<![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls" - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls" - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Why is there a picture of eric shaeffer? Is he the guy who wrote it? That guy sucks, I heard he tries to get girls to sit on him while he shits.

Heydiddler

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> As one of the friends of "Marlie", thanks to all of you who made such hilarious comments! They were awesome to read.

We still haven't found out what "not exactly boning" is yet. If we do, we'll post it here. Unfortunately, we're pretty sure that it doesn't involve a wedge of cheese.

friendofmarlie

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I meant to address "Marlie" not Jennifer in my comment.

barbell

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> soooooo...Jennifer, you really want us to believe that you didn't know this guy was a complete asswipe before you received this email? Good God, you couldn't pay me to "swap" jokes with this piece of crud never mind ask him out.

barbell

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area we call...THE FRIEND ZONE.

That's the first thing I thought of, anyway.

Tlönista

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Let me say, as a lawyer, that guys like this are the reason the following lawyer joke exists:

Two lawyers were sitting at a bar eyeing two attractive women across the way.

Lawyer 1: Let go try to screw them.
Lawyer 2: Out of what?

Creepmouse

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> YOUR CLASS OR MINE?!?!!?

onesong

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @SharonTaint: It's really rare that you can use scud missiles in jokes but, well done on this fine Thursday morning!

Vintage1983

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Alohamaid: I made the mistake of involving myself with the male of your species. He hopped in the shower with my best friend while we were all on vacation. They were pissed at me for being upset with this situation.

I don't speak to either of them and he was slapped as my goodbye. Being involved with a computer engineer makes me so much happier than the future-lawyer ever could.

Vintage1983

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> At least this one was short!!!

olivia2.0

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: oh god, now I can't eat cheese. Thanks!

tits mcgee

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Because it is his RIGHT to act like a pissyfaced little selfish fuck without feeling bad about making others uncomfortable...yeah.

Flackette is a Red State Elitist

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> WOW. I dated this guy. Seriously.

He was an nihilist philosophy major who doubled in computer science and wore a black trench coat.

If you hadn't thrown in the law firm, I would be certain I dated this guy. He LOVED the phrase "shit-ton."

Was this guy's name Andy? No seriously--was it?

ForeverBlueGirl

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @blackbirdfly: "fuckwittage". love it!

PhoneticLorin

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Dear Marlie,
It appears clear from this dispatch that either: 1) Paul hates his mom; or 2) Paul likes boys. Could be both, not sure.

wonderfulwonderful

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> This dude (and most other crap emailers) could have saved so much time and effort had he just said what he meant:

"I'm an asshole. Don't date me."

deuteragonist

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> "I mean we can joke around about sex dreams and masturbation but I didn't think you would actually ask me out on a date" = you are good enough to stroke my already enormous ego (and perhaps my miniscule balls), but I would never actually DATE you.

And dude...
a) Blow job jokes don't count as a request for a blowjob
b) If you can't make blow job jokes with the person you're dating then something's not right
c) If blow job jokes (BJBs?!) were considered an acceptable form of politely requesting the honour of a blowjob, then that's definitely something you should be able to do in front of the person you're dating.

Betty Bush

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> "twatwaffle" and "douchenozzle" both in the same comment strand!?! I love you ladies more than you know = )

perpetuallyconfused

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @PhillyLass: Yes Yes Yes.........Closeted and on the DL!! Come out, come out self hater!!!

BeachLover

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> //I had just received a snarky email from someone.//
Meta-reference ftl....

cde

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> It looks like SOMEONE didn't make it through the sexual harassment training.

Look, I like bawdy humor as much as the next gal, but at work, I keep words like "pussy" to myself.

AnnieGetYourFun

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> It's obvious why there aren't as many crap emails from chicks right? Jezebel readers are hardly a random sampling.

Also a nonbeliever in the Friend Zone. It's not the Friend Zone, it's the People You Won't Fuck Zone.

lisas

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> If he gets to make universally hilarious blow job jokes to his platonic female friends does that mean they get to tell him about their yeast infections?

HeatherNumber1

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> "all pissypoo"? This man has a tiny, TINY penis.

katastic

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> My Magic Eight Ball (a really big one, of course) says the next time this guy sees Marlie outside of work he will get totally plastered and ask her for a blow job in an unbelievably crude way. And when she rejects him, he will act really hurt and then at work he will be passive-aggressively mean for the next six months.

janiejones56

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Chicklet: "I am unable to decipher the language known as Douche."

Rolling. Excellent. Super Wednesday.

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Ahahahahahahaahahaha NO.

Cattitude

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @LadySkittlehattington: Dude, I never miss a CEFAD! I will see (read?) you there!

MsDirector

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @ceejeemcbeegee: I agree that the email is douchey, but I also think it's almost certainly right that the woman just misread signals. I mean, I'm sure she has a long, belabored explanation of exactly how it's his fault that she misread, but...well, that'd be a crap email in and of itself, imo.

Meanmllemustard

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: I've rarely dated anyone who wasn't my friend first, and it's worked out well.

Cthulhah Bankhead

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I am so old, there was no such thing as Crap Email when I was dating. The internet hadn't even been unleashed on the public yet. I'm sort of glad about that. I can't imagine having to date and deal with guys' fucktard emails and text messages and fascination with foobies.

DramaClub

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @The Real JR: BEST.

SeriesOfTubes

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I guess he's just not that into her...

Uncle Jerry

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Pissy-poo?

PISSY-POO?!

Sassette

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @scoregasm: HELL TO THE YES!

Trashtastic is proud to be an American!!!!

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> This is classic CEFD: astounding narcissism, crude body-based insults that say more about his insecurities than they do about her body, and it goes on, and on, and on....

Moe, I hope you/Jezebel are collecting these into a book, they are hysterical.

oldschoolfeminist

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> "Pissy-poo?" What a prize, he's apparently someone's great-aunt Ethel.

kentuckienne

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @JessicaLovejoy: Speaking of which, do they make douchebag Kevlar?

Trashtastic is proud to be an American!!!!

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @zivah: Oh, he's something alright.
And that something generally requires a round of heavy duty antibiotics.

Trashtastic is proud to be an American!!!!

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I always send emails like this to guys when they ask me on dates...

Le Kangourou de Kataroo

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> haha I LOVE these threads! I hope Big Balls Marlie had a good laugh and proceeded to forward this to everyone she knows, including Jennifer. Also, men are so stupid. Their inability to say things face to face ALWAYS ends up in humilation as e-mails are circulated, printed and posted. BOYS ARE SOOOO STUPIDDDDD... heehaw!

LeggoMyEggo

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @BiscuitDoughJones: I know this guy. I mean, not personally, but I know a guy exactly like this. Flirts with his female friend(s), drops hints left and right, and when she makes a move, he acts like she has breached some horribly sacred boundary. Of course, he's holding out for some hotter chick he feel like he deserves. Ultimately, said hot chick will end up rejecting him and saying "I think of you as just a friend" and the circle of life continues

That_little_attention_whore

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @PhillyLass: gay or not, this caveman has a serious case of big-balls envy. i'm sure marlie will be flattered.

etvoila

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Scal: suggest you ease those guys out once you've taken over.

whyknot

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @LoMorale: Yes, that's "It's not you; it's that I'm awesome." Talk about stabby.

I agree that she dodged a bullet, though since I married a lawyer, I can't exactly generalize about their douchiness. I can tell you that my husband knew a lot of jackoffs in law school, though. And that the more selective the law school, the higher the proportion of jackoffs.

TheFormerJuneBronson

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @IT'STHEROOO:

Yeah. I had to watch the Partner I worked with getting a lap dance from a stripper. In my office. At lunchtime.

Interestingly, the firm had a strong workplace relations team.

Scal

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> To quote my mother: "Rejection is God's protection." ha.

beckbee

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> what a fucking' dick.

PretentiousMusings

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Scal: "(and BTW in case you think I'm one of those "raunch culture = feminism at work!" women, I called the local newspaper when my firm hired female strippers for a staff lunch and then told the female lawyers we had to be "good sports" about it)"

Um.

What???

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @geisha1010: "i think balls should be revocable"

They are. You didn't get the memo?

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @mysweetmango: My vagina *is* golden. And though BDJ queefs Chanel No. 5, I queef Coco Mademoiselle, because my pussy's classy, yet modern like that.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> So cool of him, withholding a bj joke so as not to send any mixed-signals. bc w/the ladies he "dates", a bj joke = do me now.

/sigh of relief from marlie for not inadvertently crossing over from the friendship zone.

etvoila

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Verbosity Nausea.

Grouping of terms can also be used to name the newest douche-rock group.

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @PhillyLass:
@Lymed:
Yeah, I mean, 'pissy-poo'

How is he not?

And the 'friendzone' is pretty absurd. But if you're as big a pussy as he seems, you only become friends with women you wouldn't want to date. The really funny but don't meet your insanely superficial standards girls. So envoking 'friendzone' was his way of not saying 'I'm not attracted to you' which is just kinda shitty. Don't make excuses when the answer is 'no'.

aspiringexpatriate

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @mysweetmango: Err... because the back story was that the guy WAS interested. He changed his tune AFTER she returned his interest:

She got this email yesterday afternoon after saying that she wouldn't be averse to going on a date with Paul, if that was what he was hinting around about -- because that was obviously what he was hinting around about.

There's noting wrong with not being into a person. But to backpedal then send the overwrought crap just screams wimp.

ceejeemcbeegee

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> And that, right there, is why I am overjoyed to be a lesbian. That, and my girlfriend makes frequent blow-job jokes.

of_a_tuesday

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> What's wrong with sending an email that says "I'm flattered that you'd want to go out with me, but I'm not interested in anything more than friendship with you. I have to say that you have more balls than me, and I sincerely apologize if I sent any mixed signals. I just hope we can stay friends without any weirdness."

Oh, that's right. He went to law school.

It's because of emails like this that I'll never date another lawyer.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @mysweetmango: I think it is clear a lot of people think so. He pretty much humiliated her by making a bullet list of why he would never want to date her after they have been having all this sexual banter that was misread. Then, instead of just letting it go/not mentioning it or letting things get uncomfortable he has to detail all this stuff. I think that is pretty stupid, and I don't feel bad for him at all.

I can see and respect your point, but he at least is anon, when she's going to probably feel bad every time they cross paths in the hall.

StupidFace

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Mr. Pissy-Poo, an I like you, but don't *like you * like you would have been more than enough...

maybe he was threatened by the fact that Mz. Big Balls asked him out...he was priming her for the kill and she let the air out of him by asking...

Or, he is a huge pussy.

Incognegro is a Grinch

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> You know, if all he had said was (1) self-deprecating "I'm a pussy" joke; (2) respect for ball size; and (3) no thanks on the date, this wouldn't really be bad. Why the long, long discussion of "the friend zone?"

Meanmllemustard

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> By the by, I have a wonderful CMySMFAD (Crap MySpace Message From a Dude). Can we submit these too?

Scoregasm

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @StupidFace: I'm not saying it sucessfully translated into "I'm just not into you", but my guess is that he was attempting to use a type of humor that was familiar (and acceptable) between the two of them. The attempt failed, clearly, but was that failure bad enough to warrant public humiliation?

mysweetmango

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @mysweetmango: Fair enough. He's well known for being a fictional character, and therefore unlikely to join a law firm.

DreamerMarie

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @MsDirector: so true.

etvoila

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: term should be banned by gentlemen and ladies. "shit-ton", who uses it anyway, besides this scum-boy?

etvoila

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @DreamerMarie: No. I just happen to think the crap email wasn't from "the Dude".

mysweetmango

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @CorporateTool:

ppppft, I don't agree at all. I'm a corporate lawyer and I think that those kinds of rules ruin the fun for everyone.

You shouldn't EVER make jokes that make people feel uncomfortable; that doesn't mean you should never make jokes.

Lawyers spend, like 2/3 of their business week at work and you get to know your colleagues pretty well. Blow job jokes are fine between friends.

(and BTW in case you think I'm one of those "raunch culture = feminism at work!" women, I called the local newspaper when my firm hired female strippers for a staff lunch and then told the female lawyers we had to be "good sports" about it)

Scal

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @mysweetmango: But MSM, it's not THAT awkward. Most people over 4 can handle a simple thanks-but-no-thanks without breaking out the boiled rabbit. It's when someone keeps repeating, "It's not that I don't LIKE you, it's just that I'm not ATTRACTED to you. And, hey, we call you Big Balls! It's funny! We think you're funny! I'm just not ATTRACTED TO YOU. You know? But I like you!" that we get stabby.

Entonces is ironing your dumb ass

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> He fails at life.

Aaryn

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @FourthWaveBaby: Get used to it (unfortunately). All those shmucks from law school eventually graduate and will haunt you in your professional life forever.

JSINAK

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @mysweetmango: How in any way shape or form is his crazy-ass email going to ease anything vs. a 'I'm not interested in you like that.'?

He's just another asswipe. Him being an asswipe does not make my vagina golden, though I wish it did.

StupidFace

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @ceejeemcbeegee: Ttthhhbbb. I don't see anything in his response suggests that he's secretly in love with her.

Why is it impossible to believe that he doesn't want to have a romantic involvement with the gal?

mysweetmango

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @mysweetmango: @Go Like Hell Machine: Hasn't there been a Crap Email from a Chick? Or am I just projecting my personal missives onto Jezebel? Possible. I'm all for EOMockery!

leMaldeTete

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> And Marlie? You don't have enormous balls. I hate that when people get all guy-centered like having assertiveness and strength has anything to do with testicles.

Fuck you, douchebag. FUCK YOU!!

Maulleigh

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @mysweetmango@HellsWaitingRoom:: Are you the e-mail writer trolling the comments?

DreamerMarie

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> You know, really, Crap Email From _______ is a good idea. I don't care who, as long as they sound like they suck (I don't really give a shit about context) and I get to bash on or poke fun at. I don't actually care, that's just my sense of humor.

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Dear Marlie: You misinterpretted some things that led you to ask your friend on a date and his honesty is met with punishment? Because he used (a weak attempt at) humor to ease some of the awkwardness of the situation?

Maybe Jez should start doing "Crap Email from A Chick Who Apparantly Thinks Her Vagina is Golden". Based on the comments, there would be absolutely no shortage of material.

Sorry if this post appeared 2x, btw.

mysweetmango

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I must, must, must learn the magic blow job joke that, had it been uttered, would have thrown this poor woman to her knees. That kind of magic is only safe in the hands of Dumbledore.

Nodiva

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> the phrase "Before you start getting all 'pissy-poo' about this..." was the end for me. fuck that guy. i think balls should be revocable. i'm so happy this was posted because now, said douche is internationally labelled an undateable, hunch-backed, chode toting uniballer who just completely lost any chance of hooking up with...anyone worth hooking up with.

we need a picture of this man. and his office email.
:)

geisha1010

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> In short: I'm secretly in love with you but I'd rather pine at you from a distance then be confronted with the paralyzing albeit normal alternative ::gasp:: dating. Thanks for ruining my perfectly good workplace fantasy!

ceejeemcbeegee

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @HellsWaitingRoom: This guy is a certifiable douche though. Regardless of what Marlie said to him, his response was absurd and completely out of line. It's not because he "didn't do exactly what we think he should have done" that we're bashing him to high heaven, it's because it's obvious he's a complete jerk.

linkura

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I used to love CEFAD, but it seems to have turned into "let's bash guys that don't do exactly what we think they should have done" and mostly want to tell the chicks "Um, get over yourself." Oh well.

HellsWaitingRoom

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @thatgirlinnewyork: Wow, you are an evil genius. I love this solution!

bigleggedwoman

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> That is, hands down, one of the crappiest of the crappiest! OMG. What a tool. Oh Marlie: he's a douchebag. You really dodged a bullet there.

My jaw is still on my desk. Truly it dropped during the reading of that email.

Maulleigh

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Did someone say cheese sex? Nasties!

SBJ

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: Per @alice's response, I guess I could have gone one more and used fuckassery.

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: Absolutely don't believe in Friend Zone. My boy started out as my best friend, and we took the risk. As for my other close guy friend, it's not because we're friends that I'm straight up not interested ... honestly, if there's a legitimate attraction that will complicate the friendship, why not just act on it and possibly get an extremely fabulous relationship out of it? After all, there's a reason you're friends - you get along when not having sex, and that's a good thing in a relationship.

jammiriffic

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> "because it has been a shit-ton of fun getting to know you and I like feeling comfortable, as opposed to uncomfortable, around you" --- nice to see that among his many other charms, he is capable of 3rd-grade level work in likes and opposites

alaskanbrownbear

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: "I like "shit-ton." Sorry, tis true. "Fuck-ton" is even better, though."

*lol* I prefer ass as in asso'clock, ass cold or asshole. But, fuck-ton works too.

alice

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @PhillyLass: I concur with the "gay" verdict. Also note the frequent references to her balls. I think he's looking for someone he can teabag and, alas, he has gradually realized that poor Marlie's balls are figurative.

rocknrollunicorn

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Go Like Hell Machine: That was hilarious. Thanks for the link!

DreamerMarie

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @rocknrollunicorn: Oh I got tons that put this douche to shame:
1L: we should you know get together *wink* *wink*
me: you have a girlfriend
1L: ok yeah I was shafting this model but you're way hotter

Catch me if I swoon Cassanova!

Alohamaid

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I had one of these ball-less douchenozzles before. He liked to be surrounded by a harem of girls who liked him. I called him on his bullshit. His response: "I'm trying not to like anyone right now. I have a five year plan." I still think he's gay.

Tiger Lilly

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> WHAT a douchebag! (I never used that word before CEFAD).

He can't just say, "I like us as friends" if he wants to be friends????? My cheeks got hot with embarrassment just READING this. Why would you make any woman you thought of as anything other than slime feel stupid for asking you out, even assuming you were right and she had? It's like a 8th grader fronting to his buddies or something...

Whether she did ask him out, thank goodness he said such things now... Can you imagine being in love with this guy? Sweet baby Jesus.

One more hatch-mark in the column for J.D. bastards.

AkaMerideth

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> "I should be able to get pissed off and not feel guilty about it around you. You know what I mean?"

Seriously. My boy is the only person I can get unreasonably pissy with without feeling guilty, and vice versa. I try really hard NOT to take that shit out on my poor friends.

Also, I've had guy friends who did the sexual joking and shit with me, and once or twice I fell for them hard, based partly on the playful flirting. Fortunately, I was too shy to ever ask them out. One of my friends fell for the same guy, though, and he turned her down with a gentle "Thanks, but I really just want to be friends." Due to his not being a DOUCHE about it and listing a bunch of insulting and childish reasons, they are in fact still friends. Urgh. Is that really so hard?

jammiriffic

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Most of that was kind of ho-hum to me (the last law student one puts this one to shame, I think), but then I got to Jennifer. What a fucking awful send off. "We're not exactly boning." Gee I wonder why.

rocknrollunicorn

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> a) the picture is so awesome.
b) here is the thing - even if she was "asking him out" and he was completely unaware, the way to reject an unwanted suitor is by saying "oh, I'm so flattered, but I am afraid not."

Damn. Someone needs some fuckin' Miss Manners. And a serious beatdown.

Smackdown

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: I think the "friend zone" excuse is code for "I'm not attracted to you in a way that makes me long to get in your pants".

AmazonRedheadedUberVixen

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> the impression I got from "not exactly boning" was something like "well, I'm not ready to make her my gf but she's not just someone I fuck."

kaylinda

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Go Like Hell Machine: Yessss! Classic!

@WaltzingMatilda: I hate him with the fire of a thousand suns. If you gave me a choice between killing him or Bin Laden, I'd have to think about it.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @LouLouDownUnder: HA! Tucker Max. He who was hitting his "stride" when I matriculated. Jeebus, if he wasn't the go to inspiration for my male classmates...

WaltzingMatilda...same McCain, less filling!

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @e.b.: My work here is done.

Alohamaid

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @geektasticallydelicious: Ah ah ah, careful now... same as an unspecified number of male lawyers. There that's better.

WaltzingMatilda...same McCain, less filling!

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: Oh, NOW I remember what this guy's fucktarded email reminded me of:

[www.theonion.com]

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Alohamaid: I think I'm now going to have to run around screaming, "DUDE give me your seed!" at everyone. I hope you are satisfied.

e.b.

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Chicklet: Probably hit the nail on the head there about Jennifer.

linkura

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @BiscuitDoughJones: "A classic narcissist"...isn't that the same thing as a lawyer?

pissy-poo, really? what guys use that term. hell what human uses that term?

GeektasticallyDelicious

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: My loser wasn't in law school, but he did spend some time in court. In front of one. Such as.

@SarahMC: Oh that was so funny, thank you for reminding me. I need some giggles today.

AbbyNormal

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Go Like Hell Machine: AHHHH!!! STOP!!! It hurts.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @entonces: Yes, that's better. You have to be careful with throwing the term "gay" around.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: I know. I should have known better than to whip it out there like that.

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @hatepaperdoll: I spit my drink out a little here--partially because the part in Star Wars where Kenobi is all 'That's no moon!' just came on, and now all I can think of are Death Star sized ego-balls. Also, I just revealed my nerdery and immaturity in one fell swoop!

@SarahMC: HA!

StupidFace

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I will give the guy points for actually saying no. A lot of guys like this will draw out a flirtation endlessly because they love the attention...and this guy seems to love the attention. So I admire that he was willing to give that up. But did he have to go on and on about it?

CuffLinks

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> So, Marlie isn't "datable" because she and douche are friends? He doesn't want to date her because then he wouldn't be able to make blowjob jokes in her presence? I am unable to decipher the language known as Douche.

In Douche, does "not exactly boning" mean "I picture Jennifer when I jerk off"? Obviously, I need to buy a Douche-English dictionary.

Chicklet

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I'm a guy who loves this feature. As always, the crime is the tidal wave of words when a simple "hey, I'm really busy right now" would do. As would saying nothing at all.

J. Henry Waugh

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @kaylinda: A man told me he was feeling "peckish" the other day. We SERIOUSLY have to reinstitute the draft.

Entonces is ironing your dumb ass

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Hey, at least it's not a novel.

But seriously. No, no you shouldn't feel comfortable being pissy and making blow job jokes to your professional coworkers unless you are at happy hour.

exelizabeth

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Go Like Hell Machine: Oh, I had an interesting image with that one.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: Having sex with a wedge of cheese while the other watches. Priceless.

anibundel

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> pissy-poo?
I could swear that this is from a douche that I worked with that called me a pissy-pants.

kaylinda

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: You're right, that is not at all fair to my gay friends. Let's go with "Closet Queen".

Entonces is ironing your dumb ass

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: I didn't really get gay, either, but then again, most of the time I wouldn't know gay if it hit me in the face.

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Is that picture actually him?
Because, if it is, what were we all expecting from a guy who works for Tucker Max?

LouLouDownUnder

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I didn't get gay at all, but I'm going to go with it since a lot of you did. I'm a follower like that.

TruculentandUnreliable

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Just FYI: You guys are all making me SO GLAD I'm not going to Law School like everyone else I know. I feel blessed that I've never had any urge to be a lawyer. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Susan B.

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @StupidFace: ...or as another commenter so hilariously put it, "something you'd find in an Easter basket."

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @StupidFace: Day-glo yellow it is.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @scoregasm: Yes, yes you should. Though, I think the public interest law guys are totally open season. They're poor yes, but hot and humble. Otherwise if you're a 2 or 3L and still dating classmates you're either lucky or a slow learner.

Alohamaid

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @scoregasm: I totally lucked out. I met my boy ONLINE while he was a LAW STUDENT and he's so well adjusted and good to me. But I need to teach him to use conditioner in his hair.

Lymed

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @SarahMC: I don't know if I'd say 'tow headed' so much as 'day-glo yellow'. Seconded, nonetheless, however!
@Go Like Hell Machine: A gay one.

StupidFace

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @ThaKadinskyPapers:Thanks! And thanks for the image of a dude carting around giant, ego-filled balls!

hatepaperdoll

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @BiscuitDoughJones: Oh there's no WAY they did. The chances of a group of women wanting to date ONE man with whom they are in CLOSE proximity for any period greater than a week is just, literally, zero. I mean, even Clive can't pull that off.

I think he was just ticking off examples and what-ifs...BECAUSE HE IS GAY.

Entonces is ironing your dumb ass

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> I dated a lawyer for about a year and a half, and he sent me a Crap Email himself. I don't think it's really Jezzie-worthy, but my ex did have a lot of traits this guy has: passive-aggressive, thinks he's hot shit because he has a JD, blames everything on everyone but himself, condescending, etc. You dodged a bullet, Marlie. Be sure to forward this Crap Email to Jennifer and every other woman who knows this dumbass.

linkura

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> And while I'm at it (because I'm sick, tired and irritable), what fucking man uses the term pissy-poo. In an EMAIL?

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> This is the funniest thread since the one about that tow headed sexual harasser professor.

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Finally a crap email that's genuinely crap! Welcome back.

chocolatepain

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> "I should be able to get pissed off and not feel guilty about it around you. You know what I mean?"

Because people in relationships never express emotions around each other.

Sounds like this douche has never had a girlfriend.

Gumbina80

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: I don't believe in it, myself. I use the "we're friends and I don't wanna go there" excuse when I don't want to face having to reject someone (ie, a friend).

BadenBaden

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Dear Marlie,

Please forward this to every single female he mentioned in this email, esp. Jennifer. They need the warning.

Love,
BSGS

Blue Skies, Golden Sunshine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> not the worst email ever, but it's completely fucking passive aggressive, condescending, and re-re to start off assuming that someone's going to get pissy-poo because you don't wanna date them. the rest of the email could have been brevity and politeness itself, but that one line still would have condemned it and him for all eternity. amen.

inchworm

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @MsDirector: I count on you to be here for the next CEFAD to make me laugh more.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Susan B.: If you're polling dudes... I've not used the "well, you're just such a good friend" excuse since, oh, shit, probably middle school? If I want to date a friend (and vice versa, obv), I will.

But, typically, if it doesn't work out, we can remain friends, because I'm usually not a dick.

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @thatgirlinnewyork: I just spit all over my monitor. "Hilarity ensues..."

SarahMC

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> After all this talk about how shitty most law guys are, I guess I should thank my lucky stars doubly tonight for getting the sweetest, goofiest, smartest, cutest, most wonderful lawyer EVAH!
OK, I'm done being gloaty.
Marlie, hopefully you'll get to watch this guy fall on his face with Jennifer and laugh your ass off.

Scoregasm

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @The Real JR: "Reply back: UNSUBSCRIBE" - HAHAHAHAHA! OMG that is an awesome response. It has everything that CEFAD didn't have: brevity, wit and meaning.

mariamariamaria

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @rodethetrolleywithstanwyck: I totally got a mental image of Typical Law Firm Douche with that sexy hairdo she has in Working Girl. Hehe!

kitschenette

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> First, this dude is gay.

Second, I don't believe in the friendship zone. If you are attracted to somebody, then being friends only makes it a better dating potential. Unless you learn things about them that make them undateable (like they cheat).

Lymed

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Alohamaid: Wha? Great to open with a T&E reference. Doooooosh. I waas so thankful that I was taken around my law school years, but it totally didn't prevent the reference to boners as res ipsa evidence of infatuation. Ugh.

WaltzingMatilda...same McCain, less filling!

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Honestly, this was fabulous.

I shall henceforth wish to be known as "Big Balls badenbaden."

BadenBaden

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Also p.s., if you are seeing someone (i.e. "almost boning", which is I guess how you fuck when you don't have a dick?) just say these words:

I AM SEEING SOMEONE.

Sorry, I just have to seethe a little bit more at the enormous passive-aggressiveness of, "That's why we call you Big Balls Marlie!" Really? I think it's because secretly you wish I had balls because you're FUCKING GAY.

Entonces is ironing your dumb ass

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> 1. "pissy-poo" = Gay.
2. Marking every female you know as "friend territory" and thus "undateable" = Gay.

OK, so I think it is possible that she misread him asked him out and looked disappointed when he said no, but instead of writing a long entitled email about how now he can't crack his HILARIOUS blow job jokes because she ruined the vibe between them, how about womaning up and dealing with it the way we do every day: a polite no-thank-you, and never speaking of it again.

teapartys_over

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @LadySkittlehattington: Aw, thanks! Always good to find a partner in bad Shakespeare speak.

MsDirector

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @Benevolent_Dictatrix: Yes! You've hit the nail on the head. I've even heard one lawyer say the reason women aren't into him is because they hear he's a lawyer and assume he's too intelligent for them. Riiiiiight. Or, because they hear "lawyer" and assume you're an unrepentant narcissist and then you confirm that by being such a tool.

Alohamaid

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @TruculentandUnreliable: Me too. I use it kind of like "SHIton" to describe my drinking habits.

WaltzingMatilda...same McCain, less filling!

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @blackbirdfly: Fuckwittery is my new favorite word of the week. It totally beats my jackassery.

This is the kind of guy who normal guys can't fucking stand being around. Well, assuming I'm normal. Which might be a fuckwitted assumption.

Go Like Hell Machine

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @MsDirector: Not boning. Such as.

I love both of you forever.

StupidFace

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @LoMorale: The best part is, I'm sure NONE of the women he mentioned actually asked him out.
@AbbyNormal: I dated this guy, too. He dumped me b/c I wasn't paying him enough attention (seriously!). He ran off to Amsterdam for 2 weeks and then got all pissed at me b/c I was too tired from working 80 hour weeks and taking my midterms to eff his brains out for him once he got back. He was all, "where's my hot reunion sex? Wah wah!" And then he told me, while dumping me, that he was so starved for attention that he had to start going on "fake dates" with his female friends in another town. Uh, so he was emotionally cheating on me b/c I was busy with a life outside him and had to work to pay my bills. Douche.

BiscuitDoughJones

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> Was it JD who coined the whole "smug lesbian smirk" thing? Anyway, I'm invoking it here. I'm totes rocking the SMS right now, yo. I can't help it. This is un-fucking-believable.

But of a great, mid-length I can get down with, I must say.

What a fucking crybaby, manipulative jackhole.

SBJ

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @MsDirector: This is beautiful. I bow to your Shakespearean translation.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> she didn't dodge a bullet, she dodged a motherfucking scud missile.

SharonTaint

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> p.s. perhaps send it to ALL printers on your floor.

thatgirlinnewyork

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]> @The Real JR: Brilliant!

CandiedViolet

]]> <![CDATA["That's Not To Say I'm Not Impressed, And Even A Bit Envious Of The Size Of Your Balls"]]>