The Uplifting Tale Of One Bro's Fledgling Japanese Sex Toy AddictionS

Ever seen a blog post about a weird sex toy designed to simulate the feeling of a vagina and thought, what kind of a lonely fuck would use one of those? The same chairsniffers who buy used women's underwear off ebay? I mean, probably. But also: Male journo-bloggers who are doing it "as a joke."

Full disclosure: I guess I'm a little to blame for setting BroBible's David Covucci and his hapless broworkers on their respective downward spirals of sexual depravity; one night in December, I was perusing the ADULT section of Fab.com (as a lady is wont to do), I found these disposable blow job sleeves that looked a little like what kids on the playground used to (politically incorrectly) refer to as "Chinese handcuffs." And I tweeted about them, jokingly, as a fun last minute gift idea. Inspired by a new world of possibility to which I'd apparently introduced him, Covucci contacted the company, which happily provided him with a wide array of fuck sleeves at no cost.

Normally, the Dudes Putting Their Dicks In Things genre isn't my first choice for reading material, but Covucci's honest, self deprecating, and slightly graphic tale of doing it with various plastic tubes (and convincing all of his coworkers at BroBible to take home plastic) is surprisingly engaging, although one of the diagrams in particular — for an implement called the "Flip Hole" that retails for $110 — and one of the product names in particular — "Hole lotion"— really brought out my wretch reflex. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR PREFERRED JERKOFF HAND, GUYS?!

Read the whole thing and be glad you don't have a dick.