For those of you faced with crippling depression over the horrifying state of the U.S. housing market, I have wonderful news!
Wooden Wonders custom designs and builds Hobbit Hole playhouses and chicken coops, as well as larger custom Hobbit Holes for a wide variety of possible uses including garden sheds, cottages, saunas and studios.
Seriously, who wants a McMansion in some sub-par school district, when you can set up shop in the Shire (aka that patch of muddy grass behind the 7-Eleven downtown) in your very own totally amazing and real Hobbit Hole!
Just think about all the time you and Legolas or Viggo Mortensen could spend, lounging on the vast veranda of your 8' x 4' Hobbit Hole, sipping tea and reminiscing about that time you saved Middle Earth from a plague of rampaging Orcs.
And now, Jezebel Theater presents a real life, actual recreation of what happened at the precise moment I learned that Hobbit Holes exist:
Me: OHHHH MAAAH GAWD CALL THE MORTGAGE COMPANY AND CANCEL ALL MY HOUSE PURCHASE SHIT I AM BUYING ONE OF THESE OOOOOOOMMMMMMGAAAAGW.
Sensible Friend: Umm. I don't think you need a actual mortgage to buy one of these. I think they take coupons from Chuck E. Cheese.
Me: Don't be a dream killer.
Sensible Friend: Seriously, that thing is made for little kids. And chickens. In fact, I'm actually pretty sure they actually sell these as chicken coops.
Me: You are so closed-minded. We are only what we envision ourselves to be in the inner eye of our soul. We are all chickens to the universe.
Sensible Friend: OK. How tall are you in the 'inner eye of your soul'? Because these things are like four feet high.
Me: WE CAN SCOOCH DOWN.
Sensible Friend: Scooch down? For the rest of your life?
Me: [Closes eyes; envisions a perfect life as Legolas' best friend in a Hobbit Hole] Yes.
[CURTAIN DROPS; THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE]
Seriously, who wants to shack up in a Hobbit Hole with me? Let us leave this world behind and embrace the world of the Hobbitses.
SHUN THE MODERN WORLD. SHUN IT WITH ME.
Images via Wooden Wonders