Last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules should be repurposed as some sort of PSA targeting young women who need to learn about the type of men they absolutely should not date. It was a rare moment of honesty for the show, then appropriately ruined with the shameless and exquisite self-absorption of the cast.

Ariana, who usually dwells rather quietly in the background, threw herself a kid-themed adult 30th birthday party. The event happened to coincide with a decision by the men in the group to go on a guy’s trip to Las Vegas.

The seeds of a “Vegas trip” were planted in last week’s episode and dragged on into this one. Katie was upset about her boyfriend (Tom) Schwartz going because he’s an irresponsible man-child, especially because the last time we saw him go to Las Vegas, he made out with some other girl.

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Jax’s girlfriend Kentucky (that’s not her real name but she keeps getting called that and I can’t remember her real name) didn’t care if he went because apparently she’s never seen this show before.

Ariana seemed most upset about her boyfriend Tom bouncing the day after her birthday to go on the boy’s trip. This is understandable even if you only view it as a dick move on Tom’s party to leave right after his girlfriend’s birthday, but Ariana reveals during the party that her reasons for not wanting him to go are much deeper.

Ariana’s father died suddenly two years ago and, naturally, milestone moments like her 30th birthday are more difficult to her. She very plainly explains this to Tom, which then results in either one of the most tone-deaf reactions ever recorded on film or some masterful work by the Vanderpump Rules editing team—probably some combination of both.

I love the touch of Tom deliberately missing the point by going on about how he’ll always be there for her...just not in this particular instance.

Tom and the boys do indeed end up going to Vegas and yes, they do crush shit with bulldozers.

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Later on, Lisa Vanderpump, playing the role of the only real adult on this entire program, talks to Ariana about Tom leaving, basically trying to get her to understand how inappropriate it is.

Ariana explains that she should have told Tom sooner about how she was feeling, which perhaps explains the Vegas trip insofar that it would have already been planned by the time she talked to Tom. But still. Still. I think it’s pretty damn clear to every sensible person who understands how relationships work that that Tom shouldn’t have gone on a voluntary trip to Vegas.

The episode trudges on with the abandoned ladies and one gay man having a slumber party where they take tequila shots and make-out with each other to show the boys what they’re missing. The plan was unsurprisingly rather effective.

Meanwhile, the guys get wasted and engage in a lot of homoerotic pranks but miraculously, don’t hook up with any women who aren’t their girlfriends—a feat for which they heartily congratulate themselves. Honestly, all things considered, they probably should be proud.


Contact the author at kara.brown@jezebel.com .

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Screenshot via Bravo.