For those of you faced with crippling depression over the horrifying state of the U.S. housing market, I have wonderful news!

Hobbit Holes exist!

Wooden Wonders custom designs and builds Hobbit Hole playhouses and chicken coops, as well as larger custom Hobbit Holes for a wide variety of possible uses including garden sheds, cottages, saunas and studios.

Seriously, who wants a McMansion in some sub-par school district, when you can set up shop in the Shire (aka that patch of muddy grass behind the 7-Eleven downtown) in your very own totally amazing and real Hobbit Hole!

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Just think about all the time you and Legolas or Viggo Mortensen could spend, lounging on the vast veranda of your 8' x 4' Hobbit Hole, sipping tea and reminiscing about that time you saved Middle Earth from a plague of rampaging Orcs.

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And now, Jezebel Theater presents a real life, actual recreation of what happened at the precise moment I learned that Hobbit Holes exist:

[CURTAIN RAISES]

Me: OHHHH MAAAH GAWD CALL THE MORTGAGE COMPANY AND CANCEL ALL MY HOUSE PURCHASE SHIT I AM BUYING ONE OF THESE OOOOOOOMMMMMMGAAAAGW.

Sensible Friend: Umm. I don't think you need a actual mortgage to buy one of these. I think they take coupons from Chuck E. Cheese.

Me: Don't be a dream killer.

Sensible Friend: Seriously, that thing is made for little kids. And chickens. In fact, I'm actually pretty sure they actually sell these as chicken coops.

Me: You are so closed-minded. We are only what we envision ourselves to be in the inner eye of our soul. We are all chickens to the universe.

Sensible Friend: OK. How tall are you in the 'inner eye of your soul'? Because these things are like four feet high.

Me: WE CAN SCOOCH DOWN.

Sensible Friend: Scooch down? For the rest of your life?

Me: [Closes eyes; envisions a perfect life as Legolas' best friend in a Hobbit Hole] Yes.

[CURTAIN DROPS; THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE]

Seriously, who wants to shack up in a Hobbit Hole with me? Let us leave this world behind and embrace the world of the Hobbitses.

SHUN THE MODERN WORLD. SHUN IT WITH ME.

Images via Wooden Wonders