Image via Giphy/Halo Top.

Real news outlet Reuters reports this week that fake ice cream brand Halo Top may soon be sold by its manufacturer, Eden Creamery LLC, for “as much as $2 billion.” The company, named after the biblical version of paradise where things weren’t as great as they seemed, “is hoping to capitalize on the appetite of big food companies for premium and healthy ice cream brands” now that consumers are less interested in real (read: more caloric and better tasting) ice cream.

I am personally disgusted by this news, as Halo Top’s use of stevia, “milk protein concentrate,” and “guar gum” in place of milk, cream, and (more) sugar—not to mention its unpleasant, grainy texture—should prevent it from identifying as “ice cream.” (Despite the fact that its percentage of milk fat is over the 10% required for the categorization by the FDA.)

Advertisement

You want to sell yourself as a lower-calorie, dairy-centric, sweet treat that’s stored in freezer? Fine. But don’t call yourself ice cream. You are not Ben & Jerry’s. You are not Blue Bell. You are not Spumoni Gardens. You are, at best, an “ice cream product” or “frozen dairy dessert,” and I cannot believe the snake oil stevia-leaf salesmen responsible for your sudden ubiquity are likely to make billions off of this con.