The grandson of noted mobster John Gotti was married in one of the most gloriously absurd weddings that maybe did or did not happen the way it has been reported it happened.

If you watched terrible television circa 2004, you may remember the much too shorted-lived A&E series, Growing Up Gotti, which featured John Gotti’s daughter Victoria raising three Jersey Shore extras she calls sons in a fabulously gaudy mansion in New Jersey.

The groom and middle son John Gotti Agnello grew up a tad....

And married a young lady named Alina Sanchez in an event that somewhat appropriately resembled an actual bank robbery (via the New York Post).

The lavish wedding of John Gotti’s grandson would have made the Dapper Don proud: Guests were shaken down for minimum gifts of $5,000 and gangsters had to stagger their appearances to avoid unlawful contact with fellow criminals, The Post has learned.

In a scene straight out of “The Godfather,” well-wishers arriving at John Agnello’s wedding last weekend deposited their envelopes in an “elegant birdcage” by the door, sources said.

With a reported 500 guests, that comes out to maybe $2.5 million in wedding gifts if you assume that plus ones were also subject to this rule. What I care more about, however, is how elegant and how birdcage-y this “elegant birdcage” actually was. How large must a birdcage be in order to store $2.5 million? Does the size impact the elegance of the thing?

Apparently the wedding ran from 5 pm on Friday to 1 pm on Saturday in order to accommodate a slew of criminally inclined guests who had to come in waves—as you do.

“Felons can’t consort together,” one source said.

“You have to stagger the felons. That’s standard mob procedure.”

Sources also said there was “enough security to guard an army.”

The groom’s father, Carmine “The Bull” Agnello, showed up with two law enforcement officers who stood guard at the doors, one source said.

Perhaps my favorite part of the wedding is the list of celebrity guests whose past roles as mobsters have seemingly deluded them into thinking that they blend in with a crew of felons.

Guests included John Travolta, who is set to portray the late John Gotti in a planned biopic, and his actress wife, Kelly Preston, as well as “Entourage” actor Kevin Connolly, who was recently tapped to direct the oft-delayed flick.

Also attending were “Goodfellas” actress Debi Mazar and Drena De Niro, the daughter of Robert De Niro.

HOW IS THIS REAL? It may not be, that’s how.

A spokesman for Victoria Gotti said, “I think whomever is creating these stories has watched ‘The Godfather’ one too many times.”

Frankly, it really doesn’t matter to me how real or fake any of this is. These sources need to come together and get cracking on the screenplay for Father of the Bride: The Mob Years. It would be the completely unbelievably, terrifically tacky, genre-bending Rom Com/Mobster film that we all deserve.


Contact the author at kara.brown@jezebel.com .

Images via Getty, Victoria Gotti’s Twitter and John Gotti Agnello’s Instagram.