There are people whose craziness could be solved with a little ADD, and then there are people whose craziness is more on par with cutting an ear off and sending it in an envelope return-addressed GREENDALE SCHOOL to girls that dis them. And then there is this guy, who is a whole nother level of crazy you could probably spend the next year trying to wrap your head around but suffice it to say she JUST WASN'T THAT INTO HIM. I don't know the details, because the sender was just like "I dated this guy for two months, if you want to run some of his poetry I can get it for you." And truly, readers, it was only after mulling the notion of running this guy's poetry that I began to understand why the Pentagon gets all mad when Al Jazeera runs Bin Laden footage. Discussion topics: does this mean hell really is other people, and that we therefore have to believe in it now? Also: were people like this why you took up binge drinking in college? Print this one out for the ride home; it's one for the history books.