Starbucks has revealed its new lineup of “wait, what?” Frappuccino flavors, which seriously include Cotton Candy and Cupcake. Should you try ’em?
Of course. The six new flavors—all chosen because they’re the most ordered fan favorites off Starbucks’ “secret menu”—sound incredibly yummy-gross: Lemon Bar, Caramel Cocoa Cluster, Cotton Candy, Cinnamon Roll, Cupcake and Red Velvet Cake.
These “Fan Flavor Frapp” options are seasonal for now, but one of them will be voted in as a regular menu item. (If your life is boring, feel free to vote on Frappuccino.com, starting June 19. The winner will be announced on July 3).
Cosmo already tasted each flavor and ranked them from “most to least delicious.” I have not tasted any of them. Here they are ranked from best to worst, and what sort of person should order them:
1. Caramel Cocoa Cluster - If you spill food all over yourself (and then frown) a lot
2. Red Velvet Cake - If you shed sugar tears when Crumbs Bake Shop shut down
3. Cupcake - If you window shop at Dylan’s Candy Bar with a resting bitch face
4. Lemon Bar - For bankers
5. Cotton Candy - If you frequent EDM clubs and scream “I love this music!” to a stranger every Saturday night
6. Cinnamon Roll - If you eat two Cinnabons in one sitting while licking your frosted lips and repeating, “This is amazing.”
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.