially concerning some of the details pointed out by some here), told by man or woman, so it bears additional examination. It's possible that it's simply a bizarre chain of events, but sometimes things do fit too perfectly to be true. Either is equally possible with the facts we have at hand, so I don't see why offering either possibility should invite attack.

The "problem" with justice is that it must examine both parties. The accused feels already judged because he must be investigated, while the accuser feels judged because her claims can't be taken at face value.

It's really odd that the husband didn't say anything right away, enough to leave his wife apparently ignorant. The sick realization that someone else had sex with my spouse -- meaning she was either raped or cheated on me with my own brother -- would have sent me skidding off the road. He must have the best poker face in the world.

Gloria

Your response just didn't feel right to me. (And clearly others.) I think it could have been said better.
That.is.all.

CreoleSugar

ceejeemcbeegee

rsr26

(Yes, I have seen SWF, I know women can rape too.)

gigisinatra

exelizabeth

cocoesq

TruculentandUnreliable

In your world, every story is a chance to talk about the women who lie. In your world, the women are the ones on trial.

exelizabeth

[consumerist.com]

alphafemale

rsr26

JustT

And, really, don't discount the cold medicine thing. If I take NyQuil, for example, I become extremely disconnected from my body. (I mean, I'll move my arm, and then look at it and think, "Who moved that?")

All of that said, this is a profoundly weird letter, and I hope it's a prank.

(Oh! Maybe the husband's a sleepwalker and doesn't know it!)

snarkhunting

exelizabeth

rsr26

Look, a few women lie. The vast majority don't. The vast majority don't even report the rape because they are afraid of exactly what you say we should do: analyzing their history and character. Most of us wouldn't stand up in sexual purity court. You are also arguing that some women deserve to be raped, like scumbags deserve to be robbed (which isn't true, either).

Basically, you are old news and we are tired of your type.

exelizabeth

rsr26

Maybe we should have a post about women lying about rape one day, and then everyone can go wallow in the wank. It would probably be cathartic for everyone. There would no doubt be tears.

snarkhunting

motokitty

PICKLES_IN_MY_TUNA

And that's why it's tiresome and seems to be motivated by something shittier and deeper than just being a "devil's advocate." Because you're not a devil's advocate; you are just saying something that society has been telling women all their lives--that they are untrustworthy, manipulative liars and sluts.

TruculentandUnreliable

snarkhunting

Sorry, but that "we decided I should sleep elsewhere" just sets off my alarms. Take that out and I'm an avenger of the night kicking ass and taking names.

Macloserboy

I know there are women who have lied about rape, but it seems to me that rape is a situation where sympathy should lie with the victim before questioning their integrity.

And as more of a comment-reader than a comment-maker, I have to say that I think jezebels are open to different perspectives. I'm trying to be a parrot, I just find your "different perspective" offensive.

romasun

In your world, we wouldn't even have a trial for accused rapists. It would simply be a matter of how long a prison sentence one should serve.

rsr26

I forgot.

NewsBunny

The next day, while we were driving home, Marybeth told me she was glad I had come to her room after all and made love to her.
Abby, it wasn't me! She had mistaken one of my brothers for me in the darkness. We are all about the same size and build.
I have talked to each of my brothers (they all know about this), but they won't say who it was for fear of causing a rift between the guilty party and me. I told them that unless I find out who it was, there will be a permanent rift between all of us. (Marybeth still doesn't know it wasn't me.)

WTF? Why in the hell didn't this guy immediately stop his car and say, "Honey, that wasn't me, I didn't come into your room last night." I mean, what the fuck did he do? Play along with it and say, "oh... uh.... no problem.... your welcome..."

Come on!! Abby is fucked because not only did she suggest the wife is lying, she only suggests hubby tell the wife so that she can get tested.... uh how about the fact that she may want to call the fucking cops and press charges.... Oh no you stupid fuck of a husband, continue driving home, let your wife shower and rinse away any evidence that might be obtained, let weeks pass so the memory of it becomes so vague that when she does finally find out what happened, she won't be able to recall anything that might tell her which brother it was....

And oh yeah hubby, if you had called the cops maybe your brothers would be more willing to rat out the guilty party. Jesus H. Christ, the cops have the option of arresting all of them for aiding and abetting .... And maybe they ought to arrest you to, Hubby, cause you've done a great job of obstructing of justice.

alphafemale

AGAIN, the fucking statistics show that people are no more likely to file false rape reports than any other crime. Furthermore, because a victim is charged for her rape kit, often dragged through the mud, and required to face sometimes traumatizing and humiliating exams and questions from police officers, rapes are probably underreported.

And if you've been reading Jez for the last six months, you'd know that we already have one rape apologist. We sure as shit don't need another.

TruculentandUnreliable

SarahMC

If my boyfriend told me one morning (after us sleeping apart?!) "Thanks for the sexin' last night," and I knew it wasn't me in the bedroom, I wouldn't be able to play along. I would be out of control pissed. First at him for not recognizing a naked woman that's not me, and then at whomever it was taking advatage of him.

Maybe the letter writer was describing a problem he heard happened to a friend-of-a-friend. Why bother questioning the brothers? Why not rat them out to your parents and have your parents disown or kick them out of their house (they're way too old to be living at home, all in bedrooms next to each other anyway). The whole thing is weird and smells of urban legend.

Gumbina80

SarahMC

SarahMC

I do believe the wife, for those who care. I think the husband's brother did take advantage of her without her knowledge. And I should hope that the husband believes her, and I do agree that it's silly that the wife would say something to her husband if she did know. But my point is, it is impossible for these columns to take letters with very little specifics and make a certain judgment.

Ack

kcs

JustT

CreoleSugar

I'm just weirded out that'd she say something the next day and Abby's taking it as some sort of 'confession'.

allora

I prefer Dear Margot personally.

BeSarcastic

Political Party Girl

hotpotatoes

If the question had been "Is my wife a slut for getting raped?" then Abby would have torn the guy a new one. Trust.

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!

CreoleSugar

TruculentandUnreliable

Political Party Girl

CreoleSugar

PICKLES_IN_MY_TUNA

Why I know this, I don't know.

NewsBunny

I never "blamed" her. My point was that this whole story was fishy and to assume that Dear Abby is doubting rape is a little presumptuous going on a 2 paragraph letter.

Ack

But seriously, YESYESYES!

N i s t h a

Political Party Girl

MakeMeSmile

ceejeemcbeegee

The wife STILL doesn't know it wasn't her husband who had sex with her that night. And I don't see the wife's motivation to lie to her husband like that. Even if you assume she was cheating, why would she mention the sex? Why wouldn't she just not say anything?

And why do you immediately question the veracity of any woman's rape claim? If I said someone robbed my house, would you question whether or not I was telling the truth?

Political Party Girl

stacyinbean

TruculentandUnreliable

rsr26