Women Are Paying to Remove Their Resting Bitch Faces, for Some Reason

There are many ways in which having a resting bitch face is a useful asset, the main one being that strangers rarely attempt to engage with you while you’re riding the train or reading a book alone in a bar. Why would anyone intentionally sacrifice that? For what? Looking personable?! Looking personable is how you wind up listening to a man in a fedora lecture you on soil erosion for six subway stops. No thank you!

Weirdly, not everyone seems to feel this (the correct) way about the merits of their resting bitch faces. According to the New York Post, there’s been a major uptick in women seeking plastic surgery to get their expressions “corrected”—at least one doctor has seen requests for treatment nearly double in the past year.

In order to fashion one’s face into something that says “Please, tell me about your keto experience, I have nothing I’d rather be doing,” doctors use fillers and Botox to reduce their client’s marionette lines and re-angle their mouths. Instead of enjoying the protective benefits of a natural, dead-eyed scowl, clients walk away with a look that’s more open and receptive to conversation/street harassment. This gift costs somewhere between $500 and $5,000.

Hope Davis, who works in medical equipment sales, says she got her bitch face removed after she noticed photos of herself looking “mad in the middle of the party.” Now, she says, “Nobody can quite put their finger on it, but they notice something’s different. People have definitely complimented me saying, ‘Oh you look so pretty and cute today.’”

According to Dr. David Shafer, Botox is the most effective tool in combating mad face. “If you always look dumpy, or unfriendly…people are going to react to you differently.”

I hope you all enjoy a lifetime of approachability. Personally, I will stick with my dumpy, unfriendly face and enjoy the innumerable merits of being left alone.