Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of???????? - Jezebel Comments

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Hez — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:16:20 EDT

@vlvtjones: Just as likely it's not hers.
@QueenCanada: Is Smoove still around? Now there's a man who could treat a shithot lactard like myself to some of the finest margarine the world has to offer. Unlike the creamed bullshit on toast that is this jagoff is serving.

Hez

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Ashila — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 01:07:05 EDT

TLDNR.

Ashila

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

LucyTuzy — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 20:44:44 EDT

@ Dreamermarie: Thank you! I was waiting for the part where I give him my banking information and eventually get my million dollar payout.

LucyTuzy

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

nutbastard: Don't blame me i voted for Ron Paul edition — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 18:59:10 EDT

wow, looks like *someone* lost their virginity!

nutbastard: Don't blame me i voted for Ron Paul edition

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

AmazonRedheadedUberVixen — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 12:39:39 EDT

@Rabmonk006: Right "on" . . . . you hit the . . . . "nail" on the head????. . . .with that "quip" . . .

AmazonRedheadedUberVixen

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

DreamerMarie — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 12:38:54 EDT

Is he a Nigerian scammer? He sure writes like one.

DreamerMarie

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

PhillyLass — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 11:54:23 EDT

And no man should ever use the term "lovemaking" even if he's madly in love with his partner.

PhillyLass

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

PhillyLass — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 11:53:36 EDT

Maybe those facial expressions Dionna mistook were really indications of Pete's dullness. He must have been confounded by the smart things she wrote on those flashcards.

PhillyLass

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

whynotshesaid — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 11:01:37 EDT

I love how they were attached at the hip for seven straight weeks, yet still couldn't find a way to spend an entire day together.

whynotshesaid

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

QueenCanada — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 10:53:28 EDT

"Lovemaking" is creepy and should only be used by teenagers who don't know any better. I could only read about half of it without thinking, "I hope she changes her phone number and email address." On the lighter side, it read like a Smoove B column from The Onion, which I kinda enjoyed.

QueenCanada

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

katastic — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 10:26:39 EDT

@ae38: Girl, omce a week is a boyfriend. A kinda asexual boyfriend, but a boyfriend nonetheless. If you want it that much, you have to accept you probably want more.

katastic

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

katastic — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 10:24:57 EDT

I want to beat him with a grammar book, 'weather' or not he likes it. Extra loathing points for "gratuitous" "misuse" of "quotes".

katastic

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Pope John Peeps II — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 10:10:43 EDT

Who's talking about kids after a couple weeks? Weirder still, who's the girl who's apparently egging on this creepo?

Pope John Peeps II

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

vlvtjones — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 10:09:14 EDT

Peut-etre English is not his primary language, non?

vlvtjones

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

collegecallgirl — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 09:56:52 EDT

I don't trust dudes who refer to sex as "lovemaking."

collegecallgirl

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

dayglo — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 09:35:30 EDT

@sheistolerable: I agree with you. I only get to fuck my real-life actual-relationship boyfriend about once a week (twice if I'm lucky)

fbuddies should be limited to once a month... maybe twice.

And he needs to leave directly afterwards. No sleeping over.

Otherwise, srsly, dudes will get emotional. Trust me. They will start to think you really love them you are just "scared of committment".

dayglo

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

hamburgerhotdog — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 08:50:53 EDT

Oh my god, I am 80% sure I dated the same guy. I mean, the emails were eerily similar.

hamburgerhotdog

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

warmaiden — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 08:07:37 EDT

@sheistolerable: oh dear. i think I'm dating.

Shee-yit.

warmaiden

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Ship_GWB_To_BAGHDAD — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:35:46 EDT

Lord I love me some crazy Tomasina Cruz!

Ship_GWB_To_BAGHDAD

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Ship_GWB_To_BAGHDAD — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:34:44 EDT

It didn't work because it's Diana, not Dionna Bitch!!

Ship_GWB_To_BAGHDAD

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Rabmonk006 — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:25:47 EDT

Anyone else.... read... this.. and feel like... it was written by.... william.. shatner???? BAAAABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rabmonk006

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

dollywould — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:22:49 EDT

@Anchor McHottieMan: Thank you! Now I am wondering if I ever had any classes with this douche.

dollywould

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

sheistolerable — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:04:56 EDT

P.S. Seven weeks?! BAHAHAHAHA

sheistolerable

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

sheistolerable — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:04:31 EDT

@ae38: As long as I only get it from the boyfriend once a week YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HOOK UP WITH YOUR FUCKBUDDY MORE THAN THAT. Kthx. There ought to be some benefits attached to drinking with his friends and meeting the parents and regular bootay is one of them.

sheistolerable

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Kitts — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:00:35 EDT

I can't read this without hearing it in Valley Girl uptalk.

"Okay, so like, when ....you said loved me? When you were all like "oh my Gawd Pete I totally want to, like, have your children"??? When you were like... it was like the most awesomest lovemaking in your life??? Were those, like, real for you too and stuff??" *snaps gum*

Kitts

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

PutinMuscles — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 22:56:40 EDT

weather?...oh boy!

PutinMuscles

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

funnyface — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 22:46:37 EDT

@JazzSquare: University of Missouri at Columbia. AKA Mizzou. I certainly hope his writing skills aren't the product of their journalism department, which is one of the best in the nation.

funnyface

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

bananappeal — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 21:46:01 EDT

"I respect your initiative to work on the flash cards." The word "initiative" troubles me!!! Could you help Dyannah???

bananappeal

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Anchor McHottieMan — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 21:14:18 EDT

On behalf of Mizzou alumni everywhere, I'd just like to apologize for this idiot. I swear he was like that before he got to college.

Anchor McHottieMan

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

The HZA. — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 21:04:30 EDT

@warmaiden: I know. I am so excited. I always have dreamed of pummeling jerks with gigantic q-tips.

The HZA.

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

lisas — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:58:54 EDT

If they met on the Internet, then she knew about the punctuation before they went out. In the words of Judge Judy the Wise, "YOU PICKED HIM, MADAM."

...I hope that doesn't count as blaming the victim.

lisas

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

lucylooo — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:42:04 EDT

Wow, I am seriously underestimating those guys in emo bands - I mean, in between making douchey clothing lines and opening douchey hipster bars, Pete Wentz _still_ has time to write heartfelt douchey emails, too! Way to multi-task, Pete!

Damn, my mom was right - using exclamation points really _is_ contagious.

lucylooo

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

WonderWoman — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:40:26 EDT

ellipses are not for amateurs!(!!!!!!!!!!)

WonderWoman

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

ae38 — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:33:51 EDT

@rocknrollunicorn: Thank you!! That's exactly what I said!

[/Feeling vindicated]

ae38

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

rocknrollunicorn — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:21:14 EDT

@ae38: depends on the type of fbuddy. If it's a drunken fbuddy and you're on a weekend bender, twice is ok. I think one time a week if it's all sober sex, though. Otherwise you might be dating.

rocknrollunicorn

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

TheFormerJuneBronson — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:18:58 EDT

When a man uses the word "lovemaking" non-ironically, it's Crap Email all the way!

TheFormerJuneBronson

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

ae38 — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:04:30 EDT

1) I could not read - head almost exploded. I really tried, too. I'm just not in that place anymore where I can decipher the undecipherable.

2) Just to throw it out there, on a random aside, how many times is too many to hook up with your f*** buddy during a given week? Random 2 hr conversation I just had with a friend during a very long lunch. I say no more than once a week.

ae38

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

foree k. — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:01:10 EDT

@AmazonRedheadedUberVixen: fuck, thats funny.

foree k.

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

ecs — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 20:00:52 EDT

So if the looks he wasn't making should "be preceived" as thinking she's stupid, what was he thinking about? Or did he have to do a nervous poo?

ecs

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Mrs. DeLesseps To You, Dahling — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:50:47 EDT

Place your bets on she of the Diana-type name having "childbearing hips". OK, I'm gonna quit commenting. Carry on.

Mrs. DeLesseps To You, Dahling

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

PrettyBitch — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:49:23 EDT

@warmaiden: totally true! and if you can't wait for it to return, you can watch the old shows on ESPN classic (who knew i'd be so grateful to have that channel!).

PrettyBitch

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

Mrs. DeLesseps To You, Dahling — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:46:47 EDT

He looks at her like she's stupid, but says he doesn't, but he obviously does or he would not have offered that up as one of the problems, right? Doesn't know her name. But he'd know those hips anywhere...!!! She has flash cards, and he says PREceive. Jesus. Seining the slime at the bottom of the gene pool here. (Unless she makes flash cards for little kids she teaches or something, then I take it back. About her.)...!!!...!!!

Mrs. DeLesseps To You, Dahling

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

drunkexpatwriter — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:36:21 EDT

If, after seven weeks of dating, you don't know how to spell your girlfriend's name, you deserve to be dumped.

Plus, what the fuck is up with his obsession with having children with her? He talks about that more than he does about wanting to be with her.

It's like he looks at her as breeding stock.

Almost like he's gay but wanting to have kids as a rock solid beard.

drunkexpatwriter

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

kharleighbeigh — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:27:39 EDT

@AmazonRedheadedUberVixen: LOLZ at him apparently not knowing her fucking name. Wonder why she's over it, hmm. (.......??????)

kharleighbeigh

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

rocknrollunicorn — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:22:45 EDT

Wait, there were looks he gave that implied SHE was stupid? Was she aware of his obsession with ellipses when she interpreted these looks?

rocknrollunicorn

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

LAkeywhore — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:20:29 EDT

Why does Diana/Dionna need flash cards for her work??!??!

LAkeywhore

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

stupidaol — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:19:51 EDT

nope, can't even read it straight through... is he like 15? I know that younger kids feel that !! and ?? is strangely apt. maybe they are ahead of their times?

stupidaol

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

evilqueenmagda — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:14:57 EDT

I got really excited for a minute, thinking that this was my ex, playing the fool, yet again. But then I remembered he barely understands email and the internet and realized he wouldn't know how to forward something to a friend to have it end up here. Bummer.

evilqueenmagda

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

ewabeachbum — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:03:13 EDT

I like how they were "connected at the hip" but never "did got the chance" to spend more than a day together. Seven weeks of this would be eight weeks too many for me.

ewabeachbum

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

JazzSquare — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:01:27 EDT

Who!!! are the...Missouri Tigers???

JazzSquare

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

warmaiden — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:01:06 EDT

@petuniacat: Ah, ladies, this is why librarians like myself never throw ANYthing away...posterity, and all.

warmaiden

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

AmazonRedheadedUberVixen — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 19:00:32 EDT

Pete,

You CAN "have one connected long term relationship with someone [you] feel will be the best thing for" you . . . . your shrink. Might I strongly suggest . . . . that you call him/her NOW.

I am going . . . . to go consult my attorney now . . . . about a restraining order.

Leave . . . . . me alone.

Diana/Dionna/Whatever my name is

AmazonRedheadedUberVixen

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

petuniacat — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 18:58:22 EDT

@Skinny Bone Jones: Same here. I throw them all away, which is a shame. I definitely could have made a significant contribution to Crap Email From a Dude.

petuniacat

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

SBJ — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 18:57:17 EDT

PS. Both my GF and I were lamenting, last night, at how fantastical I am at purging all forms of communication from exes. Because, boy, have I had some truly amazing crap emails.

SBJ

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

warmaiden — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 18:55:38 EDT

@heathermylove: Ooh, speaking of, I heard from a pal in the know that American Gladiators is coming back. No shit.

I hearted Laser, and Ice was one badass woman...

warmaiden

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

SBJ — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 18:55:29 EDT

Fucking lengthy. Jesus.

Also? It's so, so tragic when lovers who can't write for shit try real hard anyway, because they are so utterly bereft at being left.

Yes, I rhymed that on purpose. So?

SBJ

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

warmaiden — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 18:55:07 EDT

We should send this guy...to the Iraq!!! For the children...and such!!!

Baby!!!

Holy crap. My eyes burn and my fingers itch with wanting to take a red pen to this shit. Who was his composition prof, and can I kill them?

warmaiden

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

petuniacat — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 18:54:24 EDT

We need more information about the gum and the sand. I'm really baffled. I mean...I am so...baffled!!!!! Diana!!!!

petuniacat

Dear Diana, Baby, I Love You!!!!!! So What Are You So Afraid Of????????

The HZA. — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 18:52:34 EDT

Wow, he has all the writing skills of a 14 year old kid who is really into anime.

I fucking hate it when people say "work arena." Like what the fuck? Is their job to be a gladiator?

The HZA.