<![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office? - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office? - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Virtual office definitely the way to go. Makes everything merit-based, especially if you have your own business. I am old woman, but make cell phone games and nobody knows because I am damn good game designer, programmer and have a very young voice.
Best part of all, I no longer have to use 60% of my brainpower tuning load voices out (they compete with the voices IN my head).

Marikins

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> new job starts in two weeks and I pray that none of your ex-coworkers are at that office.

TwiceShy

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I started working as a PA for an awards show about two months before it aired. There was this weasely kid who had started as a PA a few months before me and was clearly threatened by my presence. I realized I had an asshole on my hands when I forwarded him my half of a joint project and he sent it to the entire production team, signing only his name! He would routinely ask me to run errands or make copies for him and I would later find out there was a meeting while I was gone that he was supposed to tell me about and didn't. This despite the fact that I never ratted him out for: a) routinely coming an hour late to work; b) pitching (ridiculously bad) tv show ideas to other companies from the office line; and c) ordering his three different anti-depressants over the phone to the pharmacy on the corner. Luckily, my kickass boss put me on another project when I told her about the meetings and joint project, but they definitely didn't fire him.

icanhazchange

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> This total douchebag at my last job was so incredibly racist and xenophobic. He was pretty miserable, and his life was miserable. I mean, the guy was like 32 and making $11 an hour at an office, so he had to work another job as a cook after work. He was the type to buy a $300k crappy split-level (woo, suburban boston)and "needed" a $20k truck.

We had a warehouse attached sort of like the office, and one of our drivers was within earshot, speaking with his mother on the phone in Spanish (dude was like 21 and came here from PR when he was a toddler). Fucknuts said out loud, only to me, "He should go back to his own f*cking country!" So I schooled him that Puerto Rico was, in fact, a US territory, and our driver was issued an American passport at birth. What a dumbass.

He "won", he was so irritating I left first, even taking a paycut. I think I won, though. I work in a hip downtown "green" office (it's such an eye-pleasing environmentally friendly space) now making far more than I did there, get nice bonuses, and have room to move up - and have done so. The people here are, for the first time, people I can go out drinking with.

madktdisease

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @dingosmom1: Ah shucks, thanks :)

elrae

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> The crazy thing is right now I LOVE the people I work with and my job but unfortunately am not making enough money. I will have to either pull in a different job or stop working there altogether.

shananigans

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> The manager of the store I work in has an upper-management ego trip going on. He talks to all of us sales associates like we're four years old. At first all of the women thought he was being sexist, but then we all observed him talking to a couple of male associates that way. So we decided then and there that he's just an asshole. That aside...is there any category for a person at work who thinks she can boss everyone around even though it's the job of, I don't know, your boss, to boss everyone around? Would that be a steamroller? Because I know for sure we have one of those too...biotch.

Jadoremonchat

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I went the formal way, lodging a complaint against an asshole co-worker. He made an inappropriate comment to another co-worker (about me), and I overheard it. I thought I'd go through the formal EEO procedures, and I ended up being advised to go to corporate counseling (not the asshole). The asshole was apparently 'warned', but he was still in the good books, hadn't had the balls to talk to me afterward, but one thing I learned from the counselor, was the importance of establishing territory/assertiveness from the first day on the job, and not ignoring behavior.
I hate offices.

ChaosNoir

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: Oh my god- I think that all the time. It started in college during finals ("If I get hit by this bus, I won't have to finish that damn paper"), and I still dare taxi cabs to hit me while I'm walking to work. I should probably get medicated, huh?

apatheticmonkey

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> So, I know it's late and all, but I have to add one more thing: I work with someone who has to pronounce outloud every single thing he does on his computer. Example: "File, Print." or "Start, Outlook, New Message, (thankfully silent typing)... Send!" And the "Send!" is so triumphant, I want to go up to him and hit him on the head and exclaim, "File, Exit! BITCH!" But I don't. I'm done Whining and Cheesing now.

Political Party Girl

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> It had never occurred to me to use duct tape...

Erinjb

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> The only coworker that I have that is reminiscent of this is a girl that won't look at me, won't speak to me, and won't acknowledge my presence when I attempt to speak to her, even about pressing work-related issues. She talks about me behind my back and tries to embarrass me in front of my other coworkers.

The reason? She's utterly obsessed with my tall, dark, sexy-as-hell Latin Lover and so jealous that she can't see straight.

I win.

pssshwhatever

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Archetype:

I do . . .

tweenmama

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @elrae: I'm disabled, and now I officially want you as my co-worker. :D

Mrs. DeLesseps To You, Dahling

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> One of my coworkers told me Egypt wasn't in Africa.

AussieGoldiLocks

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @lonewolfer: That's what I used to do, and it's a good strategy. Until the layoffs begin, and then it's Network Or Die. :(

ahwannabe

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @flyoverstate: I'll be taking notes from that one. I think I need a sign like that on my cubicle.

Brigit

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @kaylinda: Err.. isn't that term more offensive to Nazis than Jews? Just sayin'....

ceejeemcbeegee

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TheFormerJuneBronson: Ahh... but a scuffle did arouse in the copy room over who was the true owner of the 3rd grade math workbook (me).

ceejeemcbeegee

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> L'enfer, c'est les autres.

Jamie Sommers

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> At one job, I was the frequent target of sexual harassment (and crude verbal abuse, when I didn't take up the "offer") by a low-level manager. After I quit, I found out that his longtime habit of driving drunk and without a license finally caught up with him and he had to spend nearly 2 months in Rikers. Not the best place for someone as good-looking as this asshole was.

At another job, I had the extreme displeasure of working with a jealous, manipulative bitch. She was jealous of everything, from my job being better than hers (I did a lot of writing and got to go to fun places to do research, while she answered phones, made copies, collated) to the fact that she couldn't get any guys to date her (she sucked at meeting guys from personal ads, while I could meet cute bankers in the elevator without even trying to meet anyone).

When the bosses were away at a conference and one of them called her for some reason (probably for her to do some tedious task), she told him that I wasn't doing any of my work. So when he came back the next week, the first thing he did on Monday morning was ask me to come to his office with the project I'd been doing. When I went to his office and sat in the chair across the desk from him, he asked to see the progress I'd made on that project - I handed him the folder, and said "Oh, I finished that on Thursday and got a good start on the next project that we'd discussed. Is there something in the new one you'd like to go over, before I get too far into it?" For probably the first time in his life, the gasbag was speechless. I smiled innocently while he thanked me and sent me back to my cubicle in hell. As far as I can tell, he never again listened to her bullshit prattling about me.

The One

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I have a bad co-worker story too, but it was a really tricky situation.
I worked for a company that works with people with disabilities, and my co-worker also had a disability. She got accommodations and initially the work load between us was more or less equal. But because she was very close friends with the director, she started complaining about her work load and how overwhelmed she was to the director while I wasn't there (she would stay late at work purposely to get alone time with the boss). So gradually my work load increased until I was doing more than twice the work load that she was while she was making more, and anytime I mentioned the unfair work division, I was brushed aside as "she has a disability and needs the extra help."
It was a really tricky situation because this person couldn't do the job and just honestly wasted time at work (like taking two hour lunch breaks) while I was overworked and underpaid, but anytime I mentioned anything I was the bad person for not being accommodating of her disability. It was so politically charged. I still stress out about that situation...so glad I left.

elrae

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I just quit my job after almost being beaten up by a flaming queen my first week there. He threatened to sue for discrimination if H.R. took any action & continued to harass me on an almost daily basis for 6 months. He spread countless rumors about me being a racist and homophobe and I would come home and bitch about him every night to my gay, black best friend and roommate.

marypoppinpills

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> They do self-destruct sometimes. Nutcase called the patients of a doctor we worked with, with whom she feuded, and tried to rally them against him. Got herself fired post-haste. I sat and watched her do it. She'd gotten so used to bullying that she forgot her place in life.

Mrs. DeLesseps To You, Dahling

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I had a boss who was totally incompetent. He was always asking me questions that he should have known the answer to and asking me to do tasks that were a huge waste of time, since he didn't understand anything about the job. I had to explain everything 5 times, like he was a 4 year old on the short bus.

One day he asked me to get 4 bottles of Dom Perignon to give to sales team members to celebrate a contract. He gave me a credit card number. I called a liquor store to place an order and the CC# was declined. I called him back to tell him and he said, try again. I tried again and it was declined (again). So he gave me another CC#. Which was also declined. You'd think after the 3d time, he'd be embarassed, but you'd be wrong. He gave me a third card and (wait for it...) it was declined too. By this time I was embarrased for him, but he apparently had no shame. Instead of calling the liquor store himself, he seemed determined that I place the order.

Finally, he called the credit card company and got an extension on one of the cards, and I was able to call the liquor store for the 4th time (and the liquor store was getting annoyed with me - I'm sure they thought it was my card or I was some kid playing around) and place the order. The only reason I didn't just tell him to call himself was I suspected I'd get one of those bottles of Dom (and I did - one of the rare occasions he wasn't a total douche).

Hissyfit

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> We were on vacation once, and a part on the boat broke. We took it to the only guy in the area that could fix it. He had a sign over the door that said "This is not Burger King. I will do it my way or I will kick your ass out the door. Advice or complaints will increase your bill dramatically. I will get to it when I get to it, and if you bother me about it I will take a hammer to the damn thing and you won't get it at all. How may I help you today?"
I offered to pay him for the sign, but he wouldn't part with it. Said it cut down dramatically on the bull he got.

flyoverstate

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I have another good one:

It was the day before I was leaving for a vacation to Florida for my friend's wedding. I left home at 8:00 to take my dog to the kennell and I was due to work at 9:30. On the way there I was in a bad car accident. I was pretty much ok but my car was totaled. I sat on the side of the road for hours waiting for AAA. My mom happened to be in the area so she drove me home around 1:00.
I called work right after the accident and told them what happened. My coworkers were understanding and said they would cover for me. I had no way to get to the office; I lived over 1/2 hour away and I was NOT going to spend $100 on a cab. The next day my friend picked me up and we left for Florida.
When I got back I was fired. It said in my letter that I showed my lack of commitment when I was "too injured" to come to work the day of my accident, but felt fine enough to go on vacation. This was a job where i worked 60 hour weeks and was paid for 40. My boss loved to scream at me and call me stupid. To top it off they tried to keep my bonus from the previous month, which was $1,400. I called the Labor Board and got it about a month later.

kaylinda

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I can't believe I went to Target and missed this post. I'm going to go back and read comments but I want to share my asshole at the office story.
I work for a real estate company, doing everything that the idiot old people in the office can't do (computers, advertising, phones, etc). We had a guy named Steve who inherited his father's hugely successful business - until he ran it into the ground and went bankrupt. He couldn't even turn the light in his office on his own. To make this shorter, what happened was he pissed me off, I refused to do a stupid not-my-job task for him, and he yelled "Fuck you you asshole! You are such a stupid bitch!" Luckily one of the other guys in the office threw him out before I could even react. My boss is awesome though, and pretty told Steve he could appologize, or not come to work anymore. Steve quit rather than say he was sorry. I have to see him Monday and I'm dreading it.

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> OK, I'm not gonna even start about my bosses, but here's an exchange with a lovely coworker who marched up to my cubicle out of nowhere:

her (loud, abrupt): What's wrong with your face, is that makeup?!

me (suffering from rosacia, embarassed): I'm having a breakout.

her: Oh! (stomps away)

Next day:

her (loud, abrupt): I thought you weren't gonna wear that makeup anymore!

Yo, it's NOT okay to ever ever ever comment on someone's appearance unless you have something nice to say, ESPECIALLY if you hardly know them! Dang!

Tramputee

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @distressedpony: Ditto. I haven't worked in an office in almost six years and these have all made it almost worth the obvious drawbacks of the job I do for a paycheck, and the other one--raising a toddler--that I do for free. I just applied for a full-time temporary thing that would give me some experience in the field I'm training for now, but I'm really scared of going back to a normal workplace. At my last job, our boss, who was on his fourth marriage and was screwing one of the women at my level, used to bring his pregnant teenage daughter in to parade her around and collect congratulations on his forthcoming grandchild. And his wife used to call and yell at the staff whenever he wasn't in his office to answer the phone. If you switched her into his office and his voicemail picked up, she'd zero back out into the customer queue and scream that she knew he was there and that we were to go and find him for her. This was in the days before everyone had a cell phone and an affair like that necessarily involved the whole office. And the worst thing was that even though his girlfriend talked openly with us all about their affair, he steadfastly maintained that he was not having an affair, and to refer to it in any way was a firing offense. It was desperately awful.

TheFormerJuneBronson

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Oh man... I just have to add to the pile...

A copywriter on my team at an old job got 'promoted' to creative director when the old one left. He was the most neurotic, annoying, oversharing person I've ever had the displeasure to work with. In every meeting he would inevitabley take his shoes off and put his socked feet on the flipping conference room table and start fidgeting with his toes. Even when clients were there.

He insisted on sitting with us instead of the old creative director's office. Unfortunately he could see my monitor at all times and assumed his new position allowed him to comment on every little change I was making. We finally got him to move in to the office and he turned in to a nervous wreck because he couldn't stand not knowing what we were all doing every second of the day. He would come out for the most random shit and annoy the living hell out of us.

The worst was when, on a business trip, he started trying to get in the pants of a co-worker who was married and 8 months pregnant!

We (me and the other two people on our team) finally managed to get his boss to do something about him. We basically knew he was going to get fired about week before he got the axe.

The kicker was that he and his wife finally found the time to have the three of us over for a long-promised dinner the weekend before he got the boot. Sitting there, eating the food his wife cooked and taking a tour of the house they just bought and renovated, knowing that he would be out of a job (this was in 2001 when no one was hiring)was the most guilty I'd felt in a long time.

We did find out that he smoked copious amounts of herb when we went to his house which, in retrospect, explained a lot.

pepelicious

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @lonewolfer: Exacly my thought.
Reading all these stories makes me not want to find a new job. People are INSANE, and you can never tell which ones they are. In other words, I need another drink. Or three.

Elin

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Hi Lassies. Longtime lurker, first time commenter. And I HAD to share my experience. I work at behemoth corporate law firm in the Beacon Hill area of Boston, doing the paralegal thang before law school. I'm lucky enough to share my 70 hour weeks with a guy who went to my college and thinks he's still fucking there. The excess weight gain of 60 pounds and thinning hair has not deterred him from mentioning the gym every 40 minutes in typical Sweet Dude manner. Nor has it deterred him from cheating on his girlfriend with a secretary in one of the workrooms. NOR has it helped him realize that touching all female coworkers on the lower back is NOT. APPROPRIATE. EVER. It's also really great that he's both lazy as shit AND condescending, since his experience is rooted the fact that he's satisfied to stay here forever. Can that be a new category? Oblivious Former Fratboy?

Basically, you gals keep me sane.

AllThatYaz

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> at the sbux we had this douchebag who was hired without a background check (required for everyone else!) and without his references being checked, because his girlfriend worked at nearby store. he was a fucking moron who came to work late, if at all, and usually he was high. the worst part: he was hired as a supervisor without any previous retail experience. oh man, we all hated him. i tried to ignore him, but other girls there would either tell him off or pretend to be nice to him. he flirted with every employee and customer who might possibly have a vagina, and he treated others like shit. he couldn't make drinks (hello, that's your job), he couldn't run register, he couldn't do ANY of the supervisor duties like counting money and actually running a shift. he was such a waste of a human being. i told him off once, and he was genuinely scared, so he basically left me alone after that. i ended up doing his job for him because he sucked so much at life, and once i even told him to kill himself because it would be the noble thing to do (ok so he was trying to act like he knew something about ancient Rome, and as a classicist, i was highly amused/irritated, and in Rome it was noble to commit suicide in certain situations, so it's not like i encourage suicide for everyone). and then he mocked my education, my intelligence, and the Spartans (when 300 came out). so that was the last straw, when i very politely told him to go fuck himself and never come near me again. every single barista threatened to quit unless he was fired. thankfully he was fired, after there were 3 documented instances of him sexually harrassing the 17 yr old girl who worked there. i was promoted to fill the supervisor position since i was already doing the work. the last we heard, douchey mctwatface was working at IKEA. yeah, like that'll last.

andromache is freakin' out, man.

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Ohhhhhh, there's a certain former boss of mine who told me that, despite my legal entitlement to sick leave and my doctor's note, my ONE DAY OFF (spent gibbering and crying at home) after witnessing my friend's leg being crushed in a car accident had to count as "holiday" because said friend was "not related" to me.

And that's only *my* story. There is so much more on that bitch...

bowleserised

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Thanks again Jezebel - whenever I feel like being a self-employed writer-type leaves me isolated and a wee bit lonely, I can at least remind myself I'm not surrounded by passive-aggressive, cretinous idiots!

distressedpony

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I went in to ask my last boss if, once a month, I could leave early on Friday (early being about 4:30 p.m. instead of 5:30) so I could go to my parents' house to see my mom who had terminal cancer. The whore had the audacity to say no, that it would be bad for my career and that these family things are going to happen. Yeah, mothers die all the time. Meanwhile, this bitch had the run of the place and left at 4:45 every day. I said, "Really? you couldn't spot me an early leave time once a month?" But God forbid my family issue interfere with her picking up her son from daycare.

When I brought up her flexibility, she told me she had earned it through 12 years of hard work. (She had been fired from her previous job, by the way)When I told her I wished I was dealing with my mother dying when I was 34 instead of 25, she just said, "these things happen."

And I was too afraid of retribution to say anything to HR about it. They got an earful when I finally left (because whore boss was allowed to have a four day work week) for a much better, and better paying job where, when my mother died, they let me "telecommute" from home for two weeks until I was ready to come back.

As for divine retribution, my former boss has a problem child who gets in trouble at daycare all the time, a staff who's all about to leave, and fertility problems. She went to the infertility clinic the day I went on the interview that got me my new job.

My friends think I should sue for emotional distress.

MissMollyKate

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Scoregasm: I thought about drinking a lot of mouthwash that was in the cabinet at work, so I hear you.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @spinlizzy:
Oh yes, the hypochondriac co-worker! I have one who works half-days, and yet still has to go to the chiropractor/holistic "doctor" etc on a weekly basis. She is always, always bitching about feeling sick or tired or achy - she's 64! It happens! She also has to take thyroid pills and complains about the "evil Pharma industry" all the time.

Of course, since both I and my fiance have incurable neurological disorders that cannot be treated by taking a damn pill, I'm a little touchy on the subject.

jurisenpai

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I was written up by a manager for calling a coworker a "bag nazi." He was our super strict office supply person, he would only give out a certain amount of items each day. The whole staff called him that, he actually knew and liked it.
Somehow my manager found out and decided that I was the only one who called him that. She then accused me of being anti-semetic (she was jewish) and making fun of Jews who were killed by Nazis. She used my cross necklace that I wore every day as a piece of evidence! I tried to explain that it was a play on a joke from Seinfeld but she wasn't hearing it. She said that if I ever made a joke like that again I would be fired. I cried bc the whole thing was so ridiculous and the bitch said that she was happy to see my tears, since it showed that I was taking the charges seriously.

The silliest part of this whole thing was that at the time both my bf and my roomie were jews! My bf suggested that I tell her that I was fucking a Jew. My roomie just suggested that I wear a tan suit and goose-step past her office - ha.

kaylinda

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: At one of my previous jobs I once took Ipacec at work so that I could get a few days off with "proof" that I was actually ill. I was that miserable at that job.

Scoregasm

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @BeSarcastic: Yeah, and I think I tend to agree with your husband. Given what I do for a living, I don't really have much of a social life. So while I do not always pick up BFF's in the workplace, I definitely have built many strong relationships with people I have worked with, especially after helping them, or vice versa, through a 72 hour fire drill. Also, I left a VERY high paying job to make less than 50% of what I used to so I could have a more 'balanced' life and venture to have friends who are not all finance geeks. So its a bit disappointing to be around people who are so unpleasant and useless (do you know that JUST NOW I overheard a convo in which one person explained to another person who is over 30 that Eastern Standard Time ALWAYS means NY time and is NEVER Cali time??), even if the amount of time I spend here is far less and I still get a weekly paycheck.

ae38

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Well, Capitol Hill Escapee is an escapee for a reason. Never in life have i ever felt more homicidal. Although I do have a novel and a screenplay of dark, dry observational comedy circa "Best in Show". Thx, Senate staffers.

CapHillEscapee

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Pinkosaurus: Neither have I, but I've recieved a resume from a candidate smeared with blood. I took it, glanced at it, and felt my eyes pop out of my head and my mouth make this really weird, retarded O shape. Which I think he noticed, because he responded with- "Um, do you have a band-aid?"

OhButOfCourse

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @O-RLY: that was supposed to be "is scared enough of confrontation"

O-RLY

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> sheesh i don't feel so bad for having a passive-aggressive co-worker anymore. She is crazy and emotional but no scared enough of confrontation that she doesn't push it. Guess I'm lucky.

oh shit i forgot about the other nast co-worker with the hots for me that makes me feel like he's always trying to "sex me up." maybe i'm not so lucky.

O-RLY

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @LadyNo: OH GOD. Nail clipping is THE WORST. Well, probably not worse than getting bloody booger papers, but still...

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @OhButOfCourse: Misery really does love company. At least I've never gotten documents back covered in blood smears from a nose picker... Puts all the crazy bs in perspective, that does.

Pinkosaurus

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I have a coworker who is a bumbling idiot who just needs to retire. He's way behind on software competency, so he's constantly asking me or another coworker how to complete the simplest tasks. He doesn't bother to learn, because he's just kind of turned off, you know? Like, he hit 55 and decided that he didn't need to learn anything ever again. He takes smoke breaks and when he returns, he douses himself with cologne. Right there in his cube, one over from mine. My nose burns, he uses so much of it.

The absolute worst thing he does? Clips his fingernails, probably twice a week. I have to leave the area, because even if I have headphones on, the clipping noise reverberates in my brain.

And this guy is actually nice, none of the stuff is really done out of malice. He's old and bumbling, and everyone just pities him.

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I wrote everything down when a supervisor of mine showed her true colours as a class A nutjob and bitch. It didn't help that another team member liked to doctor my emails and switch documents behind my back. I basically called him on it in front of the team and added him to the memo that I sent my manager.

I've never worked with those people again. And the biggest thing I learned was that if you think someone is a bit strange or mean, they probably are.

Tulipsaki

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @OhButOfCourse: I guess I really shouldn't be so excited that I can relate to a post titled "How do you deal with assholes at the office?"

OhButOfCourse

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Today, I actually spent my lunch in the emergency room with a coworker who had an anxiety attack after a 1-1 with our schizo of a boss lady. How appropriate for me to come back to this post!

OhButOfCourse

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @OhhYeah: I had a job like that, too. At one point, I thought, "If I walk out in front of a car, I won't have to go to work for a few days." Totally fucked up. There was some other shit going on then, too, but that was the main reason.

Another job I had, I would cry every morning before work, but it was because I was so poor and depressed that I was working a retail job at 25 and hadn't finished my bachelor's yet and didn't have health insurance. Christ, that was awful.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Brigit: haha! I've started wearing headphones because I thought that would stop him from talking to me, but now he just talks to me anyway & pretends that he doesn't notice when I make a big production of taking my headphones out so I can hear him.
Sometimes he just stands in the doorway between our offices until I look up at him. What a douche!

mknfuss

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @notaclevername: I never really loved my job, but it's become where health insurance, decent pay, and the fact that I have more autonomy than I've ever had in a job just isn't enough anymore. Ie, I can't overlook the dysfunction, inefficiency, and complete lack of challenge and pretend everything is cool.

@TheOtherJen: It sounds like a job that I had a couple of years ago, but my boss was a dude, and even worse; it was in retail. He would not only be abusive to his employees; he also would be an asshole to his customers.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I've never had issues with bitchiness in the office, probably because I've mostly worked with men. The one thing they would do to to me is flat out ignore me or discount any ideas or opinions I had. Also some sexual harrasment sorts of things (I was young and stupid - should have reported them).

My mom once had a guy ask if she would give him a breast exam. Creepy - she works will all men too. I should really work on being the cold-hearted bitch....just like mom.

technotica

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @dosido: colleague + enemy = collenemy. It took me a few minutes to get that one.

O-RLY

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @OhhYeah: I can relate, I used to cry having to go to that job too. That should have been a warning sign for me.

SheLaughs

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> When i first started my current job, my only other office mate was a total cunt, who would pile shit on my deks stating "it's not my job" (one of my biggest pet peeves!). One day (which happened to magically coincide with a website changeover that made me the monitor of all e-mail), we got in to a screaming fight over a task that was most definitely in her job description. I was so angry (didn't cry) I had to leave and took the rest of the day off.
Well... While at home that afternoon I went on to our mail server to check it out & get used to it and I discovered a shitload of crazy e-mails between my coworker and a friend (content like fantizing about fucking the bull that lives on our property, telling several people that ouw owner had alzhiemers, bad mouthing me) that i promptly forwarded to the wife of my boss (also my boss). YAY ME! She was fired summarily and I was promoted to her position AND got a 25K raise. YAY ME!
To this day, I still give her the finger when our cars pass.

dvs

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Oh my god I have so many horrible experiences, so many. At my last job my immediate boss was so bad that when she left (she was temporary freelance, as was I, thank god) we threw a party, brought in cupcakes and tore down her nameplate like the Iraqi's tore down the Saddam statue, no joke. She would scream at everyone, even her bosses, and since I was kind of her assistant, I got the brunt of it. She was totally bipolar, one second overly nice and creepy, the next screaming the F word repeatedly and ordering me around like her maid. She would make me do totally unnecessary things because she was so frantic and paranoid she thought everyone else should be too. One of my old editors once threw a printer down because I couldn't figure out how to insert mailing labels (I was 19, come on!). For fuck's sake, why is everyone so batty? I love my current job though.

TheOtherJen

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> My shortish tale to tell of working 7 years in the most dysfunctional company and finally bolting (with no notice) after enduring the constant harrassment, abuse, backstabbing, from the most evil bunch of men (and you thought women were bad?) in existence. It was making me equally sick and as nasty as them. Not the person I wanted to be.

Not that I don't like men, but this group were the lowest of the low. Including the brilliant, but alcoholic owner.

Now I work in a good company, love my job, love my Boss, it allows me to have a life, pay my bills, and be happy.

SheLaughs

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Wait, gah! Browser snafu. Please ignore my unrelated, confusing comment.

golden-gama

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: You sound like me. I used to like my job and now I really couldn't care less. But I have a second interview in two weeks, so y'all keep your fingers crossed.

Of course, I have really bad vibes about that particular boss, but, hey, it's a job. There's a reason they bribe you to show up.

not.a.clever.name

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Does it still count if all of the accounts are shared?

golden-gama

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> any of you guys know a place that's hiring?

nikaoh

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I dealt with the assholes at the office of my old job by quitting. I knew that when I started crying during my measly 10 minute commute to work because i didnt want to go sooooo bad that it was time to make a break for it. Now I work alone in the office which is way better. And coming soon, working from home where my co-worker will then be my cat.

OhhYeah

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Today on a business call, we heard raucous laughter in the background on the other end. The guy at the ad agency I was calling said, "Someone is having fun. It's not me."

I think this might encapsulate business right there.

Possible

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Scoregasm: Yeah, it's horrifying. I've become less competent since I've started working here because I don't give a shit and I don't think it makes a fucking difference. I mean, I used to keep my inbox completely cleared out, my desk was spotless, I would file everything, and now I'm just depressed by the whole place and don't care. Is it like this in other departments on campus? Jesus.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Kataluna: ALL THE TIME. This girl is organized to an eerie fault and one of those people who spends half her day printing out every goddamn email and filing it--she would file her whole life in legal hanging folders if she could. Yes, she's organized and does her job well, but for the amount of drama and chaos she brings here it just doesn't seem like a worthwhile trade off.

zizzlepop

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Breamworthy: Ok ... totally grossed out.

Brigit

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Breamworthy: Even with the school shootings and women stealing to feed their children and women being abused by their boyfriends or husbands, THIS was the worst, most skin-crawly thing I've read today.

Triphena

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> My boss is definitely a "Steamroller". She loves to belittle people, I think. And she's obviously wrong about whatever she's bitching about 80% of the time.

Good thing I'm starting a new job in a week =)

thanksluckystars

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Breamworthy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. What did you do???

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: People who used to come to my office would always tell me it looked like my eyes were screaming when I was on the phone. Such an inept, bureaucratic mess in almost every department.
On a weird new-work related note, I'm doing some consulting for a vineyard/historical society project, and I went to meet with the clients this morning. One of them kept using these bizarre hand gestures that had nothing to do with what he was saying the whole time, and at one point (while holding his hands in some weird position) asked me "Do you get it? Is it okay if I put my hands down now?" Um...sure, weirdo.

Scoregasm

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Ooops, previous comment meant for skinnybonejones.

BeSarcastic

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @mknfuss: Are we dealing with the same prick? Are you my labmate? This idiot started screaming to another female labmate not long ago because she put a privacy curtain in her desk, he kept peering in and interrupting her, and she asked him to please give her some privacy.

Brigit

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Kataluna:
"1. It's work. What matters is getting it done in order to get that handy paycheck thingee every 2 wks. or whenever. Everything else? Inconsequential or Unnecessary, Life-Force-Sucking Drama."

See, I know people who feel that their job should be more than a paycheck, and they really do let all the other stuff affect them. I'm fine with a job being a paycheck, but my husband gets depressed if a job becomes just about a paycheck and he feels he's not being able to contribute or it has no meaning beyond that. He feels that you spend so much of your life at a job that it should have more meaning than just money.

Anyway, just saying I agree with you, but I know some who want more out of their jobs.

BeSarcastic

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Breamworthy: OMG. Unwanted DNA samples! SO GROSS!!

SBJ

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Breamworthy: OMG, barf!

Kataluna

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @skinnybonejones: Well, I'm not sure about the trade-off; I definitely get more stuff dumped on me. But I saw what happened to two people in this office that weren't sweet, and it was pretty brutal.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I had one once, Nutcase. When I was first paralyzed, lying in the hospital helpless, I begged the nurse to not let her in to visit me. I could hear her badgering the nurse while I laid there and cried. BTW-Thank you, Nurse from Ben Taub in Houston. Signed, That Dumbass That Fell In The Fountain

Mrs. DeLesseps To You, Dahling

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @raelite: Do you have to work in a pharmacy to give someone lupus and diabetes? That would be awesome! I could wipe out entire neighborhoods just by having a bad day. Hey, lady who made us all wait in the register line at Target yesterday while you left in mid-transaction to get another gift bag--here's some lupus and diabetes.

Joy_Rebar

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @skinnybonejones: Yeah, it's called being professional. And never give into drama!

Kataluna

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: Good on you, though! Raises and promos are awesome. Being sweet has only ever got me shit on professionally, and being a hardass is rewarded, so...word.

@ceejeemcbeegee: That's bombass. I'm going to have to relay this to my BFF - it hadn't dawned on me yet, but now that it's working for folks, I must.

SBJ

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Thread too long already, but I had to get this in.

I used to work with a guy who compulsively picked at his ears and nose until they bled. One time I had to have him look through some work I'd done, and when he gave it back to me all the pages were covered in blood smears.

Okay, that's all!

Breamworthy

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @spinlizzy: Or the one that lysols her desk after you lean on it?

Kataluna

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Nobody's mentioned the hypochondriac coworker yet: there's an already uannoying, socially inept girl in my department who, on top of her lack of social graces and penchant for sharing WAY WAY too much personal information about herself fiegns a)dizziness, b) a cold, or c)whatever other choice malady she can conjure up on a daily basis to get attention.

She has also been hospitalized twice in the past year and has our bosses wrapped around her finger because of course nobody's going to accuse her of faking it when it gets to that level--it's all just too, too much, and I think all of us here are secretly hoping she'll set sail in the near future, not just me.

zizzlepop

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Scoregasm: Also, the tech person for New Innovations is here in our office and I hear her on the phone with a certain person whose name starts with an "E" from time to time. You can tell that she's screaming inside because the woman's so clueless.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @ae38: See?!?! You don't need that, is the thing. You have to let that fantasy go, let it fly away and be with God and all the pretty angels, and realize that your sanity rests here, amongst the Jezebels. Yes. Trust. It is, and so it shall always be.

OMG, can I be, like, the High Priestess of Jezebel? Not, like, in a wombmoon way, in badass way.

Some more practical tips:

1. It's work. What matters is getting it done in order to get that handy paycheck thingee every 2 wks. or whenever. Everything else? Inconsequential or Unnecessary, Life-Force-Sucking Drama.

2. Inconsequential: These are things you let slide, the ones you laugh at or permit to fade to nothing while you picture your direct deposit going through. If it amuses you, you can also turn them into little games. Some stupid ass comments on your lunch or greedily roots through your candy jar every other day? Smile condescendingly at the commentwhore and hide the candy jar in your drawer!

3. Unnecessary, Life-Force-Sucking Drama: Best to ignore it/not get involved if it can be helped. However, the moment you are roped in against your will , despite your strategically staying out of it and it begins to threaten your position, status or reputation is the moment you put on your "Not Very Nice Big Girl Panties" and deal it swiftly and professionally, without letting things like 'regard for others', 'benefit of the doubt', 'assuming the best', etc. get in the way. Even if you're one of those "too nice" people, you can eliminate all other possibilities before facing a worst case scenario (i.e. people aren't really all that good nor are they looking out for you whatsoever) by succinctly and clearly confirming via transparent emails w/ CCs whenever necessary.

Say a co-worker is all butt-hurt that a meeting she's coordinating in a week isn't going to work, because the room and AV is already booked (by you) and she's trying to act like she didn't know to her boss, so that you look like an asshole and/or get your meeting fucked in the process, when the dumb bitch could have checked the calendar in the first place and it all could have been avoided. It's retarded, and both of you know who is wrong, but she's going to try and cover her ass, which means you need to cover yours, without escalating the situation (because you know that's what she wants to distract from her own fuck-up and accompanying retard-o hysteria).

Like so:

"Cathy, I rec'd your email re: booking the conference room and the projector on 2/20/08. Unfortunately, it's already booked. You might have missed it, but I booked this out 2 mos. ago on the community calendar in Outlook; here's a snapshot of that request (using Print Screen) FYI.

You can always check alternate open dates by accessing the community calendar through Outlook, so that we don't run into scheduling conflicts like this in the future. Good luck! Thanks!"

SBJ

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> The last place I worked? My boss took credit for my work, spread rumors about me, and the receptionist would throw a hissy fit if I looked at her sideways, and I was continually treated as "not one of us" there. I wasn't told company policy on certain things so my boss could control me more.
I was fired right when I tried to get a disability leave. My boss claimed she'd been about to fire me before she was given any notice of illness.

Kataluna

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Scoregasm: OHHHHH GOD I HATE THEM. Did you know that the administrator was named the best MU administrative employee a couple of years ago? Our finance director still bitches about that, because it's unbelievable. The worst is that I'll send an email and not hear back from them for weeks, and then I'll get an email back and if I don't answer it right away, they'll send another email. Okay, bitch, it's suddenly all urgent and shit? Fuck you. (Neuro does this too...don't get me started on them).

I'm setting up budget meetings right now, and the finance director told me, "Do not set up our appointment with them until the last week, because their budget is never in on time."

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I have a guy in the cube next door, 30 years old, OCD, other anxiety/depression issues sitting beside me. He's incapable of making a decision when it comes to our work, so he stands up and asks everyone. He's always afraid he's going to get in trouble. He makes noises, sighs, eats protein bars all day. He's single obviously, desperately wants to get married and is addicted to online message boards trolling for ladies. His MySpace has all these girls posting on it, yet when he manages to get one of these girls to hang out with him, he doesn't want to hang out with them. Our job is very computer oriented. He clearly needs glasses but won't get them because it will ruin his looks.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't want to whack him

(another snap of the gum from the other side of the cube wall)

flozell78

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Brigit: I work with an assclown like that too. To top it off, he goes around the office talking politicts to everybody, but he only knows what Bill O'Reilly tells him. He makes me stabby.

mknfuss

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Elin: i pray for their retirement. seriously. it's the only way they will leave and end the annoying.

rednrowdy

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> No one understands why I can do the job I do...except it's just I have an awesome boss. She brings gifts for my son, and has a work ethic I respect, and she wears a full face of makeup every day. Even though she's in her 60s and it's just us in the office. She can be a lady and yet completely let a room full of rich, powerful men know that she's the one in charge.

Kataluna

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> The office manager at my company has committed a long list of crimes against humanity, but the latest one was a few weeks ago when she complained that instead of going to the yarn store like she wanted to that weekend, she would have to "cater to her mother's every whim AND do her grocery shopping". This was because her mother had just had a PACEMAKER put in and was "being all woe-is-me".

I've never wanted to slap someone so bad in my whole life.

Triphena

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Don't even get me started...Great read though, including all the comments!

elizabethm

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Political Party Girl: I think I might take one of those next week...I'm so sad; I noticed on my paycheck that I haven't taken a sick day since November, and though, "Hm, I think it's about time for me to take an unscheduled day off."

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I've been lucky, but damn, TheGuvnah has some stories she could share!!! Her terrible coworker (who actually had to be spoken to by HR about a body odor problem, would leave her leftover canned tuna in the office she shared with TheGuvnah, blatantly lie on her timesheets and blame poorly-written work she'd done on TheGuvnah) just resigned this week.

BadenBaden

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @ceejeemcbeegee: "Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?" I must utter that line daily here in small law office hell. If I had a financial cushion and weren't terrified of not making my expenses, I'd start my own practice.

AmazonRedheadedUberVixen

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @langtry: Aw shucks, thanks. I'll lay my right hand on the Chicago Manual of Style and swear the entire story is true.

Joy_Rebar

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Elin: Yeah, I know some people think I'm a bitch, but I don't care. I spend 9 hours a day with you. Let me have my one free hour of lunch to myself.

lonewolfer

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: OMG, YES! The department that consistently lost my correspondence with them? The only department that never a coordinated procedure cart because someone couldn't get their shit together and meet with me about what should be on it? The department that never returns messages? Fire them all, start from scratch.

Scoregasm

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @MsMerlin:

Wait...fireworks??? Clearly, I could be getting away with a lot more than I thought.

Daaaaamn.

jetmore

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> In the pharmacy where I worked the "head" tech was a complete psycho. She would mock my religion, tell me to my face I was an idiot, then when i told her to piss off she would lower the waistband of her pants and show me her hysterectomy scar...which somehow allowed her to be a rude, conniving moron crazyass. She then claimed that I gave her both lupus and diabetes by touching her hand by accident. She then gave my home phone number to 5 of the most annoying patients in the pharm...just so she wouldn't have to talk to them. I had to get a new phone number...and quit. My worst day at this job (which I took a $10K pay cut for) is 1 trillion percent better than my best day there. Good riddance. This was completely true, by the way. Hand to God.

anastasia beaverhousen

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Is this the new columnist?

bigmama76

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I cannot wait until I can work from home, hell, until ALL of us can telecommute. Incompetence, bullshit gossip, laziness, secret meetings, the fucking pettiness, snitching, backstabbing, ass-covering....it's like these people were raised by, well, I'd say wolves, but I love wolves. Something much worse. Ugh, it's all such a human cluster-fuck.

Me, I keep my head down as much as possible and simply do my work. Oh, and I plug into the Almighty I-Tunes as much as I can.

Great for drowning out the nonsense.

brassinpocket

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I had so many experiences like this! Now I am glad that I found a job where it is just my boss and myself. And she's a nice lady. I won't take a job with people who suck anymore--it isn't worth it.

Kataluna

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Political Party Girl: Now if only I could get it to bring me some soup.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @MJones: Oh, I had one of those, too. He worked in this little, cramped, hot office, with another person (God knows how he could stand it). I remember one time we got samples of a room air freshener cardboard thing and I slipped it behind the cabinet in his office. Kinda got in trouble for that one. ;-)

MsMerlin

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I rubbed a head-injured speedfreak veteran the wrong way at work (yeah, I'm a fucking bitch, but that's beside the point) and he put a dead rat under my desk one morning. I got the ratcatcher to do a postmortem and proved he did it, and the management wouldn't fire him because the general manager had a soft spot for ex-marines (her daughter was one). And that isn't even the worst of it.
Documentation is key. I would have had such a good lawsuit.

trikitixa

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I absolutely LOVE my current job, and most of the people I work with. The people I don't like, however, I bitch about with my boss behind closed doors. We're the office bullies, nobody messes with us. And then one total douchebag I had to sit next to I complained about to the higher-ups and they moved him to another office. I have had my fair share of asshole-dealings in work situations, though. For instance, when a producer on Mr. & Mrs. Smith said to me when we were introduced, "Who the fuck did you sleep with to get here?"

LessThanZero

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> My "senior" at the last job fit into all three of those categories. She threw her lunch remains in my trash can on a good day. I too fantasize about sweet revenge. To quote another commenter, "Bitch has more issues than Reader's Digest".

ericablue

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @LadySkittlehattington: Sick days on Jezebel are the BEST.

Political Party Girl

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Scoregasm: The good thing is that a lot of people who work here are functionally retarded, so I can back off my own work and fuck around on the internet half the day and STILL get more done than they do.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: Ugh. I'm home sick and lazy today, so I pretty much haven't left Jezebel yet. It's actually kinda nice. Not to mention that I get to watch Golden Girls.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: Hahaha. Work. I had to do some of that this afternoon. It was mind-numbingly irritating.

braak

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @ae38: At my old job, I had friends who I went out to lunch with sometimes. At the last one? No. I was about the only young/unmarried one, and the only other person who was in my age group, I tried, I really did.

The people here are nice, but we don't hang out after work. I always thought I'd go to a new town, makes friend with work people, etc...not so much.

lalaland13

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @cubiclewhore: I keep a printout of a Wall Street Journal article title titled "Had It Up to HERE? Despite Risk, Some Say Quitting Is Way to Go" in my desk, and sneak looks at it when frustrated.
We have 2 first class bullies in my department. One is the woman who screams at everyone and everything all day long (she's doing it now!), and then gets mad if someone makes a peep outside HER door.
The other is dude who will not volunteer information unless specifically asked. For example, I'll ask "How much extra does it cost to print this in 4-color versus 2?" He will tell me the cost, but he WON'T tell me "By the way, it'll take an extra 3 weeks turnaround time" unless I ask "what's the new turnaround time?"
Grrrrrr!!!

TheGintheCity

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @MJones: Oh yeah, got one of those, too. It's permeated the fabric of his chair, so even if he isn't here, his smell is. Not only does he have an unidentifiable natural aroma, he's a smoker to boot! But will he admit he smokes? No, he's just "stretching his knees" because of "an old football injury" when he disappears outside for 5 minutes and returns reeking of Marlboro.

Political Party Girl

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @LadySkittlehattington: I'm here! Just actually doing work.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I had a single dad co-worker, rather unattractive, obnoxious, never worked. He decided because I was a single mom at the time that we were perfect for each other. He would follow me around, hang in my office door but never ask me out directly just stare at me and talk about himself. He was 50 years old and while I felt very sad for him and his life I admit that I was happy the day he got fired for being non-productive.

keldo

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I smoke. Every hour, usually.

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @taylay: ROFL! My husband has to do that to deal with his psycho PI.
Before PI: moderate weed, no antidepressants After PI: copious amounts of weed and antidepressants.

Brigit

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Scoregasm: Did you ever have to deal with anybody in a certain department that begins with an "Oph" and ends with a "thalmology"? The worst.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> at my old workplace, my cube was right outside my boss' office. 10 min before a scheduled hour-long conference call, she saw me getting up to grab some water/use the ladies. she basically flipped a shit and told me i "couldn't go to the bathroom" because "what if they call early?!?" needless to say, when the higher-ups are trying to restrict your bodily movements, it's time to peace the fuck out...

thebaxterette

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Scoregasm: I know. I've been missing her all day. I know she has to be around someplace.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Joy_Rebar: Sweet, sweet karma bit one of my co-workers in the ass recently, too. This lady started out as our manager, but was demoted to a regular employee last year, due to all the staff complaints about her bitchiness. We all had become accustomed to her snapping random co-worker heads off, anytime the workload got to be more than minimal. Recently, she moved up from snapping at all her coworkers to snapping at customers. After three serious "incidents" she was asked to resign. I never thought it would happen, but it did.

Even with all the holes in the schedule needing to be filled, the workplace is *so* much calmer without her sarcastic ass around.

shelley27

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Joy_Rebar: I think that's one of the best posts I've read in quite a while. Loved the "lamenting and tearing of garments" imagery in an SNL-skit sort of way! The word "blandsome" is a keeper, too.

I've said to friends, more times than I want to count ...

"What goes around comes around. You might not be there to see it, but it happens!"

langtry

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @ceejeemcbeegee: Ha ha ha... freelance really has made my BS tolerance go waaaaay down.

BeSarcastic

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @rednrowdy: I was asummer temp for a woman who had worked there for 30+ years didn't teach me the job properly, because then I might replace her. People who stay in the same job for 10+ years have something wrong with their heads (or are close to retiring, that's ok). Ick.

Elin

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @titania1285: Freelance. I stayed at a company for more years than I should have just to gain enough experience to go solo and start my own business. I'm self-emplyed and loving it.

I'm not going to lie: it's really scary, and it really is a risk. But I'm doing fine and I'm loving it. The lack of dental insurance, not so much.

BeSarcastic

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: And there you are. Apparently I should refresh before I start typing.

Scoregasm

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @Brigit: ooh, and one of those male colleagues had the balls to comment to another labmate (a friend and fellow Hispanic) about how much easier the minorities have it in academia because we get everything handed down to us. the fucker.
He's also a misogynistic douchebag. And I had to be trained by that asshole. And he has actually complained to me that life is so hard when you are a white male.
I want to go grab cheap beer @TGIF. NOW.

Brigit

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> So many stories, so many awful coworkers. Just people who were beyond lazy, beyond stupid, just mind-boggling horrible at everything.
BTW, where is TruculentandUnreliable? I happen to know some of the people she has to work with are mouth-breathing wastes of space.

Scoregasm

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> In my former job, everyone in management was a douche. No, really. We once got an e-mail from the head honcho that went something like this:

"Your chance to win! Help us figure out ways to cut costs and save money. If you come up with the winning way, you'll be able to join us on our annual management retreat to St. Johns!

Signed,
Douchey McTwatwaffle"

I'm not even kidding.

BeSarcastic

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @skinnybonejones: I started to dog-training thing with my sister... it really works! Sometimes she'll give me a sideways glance like 'did you just handle me' but I can tell she's not hip to my game yet.

ceejeemcbeegee

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> @skinnybonejones: I tried to do that when I first started working here, but I really can't. Especially since a lot of the reason why I've gotten raises and promotions is because I'm so "sweet" and professional.

I fucking hate small talk, especially with people I don't care about.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> I have a smelly coworker...that's the worst.

MJones

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> "Every morning she would arrive at the office and immediately change into a pair of Orvis slippers, while ritualistically rubbing her hands together with anti-bacterial gel."

[shudder]

katcarl

]]> <![CDATA[How Do You Deal With Assholes At The Office?]]> Worst co-worker was when I worked at a used car dealership/sub-prime finance company (big surprise??). We started out a amiable coworkers, e