<![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married? - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married? - Jezebel Comments]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> >>The percentage of young guys tying the knot is declining as you read this.

What bullshit. I've had to stave off several offers of marriage just in the past year. It's the MEN out there who want to get married suddenly; not us. See how quickly and creepily they ask you ON THE FIRST DATE if you want to have children. Jeebus!

I have none and am 39, and they look at me like hungry wolves sizing up a piece of bacon.

They're fattening you up for the next round of idiotic romantic self-help books, ladies. Walk past this serving and ignore the rest of the buffet in favor of reality.

The Authority

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @DatRoroKid: the woman I was with since I was 16 years old preferred to act pretty immature, get drunk and say stupid shit and return to grad school to pursue a Master's Degree, which, to this day I have ZERO idea how it could possibly benefit her in the future.

Really, NO idea how a graduate degree could possibly benefit her in the future and SHE's the immature one?

I am so sick of this shit notion that graduate school is some sort of cop-out on maturity. Working more than a forty-hour week for less than minimum wage may suck, but it's hardly lazy, which seems to be what you're implying.

/soapbox rant

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Higher education costs and the cost of living in general send graduates back to living with their parents. It's actually more affordable to move out if you are married, but guess what? Meeting a woman willing to even date you is somewhat more difficult if you're a guy living with your parents.

So you could be, let's say, a very professional got-his-shit-together attorney (purely for argument's sake) who'd totally like to get married but you might find it difficult. Hypothetically, you know.

Zlevee

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @wigglepuppy: No fuckin' kidding, right? I'm all for keeping one's youthful energy/enthusiasm/interests and not settling into a stodgy, super-slow-paced, stereotypically "boring grown-up" life like most over-30s in the small town where I grew up, but there's that and then there's a complete lack of emotional maturity. I think the Hollywoodized social scene/hookup culture we have out here is partly to blame, but I don't think it's exclusively a guy thing either... plenty of woman-children out here as well.

LBB

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Could this rising age have anything to do with HOW FUCKING EXPENSIVE it is to stage a wedding? Jesus! Even keeping things "small" (+/- 50 guests) means taking on almost as much debt as I rang up going to grad school!

Gumbina80

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I am 34 and hot. I live in a bubble known as South Beach where there is an endless stream of gorgeous, available women and where the men use a skateboard as their primary source of transportaion well into their forties. My friends and I have become immune to fears of missing out on marriage and to the unanswered prayers of waiting to see our men grow up. We are satisfied to just dress pretty and go the beach alot... Ok going for a swim.

shelovesyou

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @littlebluebug: los angeles--i'm from here, and the town i grew up in is peter pan central.

wigglepuppy

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @wigglepuppy: LA = Louisiana or Los Angeles? :) I'm in no hurry to get married and I absolutely do not want babies ever, but it seems to me, in my little corner of La-La Land, that men either want to get married and settle down RIGHTNOW or only want to hook up... usually the latter. What ever happened to *dating* and getting to know a person gradually, is what I want to know.

LBB

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> i know lots of guys that don't want to get married until they're 40--LA is full of them!!! unfortch for us ladies we just can't wait that long if we want to get married and have some bebehs. if dudes aren't ready to get get married they shouldn't just do it because they feel pressured to, but they should also let the woman know that up front. unlike my douchy ex who decided at 27 that he didn't want to marry me, but stayed with me for 3 more years anyway because he is selfish and wanted to keep me around. and now he is doing the same to a new chick. ugh.

wigglepuppy

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> It's funny ... in my late 20s, I was once dating this guy who was mid-40s with MAJOR baggage (divorced, kids, etc.). Of course, he was also a self-absorbed douche, which might have had something to do with his marriage not working out.

Throughout our relationship, he almost seemed to make it a point to make sure I didn't think "long-term thoughts" with him (and believe me, I didn't). When I finally decided it was time to be alone, eventually find a relationship with more substance and told him I didn't want to see him anymore, he said something like, "I hadn't ruled out the marriage and kids thing for us." I was like, umm, so this is just *your* choice? And you made it known many times over that I shouldn't be growing "too attached"? Yeah, go fuck yourself, you got what you asked for.

He's just one asshat in the sea. Now I am with a kind, respectful, thoughtful man ... who is totally immature at times, but willing to give and accept love. We're getting married next year. Maybe that is the missing ingredient in this said maturity, or lack thereof.

Jiboo

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @sirsnarksalot: He's also one of the writers (producers? creators?) of the show, hence the guest appearance!

I love me some thirtysomething and I'm only 28. It was my mom's favorite show when it was on, and at some point about 10 years ago (maybe?) there was a marathon of it on tv, and I got totally hooked.

Oh and also, I agree that men need to grow up. I have numerous male friends in their late thirties who act like they're 18. And some of those men are married. I've literally been out at the bar with them (I swear I'm not a barfly) with their wives calling/texting to see why they're not at home like they said they'd be, or at their dinner spot like they said they'd be, and the answer is always "I forgot...I lost track of time...I'm just grabbing a quick bevy with my mates..." etc. And then they order another round.

But in all seriousness, I think generally speaking, males in their thirties are stuck in some sort of weird limbo thing. And it's an international phenomenon too.

BadenBaden

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Had to register for this comment, but being a minority hurts sometimes.
I'm 21, married so my BF can move country and move in with me and I'm just fucking happy, who gives a damn about the married part.
Having kids seems closely associated with marriage. At first people asked me if I were preggers. Um, no, no, no thank you. It needed the 3 'no's every time. I do NOT want any spawn, kthxbai.
/rant

badflow

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @blondegrlz: LOL, I hear ya. My husband's game of choice is Halo 3.

Then again, we got married in November because we got knocked up. If we hadn't gotten pregnant, we probably would have (gladly) waited another couple years. But now that we are married, we love it.

spangledangel

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @blondegrlz: My future husband plays WoW, too...with me. What can I say? I love the games, too. And if 'growing up' means not playing them...eh. It's our hobby. Well, that and sailing. Unlike many WoW fans, we like to go outside sometimes.

TastyBites

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @blondegrlz: That could work.

Tulipsaki

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> My husband, is a tad older than me (7 years), and he's the first MAN I can say I ever dated. The men I dated who were in their 20's--even late 20's were just overgrown boys. My husband says that men aren't really MEN until they are about 34, and then at 34 they are just starting to get a clue. I know it's a cliche about the younger woman/older man, but as long as it isn't a crazy difference (like 10-15 years) I think it's ideal because the maturity levels are more closely matched. My husband LIKES getting older, has no time for silly BS, unnecessary complications, and has already done all the partying and lazing about he ever wanted to do. He can enjoy himself without getting wasted, thinks video games are lame, and doesn't think that holding my purse for a moment somehow threatens his manhood. Best of all he thinks I'm a babe and won't allow me to whine about getting older.

youareasleep

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> If most people marry people approximately their own age (give or take a few years), then it only makes sense that men are getting married later since we've already been bombarded with stories about how women are getting married later.

Most of my single friends (male and female) want to get married; they're in their late 20s-early 30s. But many of them, like Hymowitz, have unrealistic expectations of marriage. Marriage isn't flipping a switch from the people you are to Ward and June Cleaver ideal-types. You'll still like a lot of the same things after marriage that you did before marriage. I still play video games and my husband still mountain bikes. It doesn't make our 10 years together any less of a marriage.

phrygian

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I'm a dude and I broke up in '06. I was with a woman for 12 years. I'm 30 now. You can go on and on about men's lack of maturity but the woman I was with since I was 16 years old preferred to act pretty immature, get drunk and say stupid shit and return to grad school to pursue a Master's Degree, which, to this day I have ZERO idea how it could possibly benefit her in the future. It's like playing with gadgets all day and I LIKE gadgets. Ladies can be just as bad and not worth the time. Think 'THEBOMB' up there said it best. This is one of those things that could go either way - just depends on who you're with and if you even give a fuck.

DatRoroKid

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> My husband (systems engineer) and his best friends (naval engineers) are DESIGNING THEIR OWN games. (Something about submarines. I don't pay attention.)

CC

chalicechick

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> An old friend of mine just got married, and he's my age (22). It blew my mind. An old ex used to jokingly propose to me, but I think he was serious...that also drove me crazy. I like to imagine everyone being single until they're 35+. Because I'm solipsistic like that.

MollyShroom

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @TheFormerJuneBronson: I think the real trick is that guys like him, who are emotionally healthy and grown up and want family life, are usually married long before most women are ready. And when the women are ready, the single men are the ones who were playing video games on their laptops instead of learning how to write research papers in my class.

I think you're onto something. My husband was actively seeking to get married from age 20 on. Hubby's parents were both twice-divorced and rather than turning him off marriage, I think it made him crave stability. We had only been dating six months when he proposed but we didn't get married for another year and a half after he bought my ring so it wasn't like we rushed.

As for sowing wild oats, you can sow an awful lot of oats before age 21 if you want to. Dozens and dozens of hot, lovely oats. Trust me. :)

DramaClub

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LittleDebbie: Get the waterproof rabbit by Doc Johnson. :-)

Ms. Pants

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> i'm 27 and my boyfriend is 25 and i don't think he'll be ready to get married for at least 3-4 more years -- which will make me an over-30 bride (unacceptable by my mother's standards)

I always hoped to have had my first baby by 30... well, there goes that dream. Instead, i'll just watch my boyfriend play Mass Effect. He's sorta like a baby...

dashenbka

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> sadly, I've been married. I did it the old fashioned way.....wait I mean the retarded way. I married an acid dealing scumbag off the upper Haight in the early 90's. Now I've just turned 32 and am slowly inching back toward my 'tween years. Much more fun antics to come.

Insane in the menopasal brain.

c-tas

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Seriously...I'm 28 and I find myself having these moments of panic about when I will get married and then I realize how disappointing that is. Getting married is great if it's right, but it dependent on finding someone you can share the REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH. That is hard to do! How on earth can we all be expected to do that between the ages of 26 and 32, or whatever you deem the appropriate marriage age? What are we supposed to do? How about live our lives without marriage being a goal?

eucalyptus

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> what the fuck are we supposed to do?

Not give a fuck. Learn to live without marriage? I've been doing it for 20 years and it's been pretty nice so far.

amowls

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @flackette: Absolutely true.

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I'm just sayin'....I know an awful lot of people who got married but STILL didn't grow the fuck up.

That said, yeah, dudes today act like they're in perma-adolescence. I don't know how they'll even recognize their midlife crisis as it'll just seem like more of the same.

flackette is frustrated

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: Oh, and that guy that keeps looking around the corner? yeah. that was the last guy I dated here. two years lataer, and I'm STILL traumatized. really does a number on your self-esteem.

MissCricket

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: For REALS. It's so hard to meet anybody here, if you weren't an undergrad at one of the million colleges. I met my boyfriend in a fluke- we were both wasted at a bar in JP and it was love at first sight. But... I have two gorgeous, intelligent, motivated, capable girlfriends who are single and don't want to be. It's practically impossible for them to find appropriate guys who are remotely good enough.

MissCricket

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Did she track the age of first divorce?

nyphotog

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Ahhh...to be a post-modern feminist. We want to be free, have rights...and still have our Prince Charming, too. What women need to do is look for a quality man (with an education, a job, a nice family), and he'll come around to thinking about marriage when you are both ready. Too many of my women friends try to get with a man just to marry him, instead of following a natural progression. You shouldn't even mention getting married for the first three years you are together (if you do, it'll freak him out, most likely)...whatever happened to getting to know someone before getting engaged and settling down. If you don't spend the time, men assume you're only on the ride to highjack their sperm and get on their insurence.

PoisonPixie

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @merci: And when you find that guy who will, give him my number.

You know, I'm willing to put up with a lot of shit. You like sports and playstation, wear white tube socks with holes in them and leave the seat up? Whatevs. Not my thing. But as an educated, well employed, very smart and not terrible looking woman I don't feel like it's too much to ask of a mate that he also be educated, well employed, very smart and not terrible looking. Announce such standards and people call you "picky". I'm not charmed by these grown-ass men trying to relive their salad days by putting adulthood on indefinite layaway. Man the fuck up indeed.

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @lalaland13: I'm in a decidedly red state, and met my husband in another red state, and he's most definitely a liberal kind of guy. Seek out the musicians, activists, and grad students/professors. :)

We're also 30 & 31, and most of the time we don't feel grown up at all. We try...there's a mortgage and bills, but usually we just still feel like we're testing this whole thing out and we're not quite sure what we're doing, beyond loving each other enough to want to be together.

fizzyg

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> These are just opinions but:

if you don't want to get married, don't.

if you can't see any good reason to get married, don't.

the fear of winding up divorced like your parents/relatives/friends starts to diminish once you've figured out who you are and that you aren't doomed act the same way or choose the same type of partner.

you don't have to be "grown-up" to be a grown-up. Mutual respect, trust and emotional availability are infinitely more important than being ready to buy a house or give up video-game playing.

if you aren't meeting the guy/gal you'd could see yourself with in the long-term (and if that's what you want), maybe its time to try some new things and that certainly doesn't have to be church or video games. Even then, you might not meet him/her but you'll be learning knew things and that's what makes life interesting.

hindsight is 20/20. It probably just comes down to luck.

jezebelbelg

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> An Open Letter to Kay Hymowitz:

Interesting article, a good read and definitely some accurate descriptions about a large section of the late twentysomething male demographic. The value judgements implicit in your piece however are very interesting to me. Not necessarily wrong, but certainly open to questionning in a way which, from the way the article is written, you seem to assume they are not even in question.

I am a 27 year old male, unmarried with a good job, no desire for children, a comfortable amount of disposable income, a theatre company I run in my spare time, a decent supply of good friends of both genders and very little expectation of dating anytime soon.

I agree that men should grow up, but I think I would define that differently than you would. To me, to grow up is to take responsibility for yourself, in all senses of that word. I think you would add to that getting married and having children. Frankly, this seems very strange to me and I don't know how you would defend such a statement. You almost seem to suggest that men have a moral duty to get married and have children. Why? For the survival of the human race? I doubt it. Because there is a large population of unmarried women waiting for a man? There is also a large population of people waiting to be rich, that doesn't make rich people morally bankrupt for not giving them enough money to be so. Because it would be better for them? I think it would be hard to prove that your typical married with children man is any happier than your typical unattached one.

I was particularly confused by how you seemed impressed that the modern woman spends her free time shopping, traveling and dining with friends but particularly unimpressed by the leisure actives of young men drinking, hooking up and playing halo 3. Of course those men are dining with friends as well, although perhaps not in as smart an outfit as the women. Your mentioning shopping is particularly confusing. How could a large amount of time spent shopping possibly be considered a good thing? How is that more positive than Halo 3? Buying clothing you don't need imported from countries that support genocide, frivolously wasting your money by buying into the idea that it is important to constantly remain on the cutting edge of seasonal shifts in taste decreed by people with a vested interest in keeping you dissatisfied by your appearance? Yowch. At least being inexpensively entertained for hours around a puzzle-solving activity shared with friends doesn't contribute to a feeling of inadequacy.

Traveling is great, but i doubt women do it much more than men, drinking also seems popular with both sexes and as for hooking up, my apologies for being crude, but it takes two to tango.

I would offer a different hypothesis as to why there is a sense that all the good men are gone or taken. Women want men who they perceive don't need them. Women tend to call this trait confidence, but really it is just men who display narcissistic behavior that women think is justified because they don't value themselves highly enough. Now that's perfectly understandable (although I think ultimately it is more morally defensible that men seem to want women who do need them), but I'm afraid I'm going to have to, at this point, ask the modern woman to take responsibility for herself. If women wish a man who doesn't need them, they should be prepared to deal with a man who won't pursue them, won't commit to them and won't want children with them.

If a large population of women really want what they say they want...which is a nice guy, ready to settle down who makes them laugh then there is a wide ocean of online dating ads that they could respond to. Yes, they would have to deal with a man who would have to grow into feeling confident around them rather than starting out so, but that's what love does. It gives people a particular kind of dignity that they don't and shouldn't have without it.

But of course, few women are mature enough and self-confident enough, and most particularly wise enough, to want that. Too often women perceive themselves to be worthless, and too often they seek out men that treat them as such. Instinctively, they seek out men they think can protect them, men who stand up to other men and who have material status. Unfortunately due to low self-esteem they settle for men who only want a hook up. Because if all they want is a hook up they must be playing in a higher league, therefore they are desirable in their unattainability. If women wish to meet men who are ready to settle down, I would recommend that they stop looking in the bars that the "child-men" go to. Most men have long since figured out that the few precious women who actually do want that sweet, goofy sensitive dork aren't going to respond to a stranger in a bar any way.

Arthur Delaney
Portland, OR.

adelaney

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> There's supposedly a "Berlin Syndrome" for thirty-something guys here. Given that they don't graduate until their mid to late twenties they're allegedly a little backwards. Haven't come across it myself, but isn't the solution to all this older men? Only yeah, that pisses off the older women...

bowleserised

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Just tell him to man the fuck up or someone else will.

merci

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I don't mind that guys want to get married later... i mean, I want to get married later. But I do wish they would GROW UP a little. Be a MAN. I feel like all the guys I meet are such babies. Where are the men?? You can have fun and be immature... but be a man when it matters!!

animatedpunk

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I've bragged before, and I'll brag again -- got married for health insurance at twenty-two, and we celebrate eight years in May. All of my "friends" who married for "love" and a chance to play dress-up on their daddies' dimes?

Divorced. Every. Last. One of them.

howdybeep (runs with monkey wrenches)

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @veronykah: Marriage, emotionally, is what you make of it. If it means something to you, it means the world. If marriage means nothing to you, it's a piece of paper.

Other than that, however, it's a really important LEGAL protection as well as LEGAL expression that you are the most important person in your partner's life, which means a lot when you're talking living wills, actual wills, etc.

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @eefers: why, may I ask?

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I hate that I am turning into the person who is considering leaving New York because I'd like to get married before the time I'm 35. I do hate it, but I can't deny it. But, yeah, I'm never changing my name. That shit kind of pisses me off.

eefers

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Hahahahaah!!!!!!!!!! You guys are hilarious!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and I'm married. For the most part I like it, except when I want to kill him. We were both pushing 30. We were both ready. Meh. Whatever floats your boats.....

MissLadyJane

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @hollywoodenflames: why isn't this ever brought up when doctors chastise women in their mid 30's to not wait too long to have children? not all women are going to go to sperm donors nor do they have the $ for invitro. so we have to wait around for these manboys to grow the fuck up. tick tock.

rednrowdy

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Can someone explain to me what the POINT of getting married is?
Besides the tax breaks and legal stuff.
My last relationship ended because my 26 year old boyfriend wanted to get married. I was definitely NOT into it.
Thankfully I've now found a wonderful man who is as anti-marriage as I am.

veronykah

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I would rather die a lonely death than marry a deeply religious person.

NewBootsGoofin

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Ideally I'd like to get married. Not soon though, god no, only 21 here. But I think eventually I want to get married and have kids. I think the thing that clinched it for me was visiting my grandmother in a retirement community and talking with some of the older ladies whose husbands were dead and had no children and just wished that they had someone other than friends (because they were all dying) who would call and say hi and invite them over for holidays. I realized that children are no guarantee of that, but it's a shot, right?

But for now I know that I'm not going to get married anytime soon. Even though I'm finishing my BA this April (debt free, thank goodness) I still have to find a job, get settled in my career, and I'm still thinking about grad school. Plus, the only person I'm even close to "dating" right now is a commitment-phobic man who is 15 years older than me. And when I say "dating" I mean we're sleeping together. Definitely not marriage potential.

Woah, that came out longer than intended.

Diana Prince

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Yes Tim Gunn:
Yikes. Actually bringing a Playstation with him. As Moe brilliantly put it, I have no evolutionary affinity for videogames and have a hard time swallowing that someone would actually do that. I am sorry. Sadly (gladly?) my ex and I never got to go on a holiday together (it was all I could do to afford the bus tickets to NY to visit him and vice versa).

All this commenting, and I haven't read the actual article yet. I guess I should go do that. I don't read enough crap as it is.


cautionarywhale

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Yes, it is unfortunate that I can liken my early twenties dating experiences to running a daycare. At least it fulfilled my first spike of maternal longing.

@noseriously: Pitch perfect. :-)

ShoplifterOfTheWorld

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I'll be just short of 25 when I get married this summer, and I swear, I've gotten a lot more pressure (from folks who don't know me well, at least) to stay single and "sow my wild oats" in my 20's, so to speak, than to marry up. People seem to assume that I'm (a) settling, and (b) will get the uncontrollable urge for another cock in a few years and not be able to contain myself. I definitely was nowhere near a virgin when I met my fiance at 21. I was a pretty wild teenager, and by my early twenties, was ready to be a grown-up, for lack of a better word.

(Not that getting married entails never leaving the house again and popping out 2.5 kids, either. Another stigma that's annoying as fuck).

ChooMama

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> My wife and I married about a year and a half ago after a 16 year monogamous cohabitational trial period that was deemed "long enough" by the both of us.

After which we filed form 680937-G and went to the Diner for some Chicken Marsala.

What? It was Friday!

strider_mt2k

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @dramaclub: It's not just you, though. I feel the same way. We moved in at 23, married at 25, but didn't have a kid until we were 31. But when my baby sister was the age I was when husband and I moved in together, I just couldn't believe it. She seemed so young, just way too young. We were both barely out of college and were in grad school within a year of meeting. Our grocery budget during those years was $25 a week. I have no idea how we got by.

I don't regret a thing, though. It's unfashionable to say so, but I really didn't want to face adulthood alone. It wasn't freeing to me; it was terrifying. I needed support and direction, and fortunately, I met a family man who loves the good things about me and doesn't mind the bad things, and who never took such good care of me that I didn't learn to take care of myself. I think the real trick is that guys like him, who are emotionally healthy and grown up and want family life, are usually married long before most women are ready. And when the women are ready, the single men are the ones who were playing video games on their laptops instead of learning how to write research papers in my class. Man, I've had a bad, long day.

TheFormerJuneBronson

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LadySkittlehattington: And a self-centered beyotch. JMHO.

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> And I wanted to add that perhaps getting married so young didn't seem weird to me because my parents are still married - 40 years and counting. It never occurred to me when I got married that I might get a divorce someday. It still doesn't.

DramaClub

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> moe, you so really need to hang out w/guys that read.

whyknot

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: Thanks. I must admit that I had been thinking about it, but I kept getting that intuition-scrunchy feeling, and am glad I decided not to ignore it yet again.

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I got married at 23 and my husband was 24. Had our first child when I was 26. I don't remember feeling terribly young when I got married but looking back, we really were babies. We've been married 15 years, we've got two great kids, and my heart still skips a beat when he kisses me.

I'm no Mormon or anything, either. Just a regular chick who fell in love with a guy who wanted very much to be a husband and a dad.

Shit. Now you all know how old I really I. :)

DramaClub

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> My only point with all of this: I would actually like to find a husband before my eggs shrivel, but yeah fucking right. And the dudes are leading this trend bc they have no eggs and I have no evolutionary affinity for videogames.

Moe

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: thanks caution, tried to teach him to be a decent human. he so loves chicago exepting the cold, he does not dig that shit at all. i hope he finds the CA-girl he deserves and that she's a LEETLE NICER than some of these posters...

whyknot

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @justwanttohave: "It isn't hard to "land a man," just look good, don't be a bitch, and pick a guy that is good rather than rich."

OOOoookay.

Look good (Be a size 0, make sure you've had your rhinoplasty)

Don't be a bitch (Be passive; don't have an opinion; never dare to contradict the man even if he's about to do something idiotic and life threatening for himself, you, your family, or all three)

Pick a guy that is good rather than rich (So you can go into debt b/c he hasn't worked keeping up with the Joneses out of his subconscious, and leaves you for the bimbo that works at Walgreens)

Can I haz tkt to ur wurld, plz? *kthx*

Rooo sez BISH PLZ

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> "Tempest in a friggin teapot"
@Mego: I couldn't have said it more perfectly myself :)

kgirl77

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I'm late and haven't read all the comments, but I get the sense that I'm going to be among the few who says, yes, young men lack seriousness of purpose, and I don't give two shits whether they get married ever, but the cavalier attitude they bring to their college education really chaps my ass. They expect to pass for doing nothing, and many more of my male students are functionally illiterate than my female students, who are almost universally very hard-working and goal-oriented. It's complicated; these issues always are, but some days the level of disrespect I get from the men in class nearly makes me blow a gasket. Obviously today was one of those days. I teach college, and I shouldn't have to deal with walking behavior problems. I'm completely against the war, and today caught myself thinking, if we only had a draft on, then we'd see some hustle to pass my class.

TheFormerJuneBronson

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @lovenoelg: Except if they're grads. If so they can keep going at it until like forever.

Brigit

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Hmm. I go to church regularly, and there is nary a single dude to be found. Also, interestingly enough, I found that my churchgoing produces one of two general effects in dudes: (1) either they think my denomination is "too liberal" or "too Catholic" and I am therefore some sort of heretic, or (2) they think that I'm a crazy religious nut/fundamentalist (which is obviously not the case--see point 1, in which the fundamentalists condemn me to eternal hell).

Miss Pelled

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I need a Crap Email post right about now.

KidPresentable

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> These are quotes from Hymowitz's interview:

"...58% [of men at age] 30 are married as compared to 85% 30 years ago."

"...and that means that those young men do not think of themselves as adults, do not have many obligations to other people, and don't imagine themselves as part of mainstream society"

"The marketplace proves…that if you give them a choice, they will do adolescent guy things"

This, um, seems a bit *generalized* in order to make her point, doesn't it? ALL of that 85% of unmarried men are not self-considered as "adults?" I know a lot of guys like this, but then I also know some who are what she would consider "mature" (i.e. married, have children, etc.), and women (including myself) who, by this same logic, could be considered a "woman child."

I haven't read any of her articles/research but I hope to god her arguments are more substantiated there. Tempest in a friggin teapot...

Mego

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> "I feel better than I did at 25 - I love myself and my body more with age. I don't feel like an old maid and I'm in no hurry to get married or date mediocre men."

@kgirl77: I'm with ya, sister. Thanks for sharing. Just in the last year I realized, hell, I'm in no rush.

Mego

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Blah. As I was approaching thirty a few years ago, the marriage pressure reached a ridiculous fever pitch, despite the fact that I was just finishing grad school and had been riding wave after wave of breakups for several years. People who had absolutely no business were asking me if I was in a relationship. I looked with envy at all of my happily married sisters. Luckily that time is getting smaller and smaller in my rear view mirror, along with the notion that "I will find him sooner or later." A dangerous notion, IMO.
*Ahem* More wine, anyone?

CharlemagneBucket

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> so dudes wanting to cling to their solo autonomy by way of Halo 3 is somehow new. What about the scores of GGG postgrad 24 year old ladies who turn into gilded Skeksis with bad skin and a subscription(!) to Modern Bride at 26?

StratfordX

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: That would be him alright. SHE chose our hotels for our two vacations. On the second one, he took me, a Playstation, and Final Fantasy VIII on a romantic getaway to VT. Guess who got all the love and attention?

Oh wait, too easy.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I am seriously ready to get married. No one has ever proposed, I've never been in a long term serious relationship. But this cooking for one, no sex, being broke and no snuggling shit is for the birds

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> didn't you hear? wearing your spinsterhood is the new black!

SF_iris

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I give up. Which is why, at the ripe ol' age of 23, I am going to get a snuggly dog and invest in stock in Duracell batteries and Rabbit vibrators.

The End.

LittleDebbie

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Yes Tim Gunn: Did your ex's mom henpeck him to the point that he became an expert at tuning people out? Then, yes.

I will definitely consider Chicago, but Whyknot's cute son is moving to LA and I must take this under consideration as well. Heh.

Seriously, whyknot, I hope your son does well out in LA and doesn't get caught up in that Hollywood plastic stuff. Try not to worry -- I'm sure you raised him right!

cautionarywhale

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I was listening to this on NPR. Yesterday.

raleighrolanda

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: um, my cute son who is only 25 is moving to LA next month, really. he has only a few friends there - i'll send him to this great(est) site and i sure hope he meets plenty of jezzies in CA. thanks. you are all freaking me out and i'm going back to politics now.

whyknot

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: I think I also dated your ex. Mommy issues too?

As for Chicago, you could go much worse. I LOVE that city.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LadySkittlehattington: I went through that exactly a few years back. It is Teh Suck. Hugs.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Lymed: Ha, I'm from DC originally! Is the moral of the story (if you want to get hitched, that is) to just stay out of West and East coast cities altogether? Chicago, here I come? Hee.

cautionarywhale

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @littlebluebug: oh god, my older son is moving to LA next month, he's only 25, geez, he's nothing like you describe and it's frightening to think what will become of him. i thought he would really love california... i do!

whyknot

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Lymed: having said that, i'm single, so nobody cares if i shave my legs.

Charlotte Corday

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @littlebluebug: Oh, the humanity! As fate would have it, I have a couple friends who just moved to LA from Boston who have been urging me to move out there to keep them company. I'm actually just starting to think about it as a remote possibility.

Good thing that all my years of singledom and bad dates have convinced that I'll NEVER settle and would rather have semi-satisfactory fantasies about Javier Bardem and James McAvoy than be married to someone who'd rather pay more attention to his videogames than to me. (No disrespect to those who love the vids. But my ex literally would ignore me for hours at a stretch on a regular basis.)

cautionarywhale

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> no one cares who keeps whose last name! lots of young guys 30-something, yeah even 20 something like my two, are dealing w/women who are just not interesting in deciding the rest of their life right now. that's ok, they'll wait for the good ones.

whyknot

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @littlebluebug: makes me almost glad that dc guys are dorky, career-obsessed and neurotic. they don't seem to so much care if i shave my legs. blessing: 1

Charlotte Corday

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: And definitely don't move to DC.

Lymed

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @littlebluebug: I have a dear friend who went to college in Boston and complained constantly about the men. She moved to LA and found a really nice one. Personally, I like southern men. They hold the door, respect their mamas, can pay for a beer, like being outdoors, and don't seem to judge a girl for having a pulled pork sandwich. But there are plenty of douchy frat boys hanging around too.

BlondeGrlz

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LaComtesse: Nah, I completely respect anyone who wants to get married. I just went through a bitter post break-up thing during which time my friend who just got married would constantly change the subject if I brought up my ex and say things like, "You just need to find someone else. Now let's talk about me." And suddenly all of our conversations started, "My friend from The Knot said..." So I've been really grumpy for the last several months because I was there for all of her dress fittings and everything else, and when I was going through my break-up she was off being married and blissful and expected me to plaster a smile on my face all the time when she was around. It really, really sucked. And I got all hurt feelings-y. So, in short, I think my issue goes much deeper than her being married and me being single. It's possible that she's just an asshole.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @cautionarywhale: And don't move to Los Angeles, either... the guys here are suffering from the same epidemic, and are generally preoccupied with the legions of fake-tanned, plastic-surgeried, stick-thin Hollywood starlet-wannabees.

LBB

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @lalaland13: I'm in Austin, so I know I could have it so much worse, culture-shock wise (I originally hail from the northeast, with long stints in the midatlantic and the midwest). We're here for husband's job while I finish dissertation and then we're onwards to who-knows-where after that. As for the gays--well my only friend so far here in Austin is, and I still miss my Fluevog-purchase enabler back in the midwest awfully.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I don't buy the author's statistic. A year-to-year change is not a demographic shift. It could well be part of a larger trend, but give me the 10 year span to judge for myself. Otherwise, I read "blip."

Also, the author partially blames Maxim (specifically, even citing its launch date) for men's postponed adolesence. I may not be Maxim's biggest fan, but really? This is just a columnist who needed to fill interweb space by creating false hysteria. Blech.

DreamingInGreen

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Yes Tim Gunn: Aww thanks. You're a dear, as we say in the south. And I just moved away from Texas for the first time in my life last year. How weird is that? I'm guessing if you went there for a job or whatever, you live in a big city. Am I right? I'm from small-town East Texas.

I'm in "The Natural State" now. Or, based on their policies toward gays and the fact that Huckabee comes from here, I tend to call it the "That's Not Natural State."

And I'm guessing you like gay men, as well, based on your username. Yay for PR.

lalaland13

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> A word of advice for single girls in NYC: if you move out of NY, don't move to Boston. It is just as bad here, with the guys (if they're not already married, or gay, or an undergrad) suffering from the I'm-sure-there's-someone-prettier-and-thinner-than-you-just-around-the-corneritis epidemic.

I've been single for 6 years and have had too many bad dates to count, and it's confirmed: Boston is infested with guys who need to grow the fuck up.

cautionarywhale

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LaComtesse: Sounds great! We should totes emphasize that I went to school "with lots of lesbians" for Jerry. Also, I can wear a hockey jersey, hotpants, and my faux-boutins, if that works for you.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> 33 and happily not married. I expect that I'll marry my boyfriend, but I'm not ready just yet.

Lymed

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @sirsnarksalot: he's the head writer or exec producer of brothers and sisters and their daughter played the role of the girlfriend of the gay man Kevin was dating for a while. An example of nepotism I have no problem with, because I love them all:)

TheGuvnah

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Chocolate is never wrong. I don't live in a blue state with my awesome husband (in TX exile, sigh) but I admit we did meet in one. And can't wait to move back to one. Though it won't be for awhile. (Damn job market!) In the meanwhile, I think I'll have a brownie and toast to (you) my fellow involuntary red-stater.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @hamsterpants Whoa, way to try and hold someone hostage! That is similar to that columnist in the Daily Mail, the 'entitled' one with the $1,100 leggings - who divorced her husband because the price tag on his Christmas gift to her was not high enough.

bigleggedwoman

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Yes Tim Gunn: Ooooooh. Come ON! We have to go on Jerry. I just got this brand new thong and a pair of acid-wash tapered jeans for them to poke out of.

@meaverly: That sounds very much a case of "s/he's just not that into you" and people getting comfortable, but not necessarily happy. Not that they have to get married, but after 10 years, it sounds like they didn't have as deep a connection as one might assume they would.

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> You know, I've gotten hope from you Jezzies who have lovely boyfriends/hubbys. Then I wondered if I need to move to a blue state. Which isn't feasible right now. Sigh. Most of the guys here are crazy Christian nuts, misogynists,already married...it goes on.

A relative sent me a card after I moved here. It quoted Bible verse, and she wrote that she was praying for me to find a "special friend" and maybe I would find that friend at church. Or whatever. I laughed.

Guys are jerks. The only one I've ever really been able to trust and connect with is gay. And then I moved, partly because I was afraid of how dependent I was getting on him because hey, he's gay. And I just deleted a lot of story because it's not on-topic.

I don't want to get married. But some sex, or some sort of intimate connection with a straight man would be nice.

At the grocery store tonight, I decided Valentines Day is basically, "Congratulations, you're getting laid! Now have some chocolate."

lalaland13

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @blondegrlz: "They used to tell us at dances we had to "leave room for the holy ghost.""

That sounds beyond kinky.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Fuck marriage! Get a life now, get a man later. I think I'm gonna get me a nice young one, when ready.

But this is easy for me to say, I have my daughter (out of wedlock) to ground and inspire me, and I never intended to get married in the first place (though I did think I'd be living in sin with a partner...so far, not yet).

Moimeme

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @dosido: LOL! That was the first comment I read today that make me snort. You win!

BlondeGrlz

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Yes Tim Gunn: exactly :)

alice

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LaComtesse: Oh dear, I hope not. That could get all Jerry Springer. Though it would support my suspicion that he never actually sleeps.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LaComtesse: I seriously considered taking my husband's name because I love his family and they have truely made me a part of it, plus the potential kids issue. I decided to take a year to make my decision, citing "paperwork and passport" issues (I travel a LOT) to people I didn't feel like discussing my uncertainty with, but eventually decided to go with my own because I had already published with my name and trying on "Mrs. X" felt so weird to me. I don't mind being introduced that way or getting holiday cards addressed that way, but in the end it just wasn't me. BUT I totally get why you did it. I think what creeped me out about my classmates is that *everyone* did it, which seemed sort of in conflict with the idea of individual decision--though I admit that could happen to be everyone's individual decision and not Stepford at all

Yeesh I'm long-winded.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Career? Financial Security? Done with school? You just have to be as crazy as I was and get married without any of that stuff. We were in school, in debt, and crazy in love when I was 21 and he was 26. But we're the crazy Christian type who didn't have sex until we got married, either. So maybe we're part of the above mentioned "church group."

funnyface

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @J.D.Regent: it's why i love the term "secular humanist", and why i try to live right and not actually act like the heinous bitch who's sometimes clamouring to get out and smack someone.

Charlotte Corday

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> In the real world I live in it is the men who seem to want to get married and the women who are afraid of commitment.

It isn't hard to "land a man," just look good, don't be a bitch, and pick a guy that is good rather than rich.

This whole thing about men not wanting to make a commitment is just designed to make women insecure and paranoid -- don't fall for it!

justwanttohave

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @petuniacat: Amen sista! A group of girlfriends and I did snarky top 5 lists for ourselves listing the top 5 reasons we are undatable. My #1 was (and still is) "My cats are more important than you. This will never change." I'm pretty damn happy with that decision. :-)

Ms. Pants

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> one last thing....I'm 40 and single having passed on a couple of marriage opportunities at 23 and 29 (somehow intuiting at those times that I'd either cheat on them in a few years or just be miserable - they were GREAT guys BTW. I wasn't ready).
Now I'm dating (aka sleeping with) a 28 year old who adores me. I have a good job and great friends and hobbies. I feel better than I did at 25 - I love myself and my body more with age. I don't feel like an old maid and I'm in no hurry to get married or date mediocre men.
But I do get lonely and this 28 year old will eventually drive me batty, so what the fuck are we supposed to do? Fuck if I know. I just felt like sharing a little bit of myself with y'all.

kgirl77

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @blondegrlz: !!!

The Virgin Mary left room for the Holy Ghost. Look where that got HER.

♥ dosido ☮

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> My boyfriend's coworker/new boss is in her late 30s; she's really successful, wealthy, lives in her dream house (that she fully owns and had renovated to her gorgeous specifications), loves her job, and had been dating this guy for 10 years until last week. They never lived together and never wanted to, apparently, which made me think, No wonder they're breaking up, they wouldn't even commit to living together.

Of course my "I don't know if I'll ever want to get married" boyfriend totally disagrees with me. Any opinions here?

meaverly (rhymes with "beverly")

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> Are not young people, male or female, deep in college debt these days? With jobs that provide no security? Doesn't that invalidate her point?

DreamerMarie

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Yes Tim Gunn: ... are we married to the same guy?

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> So in terms of the "men growing up" issue, there's grown up and there's grown up. My husband loves video games, using silly voices, junk food, card games featuring zombies, martial-arts films, Bruce Campbell, and staying out late at shows. So do I. However, we are there 100% emotionally for each other and I can't think of anyone else I would turn to first with a real problem. The fact that he might tickle me if I start crying means he knows me so inside and out that he's able to judge if it's an appropriate way of getting me out of a snit or not. So I think the lifestyle trappings stuff might well be totally irrelevant to the actual emotional maturity of one's partner.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I love how every relationship problem that men and women have is always a generalized defect in the other gender. To quote Morrissey, "Young married couple in debt - ever felt had?"

Harvey Birdman

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Yes Tim Gunn: Ah, yes the last name thing. Another thing I was "yelled" at for. I can understand a feminist being upset by that INITIALLY. I took my husband's last name and it was truly a struggle for me. My "maiden" name was hyphenated, so another hyphen would have been weird. I wanted some sort of solidarity among him and our (eventual) children. He said our kids could have my last name but he didn't want to take it (reasonably so). The only big thing holding me back was the feminism issue: am I my husband's property by taking his name? Am I implying that somehow?

Eventually, what pushed me to the ultimate decision to change was that I found it no more feminist to maintain my father's last name than take the name of a man I chose.

I will say, though, if I hadn't had a hyphenated name to begin with, I would have kept my name and our kids would have hyphenated.

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I had the brilliant idea to get married at 22 and was divorced by 24. Sucked though it did, that meant that the pressure was off (from my family, at least) to find another suitable man and I could focus on graduate school and dating random men.

I knew I did want to get married again at some point, but having done it once was a vaccine, if you will, against the pressure society puts on us to always be wanting "the ring", especially by a certain age. When I was 30, I was dating a 23-year-old who certainly wasn't ready for marriage, and when I was 34, I started dating a 29-year-old. We got married when I was 38, in 2006, and I'm very happy with it. But I do miss some aspects of single life that I got to enjoy during my 20's and 30's. Wouldn't trade those for the world. And I don't feel that I was "immature" in not choosing marriage before now, not considering that I finished a PhD, moved 600 miles from home, worked three jobs, and bought a house all before I got engaged.

Snakeophelia

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @TheGintheCity: They used to tell us at dances we had to "leave room for the holy ghost."

BlondeGrlz

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LaComtesse: It's weird how being a married feminist is still an issue, I hear ya. Actually, I'm a bit peeved with myself for being wigged out that I and my best friend are the ONLY women we know from our grad class @ a women's college who didn't change the last name when we got married. It's their damn business what name they do or do not take but I'm a bit skeeved and simultaneously embarrassed to be so.

/off topic schizo whinging

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @petuniacat: It could be the same guy. He's a serial monogamist who acts like a human male until you get to the point where you have "where is this going" talk and then he throws all this unevolved crap at you about how women should stay home and have babies (but doesn't mention the fact he's failed out of three colleges, can't keep a job, and lists his job title as "alcoholic".) Ugh, sorry, he still pisses me off, 4 years later.

BlondeGrlz

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @ridgegirl: Ha ha ha! Those sound fun! But you reminded me of the decidedly not fun Mormon church dance I once went to (I had 2 Mormon boyfriends in high school. Both hot, both long-married by 21, talk about dodging a bullet).
Some dude came over and told my at-the-time BF and I that we were dancing too close.

TheGintheCity

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @vivalabridgetta: My mother, as NotBetty put it so delightfully this afternoon, has her head so far up my ass she could be a queen tapeworm and I might never get her out. Dealing with her is a never-ending battle.

However, she does respond well to me shrieking into the phone at her and hanging up because she has crossed the line of good taste. She does not, for instance, call me to complain about her husband, who is a very nice guy.

noseriously

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Yes Tim Gunn: Elaine. Oh I am so not with the typos tonight.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LadySkittlehattington: I know you didn't mean offense. It was more a general disclaimer for everyone. You'll forgive my sensitivity. Maybe it's just my own insecurity, but I've frequently had the feeling from some feminists and Jezzies (not you) that, while they'll say "Marriage is fine for some people, but I don't believe in it" what they're really saying is "I know better, if you want to partake of all that stupidity, fine." I once actually had a person tell me I wasn't a real feminist because I was getting married. So, once burned...

LaComtesse

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @petuniacat: All I can think of is Elain and Puddy on Seinfeld.

Yes_Tim_Gunn

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> The guy I've been dating has brought up more than once that he's the only one left NOT married in his family and that he has a lot of pressure get on that and soon. My response? "Don't look at me hon."

I'm 35 and have no desire to get married, much to my mother's chagrin. I figure the longer I wait, the shorter my life span, the less opportunity to become completely annoyed and disillusioned with my spouse.

susannapants

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @blondegrlz: Your brother-in-law sounds cool.

I have a girlfriend who dated a guy like your Catholic ex. He decided without regard to her wishes that their future kids would be raised Catholic, and threw a hissy fit when she told him she wasn't planning to take his last name should they get married (they'd dated off and on for a couple of years).

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @taylay: Amen. Started dating my guy when I was 20 and he was 26. As soon as we hit the 1 year mark and his younger brother got engaged (who, by the way, had also just hit the 1 year mark) it was PANIC!! WHERE'S THE RING!! HE'S ALMOST THIRTY!!!

Also at this point I was in college in a different state, and planning to move to the opposite coast for a job. Redonk.

I'm really glad that no one in his family had a heart attack when he finally did hit 30 and I still didn't have a ring. Because as much as that shit annoyed me I was glad I didn't have to feel guilty about killing off a family member with my crazy hippie ideas.

yourbffjill

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Ms. Pants: I'm not sure about marriage and kids, but I do know that any man I get serious with has to like (and be liked by) my cats. Also, he better not bitch about having to share a bed with them. After all, isn't it every man's fantasy to share a bed with three pussies?

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @Baddiekins: Peter Horton was my fav too. HOTness. I think I was younger than 30 then. Seems like ages ago!

kgirl77

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @hamsterpants: Phew. She dodged a bullet.

TripLetz

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @charlotte corday: ugh. whether it is worth trudging through the centuries of evil sludge in that church to get to the nuggets of gold is a question for the ages. i'm thinking, "no." but i also change my mind yearly or so.

J.D.Regent

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> I'm 32 with no plans of marrying or having kids in the future. In fact, I never want to give birth ever, though I might consider adoption if my bio-clock really starts ticking like whoa, but I don't really anticipate that happening as I don't even have a whisper of a tick right now. And marriage? Well, I don't think I'll ever find a man I like better than cats.

Ms. Pants

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @LaComtesse: Oh, I know. I was going to add at the end of that, "Oh, don't be offended, married Jezebels. I know that this is not the way it is for everyone." And then I got all lazy. I do have several married friends who didn't turn all princessy on me. I'm just grumpy with this particular friend today.

Lady Skittlehattington

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @charlotte corday: Oh, I think you're right. He had major committment issues, and was also a bit insecure. Rather than being honest and owning up to his issues, he pulled out the "you're no Christian" card in an attempt to get of jail free.

petuniacat

]]> <![CDATA[Remember When Thirty Seemed Like A Realistic Age To Get Married?]]> @J.D.Regent: Oh man, why can't my um, Parish Priest be like yours. You're going to have to divulge some information about his 'March For Life' attendance in order to ruin the temporary love-in where I suggest a 'Friendly Absolution from a Priest' feature for all of us bad Catholics out there.

Moving onto the topic of eternal adolescence, I'm worried that I'll end up only moving out the family home due to marriage or death due to mum demanding I take my cat if I ever move and even then, I doubt it'll be less 'eternal adolescence' and more 'future tragic story about strained mother-daughter relations'. How come my big brothers get to leave home to their flats in a stub-filled coke bottle scented haze with no guarantee of it getting cleaned (sorry for any hinted gender stereotyping there) and I can't?

vivalabridgetta does not know her craft

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