Bearly Legal - Jezebel Comments

Bearly Legal

zivah — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 09:05:46 EDT

It reminds me of forfeiture cases, where you'll get case names like "United States of America v. 3,451 cases of margerine."

zivah

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That_little_attention_whore — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:24:22 EDT

Ack! You guys missed the best part of the story! The beekeeper drove the bear away by blasting turbofolk! Turbofolk! Where's our girl from Belgrade?

That_little_attention_whore

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AnnaWintwhore — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 23:55:18 EDT

Everyone knows bears have no morals. They ransack your house when you're not there! At least squirrels have the decency to come in your window when you're there doin' dishes or somethin'

AnnaWintwhore

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N__B — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:44:41 EDT

I object to this entire item. It's bearist.

N__B

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Bohoinparadise — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:39:17 EDT

I guess this means that Yogi and Booboo aren't going to travel to Macidonia this spring break.

Bohoinparadise

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N i s t h a — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:39:28 EDT

who is**

blah.

grammar.

N i s t h a

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N i s t h a — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:38:50 EDT

Awwww. He's stealing honey from the beekeeper, whose stealing it from the bees.

...

-_-;;

N i s t h a

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B_boy — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:57:59 EDT

Bears are just like people, only better.

B_boy

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pesematology — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:20:01 EDT

If we're discarding species distinctions within the legal system, wouldn't the honey legally belong to the bees? If it's logical to convict a bear of stealing honey, it's also logical to convict the beekeeper of theft and all purchasers of honey of possession of stolen goods. And once that precedent is set, cows would be able to bring charges against dairy farmers and milk-drinkers as well. Not to mention of eggs, wool, and silk. And a lot of people would get life in prison because of meat, leather, fur, and cochineal extract.

pesematology

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HeliosHyperion — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:45:43 EDT

Macedonia, stop these shenanigans right now. This is why Greece won't let you be independent.

HeliosHyperion

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mllej if you're nasty — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:27:12 EDT

@badmutha: Yes, that was unbearweaveable. For shame.

mllej if you're nasty

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BitchIsTheNewBlack — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:11:12 EDT

awwwwwwwwwwwwww, da widdle bear!

*ahem* sorry, sometimes animal stories do that to me. You know how people react with babies? Yeah not me, I think animals are far cuter.

BitchIsTheNewBlack

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hellodarling! — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:02:17 EDT

@TheGintheCity: NOT WEIRD AT ALL. I couldn't really concentrate on reading the comments or the actual story, just "awwwwww, hi snuggle!!"

hellodarling!

Bearly Legal

midwesternmom — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:58:04 EDT

Anyone else think that bear looks like Brandon Davis? I'll bet LiLo will be all over him now, since she likes the bad boys.

midwesternmom

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badmutha — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:57:21 EDT

@mllej: OH! Its ok, I have no umbearage toward you. (that was sooo bad)

badmutha

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mllej if you're nasty — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:49:25 EDT

@badmutha: Sorry, I've gone bearserk. Damnit.

mllej if you're nasty

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badmutha — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:33:28 EDT

@mllej: oh no you didn't. Some puns just shouldn't be done.

badmutha

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ineffable.me — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:33:27 EDT

@BicSharpie: stop it youre killing me!

ineffable.me

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BicSharpie — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:32:40 EDT

@mllej: Brilliant.

BicSharpie

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mllej if you're nasty — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:30:57 EDT

@BicSharpie:
Oh no, I'd hate to see such a minor offense bruin an otherwise bright future.

mllej if you're nasty

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badmutha — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:30:10 EDT

Damnit! Too slow.

badmutha

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badmutha — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:29:48 EDT

Oh man, this could have been much more grizzly if other animals were involved. But I believe that farmer got a honey of a deal. Such as.

badmutha

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BicSharpie — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:27:57 EDT

@mllej: By the time he finishes paying off his debt to society, he will be a grizzlyed old man.

BicSharpie

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NoFrillsLabelWhore — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:23:28 EDT

@PopCultureSavant: No, thank you. It was a laugh much needed this Friday afternoon. ;)

NoFrillsLabelWhore

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mepo — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:22:01 EDT

Legal aid, these days it's a bear necessity.

mepo

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Neon.Wonder — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:21:54 EDT

I'm sure the state will go shoot it now to prevent any further inconviances.

Neon.Wonder

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PopCultureSavant — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:21:40 EDT

@NoFrillsLabelWhore: thank you!

@JessicaLovejoy: Backstairsly: kudos to you! i LOVE harvey birdman

PopCultureSavant

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mllej if you're nasty — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:20:53 EDT

@BicSharpie: It was heartbreaking to see his family in the gallery though. He's really embearassed his loved ones this time.

mllej if you're nasty

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PrairieGirl — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:20:48 EDT

Charging a bear with stealing honey? What's next, prosecuting him for shitting in the woods? Oh, wait, they do that on Kelly Ripa now.

PrairieGirl

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wigglepuppy — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:20:34 EDT

@alaskanbrownbear: wow, if only the state of new york had such good pr.

wigglepuppy

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funnyface — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:18:20 EDT

@midwesternmom: lolz.

I think this bear just had bad role models.

funnyface

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ineffable.me — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:15:40 EDT

@BicSharpie: i dont want to dignify such a joke with a laugh, but who am i kidding? HAHAHAHA.

ineffable.me

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ineffable.me — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:15:14 EDT

@alaskanbrownbear: jesus christ. amazing. just. amazing.

ineffable.me

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BicSharpie — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:13:41 EDT

@mllej: I heard that the original punishment was going to be that they cut off the bears limbs. His lawyer argued that he had a right to bear arms.

BicSharpie

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alaskanbrownbear — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:12:48 EDT

This bear in no way, shape or form represents bearkind generally or alaskan brown bears specifically. His criminal conduct is an outrage, and reflects poorly on the law-abiding bears everywhere who manage to keep their paws out of the various cookie jars, beehives, salmon streams and pic-a-nic baskets which humankind insists on leaving out solely to tempt and try those of bruin descent.
Signed, ABB

alaskanbrownbear

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midwesternmom — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:10:05 EDT

Obviously racial profiling. Someone saw a black bear with some honey, and everyone assumes he stole it.

midwesternmom

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mllej if you're nasty — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:09:34 EDT

@BicSharpie: "Please bear with me, your Honor, my client should be here any minute."

mllej if you're nasty

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pixie-stix — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:09:34 EDT

Boo boo is usually the fall guy, isn't he.

pixie-stix

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ineffable.me — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:09:29 EDT

@badmutha: shit, i need to work on my front.

ineffable.me

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NoFrillsLabelWhore — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:09:04 EDT

@PopCultureSavant: My fave comment of the day! :)

NoFrillsLabelWhore

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Snooties — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:07:56 EDT

Tsk, tsk; not showing up to court always pisses off the judge.

Snooties

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bigleggedwoman — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:07:17 EDT

@BicSharpie: Yay, humor! I feel better today.

bigleggedwoman

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AndSheWas — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:06:48 EDT

@special_boots: lol, it's the little things.

AndSheWas

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bigleggedwoman — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:06:42 EDT

@briardahl: Oh, that makes sense, 'cause I thought it was some kind of modern Aesop's Fable...

bigleggedwoman

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BicSharpie — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:06:35 EDT

I actually went to those court procedings. They were really boring and I found it to be unbearable.

BicSharpie

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bmorefool — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:05:58 EDT

So does this mean I can sue the state for getting perpetually stung by mosquitos and collect money for my dermatologist bills?

bmorefool

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wigglepuppy — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:05:46 EDT

@blondegrlz: hahaha! i am envisioning a whole Law and Order spinoff--L&O: criminal wildlife. i would have love to see what would have happened if the bear showed up in court...

wigglepuppy

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brookidy — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:05:05 EDT

@badmutha: Oh, badmutha...my daughter had a HUGE Pooh stage. I know the words to all of the songs.

brookidy

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PICKLES — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:04:17 EDT

I saw that bear hanging out with some unicorns...

PICKLES

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badmutha — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:02:38 EDT

@ineffable.me l0v3s unicorns!1!!1!: I should have deduced this fact from your calling him "Winnie" instead of "Pooh" or "Pooh Bear."

badmutha

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Jessi Ramsey — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:02:31 EDT

@blondegrlz: Hear Hear. We need to get these hoodlums of the streets. I'll bring it up to Taylor Doosey at the next town meeting.

Jessi Ramsey

Bearly Legal

jse82 — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:02:31 EDT

ehh, what else is there really to do in Macedonia aside from sue bears? I cant say I'm all that surprised...

jse82

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andromache — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:02:23 EDT

stephen colbert was right all along!

andromache

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special_boots — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:01:45 EDT

@AndSheWas: OMG you've made my day.

special_boots

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Ptarmigan — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:01:37 EDT

This is going to be just like in Legally Blond when Reece finds out that Chutney had a perm that day, and she didn't take a shower, so therefore shot her Dad. blah, blah, blah, the bear is innocent because Chutney shot him and took the honey.

Ptarmigan

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briardahl — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:01:28 EDT

Not so bizarre at all -- the bear's legally protected, so the guy can't physically prevent it from stealing his honey (by, say, shooting it), and allowable methods aren't working. He's basically just petitioning the government for his losses, via the bear.

briardahl

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JessicaLovejoy: Wanton Trollop — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:00:55 EDT

@TheGintheCity: I'm with you on that. It's like he's taunting us with their nomability.

JessicaLovejoy: Wanton Trollop

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TwiceShy — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:00:51 EDT

Are those the bear's claws or a couple of blunts?

TwiceShy

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ineffable.me — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:00:37 EDT

@badmutha: actually i never did. haha.

ineffable.me

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AndSheWas — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:00:19 EDT

@special_boots: Actually I am! Thanks for the heads up.

AndSheWas

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Charlotte Corday — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:00:04 EDT

i'm pretty sure this is going to lead on colbert's next threatdown.

Charlotte Corday

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JessicaLovejoy: Wanton Trollop — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:00:02 EDT

This bear is going to leave an exploding picnic basket on the judge's doorstep. (with apologies to Harvey Birdman)

JessicaLovejoy: Wanton Trollop

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PopCultureSavant — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:59:40 EDT

that bear is a baller

PopCultureSavant

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mllej if you're nasty — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:59:38 EDT

Damn Bear Patrol. Slackers!

mllej if you're nasty

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badmutha — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:59:36 EDT

@TeenageGangDeb: @ineffable.me l0v3s unicorns!1!!1!: @brookidy: Uh, looks like we all read lots of Winnie the Pooh when we were little.

badmutha

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Charlotte Corday — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:59:11 EDT

one of my favourite ever books is "a history of the world in 10 1/2 chapters" by julian barnes, in it, a french ecclesiastical court in 1520 puts a woodworm on trial.

Charlotte Corday

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TheGintheCity — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:58:38 EDT

This feels really weird but...
Nom nom nom round little black bear ears.... ?

TheGintheCity

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BlondeGrlz — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:58:38 EDT

I'm going to sue those damn birds outside, eating all the sunflower seeds out of the feeder. But they'll probably just try and blame it on the squirels.
Is there NO personal responsiblity among our wildlife anmore?????

BlondeGrlz

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badmutha — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:57:34 EDT

Oh, bother. I wonder if Christopher Robin will be able to bail him out? Do you think Piglet was able to tell everyone?

badmutha

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special_boots — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:57:34 EDT

Oh man, this SO reminds me of the book Friends of Interpretable Objects by Miguel Tamen. If you ever get really curious about the history of people blaming inanimate objects/animals/whatever for their crimes, and you want to read some interesting academic justifications for their doing so, check it out.

No one will ever get so curious, I know. But. Just in case.

special_boots

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TeenageGangDeb — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:57:27 EDT

Pooh better watch his ass. Macedonia is onto his game.

TeenageGangDeb

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TaraIncognita — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:57:25 EDT

Fucking bears.

TaraIncognita

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AmazonRedheadedUberVixen — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:57:22 EDT

That bear was denied his constitutional right to adequate counsel. I'm taking his appeal pro bono.

AmazonRedheadedUberVixen

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ineffable.me — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:57:19 EDT

I told Winnie he needed to stop hanging out with Yogi, but he just didnt want to listen.

ineffable.me

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Rhody — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:57:09 EDT

Uh...wha?

Aren't bears supposed to eat honey? Or did I just get that knowledge from a cartoon?

Rhody

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Jessi Ramsey — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:57:01 EDT

Should of stuck to picnic baskets, Yogi.

Jessi Ramsey

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brookidy — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:56:44 EDT

Oh, Pooh. You silly bear.

brookidy

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Leiakat — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:56:36 EDT

Damn bears, all running around in the woods thinking they are above the law. Probably would have tried to eat the judge if he had shown up, cheeky bastard.

Leiakat

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Her_royal_Highness — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:56:19 EDT

hahaha ridiculous! Are you sure Mr. Ashton is not playin his pranks on the other side of the world?

Her_royal_Highness

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Lady Skittlehattington — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:56:09 EDT

If you have any information about the whereabouts of this bear or any bears you've seen in tonight's broadcast...

Lady Skittlehattington