45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo - Jezebel Comments

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

oldschoolfeminist — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 20:13:53 EST

This is great! Very funny, and oh so sadly true.

oldschoolfeminist

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

lizzybennet — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 01:10:17 EST

isn't john mayer a chubby chaser? that's the last I read about him, i think.
Wait...read about john mayer... did I just write that?????

lizzybennet

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

deuteragonist — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:17:47 EST

@etb:

Ugh! (@the Cosmo article, your response was right on.)

A guy who doesn't want to know how smart I am is not a guy I want.

deuteragonist

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

drunkexpatwriter — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 07:36:08 EST

All I really need to "get off" and feel happy with my girl is for her to give me semi regular blow jobs.

Call me a simple man, but that's all I want.

My girl and I actually have it worked out into a system. Every time I do the dishes or clean the toilet she blows me.

We have very clean dishes and you could probably eat off our toilet.

drunkexpatwriter

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

principessa_85 — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:44:20 EST

Cosmo ruined my first European love affair! I was 19 in Italy and stupidly bought the only English magazine at the store (the dreaded cosmo. I followed their "How to Give the best blowjob" advice and poured cold water on his dick to lubricate it. Needless to say that cold water and hardons do not go together! Thanks Cosmo!

principessa_85

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

i dream of gene shalit — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:44:14 EST

I have a bitter distaste for Cosmo. At first I thought it was a fun, racy read -- that is, until I slowly started to notice how offensive it actually is. A year ago I penned a complaint email in reaction to the most ridiculous article I had yet to read, which consequently also turned out to be the last article I ever read in that magazine. Of course it went unpublished, and in its place was a garishly positive response to said article. I have copied my letter here. FYI, I'm still with my guy, and we revel in our nerdiness, and equality of intellect.

"An avid (and now former) reader of Cosmo, I was absolutely disgusted when I found this suggestion in the column "Things Guys Just Don't Want to Know About You:" "How Smart You Are." I did an instant double-take; were the writers at Cosmo serious? This is their idea of a way to "keep the bond strong"? I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past three years with a guy who is as equally intelligent as I; we both attend the same prestigious college, and we are both Dean's List students. I would never think to hide my intelligence from him, and I know he would be appalled if I did. I was truly incensed after reading this suggestion; Cosmo promotes the ideal of the 'Fun, Fearless Woman,' yet they pander to outdated ideas of female subordination. I should never be expected to, or asked to, hide my intelligence, and no other woman should either. Acting dumb is not only unhealthy to your relationship, it is unhealthy to yourself. Women will never be taken seriously in the academic or professional worlds if they are expected to act less intelligent than they truly are. Cosmo, my view of you has changed forever."

i dream of gene shalit

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

flexy — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:26:45 EST

Don't discount nipple action just because a few guys aren't into it. MY ex had nipples that were so sensitive , they were like remote controls for his dick.

flexy

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

marmite — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:53:09 EST

A girrrrl mag that doesn't do this shit? Try Bust or Bitch. I too love my portable reading material and do not have thousands of dollars to spend on that new Mac that weighs less than an index card, or something like that.

marmite

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Fritzpeterson — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:41:13 EST

@fifthelement: I was being facetious.

Fritzpeterson

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Perogies — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:02:23 EST

Me and my girlfriends love Cosmo. We read it aloud to one another in our "Cosmo" voice, laugh at the stupid advice and finish it all off by taking a black Sharpie to all of the pictures. :)

Perogies

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz! — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 19:19:37 EST

@fifthelement: Eh, but I was only angry because all I said was the dress looked uncomfortable, not anything snarky. Also, as far as I know, the commenter has never seen an actual picture of me (my avatar doesn't count) and I am not a celebrity.

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

fifthelement — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:12:47 EST

By the way, re blondgrlz's waaay earlier comment about being upset about being called fat and ugly when she said something someone else didn't like: of course that would be infuriating and upsetting. Anyone would feel that way - including Katherine Heigl, Keira Knightley, Jessica Alba, and all the other women who people love to slag off for reasons they don't like to be called out on. Maybe something we should all think about next time we are about to type something nasty about someone we don't know?

(Not aimed at you, blondgrlz, your comment just made me think!)

fifthelement

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

sonikka — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:02:38 EST

Can anyone recommend a women's magazine that doesn't blow in epic poportions like this one? i loves the teleblog, but miss portable reading material.

sonikka

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Rachichi — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:44:39 EST

I love how that magazine is always so focused on if you have a boyfriend. "What you and your man can do this weekend together!", "Food to make for your man!", whatever happened to a weekend with friends, food with yourself. WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND, THEN WHAT?

Rachichi

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

fifthelement — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:38:52 EST

Er, no she doesn't.

fifthelement

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Fritzpeterson — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:17:35 EST

She looks fat in that dress.

Fritzpeterson

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

deuteragonist — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:55:01 EST

1 Way To Get Your Partner Off:

Find out what gets him/her off. Do it, if you're comfortable.

The end. Or the beginning. There isn't one magical secret, there aren't 435, not the same thing works for every guy or gal, so can we please stop pretending it does?

deuteragonist

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

allora — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:41:32 EST

@mariamaria: Yay! Fun times!

allora

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Maria — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:36:08 EST

@allora: i have a large stack of magazines i am working on, men's magazines included!

Maria

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

allora — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:23:07 EST

I love it!
Can we do this with a men's magazine?? Oh wait...too easy.
"45 ways to get off"
"101 ways to get her to get you off"
"Top 5 vacation spots that'll make her want to get you off"
"Number one sexy food that'll make her want to get you off. AGAIN!"
hee.

BTW, John Mayer, do not want your thoughts on much of anything. Kthxbai!

allora

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

ceejeemcbeegee — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:21:41 EST

@Beigebaby: May: Zach Braff.

ceejeemcbeegee

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

stoprobbers — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:19:23 EST

They may have made her wear that dress, but damned if Katherine Heigl doesn't look gorgeous in it.

stoprobbers

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

msmsry — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:18:58 EST

Is that Heigl's real body or a stunt double.

msmsry

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Beigebaby — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:02:42 EST

I love how John Mayer gets to discuss why "all guys aren't assholes". Maybe it'll be a new column with a celebrity guest each month. March's issue will be penned by Adam Levine and in April we can anticpate Tom Brady's thoughts on the issue. . .

Beigebaby

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

funnyface — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:00:53 EST

@petuniacat: No, I think it's approp because it reminds me of the weird bandaged Japanese girl porn the Jezzies posted about not too long ago.

funnyface

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

chicklit — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:59:24 EST

Brava!

chicklit

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

spectatertot — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:58:35 EST

funny.

kind of off-topic: does slut machine still do pot psychology? i have something i might want to send in to get advice on...meaning, i would laugh at slut machine's ridiculous suggestions and maybe gain something from commenter responses.

spectatertot

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

ManchuCandidate — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:57:01 EST

@tscheese:
Yeah, the complexity of the female orgasm doesn't help at all.

If you're throwing out tips to males. I have one. Learn to play the piano and any woodwind/brass instrument. I hated taking piano lessons and only took band for my art credit, but now I'm kinda glad I did.

ManchuCandidate

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

tscheese — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:54:31 EST

@Jeremy: I'm terribly sorry! You, of course, are a gentleman of the finest sophistication and I didn't mean to insult your, um, delicateness. Heh, I knew one of Jezebel's resident boys would call me out on that one...

tscheese

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

oryx — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:53:50 EST

@JessicaLovejoy: bwahahaha. "How to get Fired from your job because of what you wear!"

oryx

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

peliroja — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:49:56 EST

@hamburgerhotdog: Oh lord I just died laughing.

peliroja

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

petuniacat — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:48:37 EST

@funnyface: Is it childish that I now want to call him "pervy Herve"?

petuniacat

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Jeremy — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:46:05 EST

@tscheese: I'm a delicate flower and I don't appreciate you making light of my pleasure.

Jeremy

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

SBJ — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:44:57 EST

Gross. Do not want. Needy!

SBJ

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

funnyface — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:44:41 EST

@blondegrlz: So basically this Herve guy likes his women to look like mummies?@notaclevername: My guy loves the nipple action.

funnyface

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

blackbirdfly — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:44:25 EST

The day I listen to John Mayer on any topic is the day I want y'all to kill me.

blackbirdfly

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Ack — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:43:56 EST

@hortense: I thought doing 27 Dresses was pretty fearless. I wouldn't touch a movie that crappy if my life depended on it, but she bravely chose to go forward and subject the world to this steaming pile of a movie. Fearless! (Maybe the "fun" part was when she cashed her paychecks? Of course that's only fun for her...)

Ack

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

mepo — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:43:25 EST

It just makes me want to pull down that zip.

mepo

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

bellethellama — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:43:22 EST

"Feel Bad About Yourself: How to Lose That Fat Ass of Yours--Surpise! More Squats!"

Brilliant. This cover reinterpretation completely made my day.

bellethellama

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

petuniacat — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:43:05 EST

@hortense: She got married. I think, unfortunately, that's considered by Cosmo to be the ultimate fun, fearless thing a female can do. Cuz then you know, you can please him in 75 new ways all 365 days of the year.

petuniacat

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

tscheese — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:36:28 EST

Why are there all these "tips and tricks" for how to get a dude off? I mean, I know you can get creative with it, but basically? All you gotta do is find something, anything, that'll jerk the thing around enough to get off. I apologize for my lack of finesse, but it's strictly mechanics. It's not rocket science. And yet every issue of Cosmo is about "OMG I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK A P33N". Please.

I'd like to see more hard-hitting investigative journalism about the female orgasm. I think it's a more interesting topic because it's so much more complicated than getting a dude off. Not every lady gets off on the same thing. And the same thing doesn't even always work for me every time!

Forget the dudes. All they need is a toilet-paper tube, a banana peel, and a microwave.

tscheese

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Lazy Line Painter Jane — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:36:17 EST

I'm really glad that I went straight from reading Seventeen/CosmoGIRL as a pre-teen to reading JANE as a teen and I never had to make the stopover at Cosmo or Glamour. They always seemed to be written for a girl who didn't exist (a prettier Carrie Bradshaw) but lame-o ladies aspired to be anyway. The screaming headlines always looked desperate to me and even at thirteen i wondered why we needed so much help turning on the other sex when you should just be able to ask your partner what they liked.

Lazy Line Painter Jane

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Rebecca — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:34:25 EST

@ManchuCandidate: I was wondering why all the tips are needed, as well. Seems pretty easy, even when you're not trying.

Degree and timing? Well put! Love that. Funny how sometimes I don't care at all, other times, they are dead to me. Until I don't care again. I just have a bad memory I guess. I always forget I'm supposed to be pissed off.

Rebecca

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

hortense — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:32:59 EST

What, exactly, has Katherine Heigl done that could be considered "fearless"? Or fun, for that matter.

hortense

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

hamburgerhotdog — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:31:59 EST

I had a friend who worked at Cosmo. She admitted that every month she'd go find an old issue from the archives and pretty much rewrite a story, but add a few new slangwords to bring it up to date.

hamburgerhotdog

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

not.a.clever.name — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:31:55 EST

@ladyno: You have a good point. However, any non-accidental tickling violates the Great Tickle Truce of 2006 and opens the door to for him to tickle me. And the last time someone tickled me, I got sent home from her house for giving her a black eye.

not.a.clever.name

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

bananaballs — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:30:52 EST

@Make It Work: ooh, write a piece about the interview!

bananaballs

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Jeremy — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:29:52 EST

@pferde_schwanz: Yeah, not my cup of tea. Some guys dig it. *shrug*

Jeremy

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Lazy Line Painter Jane — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:29:44 EST

45 Ways to Get Closer seems like waaaaay too many reasons! How shitty is your relationship if you need that many ways to get him to like you? Most of the reasons are probably pretending that you like shit that they like.
...Pretend to root for the opposing football team even though you obviously don't know any of the rules- it will make for lots of flirty play arguing that could lead to another physical activity!

Lazy Line Painter Jane

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

MsMerlin — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:29:26 EST

@Ack: My "straw that broke the camel's back" moment with Cosmo was awhile back when they had some crazy article that was supposedly from a male's point of view, and he said, "If your girlfriend wants sex every night, you have a problem on your hands." Huh?? Lost all credibility with that one.

MsMerlin

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:29:18 EST

@notaclevername: That's a tough one, because having a dude laugh like a little French girl is a total turn on, right?

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

petuniacat — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:28:18 EST

@blondegrlz: DIY bandage dress coming to ivillage any day now!

petuniacat

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

petuniacat — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:27:18 EST

@BiscuitDoughJones: What about the ripping? I'd be afraid to sit down in it, for fear that it would tear at each of its 57 seams and leave my ass hanging out in the cold!

petuniacat

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz! — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:27:15 EST

@petuniacat: I think it looks like ace bandages...although if it's really Harve Ledger, then it's called the "bandage dress" so I guess that's the idea?

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

alloutofnice — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:27:01 EST

@pferde_schwanz: yup, my roommate has said issue of cosmo.

alloutofnice

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

ForeverBlueGirl — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:25:51 EST

Uhhhhhhh. *drool slips out*

Eye iz dummer nowe?

(major props)

ForeverBlueGirl

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

BiscuitDoughJones — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:24:58 EST

@blondegrlz: That dress sucks. Notice how few women wear them outside of photo shoots. That dress will find any bit of less-than-firm flesh on any woman and exaggerate the hell out of it. Don't even get me started on the horizontal striping.

BiscuitDoughJones

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

ManchuCandidate — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:24:56 EST

As a male, I enjoy reading the covers of Cosmo to get a good laugh while waiting in supermarket lineups. But I enjoyed the snarky comments even more.

As for the 30 billion ways to get a man off? What the hell's so complicated about it? No, seriously. Women? Well, I've found it to be a rather steep learning curve (but fun.)

Note to John Mayer. We males are all assholes, but it's a matter of degree and timing of our assholishness.

ManchuCandidate

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

nellicat — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:24:46 EST

Yep, GHB and roofies sure are "wacky!"

nellicat

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

hamburgerhotdog — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:24:44 EST

@blondegrlz: You know they had to talk her into wearing that shit. I bet the assistant threatened to take away her cigarettes until she put it on and took at least two or three pictures.

hamburgerhotdog

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

StrawBerryShortCake — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:23:49 EST

A Cosmo subscription is the female equivalent to a set of ninja swords.... a sure fire way to stay single for a long time!

StrawBerryShortCake

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

petuniacat — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:23:28 EST

@hamburgerhotdog: Agree! I believe last time a pic of it was up, I called it a vagina dress. Someone else said it looked as though it was made from the skin of an earthworm, which is also an apt description.

petuniacat

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

pferde_schwanz — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:23:24 EST

@Jeremy: wonderful.

pferde_schwanz

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

not.a.clever.name — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:23:08 EST

@ladyno: My boyfriend dislikes nipple action in the extreme because it's his tickle spot and makes him laugh like a tiny french girl.

not.a.clever.name

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Jeremy — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:22:06 EST

@pferde_schwanz: It's usually called a p-spot, and yes.

Jeremy

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Jeremy — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:21:45 EST

100% of anything isn't anything.

Jeremy

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

TakeBackWhatYouSaidAboutThor — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:21:33 EST

there was a time that i wanted so badly to work at Cosmopolitan and even went on an interview. Thank you, Nicole, for not believing I was fun and fearless enough to work for you.

TakeBackWhatYouSaidAboutThor

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

pferde_schwanz — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:20:44 EST

wait, what's "his g-spot" ? are they making this up? or does this involve a questionably-placed finger?

pferde_schwanz

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz! — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:19:38 EST

@hamburgerhotdog: Last time I criticized that dress, some troll called me fat and ugly. It was like 5 hours after the post but it still made me angry all evening. It really does look incredibly uncomfortable.

BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

alicetheowl — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:19:15 EST

So the John Mayer thing . . . does he explain why ALL men aren't assholes, why all men aren't ASSHOLES, or why all men are NOT assholes?

I'd like to read one of those articles, but it's probably not the one in the magazine.

alicetheowl

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Ack — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:19:04 EST

Ugh, I had a Cosmo subscription for years until last August, when I finally realized that their brand of "feminism" was nothing more a way to beat women down about their looks, wardrobe, relationships, etc. I had enough of their ridiculous fashion spreads, ludicrous relationship advice and crazy exercise tips, but the final straw was when I read an article that blamed women when their boyfriends cheat by saying "maybe you weren't acting jealous enough." Like when Tori Spelling's husband left his first wife to marry Tori Spelling, they actually said that because his wife encouraged him to be nice to Tori, instead of being jealous and controlling, it was partly her fault he left. Gah!!! I also never liked the fact that they constantly tried to make women feel like they were in imminent danger at all times. There was always one "You could die!!!" article every month. Yuck.

Ack

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:18:56 EST

I have never once slept with a guys who had any interest in nipple action. At all. They get creeped out to the max. Stick to the dick, that's my motto.

@hamburgerhotdog: It's like a sausage casing to me.

LadyNo Fondles Sweaters

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Hamsterpants — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:18:37 EST

@heathermylove: If she was sitting on the cooter couch from last week she'd look like a disembodied head.

Hamsterpants

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

DorothyZbornak — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:16:48 EST

This is awesome and hilarious!

DorothyZbornak

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

CorporateTool — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:16:29 EST

Favorite ever Cosmo article was basically "10 ways to turn on your man," one of which was, and I am not kidding here, to walk around naked. Unsurprisingly, guys like naked chicks. In the same issue were tales of surprise orgasm, to which I must say: I can has?

CorporateTool

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

AthertonMerriweather — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:16:14 EST

I can't find scrunchies at any of the stores in my town. Can I replace it with a hairclip?

AthertonMerriweather

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Jessica Hussein Lovejoy: BRB, getting Rahm'ed — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:15:46 EST

You totally left out a Cosmo fave:

This Woman Was Just Like You!
AND NOW SHE'S DEAD
An investigative report

Jessica Hussein Lovejoy: BRB, getting Rahm'ed

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

ceejeemcbeegee — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:15:11 EST

Katherine Heigl: We Airbrushed Everything...Except Her Snaggle-tooth ('cuz we're bitches like that)!

ceejeemcbeegee

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

hatepaperdoll — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:14:57 EST

@Archetype: I'm sure another one has something to do with handling his testicles in a way they should probably never be handled.

hatepaperdoll

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Vintage1983 — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:14:24 EST

@sheistolerable: Before this article, I didn't even know that the woman on top position existed. Thanks, Cosmo!

Vintage1983

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Flackette is a Red State Elitist — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:13:26 EST

This illustrates my biggest complaint about sex articles in women's magazines: they're all about how to get HIM off. And the men's magazines just offer tips to GET a girl to get HIM off.

Phallic-centric sex indeed.

Flackette is a Red State Elitist

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Leiakat — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:13:03 EST

If they tell me one more time that massaging my guy's nipples is the key, I'm going to scream.

Leiakat

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

incurable paranoiac — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:12:28 EST

"What Major Should You Choose?"

-Three out of five GUYS(!!) say history majors turn them on!

incurable paranoiac

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

hortense — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:11:50 EST

LOL @ "Nighttime beauty tips because we know you sleep alone". Tremendous.

hortense

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

incurable paranoiac — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:11:38 EST

I love it.

incurable paranoiac

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

elitza — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:10:57 EST

*applause*

elitza

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

alloutofnice — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:10:45 EST

Arouse Him Like Crazy, or, rephrasing that same article about getting a guy off for the 23178th time

alloutofnice

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

The HZA. — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:10:30 EST

@hamburgerhotdog: HAHAHA. Vag dress.

The HZA.

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

pferde_schwanz — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:10:28 EST

@hortense: agreed. whoever designed this needs to implode.

pferde_schwanz

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Tara Incognita — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:10:03 EST

@hamburgerhotdog: Oh God, and now you made me think of the vagina puppet on Tyra.

*laughs*

Tara Incognita

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Archetype — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:09:48 EST

Please tell me about the "3 Ways to Embarrass Yourself." I haven't read Cosmo for years and I am intrigued.

One them has to be a finger up the butt.

Archetype

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

HoneyLush — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:09:46 EST

haha patronizing a$$hole, oh man I couldn't have said it better myself!
*continues laughing*

HoneyLush

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

battleaxonista — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:09:43 EST

Hmm, now that you mention it that dress does seem like a large, fruity ribbed-condom...

battleaxonista

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Macloserboy — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:09:38 EST

Speaking of Katherine Heigl it's the week after 27 Dresses opened and not one post about it? I saw it and Teeth this weekend and enjoyed them both more than Cloverfield and all three of them were about genre cliches.

Macloserboy

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

sheistolerable — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:09:10 EST

What, you guys don't like woman on top?

sheistolerable

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

Tara Incognita — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:09:02 EST

I love the "fun fearless female" shit. I makes me think of someone farting in an elevator and then laughing and pointing at someone else.

Tara Incognita

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

hamburgerhotdog — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:08:44 EST

I know it's been said before, but that dress is like reinterpetation of a vagina made out of pink seatbelts

hamburgerhotdog

45 Ways To Seem Even More Clingy, And Other Things You'll Learn In This Month's Cosmo

hortense — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:07:39 EST

Oh yes! Finally John Mayer will tell me why all guys aren't assholes!

This cover represents everything that is wrong with everything.

hortense