Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker? - Jezebel Comments

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

jadzia — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 00:10:41 EDT

I caught my man soliciting a prostitute via craigslist. while i was pregnant. i stayed with him largely because it would have been too humiliating to have other people find out, which they would have if I had left. Without the kids it would TOTALLY have been a deal breaker, though.

jadzia

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bigleggedwoman — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:38:11 EDT

Here's why I'd have a problem with it: I believe that men use prostitutes to have convenience and complete power with no consequences.

I am not up for that myself, don't want to come near it.

bigleggedwoman

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

shaboomy — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:01:38 EDT

well...i never iin my life would've thought that i would say this, but i am with an incredible man who, at the age of 18 as an exchange student in Russia spent a drunken night with a prostitute. he had met her in a bar, and didn't find out she was a working girl until later in the night. and yeah, they did it. she even told him not to pay her, but he did. when he first confessed this to me, i was so upset i cried, even though this happened some fifteen years ago. we had about eight deep discussions that concluded with both of us seeing eye to eye on the deplorability of supporting a global infastructure that demeans and abuses women. so yeah, it wasn't an easy thing to deal with., but i forgave him.

shaboomy

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

constancescott1990 — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 12:06:51 EDT

Yeah, that's a deal breaker, no ?

constancescott1990

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

apple_giraffe — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 10:29:13 EDT

I whored myself out to men when I was 5. Not for money but for sweets.

apple_giraffe

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

krazykarot — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 09:25:51 EDT

I'm pretty sure I'd laugh in the dude's face first off. I mean, seriously? you're telling me you couldn't get it anywhere else but a hooker?
then I guess I'd ask for more details, specifically how safe he was, and so on and so forth. Then I might just laugh a little more. I mean if he had a serious kink that many woman aren't into then I wouldn't mind if he were open and getting it from a hooker because there sure as hell is some crazy shit I'd never dream of doing in the bed.

krazykarot

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

medialady — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 09:23:30 EDT

his wife looks exactly like an older but prettier version of Jennifer Aniston. see it? anyone?

medialady

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Tanith — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 09:14:55 EDT

I was mortified for his three teen daughters sitting in the front row. The camera panned to them and they looked like they were standing in blocks of ice. They shouldn't have been there. That's not right. It's bad enough to think of your parents naked. Having everybody know that your dad got his grind on with your tuition money and with somebody nearly your age is so awful.

Tanith

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bowleserised — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 08:22:33 EDT

@tei: Do you believe in blue balls?

bowleserised

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Tei — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 07:45:22 EDT

You may need to have sex, and you can't force a women. So theres people that do it, If you need to, but ask money. Seems a deal.
Maybe a bad one, but some people need sex, and some people need money. So one that benefict both parts. Nothing of your interest.

Tei

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Rooo sez BISH PLZ — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 05:34:19 EDT

@tetracycloide: I think that would be a good poll, but I think the next poll should be whether rat626, or whatever his handle is, should be voted off the island.

So he can laugh about it with his dweebette friends. On their way to visit the prostitutes in Amsterdam. Who will turn them all down, pointing and laughing, on their way to the Van Icke.

Enough yet already.

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Rooo sez BISH PLZ — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 05:12:07 EDT

@bananappeal: I quote Chris Rock at you.

You know what I'm talking about.

Tsk, tsk. So tacky.

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Rooo sez BISH PLZ — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 05:08:49 EDT

@SarahMC: He does it to support the "men cannot be held responsible for their bad behavior because they are all fundamentally, genetically rotten" arguments.

Now if they do something reprehensible that it's clear that they could and should get called on and punished for, why then, they're All Saints without the platinum-selling albums.

And I really wish he'd stop saying things just to make people feel bad.

It's like he's playing at having autism co-morbid with Turret's. For fun! 'Cause his comments are jokes, and we're all too sensitive.

It makes me ill.

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bowleserised — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 02:42:27 EDT

@bananappeal: Why because white people don't get AIDS?? What about New Zealand?? I don't think you should consider condoms on a country by country basis. Sheesh.

bowleserised

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Meanmllemustard — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 02:27:11 EDT

@raspberryjamba: This is making me realize that I'm more prudish than I thought I was. And I'm fine with that. I actually think prostitution should be legalized too; I guess like pornography, I believe in theory that nonexploitative examples can exist. But in reality, it's gross and degrading, and it basically just comes down to a visceral ick factor. Any guy--or girl, to be fair--who would patronize a prostitute? Not the kind of person I want to date. Full stop. I buy that a person could want a quick orgasm with the girl leaving right after, but I don't want to fuck that type of person.

Meanmllemustard

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

raspberryjamba — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 01:47:44 EDT

I don´t know why you people are so judgy about this guy going to a prostitute. She costs $5000 an hour, so she´s probably clean, maybe even college educated, and how could having an hour of sex for $5000 be exploitation?

Honestly, I´ve been away on business for three weeks now, and if I had the money, and there was a structure in place where I could just make the call, and some hottie guy shows up at my hotel, I´d do it.

It´s like, you´re really busy, but also really horny, but all the people you see you work with, so you can´t hook up, but you don´t have time to work on hooking up with someone you´ve met at a bar, so suddenly, hiring someone seems like a fine option. It actually seems much cleaner than trying to get to know someone, if all you want is sexual release, why try to establish a relationship? Also, picking someone up at a bar would be more like cheating, because there would have to be all kinds of lies going on, vs. you can just tell a prostitute that you´re married, love your wife, but just looking for someone to blow you while in Washington. And you´re willing to pay good money for it!

Prostitution should absolutely be legal y'all.

raspberryjamba

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ceejeemcbeegee — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:58:37 EDT

@BoredPhDiva: Maybe since I work for myself, the whole "someone getting a cut" thing doesn't compute. ;-)

The dealbreaker for me isn't the hooker, it's the cheating. Period. Sleeping with another woman is the cake. But the hooker aspect is the icing.

ceejeemcbeegee

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

inchworm — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:08:31 EDT

@Gingerlime:

i still think these people deserve health care and the right to organize/unionize.

we keep them marginalized as long as we make their jobs illegal.

inchworm

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

MapleJam — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:05:16 EDT

One day my coworker/friend was telling a story about his friend's bachelor party and casually threw out the fact that they had all hired prostitutes as part of the festivities. He's married, several of the other guys are married or in relationships, not to mention the guy who was actually getting married. I just do not understand how someone could knowingly put the health of someone they are in a relationship with at risk by sleeping around -- with a prostitute or not. It's simply disrespectful on a basic level.

When I studied abroad in West Africa, I ended up in The Gambia for part of the time. It's a pretty well known spot for sex tourism and it was nothing to go to the beach and see obvious pairings of older British tourists with young Gambians. For the most part it was women looking for male prostitutes -- it was just such a sketchy atmosphere.

MapleJam

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

pixie-stix — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:34:45 EDT

His wife looks like she's out of her body. I wouldn't be to be there either.

pixie-stix

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

denises_24 — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:21:32 EDT

@Smackdown: Have to agree... there's always a girl around who just broke up with boyfriend/ suffering low self esteem/ horny/ lonely, (insert reason here) etc. around that would be willing to oblige unless he's just a MAJOR loser which would exclude present company from dating him.

OTOH- When Charlie Sheen got caught with "Heidi's girls" he later said he wasn't paying for sex he was paying for them to go away after sex.

denises_24

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ShoplifterOfTheWorld — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:16:35 EDT

@rocknrollunicorn: Classic uptight O-face.

ShoplifterOfTheWorld

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bananappeal — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:14:27 EDT

Were I a woman, it would be a serious problem if the guy did it without condoms in the Southern hemisphere (except Australia).

bananappeal

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

perceivereality — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:07:55 EDT

I dated a guy who admitted to me that he'd seen loads of prostitutes while he was working a stressful finance job. I stayed with him at the time. The prostitution thing definitely bugged me the entire time I was with him and knew about it. But, I believed that he had better things to offer our relationship.

We have since broken up, and as they say, you always have 20/20 vision in hindsight. His ass should have been grass a long time ago, for more than just the prostitution thing.

The thing about him though, you NEVER, EVER in a MILLION years would guess that he'd have frequented prostitutes. He was so conservative, so straight-laced, so concerned about how others view him, I guarantee that no one he knows would peg him as being a john. I'm betting that more guys have made use of these kinds of services--one time or more--than we could even begin to imagine.

perceivereality

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

LadyKathryn — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:06:05 EDT

Cheating = VERY WRONG.

Hookers? My guy? First I will giggle a lot, that'd be pretty far out for him. (I'm the crazy one of the pair.) After that, normal rules apply. We're poly. He stays safe, keeps me safe, comes home after and what he does is his business.

LadyKathryn

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

enjikunoichi — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:45:29 EDT

Didn't read all the comments since because I'm always late to the party because of geography and all :)

My 2 cents? It's never okay. Just the idea that the guy thinks it's fine to PAY for sex is wrong. It's kind of like a do-not-cross line.

enjikunoichi

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

azi — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:40:33 EDT

@mllej: Depends. I'd say the chick in these circumstances walked away with no less than 1500 from the 3000 paid. Probably more. It's usually a 2/3 split but this kind of money makes me not certain.

azi

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

mllej — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:28:38 EDT

@azi:

But who is getting the money?

mllej

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

BoredPhDiva — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:09:52 EDT

I have to admit I am shocked at some of the responses. It would not be a dealbreaker for me so long as it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for him if the reverse were the case. I think its really easy to generalize prostitution as a dehumanizing and dirty thing but its really not that simple. Are there tragic, exploitive prostitution situations? Absolutely. But there are also situations where the woman is making the choice of her own free will and doesn't have some deep dark tragedy lurking in the background. She's just getting paid for getting laid. Its not glamorous or gritty. It just is. As for the issue of control, we all give up some amount of control regardless of what where we work, and we all pay someone a cut. Its called taxes. Paying agency fees is not that different from the percentage the federal government takes from a paycheck.

BoredPhDiva

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Cthulhah Bankhead — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:04:55 EDT

It would bother me, which makes me a hypocrite, as I used to be a domme. But it's the body-fluid-exchange thing. Sorry. Just wear a condom, don't tell me, and we're cool.

Cthulhah Bankhead

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

laurainsavannah — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:48:11 EDT

I am actually in tears for his young female children and for his wife. What a role model he is serving for them. Not only is he a humongous hypocrite in his powerful job as the governor of NY but he has exposed his wife and three beautiful children to the foul stench of a man who thinks his sexual gratification is so much important that their need to have a loving, faithful, and kind husband and father. His ambition and sense of entitlement have led to his demise. I used to consider him a bit of a personal hero because of all the corruption he exposed. Not so much anymore. He needs to resign.

laurainsavannah

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

petersonny — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:46:46 EDT

@the.bleach: doesn't faze me

petersonny

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ceejeemcbeegee — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:36:29 EDT

@Jaztea: a woman should be completely free to do what she likes with her body, including sell it.

Yeah, but like the lady said, a hooker who is really in control of her own body is few a far between. If you used a service, they get a cut. Just like a pimp, only with embossed business cards.

ceejeemcbeegee

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

militia — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:34:03 EDT

@Algren: i think it's because either rsr26 has either been or been to a prostitute. OR he/she has been cheated on by someone who is or has been to a prostitute. Whatever the case, NOT cool rsr26.

militia

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Rooo sez BISH PLZ — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:21:38 EDT

@Jezebabe: Why do men pay when they can get it for free?

Introduction of power dynamic when money enters the equation? You just answered your own question.

@blackbirdfly: You owe me a new keyboard.

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

dijonesque — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:18:12 EDT

Absolute deal breaker. Visiting prostitutes signifies a fucked up view of women and sex as things to be bought and used. Call me old fashioned, but when I am seeing a fella, I like for his misogynist and sociopathic tendencies to be a little bit harder to diagnose. Keeps things fresh.

dijonesque

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:04:09 EDT

@cde: If I were a prostitute, I wouldn't be embarrassed.

Plus, I'm sure that people understood from the context. No big deal, though.

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

militia — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:44:32 EDT

mother F'ing DEAL BREAKER. kicked to the curb- i get custody of the cat- sorry but i reserve the right to tell everyone what a scumbag you are -deal breaker!

militia

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Gingerlime — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:27:58 EDT

"if prostitution were legal everywhere would there still be a trade in human trafficking? probably. would it be nearly as systemic as it is now? probably not."

Actually, in every study that I've read about the effects of legal prostitution, it results in an increase of human trafficking, because they [traffickers] can hide behind the legal industry, and the police assume that every hooker they see works for a legal brothel.

Gingerlime

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

HeatherNumber1 — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:27:04 EDT

Well, would he be cool if I'd worked as a prostitute?

Happy hookers are few and far between. If he thinks he was getting the GFE because the hookers he hired truly enjoyed his company, he's deluded. If he didn't care that they were miserable, he's a dick.

HeatherNumber1

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Jaztea — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:15:30 EDT

Not a dealbreaker for me. Especially since I hired one myself to give the bf the threesome he so desperately wanted. He wanted to pick up a girl at a bar, but I wanted to pay someone to come and go - so to speak - no calls later looking to do it again.

I am definitely against the exploitation of women and realize you can't always tell who is doing it for what reason, but I equate prostitution with stripping (sorry, strippers), a woman should be completely free to do what she likes with her body, including sell it.

As for whether I'd leave if I caught him while we were together WITHOUT my consent/participation? 1) If he's not getting what he wants at home, he will get it elsewhere - so there's an incompatibility issue there; 2) if he's getting it at home and STILL goes elsewhere, he's a tool and is out on his ass, but because he's a tool, not because he hired a hooker.

Jaztea

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

amowls — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:47:37 EDT

HUGE deal breaker. Holy fuck, would I be pissed. Not only did he cheat on me but he IS A JON ON TOP OF IT ALL. Men who go to prostitutes are scum.

amowls

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Madness (Possibly Sparta, maybe baggy trousers.) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:46:32 EDT

I voted yes. Weird isn't it, I'm a man and I'm from Europe... from where all depravity and prostitution spreads. Apparently.

As far as I have seen though, a lot of businessmen treat being in a foreign country like they've got anonymous posting privileges on a forum. Fucking trolls. I can't stand them, more than once I've gotten quite close to the point where the punching begins.

Actually more like mashing his face against a bartop till it's mushy enough to punch without hurting my fist. Yeah, that's better.

Also, I'm sorry to have to say this - but the majority of them are Americans - I've been to a lot of countries and there's a reason people treat you differently until you explain you're not a yank.

Anyway, I can't imagine hiring a prostitute for myself - it's just... I mean I just don't think I'll get that bored of wanking if there's no one to have sex with, doesn't make sense to me. However, I'm not really judgemental about other people doing it, so perhaps if I was with someone who had gotten the services of a hooker I wouldn't mind. It has never come up, though.

Madness (Possibly Sparta, maybe baggy trousers.)

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ceejeemcbeegee — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:26:49 EDT

@SarahMC: Naw... I make them pay. And I don't put out. You weed out the douche's faster that way.

ceejeemcbeegee

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

azi — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:24:53 EDT

I wonder what Collegecallgirl has to say about all this?

As for me, I'd be cool with it so long as it was not during a relationship (particularly ours) and he wasn't a sex addict.

People need sex, other people need money. In a way, it's a very honest transaction.

azi

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Maulleigh — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:04:07 EDT

I'd have to take it on a case-by-case basis. If the guy makes frequent trips to Thailand, forget it.

But if he was young once, and in his cups, and hadn't made a big habit of it I'd let it go.

I'm not perfect and wasn't reared in a nunnery. Not that I've been with prostitutes but I'd hate to be judged on something I'd done in my past that I no longer did.

Maulleigh

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

SarahMC — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:55:24 EDT

@rocknrollunicorn: I think that was the implication - that it's "dirty" to visit a prostitute, not that the prostitute is dirty (though I'm sure many men think that way).

SarahMC

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ImDaCat — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:52:55 EDT

I once dated a guy who confessed to me that he had been desperate to lose his virginity at the age of 20, so he hired a prostitute . . . but was unable to go through with it. Mostly just made me feel bad he'd been so desperate in the first place. Of course, cheating, with a hooker or with anyone, is an automatic dealbreaker.

ImDaCat

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:52:24 EDT

@jenndavo: I am going to admit that I was being pointlessly bitchy when I corrected RSR26's spelling of empirical. But that's only because all the other members of my "clique" had already showed him (or tried to) the errors of his ways.

And I hate him. He is sick sleazy man who tries to pass himself as the "devil's advocate," when really he is just the DEVIL.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

SarahMC — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:50:12 EDT

@ceejeemcbeegee: That's why I stick to paying my own way. That way you're not a prostitute in any way, shape or form.

SarahMC

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:48:42 EDT

@Dulcinea: I think a temporary name change to "Al Donza" would be appropriate for this thread. Or maybe I'm just dreaming the impossible dream

I'm so lame.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Toastgod — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:29:16 EDT

@BGGA: Why does legality make the difference?

Toastgod

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:29:12 EDT

@jenndavo: In other words, its a grammar in context lesson, not just grammarnazism

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:27:12 EDT

@jenndavo: Nope, just meant to point out an otherwise potentially embarrassing miscommunication.

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

6minute — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:25:15 EDT

@6minute: Forgot to mention, my ex's disclosure about the Asian massage parlor thing SHO NUFF broke the deal, not only because of the nastiness, but because of his reaction to my response that he had probably fucked an under-aged victim of sex-trafficking: a shrug and a half-assed "I can't be guilty if I didn't know about it/everybody else was doing it" grin. I can't believe that normal-seeming people can be so cruel. These poor girls.

6minute

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

rocknrollunicorn — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:19:27 EDT

I will not argue against the idea that prostitution, as it stands today, is generally exploitative. That would be my primary issue with a guy who had done that.

However, someone earlier said that one of the primary draws for the man is that the prostitute is "dirty." I think that's a little misleading; I think a lot of the time it's that the situation is "dirty" or taboo. Which is entirely different. Some people get really turned on by sleazy situations. That doesn't mean they are in judgement of the person they are sleeping with, just that they know it's not something they can bring up at family dinners, and that helps them get off.

rocknrollunicorn

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

N__B — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:16:13 EDT

@BiscuitDoughJones: "...there ARE men out there who have integrity and self esteem..."

Thanks. Of course, prostitution is about power and therefore about exploitation and I know few men comfortable with being part of it. But beyond that: paying for sex, for me, would be admitting that I am truly pathetic.

(Once again, I think nice thoughts about Mrs. N__B while talking about a topic that has absolutely nothing to do with her.)

N__B

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

jenndavo — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:09:43 EDT

@cde: Yes, I'm aware of that, and I'm sure T&U is, too. But grammar lessons are rarely useful online -- in most cases, it's seen as the contrarian's last refuge ... or just pointlessly bitchy.

jenndavo

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TheFormerJuneBronson — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:05:45 EDT

In the abstract, I don't know how much it would bother me. Maybe less than if he had an affair of the heart. But it would be a dealbreaker because I would be shocked and furious that he spent money that way, when we're struggling to get ahead. I'm hardly perfect financially, but nothing I've spent has been toward anything illegal or put his health in jeopardy. I'm guessing that the Spitzers don't have that issue, so they're free to worry about trust and loyalty and shit like that.

TheFormerJuneBronson

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Dulcinea — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:04:51 EDT

@Archetype: Don't worry too much. I know loads of people who have spent their whole lives in Europe and somehow managed to only fuck for free.

On the other hand, I did have a mercifully brief relationship with a guy who revealed while drunk that he had twice used prostitutes in Amsterdam. He was genuinely surprised that I had any negative reaction to that. Mind you, he was so drunk he later had no memory of telling me about it. It was only when I pointed out to him that advising me not to sleep with my next man so quickly, in case I 'gave him the wrong idea', was not only hypocritical coming from someone who was happy enough to sleep with me at the time, but also SUPER, HYPER, UBER hypocritical coming from someone willing to PAY FOR SEX, that he realised he'd told me. These attitudes and behaviours really do seem to go together - so my answer is 'dunzo', because the hypothetical complicating factor of the otherwise delightful man who just happens to offer monetary compensation for fucking him is purely hypothetical in my experience.

Dulcinea

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

warmaiden — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:02:44 EDT

Dealbreaker.

1) If your ass is married to me or we're exclusive, it's cheating. And I dump all cheaters. All. No exceptions.

2) Um, gross. You don't know where that shit's been. And if I find out, it's likely because someone threatened to rat on you, not because you're being honest and trying to keep *me* safe. Fucker.

3) You have to pay for it? Why?

warmaiden

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:02:33 EDT

@jenndavo: What? The way we're was used right aafter the last noun prostitutes leads to that. I do understand she meant we're="Society in place where pros = good times"

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

tetracycloide — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:01:07 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: you could make the same argument about the implications for the economics as well. it's only morally wrong if someone of greater economic standing purchases sex from someone of lesser economic standing?

the real moral problem with prostitution, much like drugs and the fasion industry, is that it is primarily built, as an industry, around exploiting political boundries to rob individuals of their rights as workers. if prostitution were legal everywhere would there still be a trade in human trafficking? probably. would it be nearly as systemic as it is now? probably not.

the additional gender and economic issues, while present, are currently almost impossible to deal with chiefly because the industry itself is underground in vast portions of the world.

tetracycloide

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

nothanks — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:59:58 EDT

dude .. the whole prostitute thing is not good .. but you'd be suprised who gets into it - when i was in asia i was not so shocked by the sad old men but the groups of young guys who were efectively sex tourists and seemed do NORMAL it really made me think .. wow i could have been talking to you in a bar in your home country and I would never have guessed!

nothanks

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

jenndavo — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:59:14 EDT

@cde: Duuuuuude. Grammar lessons?

jenndavo

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

teapluscandy — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:58:12 EDT

This is sort of a detour from the original question, but in terms of dealbreakers, I was wondering whether a partner's past as a prostitute would be less or more of a dealbreaker than visiting a prostitute. Just curious as to how that would change things.

teapluscandy

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:54:48 EDT

@cde: Gotcha. Nope, but I lived with a prostitute for a while.

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

6minute — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:54:11 EDT

My ex told me that he frequented Asian massage parlors/brothels in the US and that every male friend he knows (quite a number, both married and not) has done the same. Frequently. And often on planned group trips. However, he is a pig, and pigs tend to hang out with other pigs, so I don't know how representative this sample is.

6minute

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:51:11 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: Reread what you wrote. Wrong use/placement of the pronoun we're.

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:50:41 EDT

@tetracycloide: I know, and that's a dangerous road to go down. Sorry to make that implication.

I would say the same thing for transpeople and men who are prostitutes, except perhaps men who are prostitutes for women (and even then, I think there are some real economic issues that we need to look at). It's complicated and I'm making it too simple, but as is often the case, I kind of need to in order to make my point.

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cocoesq — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:49:57 EDT

Prostitution is completely immoral. It destroys the family, blights neighborhoods and spreads disease. If you frequent prostitutes, at best you are probably feeding someone's drug habit and supporting organized crime. At worst you are raping an unwilling victim of sex trafficing. I don't care if lots of people do it or if the participants are consenting adults. It's immoral and should be illegal. And it's a disgrace for a public figure -- Republican or Democrat -- to have anything to do with it.

Ok,coming down from my high horse now.

cocoesq

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:48:03 EDT

@Meanmllemustard: *snort*

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:47:30 EDT

@cde: I'm confused, sorry. Did I misinterpret what you wrote?

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

tetracycloide — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:47:26 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: that seems to imply there's only a moral problem if a male is buying sex from a female prostitue.

tetracycloide

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bowleserised — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:46:48 EDT

@Meanmllemustard: Actually there's a very small monument to them in Berlin too. At Nollendorfplatz U-Bahn station, right by Herr Issyvoo and Sally Bowles' stamping ground. Like the monument to the Roma, it could do with being hella bigger, but there are always flowers left.

bowleserised

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Charlotte Corday — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:45:45 EDT

my teenage bff went to a prostitute in madrid, once when he was 19. she made him have a shower first (same with everyone), then she made him put on two condoms. shag, shag. fin. it's true he's hott, but i'm pretty sure, from his retelling of the event a few days later, that that's not the only reason he hasn't done it since.

i knew guys out in asia who thought nothing of banging 19 year old thai hookers two at a time, who'd never, ever consider a working girl "back home". as far as i can tell, with these guys, prostitution's chief allures were convenience and control.

any infidelity is revolting. couple with that the fear of contagion and the realization that your guy didn't just slip up, he *meant* to cheat. it wasn't about feeling that old spark or whatever, it was visceral lust, so you can make of that what you will.

i've known a lot of guys who have used prostitutes, it's one of those things with expats in some places, so i can't entirely condemn rsr26. unless he's doing an eliot.

and eliot? you couldn't just have a mistress like all the other politicians? you had to bang LOTS of chicks? and then hypocritically lock them up? yick. i hope your wife gives you a headache via swift kick in the balls.

jetlag is a helluva drug.

Charlotte Corday

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Meanmllemustard — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:44:09 EDT

@ceejeemcbeegee: You should tell your friends to read some Friedrich Engels and stop feeling all original.

Meanmllemustard

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:43:56 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: I'm going to assume that was coincidental, and not any type of freudian slip. >_>

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:42:01 EDT

@inchworm: I do, too. It involves a level of delusion I can't even BEGIN to comprehend.

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ThaKadinskyPapers — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:41:38 EDT

@rsr26: why don't you just say something that's somewhat close to actual truth, for once?

that YOU'VE been to Amsterdam and YOU'VE paid to fuck a hooker.

as though your bullshit, fucked up generalizations aren't completely transparent.

ThaKadinskyPapers

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:41:38 EDT

@ceejeemcbeegee: Actually, alot of people gave that type of thinking.

Me, I worry that if I dont have enough money to go out with someone somewhere, she won't like me.

Others believe the whole pay for dinner + movie = sex.

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:40:47 EDT

@cde: No, it's different because of the historic and systematic use of sex to oppress women.

If we lived in a wonderful society free of misogyny and exploitation, where a prostitute was seen as something akin to a massage therapist (ie, as a professional who is there to help a person relax and feel comfortable), then that would be one thing. But we're not. So it's exploitative.

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

inchworm — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:40:03 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable:

i hate libertarianism.

inchworm

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Meanmllemustard — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:39:25 EDT

@mepo: And the only monument to the homosexuals killed by the Nazis, which is my favorite monument ever, since it is called HOMOMONUMENT.

I know precisely one guy who went to Amsterdam and fucked a prostitute; he went there with his girlfriend for the purpose of having a threesome, and neither he nor his girlfriend are American. Both, need I add, are total sleazeballs.

Meanmllemustard

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bowleserised — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:38:18 EDT

@mepo: Like I say, small numbers. I think you haven't noticed that we agree on this (like I said, see my very first comment very early in this thread).

I live on top of a brothel here in Berlin, funnily enough. I've also read accounts of legal brothels that make me think the whole happy hooker thing is an absolute myth, but like I said, there are sex workers who profess to be happy with what they do, and I think I'd be patronising to turn round and tell them they're silly females who don't know their own minds.

bowleserised

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ceejeemcbeegee — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:37:50 EDT

@SkippingTowardsJaded: Ha! I have always pictured him as a cross between Steve Urkel and Biz Markee.

@inchworm: Safe and legal, yes. But sadly, the person in charge of the prostitutes "choices" are more decidedly male. I say, make pimps the criminals, not the prostitutes.. don't they violate RICO laws or something?
---
There is a school of thought amongst my male friends that dating is a veiled form of prostitution. The theory goes that if a mans ultimate goal is to have sex with you, then the amount of money he spends on a date to procure said goal is the "payment". Sick line if thought, IMHO, but intriguing nonetheless.

ceejeemcbeegee

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Catty Is Cumbersome — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:36:59 EDT

@DorothyZbornak(Team BAngieB/SinisterRouge): My guess it's not a move made out of desperation. Paying for sex, having your pick of a woman for some men equals power. He's just an exploitative piece of shit.

Catty Is Cumbersome

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ManhattanManHatin' — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:36:27 EDT

@the.bleach: what? sex with a person and sex with a toy are very different things. Consent does not matter with sex toys.

ManhattanManHatin'

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

sassymoniker — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:36:14 EDT

@BicSharpie: hahahahaha

sassymoniker

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

BiscuitDoughJones — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:36:08 EDT

@TeenageGangDeb: And even if dudes DID go to Amsterdam all horny, it's not like meeting people in Europe is hard. Plenty of my dudefriends hooked up with ladies abroad, same as my galpals found dudes to sleep with. You'd have to be one repellent mofo to HAVE to or WANT to bust your wallet out just to get laid in Europe.

BiscuitDoughJones

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

tetracycloide — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:35:34 EDT

the next poll that should be posted should be if you have ever gone out on a date with someone because you were hungry. comparing the results would prove interesting.

tetracycloide

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:35:32 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: But in that same vein, referencing anyone by what their job or profession entails is dehumanizing. Thats the thing with jobs, you are no longer a person, but just part of the process, a tool or machine to get something done.

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

SarahMC — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:35:17 EDT

@mepo: Weeeird, my boyf and I just watched that yesterday. :(

SarahMC

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Algren — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:35:10 EDT

Some men actually go to Amsterdam WITH their girlfriends, as my boyfriend did with me. I can assure you that no prostitutes were used during that trip.

Algren

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

BicSharpie — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:34:59 EDT

What if he slept with a prostitute but refused to pay her?

BicSharpie

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:34:16 EDT

@SarahMC: But in a libertarian worldview, there is no such thing as systematic oppression that creates power dynamics, so they can be completely ignored and every purchase and interaction is seen in a vacuum completely free of any social influence.

In other words, it's just a job, and if the bitches didn't want to be prostitutes, they should've pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and become teachers, such as.

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

mepo — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:33:32 EDT

@bowleserised: I'd only fear that johns would use this to validate the trade. I imagine that the number is very small in comparison to the exploited, abused women and girls (and indeed boys)that would in no shape or form see their plight as a vocation. The recent 'Eastern Promises' evokes the reality of the European prositution scene.

mepo

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Algren — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:32:37 EDT

@rsr26: Do you not get enough attention at home? Are you actually only 14 years old? Because those are the only two reasons that would explain why you would continue to say things that would incur such wrath from us.

Algren

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

SarahMC — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:31:28 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: Women are nothin' but cum dumpsters.

SarahMC

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TeenageGangDeb — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:30:41 EDT

@TeenageGangDeb: Amsterdam. DAM. Not Amsterdamned-all-those-dag-nabbit-prossitutes!

TeenageGangDeb

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bowleserised — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:30:28 EDT

@mepo: It's a word I've heard/read being used by sex workers. I'm not saying they're the majority (far from it, if you check my other posts in this thread), but as a feminist I'm very very chary of saying 'these ladies must be deluded and incapable of expressing their opinions of the profession they've chosen.' Because that to me would be not-very-feminist.

bowleserised

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

mepo — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:29:53 EDT

@rsr26: Again art dude, Van Icke and what not - and there's also the Anne Frank museum. Should you not want culture you can simply get baked in the many cafes.

I've been to Amsterdam and it's not all about the red light district. In fact local authorities are working to repeal the legality of the sex trade, if the tourist trade was so reliant on it I doubt this would have been proposed.

mepo

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ceejeemcbeegee — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:29:10 EDT

@blackbirdfly: Well... it's new to them...

ceejeemcbeegee

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TeenageGangDeb — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:28:53 EDT

@rsr26: Do you know any men? Cause I know plenty ... some whom have been to Amsterdamn, ZERO I can picture ever getting with a prostitute, European or otherwise.

TeenageGangDeb

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

RemoteCommander — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:28:47 EDT

@rocknrollunicorn: which is why, along with most drugs, i think prostitution should be legal, but VERY tightly regulated with unions etc.

RemoteCommander

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

rsr26 — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:28:40 EDT

@baa: No, I went to the Heineken brewery also.

rsr26

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:28:24 EDT

@rsr26: But a sweeping generalization (stereotyping even) of men who go to amsterdam is okay?

Only reason I know people go to Amsterdam Is weedson.

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:26:54 EDT

@cde: I know that it refers to sex, but in this context, speaking of women, I find it dehumanizing.

Just as I find saying that a man visits a prostitute because he needs to "bust a nut" dehumanizing.

(PLEASE NOTE: I know people other than women are prostitutes, but this thread seems to have taken a turn to discussing women specifically. This applies to referencing any human being who is hired for sex).

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

mercymercyme — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:26:36 EDT

@rsr26: Dude, that's that stupidest thing I've ever heard. Seriously. I mean..seriously? Do you believe that every American (or Canadian, or South American or, so as not to ignore the obvious, European) guy who sets foot or has set foot in Europe has sought the sexual attentions of a prostitute? Like, automatically, or by default, or via black hole or something? Like a trip to Europe turns said men, who previously would have never solicited a prostitute, into prostitute-crazy johns?

I don't understand what you're trying to communicate. Is it that the sexually licentious Greeks-to-Norwegians corrupt/offer a refreshing counterpoint to puritanical American mores? Or is it that you and some buddies got prostitutes in Amsterdam one time?

mercymercyme

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

skittlbrau — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:26:26 EDT

@rsr26: Yep. Because there is nothing to do in Amsterdam but get baked.

Nothing else to do... no Rijksmuseum, no Van Gogh museum, no culture, no fine dining. None of that. Just prostitutes and pot.

skittlbrau

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

jessicarabbit — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:25:36 EDT

@rsr26: Research indicates that people who cheat tend to overestimate the numbers of people who cheat overall, probably because it makes them feel better about their own cheating asses. Doesn't make them right about either. So, no, not all men who've been to Europe have slept with prostitutes just because you have.

jessicarabbit

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Archetype — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:24:49 EDT

@baa: Or, just hook up with fellow travelers or non-prostitutes.

Archetype

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

mepo — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:24:31 EDT

@bowleserised: Vocation is the wrong word.

mepo

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ItchykooParker — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:23:50 EDT

@hamburgerhotdog: You. Have. Got. To be. KIDDING.

Holy shit.

ItchykooParker

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

rsr26 — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:23:33 EDT

@mepo: I only meant that it's legal is some places in Europe- at least in Amsterdam it is. So when Yanks are over there they do all kinds of crazy shit- liked get baked and go to hookers.

I probably should have said "if your man has been to Amsterdam" then there's a good chance he's been to a prostitute.

I apologize for the sweeping generalization about Europe being a huge brothel.

rsr26

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

RemoteCommander — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:23:06 EDT

it would almost certainly be a dealbreaker, but sometimes i do think that at least when someone cheats with a prostitute they did it for the sex, which is sort of skeezy and exploitative, but at least they weren't carrying on a romantic or emotional relationship? just filling the physical desire?

don't know, a bit of a grey area

RemoteCommander

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

FattyCatty — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:22:38 EDT

@BiscuitDoughJones: Word.

It's not just insulting, it is the first step in the whole, "but boys will be boys" line of defense. "I'm a GUY - of course I fucked a prostitute. It's what GUYS do." Last time I checked, men also had free will.

FattyCatty

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ihateyourescalade is an east coast elite — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:22:26 EDT

But at least it was a "high-priced prostitute."

Stay klassy, Spitz.

ihateyourescalade is an east coast elite

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bess marvin, girl detective — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:22:04 EDT

i'm going to guess that most people pay for sex (and I'm thinking brothels and high end escorts) because those women are more likely to be clean and use condoms with their various customers. if he's picking up girls from hunts point, then we have a problem

bess marvin, girl detective

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

SarahMC — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:21:10 EDT

@BiscuitDoughJones: Clearly he thinks "enthusiastic consent" is puritanical.

How a guy could sleep at night, knowing that he may have just paid a trafficked woman (or GIRL) for sex, is beyond me.

SarahMC

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

rsr26 — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:21:05 EDT

@BadenBaden: I am not sure. Is it really that shocking? I am not proud-neither am I ashamed, though.

rsr26

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Algren — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:21:00 EDT

@rsr26: I think that comment in stupid in so many ways I don't know where to begin.

Algren

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

sassymoniker — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:20:50 EDT

I've never met a man I liked and respected who thought the idea of visiting a prostitute was anything other than sad and unappealing.

The guys I've had conversations with who didn't seem to have a problem with prostitution were all douchebags for other reasons as well. So it would be a dealbreaker for me because I would take it as an indication of much larger issues at work.

sassymoniker

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:19:43 EDT

@rsr26: imperical= empirical

Oh, funny how you only pop on RAPE and PROSTITUTION threads, you sick fuck.

westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago)

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

sumac — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:19:33 EDT

@lolacat: Yeah, he was a good boy too. Except for the hookers part.

sumac

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

RosePetalPlace — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:18:55 EDT

@hamburgerhotdog: Ouch. "Can we see each other again?" I'd be all, "Only if you can somehow erase that story from my memory AND be sure to never introduce me to your friend. In other words, NO."

RosePetalPlace

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

BiscuitDoughJones — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:18:37 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: Word to that. But it's par for the course from someone who refers to sex as "nut". He hates us, clearly, and shouldn't bother polluting this board with his weird sexual preoccupations (rape, prostitution, that's ALL we ever get outta this one).

BiscuitDoughJones

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TeenageGangDeb — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:17:52 EDT

Politicians in bed with prostitutes only bugs me when they're self-righteous idiots who campaign against individual rights.

I don't care if a politician uses a prostitute. I hate politicians; I'd sooner look to gangsta rappers for moral authority.

A deal-breaker to me is when politicians STEAL MY SHIT. Which they ALL do!

TeenageGangDeb

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

skittlbrau — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:17:48 EDT

@rsr26: Interesting. I lived in DK for a year and only one of the guys I knew used the services of the red-light district in Amsterdam. And was puzzled when no girls that knew of it would give him the time of day for the rest of the year.

Plenty of men go to europe and manage to keep their pants zipped up just fine.

skittlbrau

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:17:36 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: Getting some strange refers to sex, not just to sex with women prostitutes....

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

mepo — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:17:18 EDT

@rsr26: Dude do you think the whole of Europe is brothel for yanks to get their jollies off to? Wow, we have art you know.

mepo

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bowleserised — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:17:09 EDT

@Jezebabe: That's what I mentioned in my first post on the thread (way back)

I'm not totally anti-Johns because if I were I'd be patronising the feck out of some sex workers who see what they do as a valid vocation and don't have a problem with it.

But personally personally personally I think that thinking you can buy someone's genitals is repugnant.

bowleserised

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

BadenBaden — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:17:08 EDT

@rsr26: If it was your gender that's been exploited for thousands of years, you'd probably be a bit 'puritanical' too. Do you think your mom would be proud to know you've paid for women in the red light district?

BadenBaden

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Algren — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:16:53 EDT

The problem here is that he broke the law of transporting someone for the purposes of prostitution. That, and the fact that he broke up another ring several months earlier. I find the hypocracy far worse than the actual act of get a call-girl. As a former sex-worker, I'd like to add that it is true far too many people have power over the bodies of the working girl. The fact that he'd have no problem busting a hooker and then ordering one says a lot about how he feels about women. It's really sad to me because I've always been a huge fan of him.

Algren

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

knitterly — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:16:45 EDT

I think the difference here is who we're talking about, because I think the motivations for Spritzies' behavior is different than your average john. I seriously doubt this is a sex thing as much as a power thing for men like him (and Clinton, and many, many others--and I still like Bill C.). I don't judge him for the illegality (to me, this is kind of like pot or something--slave/sex trafficking issues not included; I'd imagine the women he saw are more than likely willing participants in the lifestyle), the quasi-immorality (as there is a reason it is referred to as the world's oldest profession, pretty much older than god), but I'd like to judge him for publicly fucking over his family, humiliating his wife--including his expectation that she'd fucking go to his press conference, gaaaaah--and generally having the "I'm sooo powerful I don't think I'll get caught, even when I do something this stupid."

That said, if my hubby cheated on me with some chick at work, there'd be hell to pay, but at this point, I've got a lot invested in the life I have, so I couldn't say if I'd kick his ass out. But if it were a pro...well...I can't even imagine, really, 'cause I know as sure as shit that he wouldn't...ever...do it. He left a bachelor party early because the prostitute they hired sickened him, it was just way too power-out-of-balance for him, he's that kind of man. I guess it is safe to say I wouldn't marry (and glad I didn't) a guy who frequented prostitutes.

knitterly

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

SarahMC — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:16:08 EDT

@rsr26: I will just have to quote my friend Trunc since you seem to have skipped her comment:

"Well, and as a feminazi lesbian bonerkiller, I am of the feeling that most men who visit prostitutes do so not just to get laid, but because they get off on actually going to prostitutes because a) prostitutes are "dirty," or b) because then they have power over their sexual partner in a way that they wouldn't have with a different partner.

There's just no way, in my opinion, that it can NOT be exploitive in our society the way it is."

SarahMC

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

clevernamehere — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:15:05 EDT

@rsr26: Having sex with someone who does not desire you who you cannot be sure is with you by choice (ie no pimp forcing them) is immoral. It is puritanical to say you should only sleep with people who actually want to sleep with you. No one is asking you to wait until marriage.

clevernamehere

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

inchworm — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:15:03 EDT

@inchworm:

i guess safe, legal, rare is the direct quote. but i really wanted that legal to come last. since it's the important part.

inchworm

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

briardahl — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:14:44 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: I'd guess you're right, but I'd also guess the kind of "power" some of them are going for is a pretty banal one, one built mostly out of laziness -- here's a woman who'll do all the stuff you want, and you don't have to put forth any kind of effort of caring how they're feeling about it, or being reassuring or displaying emotional attachment or romancing or anything else ...

briardahl

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ItchykooParker — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:14:43 EDT

@Archetype: Yes! You go, girl. How on earth can he/she know? WTF.

ItchykooParker

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

ThaKadinskyPapers — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:14:30 EDT

@Jessica: thank you, jessica.
in that case I say, it's not an easy answer. it's not the sex part of the transaction that bothers me, or the exchange of money - it would be the circumstances leading up to it. of course the sex would have had to have been conducted safely, but I'm more interested in the aspects of our relationship that might be so fractured or damaged that would cause my partner to seek sex from someone else and hide it from me. this doesn't mean that I wouldn't be crushed or wouldn't consider burning all of his belongings in the middle of the street, just that I wouldn't automatically fling a divorce lawyers number at him as I aim the car at his head.

ThaKadinskyPapers

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

SarahMC — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:14:25 EDT

@Jezebabe: Well also it's the whole colonization aspect. I don't know. It's like they wouldn't buy white women, but hey, it's just a brown/Asian/black woman!

SarahMC

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

dashenbka — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:14:25 EDT

Poor Silda. I mean, not only does she have to deal with the public fallout and the cheating, but now he ruined Valentine's Day forever!

dashenbka

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Jezebabe — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:14:19 EDT

@bowleserised: Ugh, a lot of European prostitutes are trafficked from Eastern Europe and are not necessarily getting into the profession willingly, let's not forget...

Jezebabe

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

DorothyZbornak — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:14:08 EDT

@rsr26: Seriously, how many times are you going to come on here and have this argument? Does it get your rocks off to be the protector of prostitution? Cause constantly arguing for it on here just makes you look like a creepy perv.

DorothyZbornak

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

lolacat(ΩΜ) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:13:32 EDT

@bmorefool: Seriously, thank you! The public bathroom is what always bugged me about the Larry Craig thing. I can't even use a public phone (if there are any left anymore) without going Howard Hughes on it and thinking about the bajillion germs on it (Thanks a lot Oprah!). After hearing my partner was with a Pro- I could never look at my partner without the same revulsion.

lolacat(ΩΜ)

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

inchworm — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:12:52 EDT

@ceejeemcbeegee:

i think prostitution, to steal the phrase, should be safe, rare, and legal.

because it IS a difficult and demeaning field, and keeping it illegal means that it's even less safe for the WOMEN involved. it traps them.

onto my partner fucking a pristitute. i am with TruculentandUnreliable on this one (ie i am a feminazi bonerkiller, also, a dyke). if someone can get down with paying for sex, especially when prostitution is illegal and therefore the woman in question has no right, no healthcare, etc, i do not want them inside me.

inchworm

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:12:19 EDT

@Archetype: It's okay. Sometimes I wish I did, too.

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

clevernamehere — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:12:02 EDT

@rsr26: That says more about you and your friends that it does about men in general. And you didn't just say there was a good chance, you said that a guy who hasn't is a rare exception and the men who have would lie about it. It is sad that you have such a low opinion of men.

clevernamehere

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

rsr26 — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:11:59 EDT

@Jezebabe: What morality? Paying for sex is inherently immoral? Who are you? Billy Graham?!

Such a puritanical streak with some of you on this issue.

rsr26

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:11:43 EDT

@rsr26: Calling visiting a prostitute "getting a little strange" is offensive and dehumanizing. It's not an opinion, it's a fucking slur against women.

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

blubirde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:11:17 EDT

No cheating - prostitute or random girl. But if it was a stupid bachelor party thing or a high school dare? I can't really judge stupid behavior. If it's a turn on or something though, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be okay with that (or if it's regular behavior, even pre-me).

So yes to stupid mistakes, no to proclivities, and no to cheating, all around.

FWIW, I don't think prostitution should be illegal.

blubirde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

cde — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:10:49 EDT

Jesus says fucking around is okay (Matthew 9). Plus he hung around with prostitutes and thieves, so...

cde

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Daria: Wants the Gov't Cheese program back — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:10:20 EDT

@ceejeemcbeegee: I LOVE that show so much. I don't care about legalization prostitution either way but the narrator's voice! His voice sounds like a mix between the sleeziest pimp to walk the earth and my high school science teacher (who was arrested for trying to pick up a hooker in East St. Louis).

Daria: Wants the Gov't Cheese program back

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Jezebabe — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:09:19 EDT

@SarahMC: 2nd, the whole "it's okay in their culture" angle, it always gets to me...It;s as if American men think all morality and respect and order goes out the window the minute they leave US territory...Sex tourism is so disgusting, and worse of all it seems to have flourished in places where the US has recently had some sort of awful military or political involvement (Southeast Asia, Eastern Europe, South America...)

Jezebabe

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Kilotwat — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:08:48 EDT

A deal breaker when it comes to a romantic relationship, maybe. But when it comes to voting? Nope. I'm sure politicians occasionally have sex lives, but I find even the scandalous ones to be quite boring and irrelevant.

Kilotwat

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Meanmllemustard — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:08:39 EDT

@rsr26: Anecdotal? Congratulations, your friends are douchebags. Next.

Meanmllemustard

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

BrutallyHonestBabes — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:08:35 EDT

And she looks so very tired, and this is just beginning for her. I agree with whoever said it (above) - I'm not appearing at the cuckold press conference. The cheese can stand alone.

BrutallyHonestBabes

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

bmorefool — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:08:31 EDT

@ThaKadinskyPapers: Well you know that's how you distinguish Democrats from Republicans, right? The gender of the pro' they retained. At least it wasn't in an airport bathroom is all I have to say.

bmorefool

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

Archetype — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:08:21 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: @SarahMC: Sorry, I have selective attention.

Archetype

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

rsr26 — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:08:05 EDT

@TruculentandUnreliable: It's just my opinion. Sorry you don't like it. Geeze.

rsr26

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

TruculentandUnreliable — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:07:55 EDT

@rsr26: Or maybe it's the same douchebags over and over?

TruculentandUnreliable

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

SarahMC — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:07:53 EDT

And now we know that RSR has bought women in Amsterdam. How cute.

SarahMC

Is Seeing Prostitutes A Deal Breaker?

miele — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:07:47 EDT

I've always thought it would be a deal breaker because it seems so gross to have sex with someone that doesn't really want to have sex with you. Its amazing if you ask guys who's been with prostitutes how many convince themselves that she actually had a good time with him. The magic power of denial.

miele