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Your "friends" are probably telling you not to read the indictment. (You know what indictment! The one charging your Ponzi sheming ex, Raffaello Follieri. Look, only 18 pages. It's not a script) And let me tell you something, Anne, and this is beside the point, but those same fucking friends avoiding the topic, telling you reading all the press will only be "painful" are also secretly ordering your light Frappuccinos REGULAR, and marking the side of the plastic cup with their own sharpies so that you THINK they're light even though they taste "deceptively" high fructose. Okay, maybe they're not, but the point is, I bet you are perceptive enough to distinguish a real Frappuccino from a Splenda-sweetened one but the man you loved held himself out to be the CFO of the Fucking Vatican and the whole time he was nothing but a uniquely shameless Italian con artist living in a $90,000 a month apartment with a $60,000 housecleaning service you NEVER KNEW THE DIFFERENCE. You, Anne, are kind of stupid; this is your intervention; most pretty girls in this country never get one so consider yourself blessed. Not that I know you, I am just speculating, not on the basis of the fact that you just likened making out with Steve Carell to a "yummy lollipop" but on the basis that you once called "charity work" such an "aphrodisiac," which would be an idiotic thing to say if your boyfriend was the Pope himself, but ha ha, no, you probably just thought he was friends with the Pope. Which brings me to my very fave part of this indictment: More »
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