Would You Have Sex With Mark Cuban?

Welcome to Would U?, an academic forum in which I share my gross crush of the week and ask if you, too, would bang that person.

Mark Cuban is a 56-year-old Mavericks owner and Shark Tank investor who enjoys sports, Cantonese food, and telling it like it is. Would you have sex with him?

I mean, let’s see here: He has an incredibly robust head of hair, he’s apparently amazing in Sharknado 3, and he would probably share some hurtful suggestions that would ultimately push my sexual technique to the next level. Bonus: despite being a multi-billionaire, Cubes doesn’t take himself too seriously! Pretty sure I would!

As always, however, the staff of Jezebel found themselves at painful odds.

Bobby Finger: Omg would

Erin Ryan: I bet he makes the worst faces

Erin Ryan: I would smash because I’d be curious about how weird he’d make it

Erin Ryan: But I bet he’d try really hard

Kate Dries: I wish men still wore short-shorts

Jia Tolentino: I WOULD LITERALLY DO ANYTHING TO FUCK CUBES

Anna Merlan: He probably gets drunk and is like man let me tell you what I’m great at

Emma Carmichael: No

Kara Brown: No

Jia Tolentino: WOW. CLEARLY…. NO SHARK TANK VIEWERS IN THE NO PILE

Emma Carmichael: I respect him but I do not want to fuck him

Erin Ryan: Haven’t you ever heard of a respect-fuck?

Jia Tolentino: HE IS SO AUTHORITATIVE ON SHARK TANK

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: I would not fuck Cube

Kate Dries: I’d have sex with him, I thought that was clear, we’ve talked about this before

Madeleine Davies: I am a no

Madeleine Davies: Nothing turns me off more than an exceedingly rich white business man

Clover Hope: Would, probably.

Let’s take it to the polls!

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Last time on Would U?, we asked: Would you have sex with Miguel while a pair of minions looked on? 38% of you said “Yes, but the minions would detract from my overall experience,” 26% said “Yes, I wouldn’t even notice,” 21% said “No, I wouldn’t have sex with Miguel,” 8% said “Yes, what a steamy scenario!” and 7% said “No, I’m not a sicko!”