<![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable? - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable? - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> That whole story just made me bawl.

Eventho it wasn't about Dave & Diana, the line about the man who takes his wife home each Sunday to see their dogs made me actually sob out loud. That would be me and my husband.

Part of me wondered reading that story if Dave didn't want to drag his daughter into the downward spiral. I can see thinking to yourself that you want your daughter to have the chance to really live and be happy, instead of deeply involved in this.

I'm going to go kiss my daughter and husband and try to be a better mom and spouse.

ouiserboudreaux

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @LadyNo: Bravo! I'm giving you a standing ovation!!!

kami2000

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @myrtlebeachbum: that's the saddest thing I've ever read. It reaffirms by believe in true love.

kami2000

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> While I'm not "Dave" and am not speaking for him, I can guess that he could possibly feel lucky enough to have found that one person that "completes" him.

I know, that sounds hackneyed as hell, but having had just that person in my life as well, along with, sadly, a twist in fate that neither of us expected, helping her with the day to day stuff for four years was just the way you deal with things.

I still got to see her and be with her for four years.

Selfish? Possibly. All I know is that I was happier when she was alive than I am now.

insert_namehere

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: Damn. Now I'm tearing up at work.

I'd do anything for my fiance, and I know he'd do anything for me. But if I was the one who was afflicted with a degenerative disease, and I was able, I'm pretty certain I'd off myself. Is that a horrible thing to say? It's honestly how I feel. If I can't live my life, and if I am watching my loved ones unable to live theirs (despite the fact that they COULD, if it wasn't for me), I wouldn't want to live anymore.

a_brown_eyed_grrl

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Jeez, my hubs dematerialized while I was on (pregnancy) bedrest for a short 9 weeks. I got 2 days of him making me sandwiches and that was pretty much it. Then again, my stepdad -- formerly known as The Most Selfish Man on the Planet -- TOTALLY stepped up when my mom got cancer a few years back. Stopped being a workaholic, went to every single doctor's appointment, took her to the hospital over and over again, became her advocate with her health care providers (basically by being a royal pain in the ass). She eventually recovered. Sometimes people really do step up to the plate. And now he's pretty much reverted to his own self. But I'm still really grateful to him.

jadzia

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Heatherly: My family was all there when my mom's mom died, too - She lived with my family as I grew up and I was in college when she her health was declining - I felt compelled to go home on Thursday night one week, and much of my family showed up at my parents house as well. She died that evening. I was standing in the doorway with my father and my aunts and mom were holding her hands.

This thread is tough to read because my dad's mom just died last month. She had diabetes and my grandpop took such good care of her. They were married for 56 years and did everything together.

It's lovely to read all the similar cases of couples and families caring for each other. Heartbreakingly lovely, but lovely nonetheless. Maybe this kind of selflessness isn't so uncommon.

hildegaard

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> new here, had to give my perspective. my huband is positive for the huntington's gene. we found out his mother had it at the same time we learned of her suicide. he's not symptomatic, but will be in approx. 10 years.

unless you've gone through this, you cannot imagine what it's like. we are both young, healthy and just starting out in our careers (i'm about to graduate from medical school). we can't have children because we would never want our child to see its father die like this, but few people know our situation so we take the heat for not having kids yet. i love him so much, and yet the pain knowing that i'll watch him die slowly and won't be able to do anything is unbearable. we talked of divorce, but are trying our best to stay together. people can talk about being all heroic and staying with someone through thick and thin, but sometimes either way means a terrible life. either we stay together and i end up a childless widow at 45 or i leave him and he suffers all alone. for now, it's the former.

redglass44

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Maybe it's due to the fact that this is a disease that runs in my family, and every single one of my grandfather's siblings either has/had it, but I have grown up where taking care of the person who was no longer capable of taking care of themselves was the norm rather than the exception. Right now one of my great-uncle's has been battling Huntington's for nearly 30 years. He's currently in an assisted living, but my great-aunt took care of him as long as she could, and now visits him every day.

Perhaps it's because of the family examples that I refuse to settle for anything less than the kind of love where that kind of commitment is a given.

However, this does not mean that I don't feel a tremendous amount of respect, empathy, and heartbreak for the caretakers. They are doing something completely noble and self-sacrificing out of nothing more than the love they feel for another person, and they deserve more recognition than they get.

dianersb

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @nachoyay: Errrm, self-righteous, much?!

sanibelly

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @booglass: Thanks. But you know, it's really not that bad anymore. It was horrible, at first. But now we've made our peace with it, and it just, well, is. Everybody has bad stuff in their life, this is just our bad stuff. My life is by no means bad, in fact, it's pretty terrific.

flyoverstate

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> "for better or for worse"
my husband just dropped by the office while i was reading this. we talked about it. he said he'd do it... perhaps not always happily, but that he knows it's his responsibility. i believe him and i love him all the more for it.

meanjeanne

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @rsr26: Ha ha ha, and not only that, I LIKE my screen name. I must have some self-esteem by now!

bigleggedwoman

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: I'm a fan if it means anything...

;)

bigleggedwoman

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @flyoverstate - My husband and I are of the same mind. No one imagines having a conversation about the "logic" of leaving the one you love given a grave diagnosis. But it is a reality.

I can only imagine how difficult all this must be for you both.

booglass

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @rsr26: you were getting a lot of shit for statements on other threads today, and then you go say something I find pretty lucid. You sure keep us on our toes.

bigleggedwoman

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @rideon: This is so true. You battle the monster. You don't give up and give in because the fight is hard, you fight harder. Life is worth fighting for, even sick.

flyoverstate

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @J.D.Regent: When it comes down to it, care is a basic need that's being eroded in modern life -- sadly, at a time of great advances in other areas.

bigleggedwoman

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> This may very well be my reality at some point in the future. Those gremlins in my brain are not sitting quietly. When we got married, those vows were for better or worse, in sickness and in health. So far, my husband has had a lot more of the worse and sickness than the better and health. He has been more than excellent through this all, my rock, my comforter, my strength.
Here's my thing. He knows what we are facing. He doesn't have to stay. We have talked about getting a divorce, not because we don't love each other, but because we do. I would be eligible for care I can't have now, and he would be free legally to do whatever he wanted to do. When the time came that taking care of me was too much for him, the legal stuff would already be taken care of, while I was still logical enough to sign and understand. Because he is who he is, he couldn't leave me if I weren't able to comprehend what was going on.

That doesn't mean anything would change immediately, only that when things got beyond the point of no return, he would be free legally and morally to what he wanted to do, even if I were still breathing.

We talked about it, and we decided against it. We are in this, for better or worse, till death do us part, even if that death is a long time coming. He fully, and I more so, completely understands what that means.

For us, that means no matter what, he will be faithful to me to the end, even when i am no longer capable of being the person I am now. It's scary, and it's sad, and it's hard. More so for him, because I won't know. But we took vows, and those vows mean, to us, that no matter what, we stay with each other to the end, we are faithful to each other to the end. We promised to love, honor, and cherish, till death do us part. And that is exactly what we are going to do.

If the situation was reversed, its exactly what I would do, and it brings me so much peace to know he will be by my side, even when I know longer know he is there.

flyoverstate

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @hamburgerhotdog: Totally agree with you - thank you for that. Deciding that assisted living or nursing care at home is the right thing for you and your spouse doesn't make a person less caring in my opinion. My aunt is adamant about not wanting her husband to take care of her bathroom and other needs if she were to become incapacitated. She'd be pissed as hell if she were kept alive as a vegetable - she's promised that she'll haunt us if we do.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> This article buttresses my decision to go quietly if I'm diagnosed with anything fatal. My S/O spent decades abusing his body and ignoring doctors. Now that the body has given out on him (in spectacular and messy fashion), he's clinging to every available lifeline and begging the doctors he ignored to keep him alive in the most miserable condition imaginable. And I know he would NOT do this for me. But like Dave, I have to wind this up with a clear conscience, although I may not have any sanity to go with it.

Bindarra

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> This really touched my heart and on a day when I was daydreaming about throttling my hubby, it reminded me how much I love him.

I would do anything and everything for him, if he fell ill. I know he would do the same for me. What can I say I love booger.

booglass

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SovietBear: I agree with your post in so many respects, especially the modern technology. People are alive now who really shouldn't be -- they're in physical and emotional pain, then turn around and inflict it on others.

Bindarra

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> I'm 30, married and have a rare degenerative joint disease that's gotten exponentially worse since my husband and I met. He fetches ice packs, races me to the ER, secures my braces, pushes my wheelchair and never complains through it all. I often need help moving around our apartment or doing things that wouldn't register as difficult for normal people. He loves me and I bring as much to our marriage as he does. He needs my support just as much as I need his, though his needs aren't sitting out on the surface for others' speculation and judgement. So much of love exists beyond the physical realm that working around those limitations isn't as hard as one might imagine.

Those who've written about hoping for the courage to commit suicide if they ever find themselves in this position have it backwards. You battle the disability and stay alive for the ones you love regardless of how depressing it gets.

rideon

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> This is hard for me to read, because I'm in a similar situation. He's handling it better than I am.

Bindarra

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SovietBear: I will assume you are just trying to get a rise out of people with that last statement.
This is a topic that is of the utmost importance if you are in a long-term relationship. If it's for the long-haul, consider your SO in the event that something happens to render you not of 'sound' mind.

squirrelcop

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: Sorry I'm late, but I totes support you. As for the name change, uh, as I said to my hubs, I adore you, but I LIKE my name the way it is.

noseriously

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> I agree with whoever said that commenters are underestimating our ability to care for others selflessly here. Its the Oscar Schindler syndrome.. you may be an average person in most circumstances, but when you are in a position to save somebody, or do a self-less deed, its remarkable how far people can go.

Last year my boyfriend was diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders and had a complete mental breakdown. I was utterly shocked at how easy it was to help him through it, no matter how personally uncomfortable it was for me, or how much time it took away from things I could have been doing. If you love someone, you'll be there for them. No question about it.

HidingInCanada

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @LadyNo: My mother is planning to remove herself if she has a degenerative disease. And I will reserve the same courtesy for my wife.

It almost seems to me that people like the fellow in the article are keeping people alive out of selfishness because we have the modern technology to do so. Thirty years ago, she would have passed away, he would have grieved, and moved on. Now most of his life has been wasted away as a primary caretaker.

If you want to handle vegetables all day, become a produce manager.

SovietBear

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @helladesigner: My grandmother lived with us while I was growing up and wasted away slowly for 10 years. It was such a painful experience for all of us, and my sister and I were just talking about the guilt we feel even now. Yeah, we took care of her, but we resented her and got exasperated so easily, we probably robbed her of some dignity by being impatient asshole teenagers. I really wish I could do it over. I don't know if I believe in god or an afterlife, but I pray to my grandmother sometimes for forgiveness.

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @hamburgerhotdog: Thank-You for saying what was in my head but writing it so much better. I've been a CNA for 8 years & yes it seems wonderful that he's taking care of her. But, how many of you would willingly put your loved one through that? If you knew you were going to have dementia & one day not be able to take care of yourself, one day not even recognize who your SO is, would you still tell them that they are here for "sickness & health"? Me? I find it extremely selfish & unloving.

haggardprincess

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> If whatever godforsaken illness I have progresses to be this bad, I sincerely hope that my mate (male or female, doesn't matter), will so what they think is right. In my mind, that's giving me a medication overdose, or something else to kill me. I don't want them to suffer through my pain and indignities.

Khuluna

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Both my dad's first wife and my half-brother had Huntington's. She died in a house fire before the disease had the chance to progress to the point that she couldn't do things for herself. Her death was most likely a suicide. My half-brother died from the Huntington's about 10 years ago. My poor dad has been through a lot.

If one of your parents has the disease, you can be tested for it but since you don't develop symptoms until your 40's, I imagine it would be hard to live waiting for the inevitable.

fouxdufafa

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @lola82: The "thank-you" thing is a common loop that dementia patients go through. Some say "i'm sorry" compulsively, some say "forgive me" some say "fuck you". Her mind is "lodged deeply in dementia". Truthfully? She probably doesn't even know who this guy is, much less what she's saying.

haggardprincess

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SpicyTamale(Supports BAngieB/Sinister Rouge: I was there when my mom died, watching TV in the hospice with her best friend. We were watching Alton Brown, laughing with each other, when I listened for her to breathe again (cause near the end, you may remember, the breaths get few and far between) and realized that she wasn't going to. I'm glad the last sound she heard was the two of us laughing with each other. And I'm glad your dad got that as well. If you have to go early, at least you go hearing the people you love most being happy.

I also have to say, given the people on here talking about knowing their limitations - the day mom went into hospice was one of the most bittersweet days of my life. I was adamant about not wanting her to die in our house, and I felt grateful that I'd been able to take care of her for as long as I had, but. I was just so fucking tired. Seeing the person you love most in the world suffer like that is shit, especially when they're still coherent and can express to you that they have, for instance, diaper rash, even if they can't take care of it themselves. Even when your mind is screaming, you do it with a smile on your face because you love them.

But I didn't have to do it for years and years. God.

randomeliza

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Heatherly: Awwwwww

None of my four grandparents has died yet. I'm very lucky in that I grew up in the same town as all of them and spent lots and lots of time with them all. But... I just don't want their days with dementia to be prolonged, you know?

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> My dad had ALS and dementia, and my mother took care of him for his last few months. They were married for over 40 years. I'm still amazed at the inner reserves of strength my mother had. Putting him in a nursing home wasn't an option (due to financial reasons and the fact that he was deaf, and wouldn't get communication access in a nursing home), so we had no choice but to keep him at home. My mother is tiny - 5'1" and my dad was 6'. Due to his dementia, he'd often wake up in the middle of the night and wander around the house. Mom barely got any sleep at all, worrying that he'd wake up and walk out of the house without her knowing. Most of my siblings, including me, lived far away from home and weren't able to help as much as we wanted to. It was a nightmare trying to ensure that my parents got the medical services they needed through the social security system (they were denied interpreters for meetings, etc.). My parents were lucky enough to happen on a wonderful doctor in the ER on one of their many visits who knew what he was doing and referred my parents to the University of Iowa, where things miraculously fell in place. They immediately got hospice services, all covered by insurance. Before that, it was a living hell. I do wonder what I'd do in the situation, but after seeing how much more comfortable my dad was at home during his last days, I think I'd do the same for my partner.

insertwittycommenthere

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @sarrible: I was fine just reading & commenting... I didn't get misty-eyed until I started IMing my husband about this thread. ;P

Jess A.

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: We were extremely lucky that my granddad is in such good health, because he took care of her at home by himself for more than two years. Then on Christmas Day, she had a pulmonary attack at my home and the doctors told us it was a matter of time, so my mom moved up there and helped them.

We were all there when she died - she took her last breath just as I finished singing a song to her, which sounds totally like a movie, but was the most precious moment of my life. The hardest thing was watching my granddad break down and cry while we were planning the funeral. Her life had deteriorated to an existence, so her death was almost a relief - that she was free.

Heatherly

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @squirrelcop: of course! i soapbox about this from time to time because interpretation of living wills and DPOAs can get very hairy, even though the loved one's wishes appear perfectly clear. there can be a real deviation between what a document means to a layperson and what a court will interpret it to mean. which could lead me to a critique of the system, but i digress... ;)

but hopefully it never comes to that!

noxiousbeast

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Josie: *HUGS*

MissPeacock

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Currently my husband and three daughters have the stomach flu. Lots of puking and wiping ass going on in my house right now. And I am going to say it myself. . .I am proud that I haven't run screaming out of the house yet.

zaida

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @funnyface: I hear you. We all have to know our limitations. (I'm not trying to knock your post, or be condescending. It's just when I read that quote I get this weird, protective feeling. Probably just me.)

Jess A.

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Jez should have a "photos with the grandparents" feature, hehe. I could dig up some cuties while I'm home this weekend. Though I don't know how to get a regular old picture onto the computer. Dangnabbit these newfangled technologies!

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @rednrowdy: Your mom is one wise woman.

MissPeacock

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Heatherly: LOL

At this point I kind of want my grandparents to die. Because I know it pains my daddy to watch his parents deteriorate, and I don't like that either of them has to live out the end of their days confined to one room at the assisted living facility.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @teapartys_over: You have a point. I think people are shocked to see a man caring for anything. That's why I get all mushy and happy when I see a dad taking his kids out for a day.

AnnieGetYourFun

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> My granddad just did this for his wife of sixty-two years, my sweet grandmother. And it was the hardest thing I've ever watched in my life.

On the good side of things, the decline in her health helped prepare him for her death. He was at peace when she died in January, and he's living his life again because he knows she would have wanted him to.

He also grew a goatee for the first time in his life, at 84. If you ask him why he's growing it, he'll tell you that when they were first married, his wife told him that if he ever grew facial hair, she would call the sheriff. Now she's gone to her reward, and he wants a goatee.

Heatherly

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @funnyface: WHY ARE YOU ALL TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY?!

sarrible

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> I don't think there is anyone who knows definitively how they'll react if forced into a situation as sad and seemingly lonely as Dave and Diana's. It's wonderful to hear of Dave's commitment to his wife, as well has her gratefulness for the little things. Unfortunately, I was in a situation similar to this - in terms of having to care for someone who could not take care of themselves- as a teenager, and I am still guilt-ridden to this day on the resentment I held (obviously there's a lot of backstory I'm withholding). The best advice _is_ to talk and develop your views on a contingency plan with your loved one.

helladesigner

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @LaComtesse: Yes, the woman who killed her sons with Huntington's had no regrets for ending their suffering, though I can't remember if they asked her to help them die or not. In any case, I can't judge her - it was so tremendously sad and clearly an act of love, not malice.

kc2002

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Jess A.: well said. i think our society pulls the "oh, what a hardship" on lives that don't fit the perfect mold that we think they should. illness isn't perfect. addiction isn't perfect. income isn't perfect. and ultimately, LIFE isn't perfect.

my hope is that we all find spouses like the man in this article. in a strange way, he restores my faith that there are indeed good guys out there.

rednrowdy

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: You and funnyface are making me tear up at work. Stoppit.

Also, I agree with tscheese. I need some LOLmoddles. Because I'm tard.

sarrible

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 5 years ago and it was really bad for me for a time. My ex really stood tall and took care of me. I couldn't work, he paid the rent, I couldn't see, he helped me to the bathroom. He took me to doctors and hospitals and gave me my medication when I couldn't. AND HE NEVER COMPLAINED! I don't think I could ever do for someone what he did for me.

This story is the perfect antidote to all this bullshit about cheating spouses and murderous husbands. To bad cabbers didn't see that we don't hate all men, just assholes.

NapalmKitty

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: I support you, kitten!

SBJ

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: OMG. Bless your heart for telling us this story. I am going to show my GF. I hope to God we end up just like your grandparents if we don't commit joint-suicide first!

SBJ

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> this is why i am never getting married. i'm embarrassed enough about farting in front of my roommate.

dijonesque

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @noxiousbeast: oh, thanks mucho. not something I want to think about, but an essential and available option that could make a HUGE difference at a potentially horrible time.

squirrelcop

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @LadyNo: thank you so much for those nice words.

Josie

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @sequined: I think a lot of commenters are underestimating their basic capacities for compassion and love.

I think so, too. My mother has been a cancer nurse for many years, and I've seen in the families that she's worked with (as well as our own) that when the unthinkable happens, so often people just get up and do what needs to be done -- often uncomplainingly. When there is real love there, regardless of whether that person is a spouse, parent, child, or friend, you just do what you can because that's what you do. Of course, not everyone is capable of doing what this man does for his wife, but there are millions of caregivers out there doing more or less the same thing.

Jess A.

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @rsr26: Just for using the word "sycophant" I may rename myself "I love rsr26." I love that word.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @rsr26: oh shit, now you're in for it! ha

ineffable.me

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Josie: I'm so sorry you and your husband split up. Interesting and scary to think that the thing that helped you decide to get married might have also been the thing that ended breaking you up. You deserve to find a man who will care for you when you get your hernia (or whatever).

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: Let me handle this, if you will.

Anyone who has renamed themselves something like "I love commenter X" looks like a little flunkie or sycophant.

rsr26

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> i'm crying at my desk now. Thanks, Jezebel, effin-A

dashenbka

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @hamburgerhotdog: I can't speak for everyone, but I know that I never meant that a spouse is obligated to provide all of the physical care-taking themselves. If my husband were ill and I had the means, I would definitely consider assisted living, hospice, etc. depending on the circumstances. The obligation is to continue to love and honor them no matter what happens, you don't get to leave them just because they're sick.

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: Yeah, it is old and a bit middle schoolish - and will only provide fuel to those who were accusing others of being cliqueish. Good thing I hadn't get gotten around to figuring out how to change my screen name.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Jerseylicious: bless you're mom's heart. My mom was incredible through the 6 months he was sick. He towards the end with all the medicine and chemo got angry quickly and she never batted an eye.
They loved each other so much. She would stay up all night and talk to him and pray and just be there. the night he died my brother, mom and my dad's sisters and i were in the room. They were dozing off and watching tv. My mom hadnt slept in days finally fell asleep. I saw this peaceful look over my dads face. He died when she fell asleep. I think he wanted it that way.
@ihateyourescalade: @randomeliza: @ineffable.me: Thanks guys. You jezzies are the best!

SpicyTamale is a GA peach

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: I wonder if the young dudes are just more comfortable airing their sexist remarks publicly, or if they're actually worse.

And for what it's worth, I think you just attract quiet support :)

lisas

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Jess A.: I'm the weak one. I know he could make it. I couldn't. Just being honest about myself there.

funnyface

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @petuniacat: No, no, I think this whole "support people via my screenname" thing is stupid. Isn't that whole episode a little old at this point? But now people are changing their screennames... for what? To rub it in the other people's faces?

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: Damn, I forgot you were put on notice! Sorry babe! Nothing but love for you...trust.

DorothyZbornak

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @AlmostZooey: I just get so happy when they let her shop.

amandahugnkiss

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> You never know how you're going to react when facing such a situation. It's not easy to "pull the plug" nor is it to leave, even have an affair. I tought I wouldn't be patient enough and too selfish.But when my then boyfriend grew the biggest hernia his neurosurgeon had ever seen and couldn't move around by himself for a year, I found myself helping him get in the shower, put his socks, even helping him sitting on the toilet and the like. It really was the most difficult - and meaningful - time of my life : you have to deal with the guilt you feel when taking "a day off", your own exhaustion and manage to keep your life so you don't grow resentment towards the person. Plus, witnessing suffering and feel powerless to help must be one of the most difficult things to live...It's easy to loose yourself when facing something like this, and I'm with those who say that, as long as there is respect and concern, one should not be ashamed to choose to get help, put the person in a nursing home, or go all the way and be the main caregiver (people can give you the "you're wasting your life away" line when you're young).

After such an experience, we got married, figuring that if we could go through that, then we would be sure we would help each other out, no matter what happens. We recently split and now I'm afraid I'll never again have somebody by my side, should such a thing happen to me. And I think this whole episode has something to do with our break-up, in the way it deeply changed our dynamics.

Sorry for the long post, I think I needed to spill it out.

Josie

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SpicyTamale (Supports BAngieB/Sinister Rouge): Aww, now you're making me misty too!

DorothyZbornak

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @squirrelcop: there are a number of options. its worth the money to talk to an attorney about the different ways you can construct the document to provide for different contingencies.

and it's not too early! something could happen tomorrow. not trying to be debbie downer, just a realist. i'm 29 and i already have one. :)

noxiousbeast

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @ineffable.me: right back atcha, girl. thanks.

rednrowdy

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: Well, just for that, I shall add my support of you to my screen name. Not to go all sappy and everything, but it's because of a post you wrote months ago that I realized that I needed to be a better feminist, and to get over my juvenile tendency to equate feminists with overly political correct feminazis opposed to removal of leg hair.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @bertyapple: yeah, keep hopin'. I'm to the point where I cannot believe any man born after 1940 has a decent bone in his body. It's like they live soley to make women feel bad about themselves for not being "hot" enough.

Sev

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @MissPeacock: you hit the nail on the head. all we as family can do is help out. the spouse lives with it 100% of the time - even if someone else is watching the person with alzheimers while the spouse is out, it is still on the spouse's mind.

my mother asked me years ago that if i was in a marriage, how would i split the responsibility for the relationship - would it be 50/50 or what have you? being incredibly young and stupid, i said 50/50. she told me "no, it's 100% all the way, you give 100%, he gives 100%. there's no such thing as 50/50." i think about that every day as she takes care of my father.

rednrowdy

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @rsr26: It's me and you, rsr! And thanks.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Rhody: when you have the convo, consult an attorney and put it in writing. many people believe it is sufficient to verbally express their wishes to their family; but depending on the circumstances, that may not be the case. should the awful occur, having your feelings on the matter properly documented could save your family a lot of heartbreak.

noxiousbeast

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @disinterested 3rd party: Oh, man, I teared up reading that. What a wonderful woman.

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @funnyface: I tell my husband, quoting Winnie the Pooh, that if he lives to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day, so that I never have to live without him.

I know this is supposed to be a sweet sentiment, but it has always bothered me. I would want to be the one who lives to 100, because I'd want to spare my husband having to spend his last day grieving for me -- not that I'm some saint, but the idea of him being alone and sad like that is so upsetting. I feel like I could get myself through it, if only I could keep it from happening to him, you know?

Jess A.

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: How do you think I feel? j/k.

you have a very sweet family.

rsr26

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> My grandfather has Alzheimer's. It's been a slow progression over several years, but now the only thing he remembers is my grandmother. He gets lost on his way to the bathroom. But since my grandmother is all he knows, he CLINGS to her. He will not let her out of his sight and if she falls asleep while they're watching TV, he wakes her up. He constantly asks her the same questions over and over and over again. She is stressed out to the breaking point, but refuses to put him in managed care because she said (and I quote) "I made a vow, for better or worse." It's a sweet thought to take care of someone at your own expense, but there is a very dark side to it all. Everyone else in the family tries to help out, but she's the only one who LIVES it.

MissPeacock

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Ya know, it's like a kick in the chest to see all these new screen names that mention support of everyone on notice but me.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @bertyapple: Nothing is sacred at Gawker, and none of the comments should be taken seriously. Sometimes the posts are pee-in-your-pants funny, sometimes they are dumb and not super clever. But if you are looking for earnest and serious conversation, you won't find it there. I am sure those people are all being ironic.

esmemurphy

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SpicyTamale (Supports BAngieB/Sinister Rouge): I'm so sorry. Hugs, for real. It's an awful thing to have to go through.

My dad died of lung cancer about five and a half years ago. He died five months after diagnosis, and the disease made him so unbearably skinny and weak-- at one point towards the end, he tried to sit up in his hospital bed, and he broke his arm, because the strain was too much for him.

My mom took care of him the whole time, and at the end, for the last month or so, she was at his side in the hospital room every day-- she left once a day to come home and shower, and then went straight back to my dad. I always knew my parents loved each other, but I really had no idea just how much until the night he died. He was completely out of it, but my mom sat there, holding his hand, telling him it was ok to let go, that she loved him but didn't want him to hurt anymore. It was the most open and raw display of true love I've ever seen in my life. I just hope I have it in me to be as srong as my mom if I ever find myself in that situation.

Incidentally, my mom is now very adament that we pull the plug on her as soon as possible so she doesn't end up like that.

Jerseylicious

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> dude's a hero.

wring

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @bertyapple: Young men really are different from older men. My grandpa and dad would not say the sorts of things teen and twenty/thirty-something men say about women.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> I see no point for me to continue living if it's just going to devolve into a state of dementia and complete dependency (Especially one putting so much strain on someone I love.) Mind you, I'm not saying that's right for everyone, and this story certainly is touching, but that would be the right choice for me. And not even a courageous one. For me, it would take more courage to live like that.

Now, as for taking care of someone in that state... That definitely takes courage. I've been faced with caring for a dying person once and it just takes so much out of you.

Mica

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @disinterested 3rd party: I've been on the edge of tears, but your grandma story pushed me over the edge

eadubbs

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> that was so damn heart breaking. I would never, ever want to be a burden to someone like that but on the other hand it must be so comforting to know that someone loves you enough to tkae care of you in that way.

Bianca_Cheri

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Ugh. I'm totally bawling now, probably b/c it's nice to read this after I've just come from this gawker post: [gawker.com] and the idiot comments being written there.

I honestly can't even believe that people who read Gawker, and who, i (perhaps stupidly) believe are at least slightly thinking/intelligent, can really engage in a discussion of if Spitz cheated because his wife isn't fucking hot enough. We are talking about a Harvard Law grad, a 48 year old mother of three teenage girls, a wife of 20 years, and a first fucking lady. But that doesnt even matter. I don't care if she was the woman who pumped my gas...I am so fucking pissed off right now. She was his WIFE. And she is a person. And I seriously think these idiot men who are posting these Hot or Not type of comments over at Gawker are the type who will be totally alone and fucked at the end of their lives.

bertyapple

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Rhody: Mr Rhody, aww.

MiseAmiee

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SpicyTamale (Supports BAngieB/Sinister Rouge): That is a beautiful story. My mom died of cancer when I was on the young side and her suffering totally freaked me out, so that while I was "there for her," I think now that I could have been more present. She died in the middle of the night alone, at the hospital, while my dad and sister and I were home sleeping. I regret it ever day. You gave your dad the most wonderful gift a person could.

ihateyourescalade is an east coast elite

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SpicyTamale (Supports BAngieB/Sinister Rouge): I miss my mom. Cancer is for shit.

randomeliza

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> All of these sweet old-couple stories are so sweet and heartbreaking. It reminds me of the lyrics of Ben Folds' "The Luckiest:"

"Next door, there's an old man, who lived to his nineties and one day, passed away, in his sleep. And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days and passed away. I'm sorry I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong, that I know that I am the luckiest."

funnyface

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> If this ever happened to me and my non-existent spouse, I have no idea what I would do. I do not have a nurturing personality as it is. I simply don't think I could take care of someone 24/7 without resenting them. I guess it would also depend on the sick spouse's mental state. If I could still communicate and have a somewhat normal relationship with my spouse, I'd be more likely take care of him. But, if my spouse turned into a complete vegetable, I'd probably put him in an assisted living facility. I would never abandon him financially, but I just don't think I could carry on as a married woman when in reality my husband while still technically alive is no longer there.

perphiction

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SpicyTamale (Supports BAngieB/Sinister Rouge): oh no. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I have no idea what I'd do in such a situation. you are one strong tamale!

ineffable.me

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> As one who took care of her mother after her brain cancer diagnosis - I had to deal with it for a year, and she was only truly ill about six months of that. I was a wreck by the end of that six months, though I would have done it for longer because she was my mother and I love her. But. Six months broke me. I can't imagine having to know that you might be doing it for ten years, and that if you succeed you'll have to keep doing it and the person you love will never get better, only keep on being alive and suffering because you're doing your best to keep them alive and not suffer more. My heart breaks for these people. Both of them.

randomeliza

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> The thing is that she's not in a position to have the plug pulled, so to speak. Someone needs to take care of her; she's alive even if she's not exactly the person he married anymore (and who really is after 20 years, anyway?). The fact is, if he doesn't do it, it'll be someone who doesn't love her. And he does love her and it makes sense that he'd want to do this for her. I think a lot of commenters are underestimating their basic capacities for compassion and love.

That said, my greatest fear is a degenerative mental disease.

sequined

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @hamburgerhotdog: I agree. I have been in a position to have to help care for someone, and to say it was difficult would be a gross understatement. And we shared the work (four of us) and only did it for 2 months. So I am a big proponent of asking for help and not feeling guilty about it. It's definitely not for everyone, and I can see how a person might not be able to do it no matter how much they love the person in need.

esmemurphy

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> my dad passed away almost 4 years ago of cancer. Within months of the diagnosage he passed. he became so skinny- you couldnt tell it was him when he passed. My mom slept a few hours every night and took care of him. We helped feed him and bathe him, change him and sometimes at night he would be scared for no reason at all. We'd stay up with him. Most of the time he'd make me go to bed and my brother and mom did most of the everyday chores. I think he wanted to protect me from seeing him as he was. Weird cause I always saw him as he was before he got sick, healthy and happy.
I miss my daddy.

SpicyTamale is a GA peach

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> I'd probably privately bitch and moan, but I know for a fact that my man would do it for me, so I'd suck it up and do it.

ccchild

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @Lady Skittlehattington's Publicist: Well why don't you tell everyone I said to go fuck themselves for making my teen years a living hell?

Wait... dammit! Wrong post...

AlmostZooey

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @rednrowdy: <3
i want to say something to you, but i dont know what to say. so there's a heart.

ineffable.me

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @AlmostZooey: Like I give a shit. I look like a total asshole.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: that brought a genuine smile to my face. thanks. you are a super awesome person if these are the genes you are carrying. :)

ineffable.me

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Huntington's is such a scary disease... =/

blyr

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @amandahugnkiss: Oh, it so was!

Also, even though we've watched Pretty Woman like thirty-six times, I never get tired of making fun of it.

AlmostZooey

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: here come the water works!

SpicyTamale is a GA peach

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Agreed, that's a truly amazing story. It's so hard to put yourself in that position, hypothetically. It's one of those awful things you never want to think about, let alone imagine is happening. And heaven forbid, if it DOES really happen, then you just hope you have the strength - and the love - to step up and do the right thing.

If I put myself in Dave's shoes, I can't help but think: how much of himself has he lost because of this? He lives and breathes to take care of Diana - which is AMAZING in and of itself. I don't imagine the poor man would even know what to say in the course of a "normal" conversation. All he knows is Diana and her illness and the day-to-day of it all.

How can a story be both heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time?

LucyRed

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> That man is a saint.
Its nice to know there is still real love out there.

SpicyTamale is a GA peach

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @stacyinbean: *sigh*

My grandparents met at a roller-rink in my hometown.
My grandma's name is Ruth but for some reason my grandpa's nickname for her is Jo. It seems like yesterday when they were both healthy and active, and I could hear my grandpa calling out "Jo! The sweet potatos are ready!" at Thanksgiving, hehe.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> My grandparents were married for 60+ years. My grandfather got cancer, then had a stroke. He was basically wheelchair bound and incoherent. It was very hard for us because my grandfather had been both a fireman and a cowboy, if you can believe that (They live in rural Oklahoma). He was a real man's man. It was hard to see him crying all the time and debilitated. I asked my grandma if it was hard after all those years with him to see him like this and she said, "It's an honor.". God I'm crying as I write this. She said , "This is why I'm here. To help him get through this. (death)" She was at his side when he died at home a few months later.

disinterested 3rd party

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> My husband was bitching about taking the dogs out this past summer when I had a broken foot. I would hope that in a dire situation like this one, he would be a bit more compassionate (he's really fab, so I have every confidence that he'd step it up).

@AlmostZooey: Please tell me that was a Romy & Michelle reference. I love folding scarves!

amandahugnkiss

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> my father has alzheimers. he was diagnosed when he was 73. my mother is his full time care giver. they celebrate 50 years of wedded bliss and pain and heartache and joy and all of the above this year.
beyond that, i don't know what else to say.

rednrowdy

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: That killed me!

ihateyourescalade is an east coast elite

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> As someone who has worked in assisted living facility, I've watched people nearly kill themselves trying to take care of their loved ones and then feel like a bad person and a failure when they can't do it alone. I would never judge someone for not being able to do what is probably one of the hardest things imagineable, especially at at point in their life (as most are in the later years) where they aren't as physically strong or mentally sharp as they once might have been. I have given my fair share of spongebaths and changed adult diapers (I was a nursing assistant for many years), I would almost rather have a stranger take care of me than have that put upon my loved ones. People have limits - don't ever judge someone for not being able to do what you think is "right" because it's not right for everyone.

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @beastybeatsy: at that point i dont think thats what you would really be thinking about. You would probably be too worried about your spouse to concentrate on getting fucked by another man...i mean really cheating is bad enough without having that situation at home.

hugslut

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @funnyface: Exactly, I just wasn't sure how specific they could be. I need to do my homework on it and this was a perfect reminder!

squirrelcop

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: That is so adorable. I had a similar situation with my great grandmother and great grandfather and one of the big things we noticed when her Alzheimer's was getting really bad was that she was calling my great grandfather 'Louie' (his nickname), which no one had ever heard her say before. Once you become a grandparent in my family, you are referred to by everyone as Nana, Grandaddy, Grammy, Papa, etc. by the entire family so we knew she wasn't completely with us. He had emphesema but was fine mentally and it made him so happy to hear her say it, he would tear up almost every time. They were high school sweethearts, such as.

stacyinbean

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> God bless this wonderful man.

AGreenEyeDevil

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @layladylan: Word. Same here. It would be devastating and miserable, but, um, I think that's what till death do us part means.

ihateyourescalade is an east coast elite

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @LaComtesse: Jinx...pass the tissue...sniff.

ThisIsWhy...

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: "He is the best boyfriend". *tears in eyes*

ThisIsWhy...

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: "He is the best boyfriend"... .... ... *misting up* Oh damn you to hell, woman! My eyes are leaking!

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @RosePetalPlace: totally. it got stiffed at the oscars but cleaned the fuck UP at the genies. yeah i barely know what those are either.

BritneyCanadaWhore

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> my grandfather had this, though he died from cancer. he couldn't feel the pain of the cancer because he had degenerated so much. in a way, it was the best possible situation; we didn't have to watch him become completely incapacitated and he didn't have to deal with any severe pain.

either way, it is tough to see someone fall apart this way, and even more heartbreaking to see the look in their eyes when they wish they could help themselves. soooo sad.

Colleen07

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @kc2002: a conviction was probably a small price to pay in her mind. She was protecting them in the only way she felt she could. Though, honestly, if they asked her to do it, I could never in a million billion years convict.

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> This is so. Freaking. Sad.

I wouldn't want to do this to another person, and I don't know if I have the moral fiber to take care of another person like this. I just don't.

This has been a shit day. Can we have some LOLmoddles nao?

tscheese

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @LaComtesse: I just watched "Iris" a week or so ago and couldn't stop crying. Her husband cared for her as long as he was able to - but eventually he had to have her put in a home. I didn't see anything at all wrong with him doing that.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Wow. Part of me thinks that was this guy is going is great, but I don't know that I would want my (future) husband to do the same for me. My mom has asked us to put her into a nursing home if she ever gets serious dementia (like both of her parents did). Would I visit her whenever I could, daily if at all possible? Of course. But she doesn't want to take over our lives, and I don't know that I would want my husband to stop living if I was losing the ability to even recognize that he was there.

frohotch

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: Why are you trying to make me cry at work? Seriously though, that is so sweet. True love does exist.

DorothyZbornak

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> On the one hand I have tremendous respect for this couple and everyone in the world who cares for their ill loved ones. On the other hand I thank my lucky stars I live in a country with legalized euthanasia. Because I'm pretty sure the life this woman is leading is not for me.

haguenite

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> What a wonderful, selfless human being. I can't imagine any man ever being this devoted to me.

CharlemagneBucket

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @cuesanibelly: I think at some point, when you're physically unable to care for your spouse anymore, or when caring for him/her is simply too emotionally devestating, that it's time for a nursing home or in-home care. I don't think there's anything cruel or uncaring about that.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @hortense: I agree. I REALLY don't think you can across the board say "This person is a douche for not caring for their horrifically ill spouse for 30 years." It's one thing to completely abandon them with no money and never visit, but what if you yourself aren't mentally or physically able to care for them? Can you blame someone who took care of someone who didn't know who they were anymore if the well-spouse fell in love with someone else and wanted to be with them. I would HOPE that, if that happened, my husband we keep me a part of his life, but would move on so that he could live it himself.

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @BritneyCanadaWhore: Oh, Lord. I watched "Away from Her" by myself and bawled my eyes out. Seriously, nothing makes me sadder than the kinds of situations portrayed in that film. (And all the actors were just devastatingly good.)

RosePetalPlace

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @funnyface: That is one of the sweetest sentences of all time. For serious.

@LadyNo: Such a good point.

stacyinbean

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @cuesanibelly: For better or worse? In sickness and in health? Ring a bell, much?

nachoyay

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @cate3710: My uncle has already made me promise that if he is in certain medical situations and is still conscious and able to move, I am to leave him with a bottle of morphine and check back in the morning. If he's not physically able to do that himself, then it would be up to me to turn up the morphine.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: Also, about a year ago, when grandma was more "with it," I was visiting her and grandpa and she was playing with the rings on her fingers. She held her hand out to me to show me her engagement ring. "Do you like my ring? My boyfriend gave it to me. He is the best boyfriend." Of course she was talking about my grandpa.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> Huntington's is a terrible disease - I recall a story a few years back when a mother killed both of her adult sons who were suffering from the disease rather than watching them continue to deteriorate. Her defense was that they were mercy killings, but I believe she was convicted.

kc2002

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @SarahMC: That is sweet.

Even when my grandpa was at his worst with Alzheimers, he would still pretend to be asleep when my grandma started nagging him.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA[What Do You Do When Your Spouse Becomes A Vegetable?]]> @zivah: exactly.

J.D.Regent

]]>