Divine providence shines upon us this hallowed morn: Justin Bieber has shaved his mustache.
The mustache has cleaved to Bieber's face like a demonic shadow through many of his darker moments: during his deposition, it shrugged and made a smug facial expression along with him; it, too, taunted Orlando Bloom in Ibiza; it was solely responsible for this Instagram, captioned "Beard game strong lol."
In the video, posted on Instagram, Biebs puts his mustache very close to the camera — like, too close for comfort — and whispers, "R.I.P., stache." He then includes an even closer-up shot, in case you were wondering if hell is for real.
Sadly, you do not get to experience firsthand the 'stache falling under the blade, but it's followed with an image of clean-shaven Bieber, with the caption, "Ur boy got rid of his stash." Indeed he did. Praise be. [Instagram]
Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin went to a vineyard together. According to E!: "'The setting was super-romantic. They watched the sun go down together, then quietly left," [an insider said], noting that it's believed the two both sampled wines." AS LEGEND WOULD HAVE IT, THE TWO BOTH SAMPLED WINES. [E!]
Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez broke up because they were haunted by the beautiful ghost of Carachelle, the most glorious former celebrity couple in all of the universe. Specifically, everyone on the goddamn yacht ("the Ecstasea") would not stop talking about Cara Delevingne. Hate when that happens. [E!]
- This is a VERY IMPORTANT video of One Direction bringing a three-year-old on stage and wishing him a happy birthday. If you listen closely, you can hear the frenzied screams of thousands of teens who have just gone into heat. [ONTD]
- Gwyneth Paltrow took the ice bucket challenge and nominated Chris Martin, which is important because this article about it is entitled "Literal Coldplay!" [E!]
- The people responsible for the VMAs have apparently not performed a warding spell to keep Miley Cyrus out. [E!]
- More famous people are joining the cast of the Jungle Book: Cate Blanchett will voice the python Kaa and Christian Bale will voice the panther Bagheera. [NY Daily News]
- Melissa Joan Hart dyed her hair red. (FUN MELISSA JOAN HART FACT: Leslie from this season of Masterchef is her stepdad.) [HuffPo]
- The rumor that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are breaking up over her "Sex Monster Party Pal," which is something I hadn't heard about, is FALSE. But it's not every day that one hears the phrase "Sex Monster Party Pal," so I just wanted to repeat it. [Gossip Cop]
- Tom Hanks' typewriter app is now the #1 iPad app. Petition to replace every app with something dreamed up by a celebrity. [Newser]
- Nicki Minaj says she was drunk during the Drake lap dance scene in the "Anaconda" video. Same. [MTV]
- Sammi and Ronnie from Jersey Shore have broken up. [Perez Hilton]
- So have Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp. [People]
- As a reminder, so have Justin Bieber and his moustache.